So I have been looking at what is left of those outlines of ‘me’. The other day I started to experience glimpses of the blessed anonymity which ensues after ‘my’ demise. It has clicked since then, that whatever ‘dirt’ remains in ‘my’ life is exactly because of those outlines of ‘me’, as in there cannot be actual freedom as long as ‘I’ remain in existence, it is ‘my’ total extinction which is the way to an actual freedom.
Last night after I finished teaching BJJ I got in my car and again I was pulled towards this experiencing - of the blessed anonymity / extinction which lay ahead - but it was more this time, there was the experience of a vast stillness, that when ‘I’ disappear this stillness is what is left behind, it is where this body exists, securely locked into the stillness. There was no fear at all, actually there hasn’t been fear in general, just the surety that this is what I want and that now is the time. When those experiences happen, it is very much like ‘I’ cannot do anything to swing it this way or that way, ‘I’ only find that ‘I’ am in agreement and that the channel is kept open.
What a fascinating time altogether! Not dramatic in any way like it was in the past and it brings me such delight to write this, because I remember what it was like when I had my mouth full of various Heebie-jeebies 
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