Claudiu's Journal

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424

Hi Vineeto,

I’ve managed to answer my own question and actually get a satisfying answer to the thought-out part too.

What I see now is that what I “deeply and passionately care about to the point of ‘near-actual-caring’” is everybody on this planet being able to experience that astounding perfection and purity of the infinitude of actuality.

In other words what I find worthy to sacrifice myself for, is for enabling that to happen (that “experience of apperceptive direct seeing” of “the very actuality of infinitude”, as you put it) – for everybody, for every human being, every flesh and blood body to be able to experience it.

It would be the end of all the malice and sorrow, the aggression and fear, the sadness and madness, and nothing of value lost whatsoever as nurture and desire are simply redundant and unnecessary without the rest.

This makes thought-out sense on top of it being a deep and passionate caring, because it makes logical sense how my sacrifice will enable it to happen. I don’t think this is actually strictly necessary for it to make sense in like a logical thought-out way, but it is nice that it does haha.

But yes I see the way it will happen, is via caring as much as I possibly can about this, to the point of not only actually wanting to do something about it, but actually doing something about it!

In other words it is this caring is the key… and now I know for sure what I can put all my energy behind :))))

Cheers,
Claudiu

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Vineeto: Only you can know if to experience “the very infinitude of the universe itself”, which is “peerless (hence perfect)”, “marked by benevolence and benignity” is what you deeply and passionately care about to the point of ‘near-actual-caring’. This very ‘near-actual-caring’ will allow ‘you’ to gladly and unreservedly agree to ‘your’ irrevocable demise for the benefit of this body and every body.

Claudiu: I’ve managed to answer my own question and actually get a satisfying answer to the thought-out part too.
What I see now is that what I “deeply and passionately care about to the point of ‘near-actual-caring’” is everybody on this planet being able to experience that astounding perfection and purity of the infinitude of actuality. (…)

But yes I see the way it will happen, is via caring as much as I possibly can about this, to the point of not only actually wanting to do something about it, but actually doing something about it!
In other words it is this caring is the key… and now I know for sure what I can put all my energy behind :)))) (link)

Yes, this is exactly what is required – to “deeply and passionately care about to the point of ‘near-actual-caring’”, so much so that ‘you’, at the very core of your ‘being’, are gladly willing to give up what ‘you’ hold most dear – ‘your’ very existence.

This might make it apparent why a mere logically thought-out sequence of events can never provide the passionate energy required for such a radical happening as altruistic self-sacrifice.

Here is how feeling being ‘Vineeto’ experienced this acquiescence three days before ‘her’ final release happened –

Vineeto to Claudiu (22 Feb 25): I never forget that journey or the days which followed prior to ‘Vineeto’s’ final release – it was the best time of ‘her’ life and the whole time it was filled with this utter exuberant surety that ‘her’ end was imminent. This surety even operated during the 2-3 out-of-control days, which served well to elucidate that ‘she’ was ready to give up anything and everything ‘she’ had valued, for ‘her’ ultimate destiny. (Well, in practical terms it wasn’t as radical as imagined). (link)

To expand on ‘Vineeto’s’ experience “that ‘she’ was ready to give up anything and everything ‘she’ had valued” –

‘Vineeto’ had returned to the remote wilderness where the houseboats were moored (still under the frightening impression that Richard had a “split-personality mental disorder” (see Announcement1, #magic, [R]-tooltip, [1]) to pack ‘her’ office paraphernalia and other necessities into the dinghy to take to a temporary location elsewhere until ‘she’ knew what to do next. She met the other two mutineers a few hundred meters upstream, only to then be informed they wanted to disassociate themselves from the whole affair right then and there and would not take ‘her’ in their car. So ‘Vineeto’ found ‘herself’ abandoned at nowhere in that ancient rainforest, her belongings in the dinghy, which at that point had run out of petrol, and stark naked (as everyone was on their holiday).

