I remember in the past couple of years maybe 3/4 times when something like this happened. In that there would be this mounting forward momentum and it would seem that actual freedom could happen at any moment, and then there would be this “oh shit” moment where ‘I’ as the controller would halt the motion completely and resume full controls.
For ‘Vineeto’ it was the impression that Richard was a mad man but for ‘me’ it was always this fear that ‘I’ am out of control rather than out from control. So each time it was this sense that ‘I’ had to immediately resume the controls in order not to be dangerous to others.
Now I am not sure if these were sensible responses to seeing that sorrow and malice was indeed still live in ‘me’ and thus the controls could not be let go of safely or whether it was something more cunning on ‘my’ part with regards to making sure that ‘I’ do not proceed towards actual freedom.
But each time when this happened it would shake ‘me’ to ‘my’ core, the forward momentum would literally hit a wall and no further motion would be allowed as it seemed dangerous, dangerous in terms of being dangerous to others though. The thing is, for starters I do not break the various laws and social protocols in place but furthermore I live with a sincere intent to be harmless and happy. Basically I certainly do not live and act in a way that is dangerous to others, the danger that ‘I’ pose is by virtue of still ‘being’.
It seems what would happen is that as the forward momentum was building ‘I’ would progressively kick away the last bits of controls in place and then some event would happen where sorrow or malice would briefly pop up, but because the controls would not be in place I would be completely freaked out by it and just shut down right there and then.
I just thought I would mention this as Ed’s words reminded me of these events.
Also it seems that after these events is where ‘I’ as the controller would come back with double the force, to try to purify ‘myself’ completely before any further attempts could be contemplated, which of course cannot be done, as ‘I’ am the passions.
It is fascinating what you now remember – I understand much better when you said previously that you pushed towards ‘self’-immolation and hit a wall or an impenetrable membrane-like substance. Once you even imbedded a short cartoon-strip.
Perhaps you now unearthed the foundation block of your fears that if you were to allow yourself to go out from control you would be running amok/ going out of control. And it makes sense to ‘you’, the controller, that ‘you’ are desperately needed not to create havoc. It’s akin to going insane if you proceed – the deepest fear humans have, more terrible than death, getting locked up in a psychic ward. It’s a deep-seated taboo.
This time you say you remember “there would be this mounting forward momentum” whereas in the previous report I remember you saying you “would go for self-immolation” or something of that kind? My question is, was it pure intent carrying you forward or something else?
However, when you get back to feeling good where you can sensibly contemplate this fear, does it still make sense? Is there a precedent in your life that this could happen? While, yesterday and today, I was scrolling through the past 1000 or so posts you had written, unsuccessfully looking for that cartoon-strip where the character is suddenly blocked by an invisible membrane I found many, many posts of you from last year where you described having a great time being naïve, blithesome and enjoying being alive but not a single description of having run amok. For instance –
Kuba: I remember around the time of let’s say “peeking out the cage”, that I saw the majority if not all of what ‘I’ and ‘others’ were doing was essentially those delaying tactics, anything but action. And then I took action. When I went back to my cage I then tried to collect various ingredients of what would allow me to proceed and yet that is not what would do the trick. (…)
But it is that mirificent flavour of pure intent which provides the “juice” to proceed, it can only be that, that which is outside of ‘me’ / ‘reality’. (29 Oct 2025)
There were many more valuable insights and lived experiences of being naïve, which in the face of fear are of course forgotten, for instance –
Kuba: There is a certain flavour that comes to the fore when ‘I’ am ‘being’ naiveté itself, it is a festive/ magical flavour, It is exactly like being a kid in a world of wonder. I think in the past I ascribed these experiences to actuality but they are not, because I remember the PCE a few weeks back where it was apperceived that time has no duration, that world of the PCE was a completely different world, as if a different dimension that ‘I’ have absolutely no access to. Of course ‘I’ cannot take any standards of ‘mine’ over there, the gap is impossible to cross for ‘me’ or any of ‘my’ belongings.
And I can see clearer now that ‘I’ never cross that gap, attempting to do this would get very serious very soon, rather ‘I’ can ‘be’ naiveté itself and go into gay abandon – then the magic can unfold… (11 Feb 2025)
Vineeto: Having nothing to hide means exactly that – nothing to fear, Kuba: It just clicked now what you were referring to here, I didn’t see it at first in this way. That this is what fear is – it is ‘my’ hiding place. (3 Mar 2025)
And something you understood then regarding insanity –
Kuba: I am always amazed at Richard and his mettle, how he went through insanity to end up in the actual world, and with no precedent at all, what an incredible achievement. But it seems like when I am in that precarious place it could fall one way or another, actuality or insanity. (link)
Kuba: Lol it clicked just now that actual freedom is by all means insanity (based on the ‘human’ psychological/ psychic models and beliefs) that by all means a person from the real world would find a flesh and blood body devoid of any identity to be insane. Of course any ‘real world’ distinction between sanity/insanity is itself ignorant to the existence of actuality.
But that doesn’t seem so scary anymore haha. Of course when there is that fear of insanity, of “loosing it” then ‘I’ jump back to ‘safe ground’, which is back to the real world. But the fear is of that which is categorically different to the “sanity of the real world” and actual freedom is indeed insanity when viewed from this lens. (5 July 2025)
Kuba: But each time when this happened it would shake ‘me’ to ‘my’ core, the forward momentum would literally hit a wall and no further motion would be allowed as it seemed dangerous, dangerous in terms of being dangerous to others though. The thing is, for starters I do not break the various laws and social protocols in place but furthermore I live with a sincere intent to be harmless and happy. Basically I certainly do not live and act in a way that is dangerous to others, the danger that ‘I’ pose is by virtue of still ‘being’.
