I’ve been really enjoying my drive into work and back home lately. The sunsets and sunrises around this time of the year are marvelous and take my breath away each time. Each sunset/sunrise is different but always a joy to witness.
How lovely it is that I can sit in a warm car, driving to a work that I have fun with, enjoying and appreciating this world. I’m finding less and less “reasons” and “validations” to be anything other than enjoying and appreciating this moment.
Sonya: I’ve been really enjoying my drive into work and back home lately. The sunsets and sunrises around this time of the year are marvellous and take my breath away each time. Each sunset/sunrise is different but always a joy to witness.
How lovely it is that I can sit in a warm car, driving to a work that I have fun with, enjoying and appreciating this world. I’m finding less and less “reasons” and “validations” to be anything other than enjoying and appreciating this moment. (link)
Hi Sonya,
This is splendid that you can not only deeply enjoy “sunsets and sunrises” but also have fun at your work. When you are feeling good most of the time it is easy to pay attention to the few times when there is a diminishment of it and take note of the trigger before returning to feeling good.
Richard: The wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition is marked by enjoyment and appreciation – the sheer delight of being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’ – and the slightest diminishment of such felicity/ innocuity is a warning signal (a flashing red light as it were) that one has inadvertently wandered off the way.
One is thus soon back on track … and all because of everyday events. (This Moment of Being Alive).
Then later on you can contemplate on the reason for the trigger and make whatever changes in a habit, an attitude or a belief to make sure this particular event will not trigger a diminishment of feeling good again.
It’s such fun to be a detective to one’s own hidden secrets.
Cheers Vineeto
Hi Vineeto,
I think i’m starting to realise how simple actualism is. Getting back to feeling good after noticing a trigger and enjoying/appreciating this moment. It really isn’t much more complicated.
I noticed in the past I would always get stuck trying to “explain” the feeling away which always lead to me going around in circles or eventually solidifying the feeling by some sort of mental gymnastics to feel validated for feeling bad 
. I noticed that because i am a feeling being I will always be invested in keeping the bad feelings around. But getting myself back to feeling good first before investigating anything helped immensenly, it also made me realise that if it’s that easy to get back to feeling good, is there any sensible reason to remain feeling bad? Or keeping going back to that feeling? It isn’t a nice feeling at all. From feeling good it is much easier and clearer to sort through whatever triggered me.
It was also helpful for me to realise that I am being my feelings. Realising that means that there is something I can do about it. It isn’t like anger or sadness decends upon me with no involvement from me. I’m also getting better at sitting with whatever feeling I am experiencing, rather than expressing or repressing. Sitting with the feeling to observe it has helped me be able to easily and quickly identify it, realising it isn’t really made of anything substantial and it is much more fun to feel good. It’s not so scary now knowing that I can do something about it whenever I want to.
And yes I am noticing that I am having much more fun with digging around what’s going on. Whereas in the past it was almost like “nope I don’t want to look at it!” and trying to will it away.
Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
I think I’m starting to realise how simple actualism is. Getting back to feeling good after noticing a trigger and enjoying/ appreciating this moment. It really isn’t much more complicated.
I noticed in the past I would always get stuck trying to “explain” the feeling away which always lead to me going around in circles or eventually solidifying the feeling by some sort of mental gymnastics to feel validated for feeling bad. I noticed that because I am a feeling being I will always be invested in keeping the bad feelings around. But getting myself back to feeling good first before investigating anything helped immensely, it also made me realise that if it’s that easy to get back to feeling good, is there any sensible reason to remain feeling bad? Or keeping going back to that feeling? It isn’t a nice feeling at all. From feeling good it is much easier and clearer to sort through whatever triggered me.
Hi Sonya,
Ah, this message is music to my ears, and would have been to Richard too. The actualism method is indeed not “more complicated” than this. Of course, you look at the trigger once you are back to feeling good to determine how to avoid falling for the same trigger next time. Sometimes it is as easy as nipping the upcoming habitual ‘feeling slightly bad’ in the bud and sometimes it needs some digging to find the underlying cause. But it is obvious that it is always your choice how you feel – no one can make you feel bad unless you allow them to.