Strangely enough, this last shocking turn of events, instead of freaking ‘her’ out, brought an unexpected calm, ‘she’ slipped into the warm water of the creek and, floating along, looked at the sky and her only thought was “if this is what it takes to become actually free so be it.” (During the 2-3 out-of-control days, although ‘she’ questioned Richard’s state of mind ‘she’ never doubted his words written on the website, nor the PCEs nor ‘her’ intent to become actually free despite the emotional turmoil).

The last turn of events resulted in a surprising peacefulness after the emotion-filled events of the last two-and-a-half days – no more struggle, only the full permission and endorsement to let the universe run ‘her’ life, as all ‘she’ had tried had come to naught.

‘She’ eventually made it back to the houseboats, towed by two roaming fishermen (there was no room to be self-conscious then) yet it took another few hours to gather the courage to talk to Richard about the whys and wherefores of what happened – by this time not knowing anymore if Richard was insane or ‘she’ ‘herself’ had lost the plot completely. In hindsight it was all utterly hilarious.

As you can see the build-up to self-immolation can be quite dramatic at times.

Outside is a wonderful almost wind-still night, a clear sky with a close-to-full moon, so calm and quiet as if the storm of the last week never happened, only the fish are jumping vivaciously, most likely to rid themselves of flees accumulated at this time of the year. Magnificence all around.

Cheers Vineeto

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Haha reading this it did indeed paint an utterly hilarious picture particularly learning at the very last sentence that everyone was stark naked throughout :laughing:

This really conveys the willingness ‘Vineeto’ had to go all the way! Completely willing to give everything up, even apparently whatever sense of the world ‘she’ had made until then.

It readily explains why afterwards:

The time is ripe now for me to take full advantage of this easy access I find myself having to the benevolence of the universe, and let it take me away fully…

Cheers,
Claudiu

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Claudiu: To expand on ‘Vineeto’s’ experience “that ‘she’ was ready to give up anything and everything ‘she’ had valued” –

Vineeto: ‘Vineeto’ had returned to the remote wilderness where the houseboats were moored (still under the frightening impression that Richard had a “split-personality mental disorder” (see Announcement1, [R]-tooltip, [1]) to pack ‘her’ office paraphernalia and other necessities into the dinghy to take to a temporary location elsewhere until ‘she’ knew what to do next. She met the other two mutineers a few hundred meters upstream, only to then be informed they wanted to disassociate themselves from the whole affair right then and there and would not take ‘her’ in their car. So ‘Vineeto’ found ‘herself’ abandoned at nowhere in that ancient rainforest, her belongings in the dinghy, which at that point had run out of petrol, and stark naked (as everyone was on their holiday).

Claudiu: Haha reading this it did indeed paint an utterly hilarious picture particularly learning at the very last sentence that everyone was stark naked throughout

Hi Claudiu,

Ha, the fact that you are laughing perhaps means that ‘being naiveté’ is still to take another step. Remember, it is also called ‘birthday suit’.

Vineeto: Strangely enough, this last shocking turn of events, instead of freaking ‘her’ out, brought an unexpected calm, ‘she’ slipped into the warm water of the creek and, floating along, looked at the sky and her only thought was “if this is what it takes to become actually free so be it.”

Claudiu: This really conveys the willingness ‘Vineeto’ had to go all the way! Completely willing to give everything up, even apparently whatever sense of the world ‘she’ had made until then.

Yes, and not just the “sense of the world” but also ‘her’ possessions and presumed safe future … nothing, but nothing was more important than becoming actually free.

Claudiu: It readily explains why afterwards:

Vineeto: The last turn of events resulted in a surprising peacefulness after the emotion-filled events of the last two-and-a-half days – no more struggle, only the full permission and endorsement to let the universe run ‘her’ life, as all ‘she’ had tried had come to naught.

Claudiu: The time is ripe now for me to take full advantage of this easy access I find myself having to the benevolence of the universe, and let it take me away fully… (link)

Ah, this is music to my ears. You can learn from Kuba’s escapade not to get distracted … and never mind if you do – it is all part of the fun adventure.