It seems what would happen is that as the forward momentum was building ‘I’ would progressively kick away the last bits of controls in place and then some event would happen where sorrow or malice would briefly pop up, but because the controls would not be in place I would be completely freaked out by it and just shut down right there and then.
I just thought I would mention this as Ed’s words reminded me of these events.
I am wondering if the main reason why “it would shake ‘me’ to ‘my’ core” is because this “forward momentum” was perhaps propelled by ‘you’, the controller, and not via the organic happening of the ever-increasing irresistible experience of pure intent.
You said just a week ago –
Kuba: This is all very much spot on, thank you! Indeed so far it has been ‘me’ sprinting to the edges of the human condition but then without the ongoing connection to pure intent the ‘controller’ would resurface every time, and then in the absence of that which is outside of ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘I’ would resort to narratives and diversions instead, that is how ‘I’ made the goal of eradicating the human condition into a narcissistic endeavour. So it is pure intent which is so crucial here. I remember Richard’s words to one of the DHO guys basically clarifying that there is no other actual freedom than via pure intent, as in to be actually free is to be that very pure intent personified. This just popped into my mind as an illustration of how critical pure intent is to becoming actually free, as in there is no other way! (30 May 2026)
And regarding pure intent you said –
Kuba: Yes and it has been very useful to realise that those experiences which I previously ascribed to actuality were experiences of ‘being’ naiveté itself. So ‘I’ created an unnecessary boundary that ‘I’ was then getting ‘my’ knickers in a twist about crossing.
It is because ‘being’ naiveté itself the world is already so magical, so fairy tale like and yet there is still that gulf of impassable proportions (for the ‘me’) which separates that experience and actuality, actuality is always a whole new world.
It seems when ‘being’ naiveté itself there is something like “intimations of actuality”, as in that magical/ fairytale like flavour is what flows from actuality, and yet it is not actuality yet. A while ago I posted these works of art : (snipped 2 images)
I wrote then that they seemed to depict the flavour of the final destination, a world of wonder where nothing of ‘reality’ exists. And yet ‘being’ naiveté itself is as if ‘I’ am in one of those pictures already.
And this is great to discover! That ‘I’ can go ahead and live where it is so magical, so fairytale like, just like ‘I’ did as a young child, and I remember these experiences very well these days. So now that I see that no boundary separates ‘me’ from experiencing life in this manner ‘I’ can allow it. (12 Feb 2025)
And most recently –
Kuba: Either way there is this genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity which is not of ‘me’ and as such it is completely unpolluted by ‘me’.
And it’s weird because the experience of it is indeed like a benefaction or a blessing, so when ‘I’ am experiencing that flavour there is no question at all that it is a safe thing to pass the baton to.
But then when that flavour is not present and ‘I’ am imagining ‘my’ way around pure intent then ‘I’ have the most severe reactions around it. (30 May 2026)
I think you have the answers already which way to proceed – into more and more naiveté following the flavour of pure intent – and allowing things to happen of their own accord.
Kuba: Also it seems that after these events is where ‘I’ as the controller would come back with double the force, to try to purify ‘myself’ completely before any further attempts could be contemplated, which of course cannot be done, as ‘I’ am the passions. (link)
Yes, that seems the most natural reaction, especially when/if the controller has set up the whole scenario to scare you back into line as you move closer to getting out from under control.
Here is something which might help you understand –
Richard: As ‘I’ am suffering and suffering is ‘me’ then ‘my’ path is the path of suffering … which is humanity’s path is it not? And, as humanity is suffering and suffering is humanity, is it not equally true that humanity is also addicted to suffering? And further to that point … have you ever noticed that humanity reveres its addiction so much that escape is taboo? James:Interesting. It does make sense that humanity is addicted to suffering but I am still not sure if it is addiction to suffering or if it is fear of not surviving. The fear of ‘me’ not surviving could be causing the addiction to ‘me’ suffering. Richard: I should have put scare quotes around the word humanity as the word itself can refer to two different things: in its all-humankind meaning it is a more comprehensive word for what the word group refers to (which ranges through family, band, clan, tribe, race, nation and species) and, just as the group’s survival traditionally takes precedence over an individual’s survival, the group’s fears of not surviving have priority over an individual’s fears of not surviving. When fear comes into the picture, however, the word humanity no longer refers to all people collectively but takes on a life of its own, as it were, and becomes an entity in its own right in the same way ‘I’ am an entity inside the flesh and blood body.
And just as ‘I’ suffer because ‘I’ exist (suffering is ‘my’ very nature) ‘humanity’ suffers because it exists (suffering is very nature of ‘humanity’) and thus a virtue is made out of suffering because the survival of ‘humanity’ is at risk … hence the taboo on escape.
Yet ‘humanity’ has no existence outside of the human psyche. (Richard, List B, James 3, 7 Nov 2002).
A few days ago I started to rememorate the flavour of the “blessed anonymity” which I wrote about previously :
Since then I had this question pop up - “who am ‘I’ in relation to others?”, this fascinated question has been held specifically in a way to reveal those very outlines of ‘me’ as an identity, to see exactly what it is that stands in the way of the “blessed anonymity” for this flesh and blood body, which is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality. A fatal attraction is a good word for the pull towards this blessed anonymity, because it is the end for ‘me’ and also the end of ‘my’ struggle, that blessed anonymity is where pure intent beckons.
At first it began as something like “could ‘I’ really?” as in could I actually proceed in that direction, of no longer being ‘anyone’ in particular, of no longer ‘being’ at all. I followed that curiosity to realise that this is what I always wanted to be as an actuality. That in that blessed anonymity is an actual innocence, but ‘I’ can never ‘be’ that, because ‘I’ am an identity.
Geoffrey wrote that it is about knowing what one wants and going for it. It looks like I have the target now.