Respondent: You have a pithy phrase of your own here, but the basic investigation which is HEAVY …
Richard: The sincere application of the actualism method is light and airy … in a word: fun.
Respondent: … and not easy at all …
Richard: The sincere application of the actualism method is indeed easy … dead easy, in fact.
(…)
Respondent: What actually happened in the beginning?
Richard: What happened for the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body on the first of January 1981 (the day ‘he’ first put the method ‘he’ devised into practice) was so amazing for ‘him’ that ‘he’ said to ‘his’ then wife that ‘he’ had discovered the secret to life … ‘he’ would go on to say it was so easy to feel happy and harmless for 23 hours 59 minutes of the day (an arbitrary figure) that ‘he’ wondered why it had never been done before. (Richard, AF List, No. 92, 17 Jun 2005)
And when you say “is there any sensible reason to remain feeling bad?” and find that “it isn’t a nice feeling at all” so may also discover that feeling good feelings, “the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting)” are ultimately not nice feelings either because they lead to a lot of complications, disclosed contracts and obligations. The reason is that the basic survival instincts (the instinctual passions) are the source of both ‘good feelings’ and ‘bad feelings’.
Jonathan: [Richard]: What actualism – the wide and wondrous path to actual freedom – is on about is a ‘virtual freedom’ (which is not to be confused with cyber-space’s ‘virtual reality’) wherein the ‘good’ feelings – the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) are minimised along with the ‘bad’ feelings – the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) – so that one is free to feel good, feel happy and feel perfect for 99% of the time. I make this very clear in my writing: [snip].
What I am reading here is, ‘good feelings along with bad feelings are minimized so that one is free to feel good feelings and thereby make a PCE more likely. Could you clarify?
Richard: Sure … the [quote] ‘good’ [endquote] feelings mentioned are the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) and the [quote] ‘bad’ [endquote] feelings mentioned are the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) whereas feeling good/ feeling happy/ feeling perfect are the felicitous and innocuous feelings (those that are delightful and harmonious).
Jonathan: So the meditation practices blow the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions up larger than life?
Richard: That is one way of putting it … the spiritualisation process involved is essentially one of sublimation and transcendence.
Jonathan: What do they do with the felicitous ones?
Richard: As a generalisation: the felicitous (and innocuous) feelings are not experienced in their own right but are subsumed under the ‘good’ feelings … felicity (and innocuity), rather than being the delightful experience of sensuosity and sensuality, then comes from feeling loving and compassionate (for instance).
A conditional happiness, in other words, dependent upon the ascendancy of the ‘good’ feelings. (Richard, AF List, Jonathan, 5 Jan 2006)
Sonya: It was also helpful for me to realise that I am being my feelings. Realising that means that there is something I can do about it. It isn’t like anger or sadness descends upon me with no involvement from me. I’m also getting better at sitting with whatever feeling I am experiencing, rather than expressing or repressing. Sitting with the feeling to observe it has helped me be able to easily and quickly identify it, realising it isn’t really made of anything substantial and it is much more fun to feel good. It’s not so scary now knowing that I can do something about it whenever I want to.
And yes I am noticing that I am having much more fun with digging around what’s going on. Whereas in the past it was almost like “nope I don’t want to look at it!” and trying to will it away. (link)
Ha, this is great. Looking under one’s bonnet is meant to be fun. Now that you know experientially that you can do something about it – and also that when you resolved it, it is gone – you’ll be more and more enticed to increasingly find out what is occasionally preventing from feeling good and feeling excellent. That’s how you stand on your own feet, now that you realised that “it isn’t like anger or sadness descends upon me”. It indicates success with enjoying life and nothing succeeds like success.
What a grand time to be alive, isn’t it?
Cheers Vineeto
Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for the reply. I think I’ve pretty much got the hang of identifying the bad feelings and getting back to feeling good. However, I have noticed that the good feelings are a little trickier for me to catch. Or actually, I do notice the good feelings but I am more likely to keep them around and not look into them. It seems to be easier for me to acknowledge that it isn’t sensible to feel bad.