Cheers Vineeto

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Just wanted to copy this here, great way to put it!

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A major breakthrough has occurred for me where it finally clicked just how much better it is to be ingenuous and artless rather than attempting to put out an image or preserve some identity!

It happened as I was on a work trip, and came home, and I found that I wasn’t enjoying myself so much. I felt like I had to be ‘on guard’ all the time, and conversations were not really fun. And I didn’t feel fully at ease somehow… this has often happened in the past when I had been away from home for a while, after a few days it goes back to how it was before I left.

But then I saw what I was doing is, basically trying to hide from the people around me! So I felt like I had to go around on tiptoes to be careful to reveal only certain parts of myself. I made a decision then and there that I don’t want to live my life that way, hiding away like this. I will just be as I am, and whatever comes of it, so be it! Things were remarkably better and way more fun after this. It wasn’t even anything specific I was trying to hide (as in a secret), it was just the general approach to it. I felt comfortable, at ease, and the feeling of unease had gone away fully

I see now how this is a key aspect of being naive! Just not having to put up any pretense. It really is a lot better!! And this enabled me to have more fun with posting here too. I just post what seemed like a good idea to post, without trying to fit it into an overarching strategy or what-not. More like a, well this might work, let’s see what happens if I post this… after all if anything less than ‘ideal’ happens I can just correct it afterwards, adjust things for next time!

So in short I’m having fun with it all :))

Vineeto wrote me an email with some great advice and it reminded me of what Srinath wrote, that the final bit for him had to be something to come from his own experience: “I thought that I needed a reason to die. Not a fake or artificial reason. I needed something authentic that felt true to the core of my being. It would have to come from left-field.” [link]

Exactly that, not a "fake or artificial reason", but “something authentic”!

Maybe this is strange to say, but… I don’t know specifically what it is yet but I know I have one :slight_smile:

One that seems to come really close is a deep-down… really wanting to find out exactly what life is about. To be living that, the meaning of life, to actually get to the very heart of it and live that. I would say this stems from my generally curious nature, I always get really absorbed into things I am interested in, learn all I can about it, get deep down to it until I really understand it… this would be wonderful to do. I think when I write it like this it sounds like an intellectual or thought-out reason (like “it would be nice”), but it is deeper than that, a burning desire to know… if this isn’t the final reason, at least it is a way to get myself more aligned with the final goal :))

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Claudiu: A major breakthrough has occurred for me where it finally clicked just how much better it is to be ingenuous and artless rather than attempting to put out an image or preserve some identity!
It happened as I was on a work trip, and came home, and I found that I wasn’t enjoying myself so much. I felt like I had to be ‘on guard’ all the time, and conversations were not really fun. And I didn’t feel fully at ease somehow… this has often happened in the past when I had been away from home for a while, after a few days it goes back to how it was before I left.

Hi Claudiu,

This is fascinating. I remember what ‘Vineeto’ had noticed as soon as ‘she’ had left ‘her’ parents’ home, that ‘she’ always felt uneasy when for instance ‘her’ boyfriend and one of ‘her’ female friends met with ‘her’ in a social gathering. ‘She’ always felt in a quandary how to behave/ who to be, because like most people ‘she’ had always accommodated ‘herself’, i.e. ‘her’ persona, to the one ‘she’ was with – and as such it turned out that these ‘personas’ were not exactly the same with different people.

As you found out yourself, only being sincerely who you are, and even better, being naïve as close to innocence as possible, can dissolve this habitual presentation of being a particular persona with different people.

Claudiu: But then I saw what I was doing is, basically trying to hide from the people around me! So I felt like I had to go around on tiptoes to be careful to reveal only certain parts of myself.

Exactly, a persona is only ‘invented’ and presented when ‘you’ have something to hide and that is always stressful, to say the least.

