Vineeto: The solution, as I can only surmise at this point, is accumulating and fostering this “enormous energy” required, which is a passionate energy (without frittering it away by doubt and confusion).
Kuba: Yes it has and in fact I was looking at it exactly in this way before you posted. It is as if there is a force-field between ‘me’ and the actual world, this force-field is very real and ‘I’ am somewhat standing right up to it. So far every time ‘I’ have pushed into it there was not enough force to go all the way through and instead ‘I’ was as if bounced back to the same position, of being right up to it.
You are aware, I guess, that the forcefield is created by ‘my’ resistance, the very aspect of ‘you’ which does yet agree to abdicate. Pushing against it will only increase the resistance, forcing yourself can never set you free. What part of the term ‘allow the universe to live you’ is it you misunderstand?
Instead of searching hither and thither, be a patient friend to the resistant aspect of ‘you’, listen, find out the problem, sit with the fear when it appears, sit with whatever passion comes to the fore – and in the meantime enjoy and appreciate, and then some more, until the exuberance of enjoyment and cherishing envelops your whole ‘being’.
Richard: ‘The felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections … in conjunction with sensuosity they make for an extremely forceful/ potent combination as, with all of the affective energy channelled into being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible (and no longer being frittered away on love and compassion/ malice and sorrow), the full effect of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being – which is ‘being’ itself – is dynamically enabled for one purpose and one purpose alone. (…) The actualism method is not about undermining the passions … on the contrary, it is about directing all of that affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself) in order to effect a deliberate imitation of the actual, as evidenced in a PCE [a pure consciousness experience], so as to feel as happy and as harmless (as free of malice and sorrow) as is humanly possibly whilst remaining a ‘self’.
Such imitative felicity/ innocuity, in conjunction with sensuosity, readily evokes amazement, marvel, and delight – a state of wide-eyed wonder best expressed by the word naiveté (the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence whilst being a ‘self’) – and which allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude, which this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is, to operate more and more freely. This intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with the imitative affective happiness and harmlessness, will do the rest.
All that was required was ‘my’ cheerful, and thus willing, concurrence’. (Richard, AF List, No. 60f, 29 Sep 2005).
Kuba: So after these failed attempts it seems ‘I’ then try to make that force-field somehow weaker, like ‘I’ could get a little closer and then it would take a bit less of a push, then ‘I’ could do it with what ‘I’ have got at hand. But this would rest on the assumption that this force-field can be weakened, but when I consider that this is talking about ‘my’ extinction then it’s clear that it cannot. Rather it is the passionate energy that has to be garnered even more.
Yep, your ‘physics’ of ‘me’ is a misunderstanding. ‘I’ cannot end ‘myself’ (remember, the last piece of the pizza?). Here is the relevant text again, with highlights for convenience –
Richard: Now, it is ‘me’ who is responsible for an action that results in ‘my’ own demise – without really doing the expunging itself (and I am not being tricky here) – as it is ‘me’ who is the initiator of bringing about this sacrifice in that ‘I’ deliberately and consciously, and with knowledge aforethought (from the PCE), set in motion a ‘process’ that will ensure ‘my’ demise (‘I’ do not really end ‘myself’ in that ‘I’ do not do the deed itself for ‘I’ cannot end ‘myself’). What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally (cheerfully and blessedly), is press the button which precipitates a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum which will result in ‘my’ irrevocable ‘self’-immolation in toto. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being just here, right now, as the universe’s experience of itself … peace-on-earth is the inevitable result because it is already always existing (‘I’ was merely standing in the way of it being apparent). [Emphases added]. (Richard, Abditorium, Altruism)
There is most likely something that prevents you from “being just here, right now”, without pushing, acting, doing – just being here now. Richard has good reason to call it a challenge.
Kuba: OK so what I take from this for sure is to be on the look out for the various ways in which ‘I’ fritter away this passionate energy. Those “side-missions” are very enticing because they appear to me that they are doing something productive, but they cannot assist in producing this enormous passionate energy, that I can see. (link)
I suspect, and I might be wrong, your greatest challenge is to do nothing and let “this enormous passionate energy” of felicitousness and innocuousness accumulate and let the universe live you whilst keeping the connection to pure intent via your deep desire to be innocence personified.
Cheers Vineeto