Similar situation for me 
A key aspect for me has been just seeing really how obvious this all is, there’s nothing difficult about it… and how unintelligent doing the tried and failed and same-old is!
Example I had a bit of a tiff w/ my partner last night, we had some disconnect in communication and both ended up being upset, with some dispute over who got upset first (we both felt like the other got upset first and were reacting to their upset lol). Later after heads cooled and apologies issued, she brought up how it would be good if we can get to a point of being able to have these discussions without being upset (this has happened in the past & we both agree on this goal). And I said well there’s just 2 things that have to happen for that: 1- I stop getting upset, and 2- you stop getting upset! 
. And the order in which that happens does not particularly matter .And that is really it, and that is also actually the solution that will actually work lol.
I didn’t get into more detail there but to build on the thought, this would be a unilateral action each of us would do, it doesn’t depend on whether the other one is upset or not. And even if only one person does it then that one person will be able to have the conversation without being upset, which is benefit both to them and the other (and it would also actually end the ‘tiff’ aspect since if one side is not feeding it it would not elevate to that point).
The next morning (which is today) while showering I saw it really is about decoupling one’s emotional reactions from what is factually happening – which is precisely what the actualism method is haha. I like this word “decoupling” as it doesn’t have the meditative connotations dissociation does (although they can be synonymous). And of course with that in mind it is obvious that ‘I’ will not have any role to play if this decoupling is successful, ‘I’ will have nothing to do but (affectively) enjoy and appreciate being alive until allowing self-immolation to occur.
Lately I experience it as a progressive increased refusal to continue pretending that I don’t already know the solution and that it is actually obvious and not even really “deep”. It’s not “deep” in the sense of “The Dharma is deep”, not at all. And a PCE is not “deep”, it is the absence of any depths one would swim in whatosever haha (which ‘depths’ are ‘me’ anyway).