Claudiu: I made a decision then and there that I don’t want to live my life that way, hiding away like this. I will just be as I am, and whatever comes of it, so be it! Things were remarkably better and way more fun after this. It wasn’t even anything specific I was trying to hide (as in a secret), it was just the general approach to it. I felt comfortable, at ease, and the feeling of unease had gone away fully.
I see now how this is a key aspect of being naive! Just not having to put up any pretence. It really is a lot better!! And this enabled me to have more fun with posting here too. I just post what seemed like a good idea to post, without trying to fit it into an overarching strategy or what-not. More like a, well this might work, let’s see what happens if I post this… after all if anything less than ‘ideal’ happens I can just correct it afterwards, adjust things for next time!
So in short I’m having fun with it all :))

This is such an important clue for anyone wanting to increase their enjoyment and appreciation – that anything ‘I’ want to hide, both from myself and from others will impinge on having fun and continuing to enjoy and appreciate being alive. And naiveté is vital because it reveals the experiential fact that one is being likeable and liking one’s fellow human beings. This being likeable and liking will go hand-in-glove to being non-self-centric and thus magnanimous, generous, benevolent and beneficent.

Richard: With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more selflessly motivated. With this expanding altruism (Altruism Altruistic) one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric … the humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness become more and more evident as an actuality. (Richard, List B, James, 17 Oct 1999)

The other significant discovery is finding out that you had indeed a “strategy” regarding your actions and behaviour, a subtle controlling plan, an “ideal”, when interacting with your fellow human beings.

Claudiu: Vineeto wrote me an email with some great advice and it reminded me of what Srinath wrote, that the final bit for him had to be something to come from his own experience: “I thought that I needed a reason to die. Not a fake or artificial reason. I needed something authentic that felt true to the core of my being. It would have to come from left-field.” [link]
Exactly that, not a "fake or artificial reason", but “something authentic”!

Indeed, altruism (as in “I needed a reason to die”) is not invoked by concluding intellectually that ‘it would be a good thing for all’ or ‘global peace on earth would be nice’ – in the end it requires something one passionately feels “true to the core of my being”. For ‘Vineeto’ is was a deep desire to give Richard what he wanted most – a female manifestation of an actual freedom (link), Kuba expressed it when he (re-)discovered his yearning to be innocence personified (V – DAForum - Kuba - 5 it clicked).

For each person it will be something that is more important than anything they ever wanted in their life, so important that ‘I’ will give up ‘my’ very life, ‘my’ very existence, to allow it to happen. It is not at all intellectual or rational, it is existential.

I like this description of Richard’s –

Richard: I have oft-times used the simile of the very first time one ventures onto a slide in a children’s playground: one sees what the other kids are doing and, upon mustering up the pluck to climb the ladder, one finds that so long as one just sits there on the platform one is safe (inasmuch one can climb back down the ladder) and even upon inching forward from time-to time, albeit gripping the side-rails of the slide, one is still not committed – one can still turn back – until one has inched forward just that little too much … and then gravity takes over, an inevitably sets in, and one is on launched on the ride, come what may.
It is in that instant when gravity takes over – at that very instant – where you will find actual commitment happens. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 25f, 16 Sep 2004).

Claudiu: Maybe this is strange to say, but… I don’t know specifically what it is yet but I know I have one. :slightly_smiling_face:
One that seems to come really close is a deep-down… really wanting to find out exactly what life is about. To be living that, the meaning of life, to actually get to the very heart of it and live that.

I remember an incident when ‘Vineeto’ was about 16 and had her first crush/ incident of falling in love. ‘She’ sat outside the house on the soft grass and reflectively contemplated what was true love – ‘she’ wanted to know if what ‘she’ experienced was true love or something less. This quest developed into the search for ‘Truth’ which sent ‘her’ into ‘her’ spiritual search and, upon meeting Richard into the fascinated experiential and existential inquiry what is actual and how can I live in the actual world.

Claudiu: I would say this stems from my generally curious nature, I always get really absorbed into things I am interested in, learn all I can about it, get deep down to it until I really understand it … this would be wonderful to do. I think when I write it like this it sounds like an intellectual or thought-out reason (like “it would be nice”), but it is deeper than that, a burning desire to know … if this isn’t the final reason, at least it is a way to get myself more aligned with the final goal :)) (link)

Good, “a burning desire to know” is an excellent start – now is there an equally “burning desire”, an impetus, other than for the benefit of yourself, to make it/ allow it to happen?

