Kuba: Yesterday I went to teach my evening BJJ class and (this was actually the main reason for the “evening glooms”) I was always so scared to freely and fully enjoy and appreciate whilst there, something about ‘my’ role as a coach which was blocking it. And yesterday it was as if ‘my’ entire ‘being’ had/ was just a big sincere smile from corner to corner, with no hint of resentment or bitterness and no self consciousness at having/ being this. I have never experienced such deeply sincere happiness and harmlessness, ‘I’ was smiling with the entirety of ‘my’ being.
Hi Kuba,
Ha, now you know why Richard invented a new meaning to the word “bester”. Enjoyment and appreciation reach a new level. It looks as if your social role and sense of responsibility as an instructor were in the way and making you self-conscious. It all can falls by the wayside as if by itself.
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Vineeto: You will know when you have in fact made the jump because after that there will no longer be even the option of creating “another illusory adventure” or consider that the controller should pull an imaginary gun.
Kuba: I am not sure if this means the jump has or has not been made, but I can experientially understand this now. I can see that self-immolation cannot possibly be something done by ‘me’, it is something that will happen to ‘me’, with ‘my’ full agreement. As you said a while back, it is not ‘do-able’ but rather ‘be-able’. (link)
Richard described it as being “unable to distinguish between ‘me’ doing it and it happening to ‘me’” –
• [Richard]: “… one has to want it like one has never wanted anything else before … so much so that all the instinctual passionate energy of desire, normally frittered away on petty desires, is fuelling and impelling/ propelling one into this thing and this thing only (‘impelling’ as in a pulling from the front and ‘propelling’ as in being pushed from behind). There is a ‘must’ to it (one must do it/ it must happen) and a ‘will’ to it (one will do it/ it will happen) and one is both driven and drawn until there is an inevitability that sets in.
Now it is unstoppable and all the above ceases of its own accord … one is unable to distinguish between ‘me’ doing it and it happening to ‘me’.
One has escaped one’s fate and achieved one’s destiny”. [emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Rick, 4 Jan 2006).
The remainder of your post is simply delightful to read.
I have started to read Richard’s List D correspondence again and today I found that his message to No. 25a adds a lot to what you and @Claudiu are busy with, to wit, there is no need to dive into/ dwell on explorations into fear and dread for the sake of it (the affective acknowledgement/ awareness that ‘I’ have to die is the crucial component), and then continue to tap into pure intent –
Respondent: How can current actualists bypass such acute experiences of dread on the ‘path’ to freedom? (…) Is there a strategy that can be utilized to bypass or minimize such experiences?
Richard: Yep … tapping into pure intent should do the trick nicely.
For instance:#10876
From: richard.actualfreedom
Date: Sat Feb 4, 2012 12:16 am
Subject: Re: […] about two types of Actual Freedom
• [James] […] Is the pce necessary? ps: Is the pce necessary for pure intent to come out of this vast stillness?
• [Richard]: G’day James, Prior to 11.25 AM (AEDST) on Saturday, the 14th of November, 2009, a pure consciousness experience (PCE) was indeed necessary for pure intent – that benevolence and benignity of the vast and utter stillness of the universe itself – and the reason why a PCE was essential is reported/ described/ explained both on The Actual Freedom Trust website and in ‘Richard’s Journal’.
[…] what the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced as an ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ was experienced by the feeling-being ‘Peter’, on the 29th of December 2009, as [quote] ‘a sweetness that was palpable’ [endquote] and that ‘he’ was [quote] ‘literally being bathed in this sweetness’ [endquote]. […].
Other people have reported experiencing that over-arching benevolence and benignity as a palpable sweetness as well.
Pamela, for instance, spoke of it in those terms during the ten minutes or so immediately prior to the pivotal event/ the definitive moment when she became actually free of the instinctual passions/ the feeling-being formed thereof on the 27th of January 2010.
(On another occasion, about three weeks later, she reported experiencing it as being an ‘infinite tenderness’ of such a magnitude as to render her incoherent upon endeavouring to describe it to Vineeto).
Vineeto […snip…] has written of it, in a private email, as being ‘an overwhelming sweetness, so overwhelmingly sweet that tears were running down my face. At another time I experienced a tenderness so vast that I was speechless for a good time afterwards’.
I mention these reports so as to demonstrate that what the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced as an ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ may not necessarily be exactly the way others experience it. […]. (Message 10876, Richard, List D, James, 4 Feb 2012).Incidentally, there is a follow-up email (Richard, List D, James, 6 Feb 2012) to the above post (partly re-presented further below). (Richard, List D, No. 25a, 25 May 2013)
In fact, the whole post is worth reading and digesting because No. 25 is asking about the various reports of fear and dread by Richard as well as ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’, whereupon Richard points out, twice, that after the opening of the Direct Route tapping into pure intent will do the trick, as it had done for the first pioneers. What Richard is referring to is pure intent personified becoming immanently accessible (not via a PCE but now also via a fully actually free person), available now at any time and anywhere, regardless of distance.
Richard: Which means that, these days, when that ‘palpable sweetness’ (for instance) is experienced it is that ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ being experienced, by virtue of that immaculate perfection having become manifest in the everyday world as a flesh-and-blood body only, as they are both one and the same thing in essence.
Thus to answer your second question: it is the experiencing of that ‘palpable sweetness’ (for instance) which comes first.
P.S.: As there is now both a male and a female fully here in this actual world, the completely new consciousness (a totally original way of being conscious) for all humankind to avail themselves of is nowadays entirely equitable.
And this is truly marvellous.
(See the footnote in Message No. 10573 Richard, List D, Rick, #1) for some details).
(Richard, List D, James, 6 Feb 2012)
So you are on the right track allowing the marvellously increasing enjoyment and appreciation, and then tune into and allow the sweetness of being bathed in this overarching benignity, benevolence, sweetness and intimacy, and then the “sheer (f)actuality of the universe is what eventually does ‘you’ in”.
Cheers Vineeto