The other thing which I started to understand is the necessity of altruism, that those outlines of ‘me’ cannot be dissolved any other way, it is why no psychology or philosophy etc could ever succeed, because it takes something different altogether, that is what Richard discovered. In short it takes a powerful instinct (altruism) to overcome another powerful instinct (selfism), these things are rooted way deeper than mere intellectualising could ever reach.
A couple of hours ago I had this experience that was unlike anything else before. I can only describe it as experiencing ‘the veil’ or ‘the other side of the mirror’ etc. It wasn’t like any of the EE’s, PCE’s or various glimpses of actuality in the past. It’s like if so far ‘I’ have been sailing around looking for the land called “terra actualis”, and sometimes getting a peek of it through ‘my’ binoculars or other times the clouds parting and seeing it over there in the distance… This was like ‘I’ sailed right up to it’s shores, got out the boat and stood before it, to know (with a 100% certainty) that ‘I’ can never enter.
And seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’ there is indeed a factually existing world where this body lives, which is simply perfect. And indeed ‘I’ have to die for this body to be free to live there, that ‘I’ can see in a way that is undeniable now.
So there were two things which were impressed on ‘me’ when ‘seeing past the veil’ :
The actual world does genuinely exist and it is complete, consummate.
‘I’ have to die in order for this body to be free to live there.
Kuba: A few days ago I started to rememorate the flavour of the “blessed anonymity” which I wrote about previously:
So I have been looking at what is left of those outlines of ‘me’. The other day I started to experience glimpses of the blessed anonymity which ensues after ‘my’ demise. It has clicked since then, that whatever ‘dirt’ remains in ‘my’ life is exactly because of those outlines of ‘me’, as in there cannot be actual freedom as long as ‘I’ remain in existence, it is ‘my’ total extinction which is the way to an actual freedom.
Last night after I finished teaching BJJ I got in my car and again I was pulled towards this experiencing – of the blessed anonymity / extinction which lay ahead – but it was more this time, there was the experience of a vast stillness, that when ‘I’ disappear this stillness is what is left behind, it is where this body exists, securely locked into the stillness… (link)
Since then I had this question pop up – “who am ‘I’ in relation to others?”, this fascinated question has been held specifically in a way to reveal those very outlines of ‘me’ as an identity, to see exactly what it is that stands in the way of the “blessed anonymity” for this flesh and blood body, which is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality. A fatal attraction is a good word for the pull towards this blessed anonymity, because it is the end for ‘me’ and also the end of ‘my’ struggle, that blessed anonymity is where pure intent beckons.
At first it began as something like “could ‘I’ really?” as in could I actually proceed in that direction, of no longer being ‘anyone’ in particular, of no longer ‘being’ at all. I followed that curiosity to realise that this is what I always wanted to be as an actuality. That in that blessed anonymity is an actual innocence, but ‘I’ can never ‘be’ that, because ‘I’ am an identity.
Geoffrey wrote that it is about knowing what one wants and going for it. It looks like I have the target now.
The other thing which I started to understand is the necessity of altruism, that those outlines of ‘me’ cannot be dissolved any other way, it is why no psychology or philosophy etc could ever succeed, because it takes something different altogether, that is what Richard discovered. In short it takes a powerful instinct (altruism) to overcome another powerful instinct (selfism), these things are rooted way deeper than mere intellectualising could ever reach. (link)
Hi Kuba,
Thank you for your report about the most recent significant insights. A lot had to happen for them to be so clear now. I also appreciate your second report –
Kuba: A couple of hours ago I had this experience that was unlike anything else before. I can only describe it as experiencing ‘the veil’ or ‘the other side of the mirror’ etc. It wasn’t like any of the EE’s, PCE’s or various glimpses of actuality in the past. It’s like if so far ‘I’ have been sailing around looking for the land called “terra actualis”, and sometimes getting a peek of it through ‘my’ binoculars or other times the clouds parting and seeing it over there in the distance… This was like ‘I’ sailed right up to its shores, got out the boat and stood before it, to know (with a 100% certainty) that ‘I’ can never enter.
And seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’ there is indeed a factually existing world where this body lives, which is simply perfect. And indeed ‘I’ have to die for this body to be free to live there, that ‘I’ can see in a way that is undeniable now.
So there were two things which were impressed on ‘me’ when ‘seeing past the veil’ (“seeing that ‘other side of the mirror’”):
The actual world does genuinely exist and it is complete, consummate.
‘I’ have to die in order for this body to be free to live there. (link)
All the ‘dominoes’ seem to be in place now (see 125,000 dominoes).
Kuba: At first it began as something like “could ‘I’ really?” as in could I actually proceed in that direction, of no longer being ‘anyone’ in particular, of no longer ‘being’ at all. I followed that curiosity to realise that this is what I always wanted to be as an actuality. That in that blessed anonymity is an actual innocence, but ‘I’ can never ‘be’ that, because ‘I’ am an identity. (link)
Chrono: Mostly I had kept hitting a wall of resistance which I can’t seem to get a look into. (…) Only recently I saw it as being made up of loyalty. And it’s like the loyalty to the Human Condition itself if that makes sense. I’m finding that standing on my own two feet in the sense of feeling good come what may is bringing up feelings of doubt and anxiety as I am doing it irregardless what others feel. Others meaning everyone in my life and even what I read on the news. Maybe I should return to the question “can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable?” (link)
Hi Kuba, hi Chrono,
This morning, I read again a correspondence which I figured you, and in fact everyone, could gain possibly insight from – the “quaint little wonder-land tale” Richard told to Rick.
First, it was fascinating to read Rick’s long question where he described in comprehensive detail life in the real world – all its pain and trouble of belonging, the alluring carrots of reward (of being accepted and approved of) and the crushing duty and responsibility in order to gain or those carrots or being punished for not doing enough.
Then continue to read Richard’s response, condensing Rick’s tale of woe to the central problem of self-worth, or rather ‘self’-worth – “and self-worth as derived from others’ opinion at that”.