Cheers Vineeto

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This reminded me also of what I saw recently which is that, I am a very driven person, it is how I tick – and this energy of being driven is precisely the level of energy needed to succeed with self-immolating! In other words it is not that I have to stop being driven, it is rather that I just re-direct that same energy itself in that same driven way, towards the task of enjoying and appreciating and self-immolating. In other words getting all of myself on board. When it works then the driving quality of the energy per se segues into felicity and innocuousness, i.e. it’s not that I have to keep preserving being driven, just rather to direct this towards this one aim…

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Vineeto to Kuba: You also describe that “those passions are still burning away” and “‘I’ am screaming around for no apparent reason”. What you could do instead is channelling those “burning”, “screaming” passions into affective felicitous and innocuous passions, just like (I presume) you did with sorrowful and malicious feelings before.

Claudiu: This reminded me also of what I saw recently which is that, I am a very driven person, it is how I tick – and this energy of being driven is precisely the level of energy needed to succeed with self-immolating! In other words it is not that I have to stop being driven, it is rather that I just re-direct that same energy itself in that same driven way, towards the task of enjoying and appreciating and self-immolating. In other words getting all of myself on board. When it works then the driving quality of the energy per se segues into felicity and innocuousness, i.e. it’s not that I have to keep preserving being driven, just rather to direct this towards this one aim… (link)

Hi Claudiu,

It is certainly beneficial to be “a very driven person” once you direct your driving energy towards living and experiencing the felicitous and innocuous feelings and especially when directing it towards achieving your human birthright and your destiny.

You may find this interesting –

Richard: There is no pulling back – which is why most people do not want to set it in motion – because once one has started one cannot stop. It is a one-way trip – that is the thrilling part of it – and with application and diligence and patience and perseverance, born out of the pure intent garnered from the PCE, the exposure of the inner workings of one’s psyche (which is the human psyche) will readily occur in the course of everyday events due to ‘my’ concurrence … one cannot help but become fascinated for this means the end of the predicament which humankind has been agonising over for aeons.
Any reluctance to become fascinated is because of the ‘no turning back’ aspect.
After fascination comes obsession wherein one cannot leave it alone any more – or rather it does not leave one alone – and that is when that tempo picks ‘me’ up and ‘I’ am borne along on the adventure of a lifetime as it is inevitable that one is to meet one’s destiny … it being what one is here for. (Richard, AF List, No. 60, 3 Dec 2003).

But then you already know that being driven in itself, even being driven to “the task of (…) self-immolating”, is not sufficient as long as this drive remains ‘self’-oriented and ‘self’-motivated.

Claudiu to Kuba: For me it is a different thing, I see it’s the best thing but am not willing to give myself up for it yet, it is a self-centric wanting to hold onto myself – which I am increasingly seeing is also just a feeling, i.e. a feeling (though very deep) of wanting to continue existing as myself, but as it’s a feeling it’s not intelligent or sensible lol. (link)

It is good to recognize and acknowledge that. Remember, this “wanting to continue existing as myself” is not merely a feeling – it is the very core of ‘my’ instinctual passion to survive at all cost. It cannot be uprooted by intelligent or sensible thinking. To emphasize –

Richard: No, I am more making the point that only altruism – self-sacrificial humanitarianism – will provide the enormous energy necessary for ‘self’-immolation … the instinct for individual survival is only exceeded by the instinct for group survival.
It takes a powerful instinct to overcome a powerful instinct. (Richard, List B, James3, 28 Oct 2002a)

The challenge for you now is – as I had put it to Kuba (link) – Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?

