Vineeto to Scout :
It is also important to keep in mind that you cannot become free from being in a PCE, nor by the ‘self’ “evaporating” in PCEs, but by naively enjoying and appreciating being alive, so much so that you become naiveté itself and give up the controls. Then one is able to make a once-in-a-lifetime deliberate and conscious decision to willingly and irremunerably ‘self’-immolate in toto. The doorway to an actual freedom has the word ‘extinction’ written on it, which can only happen while ‘I’ and ‘me’ are not in abeyance.
When I read this advice it stood out to me so clearly that this is exactly what I need to do now - “naively enjoying and appreciating being alive, so much so that you become naiveté itself and give up the controls. Then one is able to make a once-in-a-lifetime deliberate and conscious decision to willingly and irremunerably ‘self’-immolate in toto.”
Vineeto also wrote to me :
But all these very serious and philosophical, albeit passionate, deliberations can fall by the wayside when you are having so much fun being alive, being naiveté (the closest an identity can be to actual innocence), that experiencing this felicity and appreciation is way more enjoyable and preferable to any ideas of afterlife standards or fantasies of reverend tombstones ‘you’ can ever erect.
Contemplating self-immolation before had this exact flavour, passionate and serious deliberations. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t sincere but there was something in that energy that prevented a gay abandon. That even when the possibility to self-immolate presented itself ‘I’ bailed out with the “too good to be true”. The ‘weight’ of this passionate and serious energy somehow kept ‘me’ in place.
This advice to “become naiveté itself” has been gently working away and of course it is key that ‘I’ do not make this into a serious business all over again! Indeed “‘being’ naiveté itself” is the closest ‘I’ can come to actual innocence. This is the answer I was looking for (in the wrong direction) when I was considering attaining “higher standards”.
There is a certain flavour that comes to the fore when ‘I’ am ‘being’ naiveté itself, it is a festive/magical flavour, It is exactly like being a kid in a world of wonder. I think in the past I ascribed these experiences to actuality but they are not, because I remember the PCE a few weeks back where it was apperceived that time has no duration, that world of the PCE was a completely different world, as if a different dimension that ‘I’ have absolutely no access to. Of course ‘I’ cannot take any standards of ‘mine’ over there, the gap is impossible to cross for ‘me’ or any of ‘my’ belongings.
And I can see clearer now that ‘I’ never cross that gap, attempting to do this would get very serious very soon, rather ‘I’ can ‘be’ naiveté itself and go into gay abandon - then the magic can unfold…