He then masterly described, in the same masterly perfection as he once produced the pottery when ‘he’ had allowed the pottery to make itself – how at the exhibition and sale of this pottery “self-esteem and all its associated vanity and humility vanished out of my life forever”.
It becomes glaringly obvious that when one can abandon the ‘carrot’, which Rick so eloquently described, i.e. one’s very relationship to humanity and its accompanying highly conditional ‘good’ feelings, then that is the end of all loyalty, duty and obligation towards humanity as well.
This can be done born of the confidence based on one’s PCEs, active pure intent and the memory of previous moments, where one stunningly recognises when for some short moments life was living itself.
Richard’s “quaint little wonder-land tale” is a perfect example how the ‘good’ feelings keep the ‘bad’ feelings in place, and when you realize that this ‘carrot’ is in fact without any worth whatsoever, then all the anxiety and heavy lifting obtaining it is equally useless.
Thank you for this pointer, I have been looking at it the past day as there is certainly something there! Although I cannot pinpoint what the ‘carrot’ could be for ‘me’. I certainly can relate to Rick’s predicament, I remember many times in the past wanting to break free from that “abusive relationship” to ‘humanity’ and yet never being able to succeed. It was very useful the way you explained it, that it is the ‘good’ which keeps the bad in place, and in those past unsuccessful attempts I was only ever looking at the bad.
Also things have definitely changed since that experience of ‘the veil’. Just as a side point too I remember when looking past ‘the veil’ and later on thinking “I can’t believe that is where Vineeto lives! (and writes from)”. It’s funny because I have projected all sorts of ‘Vineeto’s’ when corresponding with you, one of the most persistent ones was a ‘Vineeto’ who likewise dishes out the carrots and sticks, of course it was actually ‘my’ own ‘self’-worth behind it all.
But that experience was so clear in showing that there is nothing of the psyche which remains into the actual world, so I see it all completely differently now.
I think it may be good to go into some more detail as to what changed…I find it quite hard to explain but it is like I am being constantly pulled towards that place which was seen past ‘the veil’, and it is like the ‘psychic bubble’ which ‘I’ am is very thin. And yet there is still something keeping ‘me’ in place, and connected to ‘humanity’. Like you said the dominoes are in place and yet the first one hasn’t been knocked yet.
Actually it reminds me of Geoffrey’s words that first it is seeing the enormity of ‘my’ extinction, and then it is the deciding to proceed anyways, and that is when the out from control process commences.
It seems I am somewhere in there.
And it seems to me that I have already decided to proceed, whilst knowing full well what is ahead, because there is no longer any fear.
There is mostly the seeing that there is the total extinction of the psyche ahead and there is just the knowing that this is what must happen, what will happen, what I want to happen.
Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for this pointer, I have been looking at it the past day as there is certainly something there! Although I cannot pinpoint what the ‘carrot’ could be for ‘me’. I certainly can relate to Rick’s predicament, I remember many times in the past wanting to break free from that “abusive relationship” to ‘humanity’ and yet never being able to succeed. It was very useful the way you explained it, that it is the ‘good’ which keeps the bad in place, and in those past unsuccessful attempts I was only ever looking at the bad.
Hi Kuba,
You are very welcome. When you pay affective awareness to any diminishment of enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and detect a ‘good’ feeling, or a ‘bad’ feelings in reaction to some ‘good’ expectation not fulfilled, you will soon be able to identify those ‘good’ feelings which are the most cherished.
I am also reminded of Geoffrey’s words again –
Geoffrey: For a split second I saw like a veil in front of me. I saw how I could be on the other side of the ‘mirror’, on the safe side, the magical side, how I could… But there was a last second resistance: My precious! I will not give away my precious! (Geoffrey, Becoming Free Report)
Kuba: Also things have definitely changed since that experience of ‘the veil’. Just as a side point too I remember when looking past ‘the veil’ and later on thinking “I can’t believe that is where Vineeto lives! (and writes from)”. It’s funny because I have projected all sorts of ‘Vineeto’s’ when corresponding with you, one of the most persistent ones was a ‘Vineeto’ who likewise dishes out the carrots and sticks, of course it was actually ‘my’ own ‘self’-worth behind it all.
Ha, and all the while I have been here where I always am, supporting you in what you expressed, again and again, as your destiny.
Kuba: But that experience was so clear in showing that there is nothing of the psyche which remains into the actual world, so I see it all completely differently now. (link)
Excellent. It could be that you are still catching up with all the implications and ramifications of your past experiences. Enjoy it and appreciate it, you can always tell the story afterwards.
-
Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
I think it may be good to go into some more detail as to what changed… I find it quite hard to explain but it is like I am being constantly pulled towards that place which was seen past ‘the veil’, and it is like the ‘psychic bubble’ which ‘I’ am is very thin. And yet there is still something keeping ‘me’ in place, and connected to ‘humanity’. Like you said the dominoes are in place and yet the first one hasn’t been knocked yet.
Actually it reminds me of Geoffrey’s words that first it is seeing the enormity of ‘my’ extinction, and then it is the deciding to proceed anyways, and that is when the out from control process commences.
It seems I am somewhere in there. (link)
That’s good to know. “Being constantly pulled” is pure intent, now activated and active, and the more you allow it to pull you the stronger it is experienced. This is how Vineeto described ‘her’ experiences two weeks after the event –
Vineeto: What emerged was that by making a once-in-a-lifetime decision to step out-from-control (past the wall of fear) the issue of the drama of death was replaced by an ever-increasing exciting, sometimes thrilling pull forward towards an actual freedom. Fear of my personal death was replaced by the pure intent to do this (becoming actually free) not only for my personal benefit but for the benefit of everybody/ for peace on earth for everybody.