And because you wrote yesterday about having a “bit of a tiff w/ my partner last night” you don’t really have far to look. How wonderful and utterly beneficial will it be when you never ever need to “stop getting upset”, never have to be “decoupling one’s emotional reactions from what is factually happening” (link) and this is exactly what will eventuate once you give your partner all of you, in order to free both yourself and her from the crippling emotional reactions that inevitably happen from time to time as long as you are a feeling being. Giving her all of you will finally enable the actual intimacy she deserves and thrives in as the very fellow human being who decided to share her life with you.

As Richard put it – “… suffice to say for now that daring comes from caring.
And to dare to care is to care to dare.” (Richard, AF List, No. 62, 26 Mar 2004).

Cheers Vineeto

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Can you give examples or elaborate on what it means to give all of yourself to another person? What did that mean for feeling-being Vineeto?

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From your post w/ Kuba:

The order in which it happens also doesn’t matter when y’all are in the midst of being upset. Either one can go first and stop being upset. So if you fail the first directive of, “stop getting upset,” there’s a new opportunity to learn how to stop being upset.

Perhaps that’s what you meant all along but I couldn’t help but to get hung up on the fact that two feeling-beings will most likely inevitably get upset at some point. And at that point, the directive of ‘stop getting upset’ will be breached, potentially leading self-castigating, suppression, and resentment. All of which can be noticed, addressed, or avoided - and most likely will be by you, but perhaps not your partner.

Relevant to this, it’s hard to explain, but I want my partner to feel free to get upset, or whatever feelings that might occur, and share and discuss if relevant. What’s your attitude in this arena?

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I said it not so much as a “directive” as rather a pointing out the obvious – as the stated goal is to not become upset when having these types of convos, the solution, the way to achieve this goal, is nothing other than each party no longer becoming upset when having these types of convos :naivete:

I said it the way I did (with 2 separate points) also to indicate it’s not something ‘we’ (as in a ‘unit’) have to do ‘together’ per se but rather it is ultimately up to each person to do it. Each side only really ever has to wonder and investigate why they themselves became upset. If the getting upset is in a reaction to the other one being upset then it’s about seeing why the other being upset triggered themselves to become upset. Each side really only has themselves to look at in terms of resolving the situation.

This is genuine, i.e. it applies to me, which means it doesn’t depend on her at all what I do or whether I succeed in this! I do consider it as up to me to lead the way and set the example and do it first, i.e. I’m not waiting on her to do it first. It will be wonderful for both of us when I succeed.

I don’t want my partner to suppress her feelings, no. It also isn’t particularly helpful for either of us if venting is what is happening (as opposed to voicing). The best is when they are able to explain why they are upset (or whatever the feeling is) and I am at a heightened level of intimacy (as in an intimacy experience (IE)), then it does not ‘affect’ me at all on an emotional level (the natural/instinctive sympathetic/empathetic emotional response isn’t happening for me), yet due to the heightened intimacy I am actually (or I should say near-actually) caring about her, and so I’m able to listen with full attention and actually (/nearly actually) be considerate, and this is so delicious and beneficial for both of us!

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Vineeto to Claudiu: … and this is exactly what will eventuate once you give your partner all of you, in order to free both yourself and her from the crippling emotional reactions that inevitably happen from time to time as long as you are a feeling being. Giving her all of you will finally enable the actual intimacy she deserves and thrives in as the very fellow human being who decided to share her life with you.

Ed: Can you give examples or elaborate on what it means to give all of yourself to another person? What did that mean for feeling-being Vineeto? (link)

Hi Ed,

Richard: … exploring sex and sexuality is enormously beneficial: there is no better way, in my experience, for a man and a woman to approach such intimacy than sexual congress.
For instance, back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day.
It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant.
Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent).
And then … !Hey Presto! … no separation whatsoever.
(Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally). (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 Nov 2009).

Richard: As Vineeto’s reports/ descriptions/ explanations of a near-actual caring are scattered throughout her ‘Direct Route Mail-Out’ emails some background details presented numerically will aid clarity in communication.