As for the ‘going out in a blaze of glory’ here is what I wrote to James yesterday –
It [the period of being out-from-control before becoming actually free] is an absolutely thrilling, marvellous and wonderful time of adventure and if there has to be a blaze of glory in the overall story to an actual freedom, this is definitely IT. (Direct Route, Vineeto to James, 16 Jan 2010).
I have had these words on my mind constantly - that it is the ‘good’ which keeps the ‘bad’ in place. I think this is something very crucial and I don’t think I have ever seen the full extent of what this means. Firstly it is the biggest taboo within ‘humanity’ to consider abandoning the ‘good’ (along with the ‘bad’) this is being a traitor and then some, it means to abandon everything that ‘humanity’ holds as precious.
Secondly even for an actualist it seems to be the last bastion where ‘I’ can hide too, well it seems that way for ‘me’ anyways. It’s like along the way I question many things and make many discoveries and then this last one is this question of - could it be that all along it was the ‘good’ which kept the ‘bad’ in place.
Then thirdly is the seeing that it is precisely when both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are abandoned that perfection becomes apparent. Because it is precisely that battle between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ which obscures the perfection and purity of this moment in time and this place in space. And then there is seeing the enormity of the ramifications of this, of what it means to abandon both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’, it’s stepping out of ‘humanity’ and proceeding where only pure intent beckons.
Whenever I read Geoffrey’s report, I understood “my precious” to be what Richard frequently describes as “what ‘I’ hold most dear”, ‘me’ the identity. However, ultimately it does not matter because Richard makes it clear in the quote I sent you 8 days ago –
Richard: As ‘I’ am suffering and suffering is ‘me’ then ‘my’ path is the path of suffering … which is humanity’s path is it not? And, as humanity is suffering and suffering is humanity, is it not equally true that humanity is also addicted to suffering? And further to that point … have you ever noticed that humanity reveres its addiction so much that escape is taboo? James:Interesting. It does make sense that humanity is addicted to suffering but I am still not sure if it is addiction to suffering or if it is fear of not surviving. The fear of ‘me’ not surviving could be causing the addiction to ‘me’ suffering. Richard: I should have put scare quotes around the word humanity as the word itself can refer to two different things: in its all-humankind meaning it is a more comprehensive word for what the word group refers to (which ranges through family, band, clan, tribe, race, nation and species) and, just as the group’s survival traditionally takes precedence over an individual’s survival, the group’s fears of not surviving have priority over an individual’s fears of not surviving. When fear comes into the picture, however, the word humanity no longer refers to all people collectively but takes on a life of its own, as it were, and becomes an entity in its own right in the same way ‘I’ am an entity inside the flesh and blood body.
And just as ‘I’ suffer because ‘I’ exist (suffering is ‘my’ very nature) ‘humanity’ suffers because it exists (suffering is very nature of ‘humanity’) and thus a virtue is made out of suffering because the survival of ‘humanity’ is at risk … hence the taboo on escape. Yet ‘humanity’ has no existence outside of the human psyche. [Emphasis added this time]. (Richard, List B, James 3, 7 Nov 2002).
It is those who were here before you, who instruct and viscerally pass on to every ‘newcomer to this planet’ on what is to be held ‘precious’ but it has its foundation in your, and everyone’s, genetically encoded instinctual passions. Hence it is your very nature to be living, supporting and maintaining that ultimate value.
Kuba: Secondly even for an actualist it seems to be the last bastion where ‘I’ can hide too, well it seems that way for ‘me’ anyways. It’s like along the way I question many things and make many discoveries and then this last one is this question of – could it be that all along it was the ‘good’ which kept the ‘bad’ in place.
It is the last bastion. After you have been looking into – and understanding – all the various aspects of your own psyche which prevent you from actually being here, you finally see and viscerally understand that everyone is living by the same passionate template, that ‘your’ fear, ‘your’ desires, ‘your’ nurture and ‘your aggression is at core the same as everyone else’s. Ultimately, hiding in the “bastion” of ‘humanity’ you are still only holding onto your own precious ‘self’.
“Yet ‘humanity’ has no existence outside of the human psyche”.
Kuba: Then thirdly is the seeing that it is precisely when both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are abandoned that perfection becomes apparent. Because it is precisely that battle between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ which obscures the perfection and purity of this moment in time and this place in space. And then there is seeing the enormity of the ramifications of this, of what it means to abandon both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’, it’s stepping out of ‘humanity’ and proceeding where only pure intent beckons. (link)
Richard says it much better than I ever can – it is one seamless process as ‘you’ and ‘humanity’ are one and the same.
Alan: As you said in one of your posts (approximately), it is an irresistible pull, a momentum and impetus which is not of ‘my’ doing. Richard: Yes, once altruistically set in motion, a momentum happens of its own accord. One knows, from the perfection of freedom from the human condition as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality which is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur … pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude.
And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way … but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own …’. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 13 Dec 1999).
Thank you, reading and contemplating these recent posts is getting right to the nitty gritty of ‘me’, it’s like I am looking under this and that piece of rubble with this sense that the next thing I lift to look under might well result in the whole thing collapsing. And there is like a stillness that has descended all over whilst contemplating all this. Reading your recent reply has shifted my attention to the fact that it is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality which is the “precious thing”, ‘I’ am the thing ‘I’ hold most dear, ‘I’ agree to give up ‘my’ very ‘self’ for an actual freedom to eventuate. It is certainly exhilarating and destinal to know that this is precisely what is to happen next.
This has helped me to understand what is meant by ‘my precious’. It is the ‘I/me’ itself which we make so precious and it is nothing but a figment which is all made up of feelings and beliefs.
The thing is that this “figment” is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all that ‘I’ have ever ‘been’, it is the entirety of ‘me’ and of ‘my’ life.
Your assessment reduces the enormity of what is at stake for ‘me’ into something between hopeful intellectualisation and dissociation. As in let ‘me’ first create some distance from ‘myself’ and then reduce this ‘self’ placed ‘over there’ into a collection of feelings and beliefs, kept alive only because “we make it so precious”. The end result of this exercise is that ‘I’ will then try to end this mere “figment” by some kind of ‘seeing through’ etc. I know this because I have done this countless times!
But the key question here is just how on earth could the above ever trigger altruism? A self-sacrificial instinct.
Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you, reading and contemplating these recent posts is getting right to the nitty gritty of ‘me’, it’s like I am looking under this and that piece of rubble with this sense that the next thing I lift to look under might well result in the whole thing collapsing. And there is like a stillness that has descended all over whilst contemplating all this. Reading your recent reply has shifted my attention to the fact that it is ‘me’ in ‘my’ totality which is the “precious thing”, ‘I’ am the thing ‘I’ hold most dear, ‘I’ agree to give up ‘my’ very ‘self’ for an actual freedom to eventuate. It is certainly exhilarating and destinal to know that this is precisely what is to happen next. (link)
James: This has helped me to understand what is meant by ‘my precious’. It is the ‘I/me’ itself which we make so precious and it is nothing but a figment which is all made up of feelings and beliefs. (link)
Kuba to James: The thing is that this “figment” is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all that ‘I’ have ever ‘been’, it is the entirety of ‘me’ and of ‘my’ life.
Your assessment reduces the enormity of what is at stake for ‘me’ into something between hopeful intellectualisation and dissociation. As in let ‘me’ first create some distance from ‘myself’ and then reduce this ‘self’ placed ‘over there’ into a collection of feelings and beliefs, kept alive only because “we make it so precious”. The end result of this exercise is that ‘I’ will then try to end this mere “figment” by some kind of ‘seeing through’ etc. I know this because I have done this countless times!
But the key question here is just how on earth could the above ever trigger altruism? A self-sacrificial instinct. (link)
James to Kuba: Good points, I see what you mean. I have taken something with enormous consequences and made it sound like nothing.
To make it trigger altruism I would have to put my all into it which I obviously haven’t done. Thank you for confronting me with that.
I now want to dismiss it which is what I have always done but you have inspired me to look deeper.
By looking deeper I see why it is called ‘my precious’ which makes it untouchable. It would indeed take altruism to undo it as you said.
It is the very thing ‘I am’.
It seems that altruism must come from within. No one else can do it for me.
Want is coming up. I need to want it like I have never wanted anything.
I see that I have to do it for this body, that body and everybody.
I want to do it for you.
Can you do it? (link)
Hi Kuba, Hi James,
This has been a very enjoyable conversation to read.
This very intimacy (“I want to do it for you”) combined with the active experiencing of pure intent – the infinitely magnificent purity and perfection of the universe – can indeed lead to and invoke ‘your’ sacrificial acquiescence for the benefit of this body, that body and every body.
Here is something Richard explained to Rick, which may be of use for inspiration and delightful vivifying contemplation (I am aware that I have sent a quote on the same topic to Kuba in May this year (link) –
Rick:Hi, Richard! You wrote below:
>[Richard]: As the ‘above quoted material’ was written prior to the direct route being opened by Peter and Richard on Dec 29, 2009, via a personified pure intent becoming immanently accessible (i.e., not via a PCE), it is no longer necessary to even contemplate any such invocation of a rapid (and sudden) way with all its attendant ‘too much, too fast, too soon’ dangers. (Richard, List D, No. 25a, 25 May 2013).
The part where you said, ‘the direct route being opened by Peter and Richard … *via a personified pure intent becoming immanently accessible*’: Would you mind re-wording that last bit? Richard: G’day Rick, Sure … first and foremost, as I am using the word immanently in its ‘existing or operating within; inherent’ meaning, then what I am indicating is that pure intent is no longer only accessible outside of the human condition (via a PCE) but nowadays also from within it (i.e., as a feeling ‘being’).
(The feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago – prior to late October/ early November 1992 – could only be existentially aware of pure intent via the direct/ immediate/ unmediated experiencing of the immaculate purity of the vast stillness of this actual universe’s physical infinitude (the ‘everywhere all at once’ source of everything apparent) because there had not previously been someone of sufficient naïveté to have enabled that pristine perfection into becoming purity personified).
Thus where I wrote, in an earlier post, that what the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago directly experienced as an ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ was immanently experienced by feeling-being ‘Peter’, on the 29th of December 2009, as [quote] ‘a sweetness that was palpable’ [endquote] – plus how ‘he’ was [quote] ‘literally being bathed in this sweetness’ [endquote] – it was because of that purity personified having recently become available to some select associates then living within the human condition (albeit out-from-control and/or in a different-way-of-being).
(Those quotes are from Peter’s report on the original ‘A Long-Awaited Public Announcement’ web-page).
And it was when feeling-being ‘Peter’, tenderly feeling the utmost caring possible via thereby being the near-innocence of naïveté, gained tactile confirmation of a flesh and blood body actually existing through a compliantly temporaneous rent in the veil – that flimsiest of films enclosing the real-world’s reality (which Peter spoke of the next night, regarding my physical presence, ‘as if behind a veil, i.e. not actually existing’) – that the direct route became opened-up.
(See the 2nd java script ‘Tool-Tip’ pop-up – a little yellow rectangle with a capital ‘R’ on it – in Peter’s report on the original ‘A Long-Awaited Public Announcement’ webpage for the full version of the above ‘tactile confirmation of a flesh and blood body actually existing’ account). (Richard, List D, Rick, 28 May 2013).
I wish you both profound enjoyment in the “exhilarating and destinal” adventure you have embarked on.