  1. When feeling-being ‘Vineeto’s everyday feeling of caring first shifted into what has since become known as a near-actual caring the qualitative difference was so marked in its effect ‘she’ initially mistook it to be an actual caring (as per ‘her’ memories of PCE’s).
  2. This shift occurred when ‘she’ transitioned from ‘her’ pragmatic, methodological virtual freedom into being out-from-control – a dynamic, destinal virtual freedom – for the remaining four-and-a-half weeks of ‘her’ life (albeit with a melodramatic three-day out-of-control interlude towards the end).
  3. Due to ‘her’ naïve intent to be as intimate and without prejudice as possible – which, in conjunction with the absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity that is part-and-parcel of being out-from-control had resulted in the actualism method segueing into the actualism process – ‘her’ cheerful and thus willing concurrence allowed pure intent to dynamically pull ‘her’ evermore unto ‘her’ destiny. (Hence the “dynamic, destinal virtual freedom” nomenclature).
  4. This moment-to-moment experiencing of a caring which is not self-centred/ self-centric provided ‘her’ with the experiential convincement that actualising such caring, via ‘self’-immolation, was the only solution to the human condition; this ‘hands-on’ understanding as a dynamically present feeling-being – an impressively distinct contrast to having been abeyant during PCE’s – left ‘her’ with absolutely no choice (lest ‘she’ be forever “rearranging the deck-chairs on the Titanic”).
  5. Since a near-actual caring is, of course, epitomised by a vital interest in the suffering of all human beings coming to an end, forever, as a number one priority, then ‘her’ single-minded focus was essentially centred upon the most immediate way of ensuring this long-awaited global event could begin to take effect the soonest … to wit: bringing ‘her’ own inevitable demise, at physical death, forward into a liminal imminence.
  6. Because the means ‘she’ elected to utilise towards these ends was the near-actual intimacy which goes hand-in-hand with a near-actual caring (per favour that afore-mentioned absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity which typifies being out-from-control) it is apposite to defer to what Vineeto herself wrote on the 20th of January 2010, only fifteen days after her pivotal moment/ definitive event, as its refreshingly simple directness speaks for itself. Viz.:

• [Vineeto]: “(…). Further it was obvious for me that it would be Richard who would facilitate and trigger my transition into an actual freedom because he was the most obvious person with whom a near-actual intimacy would change into an actual intimacy – simply because Richard had been my guide and mentor for the last 13 years and particularly so for the period since I stepped out-from-control.
As I have written to James recently –
‘The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.
And that’s what happened”. (Direct Route, No.20, 20 Jan 2010).

(Incidentally, her words “to give them what they want most” refers to my oft-expressed emphasis on the necessity of a female replicating my condition – for those oh-so-vital ‘core of civilisation itself’ reason spelled-out elsewhere on my portion of the web site – and it speaks volumes, to those males having reservations about going all the way due to the popular wisdom that what women want is loving relationships, that in the handful of daring pioneers women out-numbered men by a 4-to-1 ratio). (Richard, List D, Srinath2, near-actual-caring).

Cheers Vineeto

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Indeed — what I would say of my understanding now is that what women want (as a generality) is intimacy, and they believe love is the best way to get it, rather than wanting love for the sake of love per se. But once they see that a more pristine intimacy is possible via naivete rather than love, they will flock to that.

But this can’t be done by a male actualist telling them they don’t want to love them lol. It has to be an experiential showing of it.

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Yes me and Sonya have spoken about this at length. It was partly why I suggested perhaps she write more on the forum too. It is so clear to me that what women want deep down is a playmate that is on par with them / they are on par with. However the only options they are presented with (both by the instictual and societal programming) is to seek intimacy and safety via love and authority.

As @Felipe wrote recently there is a need for both daring men and daring women to demonstrate unilaterally that something better is available.

Richard: The candid and unabashed sensate enjoyment of one’s body and the world around one is such a luscious and immediate experience, that the tantalising but ever-elusive promise of the mystique of love fades into the oblivion it deserves.

May this day come very soon for all!