Vineeto: Here is something Richard explained to Rick, which may be of use for inspiration and delightful vivifying contemplation (I am aware that I have sent a quote on the same topic to Kuba in May this year (link) –
Rick:The part where you said, ‘the direct route being opened by Peter and Richard … *via a personified pure intent becoming immanently accessible*’: Would you mind re-wording that last bit? Richard: G’day Rick, Sure … first and foremost, as I am using the word immanently in its ‘existing or operating within; inherent’ meaning, then what I am indicating is that pure intent is no longer only accessible outside of the human condition (via a PCE) but nowadays also from within it (i.e., as a feeling ‘being’). (Richard, List D, Rick, 28 May 2013).
I wish you both profound enjoyment in the “exhilarating and destinal” adventure you have embarked on. (link)
James: Thank you Vineeto, I want to do it for ‘you’, for ‘me’ and for ‘everybody’. (link)
Hi James,
These words are music to my ears. Ever since I came to this forum and had correspondence with you, I have noticed the glimmering of a spark of activated pure intent but it never quite lit up like now. This alive activated connection to pure intent when it is alive and activated needs encouraging and maintaining against a habit of a life-time sitting back and bowing out. Now you know that you need to want an actual freedom with all your ‘being’, like you said to Kuba –
James: Want is coming up. I need to want it like I have never wanted anything. (link)
It is possible with a little persistence and remembrance to grow into your full-blooded endorsement.
Richard: The act of initiating this ‘process’ is altruism, pure and simple: it is a rather curious decision – a decision the likes of which has never been made before nor will ever be made again – that it is imperative it be ‘me’ who will evince the final and complete condition which will deliver the goods so longed for by humanity for millennia … whereupon that thrilling momentum takes over and one realises one has embarked already (and once that impetus gets going one cannot ‘un-set’ the pace).
There is no pulling back – which is why most people do not want to set it in motion – because once one has started one cannot stop. It is a one-way trip – that is the thrilling part of it – and with application and diligence and patience and perseverance, born out of the pure intent garnered from the PCE, the exposure of the inner workings of one’s psyche (which is the human psyche) will readily occur in the course of everyday events due to ‘my’ concurrence … one cannot help but become fascinated for this means the end of the predicament which humankind has been agonising over for aeons.
Any reluctance to become fascinated is because of the ‘no turning back’ aspect.
After fascination comes obsession wherein one cannot leave it alone any more – or rather it does not leave one alone – and that is when that tempo picks ‘me’ up and ‘I’ am borne along on the adventure of a lifetime as it is inevitable that one is to meet one’s destiny … it being what one is here for.
An eagerness takes over – one feels alive, vital, dynamic – and things happen serendipitously such that ‘I’ can no longer distinguish between ‘me’ doing it and it happening to ‘me’ … and this is exhilarating for one is fully doing this business of being alive – doing it here on earth in this lifetime as this body – and it is all happening now of its own accord. This moment is happening and all the while one is doing it the doing is happening of itself … then one is the experiencing of the happening.
And this is wonderful. (Richard, AF List, No. 60, 3 Dec 2003).
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain … and it is such a sweet, thrilling, enlivening, wondrous journey. You wouldn’t want to miss it for anything.
Great to hear from you Vineeto. You are spot on in your assessment. There was something that Kuba said that made a difference this time. It made me also want to do it for him and for others and now I also want to do it for you. It is not just for me. It is for everybody.
You are right that I have a life-time habit of sitting back and bowing out. That is what I am doing now. You are also right that pure intent needs encouraging and maintaining. You have always encouraged me as you are doing now and that is very helpful. That is why I really want to do it for you.
I know that establishing and maintaining a connection to pure intent is key which is what I have never done. This is what I need to do now.
This is where altruism needs to come in which is what Kuba spoke of and what made me want to do it for others. This is also what Richard said in the quote you posted above which is very timely for me.
Thanks to Kuba and you I now see what I have been missing which is altruism pure and simple as Richard said.
By maintaining a connection to pure intent with the help of altruism my path is clear.
Thank you Vineeto for the help you have given me all these years.
Vineeto: These words are music to my ears. Ever since I came to this forum and had correspondence with you, I have noticed the glimmering of a spark of activated pure intent but it never quite lit up like now. This alive activated connection to pure intent when it is alive and activated needs encouraging and maintaining against a habit of a life-time sitting back and bowing out. Now you know that you need to want an actual freedom with all your ‘being’, … (link)
James: Great to hear from you Vineeto. You are spot on in your assessment. There was something that Kuba said that made a difference this time. It made me also want to do it for him and for others and now I also want to do it for you. It is not just for me. It is for everybody.
You are right that I have a life-time habit of sitting back and bowing out. That is what I am doing now. You are also right that pure intent needs encouraging and maintaining. You have always encouraged me as you are doing now and that is very helpful. That is why I really want to do it for you.
I know that establishing and maintaining a connection to pure intent is key which is what I have never done. This is what I need to do now.
This is where altruism needs to come in which is what Kuba spoke of and what made me want to do it for others. This is also what Richard said in the quote you posted above which is very timely for me.
Hi James,
I am pleased you understand this vital point of altruism “what Kuba spoke of”.
However before you focus solely onto this point while putting aside everything else, let me remind you how this “life-time habit of sitting back and bowing out” which I mentioned in my last post, comes about and is enabled to continue. Kuba explained it very well, having discovered and understood this trick ‘he’ had played on ‘himself’ –
Kuba: The thing is that this “figment” is all that ‘I’ have ever known and all that ‘I’ have ever ‘been’, it is the entirety of ‘me’ and of ‘my’ life.
Your assessment reduces the enormity of what is at stake for ‘me’ into something between hopeful intellectualisation and dissociation. As in let ‘me’ first create some distance from ‘myself’ and then reduce this ‘self’ placed ‘over there’ into a collection of feelings and beliefs, kept alive only because “we make it so precious”. The end result of this exercise is that ‘I’ will then try to end this mere “figment” by some kind of ‘seeing through’ etc. I know this because I have done this countless times!
But the key question here is just how on earth could the above ever trigger altruism? A self-sacrificial instinct. (link)
James: Good points, I see what you mean. I have taken something with enormous consequences and made it sound like nothing.
To make it trigger altruism I would have to put my all into it which I obviously haven’t done. Thank you for confronting me with that. I now want to dismiss it which is what I have always done but you have inspired me to look deeper. By looking deeper I see why it is called ‘my precious’ which makes it untouchable. It would indeed take altruism to undo it as you said. It is the very thing ‘I am’. [Emphasis added]. (link)
You understood when you had read it but this ingrained habit of reduction as described (which most people have) is still operating. Now you have a new term – “altruism” – which you say will “undo” it all. Keep in mind that you are not repeating the same mistake as Kuba described –
Kuba: The end result of this exercise is that ‘I’ will then try to end this mere “figment” by some kind of ‘seeing through’ etc. I know this because I have done this countless times! [Emphasis mine].
Here are more details about altruism for your contemplation –
Rick:Maybe I need to fix my own personal problems first before I can worry about others’? Richard: First of all, the word altruism can be used in two distinctly different ways – in a virtuous sense (as in being an unselfish/ selfless self) or in a zoological/ biological sense (as in being diametrically opposite to selfism) – and it is the latter which is of particular interest to a person wanting to enable the already always existing peace-on-earth into being apparent, in this lifetime as this flesh and blood body, as it takes a powerful instinctive impulse (altruism) to overcome a powerful instinctive impulse (selfism) … blind nature endows each and every human being with both the selfish instinct for individual survival and the clannish instinct for group survival (be it the familial group, the tribal group, or the national group).
By and large the instinct for survival of the group is the more powerful – as is epitomised in the honey-bee (when it stings to protect/ defend the hive it dies) – and it is the utilisation of this once-in-a-lifetime gregarian action which is referred to when I speak of an altruistic ‘self’-immolation or ‘self’-sacrifice, in toto, for the benefit of this body and that body and every body.
It has nothing to do with becoming [quote] ‘less selfish and more concerned about others’ [endquote] as human beings are all in the same boat in regards the human condition – no one is better off than another, at the core of their being, or worse off than someone else – and everything to do with wanting, with all of one’s being, to bring to an end, once and for all, the inherent suffering which epitomises human nature. Viz.:
• [Richard]: ‘… one has to want to be free from the human condition like one has never wanted anything before. Because unless one is vitally interested in peace on earth one will never even begin to free the crippled intelligence from the debilitating passions bestowed by blind nature. Yet becoming vitally interested is but the preliminary stage, because until one becomes curious as to whether what is being written here about genetic inheritance can be applied to themselves, only then does the first step begin. For it is only when one becomes curious about the workings of oneself – what makes one tick – is that person participating in their search for freedom for the first time in their life. This is because people mostly look to rearranging their beliefs and truths as being sufficient effort … ‘I’ am willing to be free as long as ‘I’ can remain ‘me’. In other words: their notion of freedom is a ‘clip-on’.
Then curiosity becomes fascination … and then the fun begins to gain a momentum of its own. One is drawn inexorably further and further towards one’s destiny … fascination leads to commitment and one can know when one’s commitment is approaching a 100% commitment because others around one will classify one as ‘obsessed’ (in spite of all their rhetoric a 100% commitment to evoking peace-on-earth is actively discouraged by one’s peers). Eventually one realises that one is on one’s own in this, the adventure of a life-time, and a peculiar tenacity that enables one to proceed against all odds ensues. Then one takes the penultimate step … one abandons ‘humanity’.
An actual freedom from the human condition then unfolds its inevitable destiny’. (Richard, List B, No. 45, 14 Nov 1999).
And:
• [Richard]: ‘… one has to want it like one has never wanted anything else before … so much so that all the instinctual passionate energy of desire, normally frittered away on petty desires, is fuelling and impelling/ propelling one into this thing and this thing only (‘impelling’ as in a pulling from the front and ‘propelling’ as in being pushed from behind). There is a ‘must’ to it (one must do it/ it must happen) and a ‘will’ to it (one will do it/ it will happen) and one is both driven and drawn until there is an inevitability that sets in. Now it is unstoppable and all the above ceases of its own accord … one is unable to distinguish between ‘me’ doing it and it happening to ‘me’.
One has escaped one’s fate and achieved one’s destiny’. (Richard, List B, No. 19d, 3 April 2000).
You say you really are only concerned about yourself and your issues … have you ever desired oblivion? (Richard, AF List, Rick, 4 Jan 2006
This might be encouraging as well for what you are aiming for –
Richard: ‘(…) by ‘my’ very nature ‘I’ am defiled; by ‘my’ very nature ‘I’ am corrupt through and through; by ‘my’ very nature ‘I’ am perversity itself. No matter how sincerely and earnestly one tries to purify oneself, one can never succeed completely. The last little bit always eludes perfecting. By ‘my’ very nature ‘I’ am rotten at the innermost core’. (Richard, AF List, No. 7, 22 Aug 1999).
James: Thanks to Kuba and you I now see what I have been missing which is altruism pure and simple as Richard said.
By maintaining a connection to pure intent with the help of altruism my path is clear.
Remember that it is an active dynamic connection to pure intent, where you experience “a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”. It is so delicious to experience it that you will be drawn to experience it again and again. Besides, nothing less will do the trick.
You can peruse Richard’s Selected Correspondence, whichever topic fascinates you – reading his words always used to inspire ‘Vineeto’ in ‘her’ intent.
James: Thank you Vineeto for the help you have given me all these years. (link)
(and writes from)”. It’s funny because I have projected all sorts of ‘Vineeto’s’ when corresponding with you, one of the most persistent ones was a ‘Vineeto’ who likewise dishes out the carrots and sticks, of course it was actually ‘my’ own ‘self’-worth behind it all.