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I see wondrous glimpses now. Like riding my electric motorbike, it is clear the actual universe exists, and also that it all goes perfectly/smoothly… and that this “it” that goes smoothly encompasses this flesh and blood body, and that I (the feeling-being who I feel myself to be) am not needed at all for this! That really I only get in the way of that perfection. Which is a relief! I don’t have to keep going around feeling to be responsible and burdened by it all. This relief is tantalizing and palpable.

This one really got me. So perfectly put, immaculately in what it is conveying. Immense appreciation for her being that one who decided to share her life with me, acknowledgement of the fact that she thrives in the as-close-to-actual intimacy (and on occasion actual intimacy) as I can be, and seeing she is deserving of it given the former – what a wondrously potent motivator :appreciation: :hibiscus: :naivete:

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Claudiu: I see wondrous glimpses now. Like riding my electric motorbike, it is clear the actual universe exists, and also that it all goes perfectly/ smoothly… and that this “it” that goes smoothly encompasses this flesh and blood body, and that I (the feeling-being who I feel myself to be) am not needed at all for this! That really I only get in the way of that perfection. Which is a relief! I don’t have to keep going around feeling to be responsible and burdened by it all. This relief is tantalizing and palpable.

Hi Claudiu,

This is great – ‘you’ are realizing that ‘you’ are no longer needed and it “is a relief!” This means that ‘you’ welcome ‘your’ impending resignation, ‘your’ redundancy and the way is open for the fulfilment of ‘your’ deepest desire – oblivion.

Respondent: … and it was the identity that dreamed up its avenue of escape …
Richard: Aye, the blessed [blessed: enjoying supreme felicity; fortunate; happily endowed with; pleasurable] release into oblivion is something only an identity, a psychological/ psychic entity, would desire. (Richard, AF List, No. 53h, 19 Jan 2005).

Richard: It is indeed possible for ‘me and death’ to meet – ‘tis a blessed release into oblivion – and this is not theory but experiential. (Richard, AF List, No. 44, 13 May 2003).

Now that you have experienced that oblivion is a relief, that retiring from being “responsible and burdened by it all” is a blessing, there seems to be nothing standing in the way of allowing it to happen now – not as a hopeful anticipation or a passionate belief but as an actuality when “one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise”. (link)

Vineeto: The challenge for you now is – as I had put it to Kuba (link) – Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?
And because you wrote yesterday about having a “bit of a tiff w/ my partner last night” you don’t really have far to look. How wonderful and utterly beneficial will it be when you never ever need to “stop getting upset”, never have to be “decoupling one’s emotional reactions from what is factually happening” (link) and this is exactly what will eventuate once you give your partner all of you, in order to free both yourself and her from the crippling emotional reactions that inevitably happen from time to time as long as you are a feeling being. Giving her all of you will finally enable the actual intimacy she deserves and thrives in as the very fellow human being who decided to share her life with you. [emphasis added]

Claudiu: This one really got me. So perfectly put, immaculately in what it is conveying. Immense appreciation for her being that one who decided to share her life with me, acknowledgement of the fact that she thrives in the as-close-to-actual intimacy (and on occasion actual intimacy) as I can be, and seeing she is deserving of it given the former – what a wondrously potent motivator. (link)

I am pleased that “this one really got me.” It is so close to home and so often overlooked because one takes one’s partner for granted. And yet “as-close-to-actual intimacy” is vitally important for man and woman to live together in peace and harmony because man-woman sexuality and intimacy is the genesis of family and thus the very core of civilisation itself.

Plus, the very recognition and appreciation of the fellow human being who decided to share her life with you will not only give both of you the delight and wonderment of an actual or “as-close-to-actual intimacy” but can also be the key to ‘your’ yearned-for oblivion and Claudiu’s actual freedom for everyone’s benefit.

Cheers Vineeto

PS: Just so there is no confusion, when one is actually free, an actual intimacy (= no separation) is operant 24/7, an intimacy with every body and every thing and every event, and does not differentiate between more deserving or less deserving people – it cannot be switched off.

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:bester:

I thought these were nice

Joys of AI :blush:

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