Lately, to help me differenciate between feeling good and good feelings, I ask myself if I am being caring. So, for example, the other day my boss tried to catch one of us out because she found an empty crisp packet in the wrong bin (it was in the food waste bin rather than the other waste bin). Very confidently she asked which one of us had done this. I could sense she was quite ready to shame one of us. Turns out it was herself since I remembered and reminded her that she did infact have salt and vinegar crisps the day before 
. She did very quickly retracted her readiness to chastise and I could sense she felt rather humilated. In that moment I felt proud, a bit smug myself. Of course I only felt these good feelings at the expense of another fellow humanbeing feeling humiliated so being those good feelings was clearly seen to be not caring. I noticed that quite quickly and felt a pang of guilt. Writing this now I am brought to the realisation on how sneaky I can be. There I was, being the exact same way my boss was, in a matter of seconds I threw away feeling good for the good feelings with no care or consideration.
Another one of the good feelings I’ve noticed pops up quite often is the feeling of belonging. I think the feeling of belonging isn’t caring. It means that you belong to a group and by that exclude others that don’t belong to your group. There’s a Taylor Swift song called “You’re on your own kid” that always makes me well up. Essentially it’s about the feeling of needing and wanting to belong. That is the other side of belonging, being lonely. So ultimately, to free myself from being lonely (bad feeling), I will also have to free myself from belonging (good feeling). I think hahaha. I’m kinda just writing and trying to figure it out at the same time 
Hi Sonya 
It looks like the main thread keeping the whole thing together is authority, and feeling the crushing force of it ‘I’ end up engaging in battles which only leave ‘me’ feeling dirty. Discovering parity means there is no authority to be either below or above. Interestingly enough the boss also benefits from this, for deep down she resents the authority she wields. In fact without authority there is no need for any of those other reactionary dramas to take place, it cuts it at root.
Actually I just realised writing this - because I always resented authority, but it is authority itself not the person wielding it which is at fault - both the employee and the employer are victims to authority, that is apparently the script which they are bound to. So the answer has to be to abandon authority itself, and unilaterally so.
Hi Kuba,
Busy day at work as well I see 
Yes I know the main gist of the issue is authority. I was more so focusing on exploring good feelings that come up as I was replying to Vineeto about discovering that feeling good feelings aren’t too enjoyable either.
HR : We have noticed some unusual activity lately, something about self-immolation and peace on earth… anyways keep hitting them quotas.
You’re too funny 
Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for the reply. I think I’ve pretty much got the hang of identifying the bad feelings and getting back to feeling good. However, I have noticed that the good feelings are a little trickier for me to catch. Or actually, I do notice the good feelings but I am more likely to keep them around and not look into them. It seems to be easier for me to acknowledge that it isn’t sensible to feel bad.
Hi Sonya,
You are welcome.
It is natural to first want to minimise the bad feelings because they stand out when not feeling good. However, when you examine the good feelings more closely you discover that they are merely the other side of the coin in that they all are rooted in the instinctual passions – either to ameliorate, keep in check and pacify the savage instinctual passion, or have strings attached that interfere with free enjoyment and appreciation. Ultimately it’s the good which keeps the bad in place.
Sonya: Lately, to help me differentiate between feeling good and good feelings, I ask myself if I am being caring.
Indeed, being caring and considerate are aspects of being harmless. However the word “caring” in the real world is generally synonymous with feeling caring, i.e. giving out affective vibes of caring, sympathy and compassion, together with or even instead of practical caring.
Respondent: “Richard, I am currently perplexed about ‘caring’. You distinguish between ‘feeling caring’ and ‘actually caring’. I think I understand the distinction for the most part – ‘feeling caring’ is caring based upon emotion – ‘feeling’ that one cares, and ‘actually caring’ is something that happens ONLY in a PCE or when one is actually free. Now, this results in the somewhat shocking statement that the only people who actually care are those in pure consciousness”.
Richard: “Aye, it can indeed be a shock to realise that, for all the protestations of being caring, no one trapped in the human condition actually cares. However, apart from galvanising one into action, it is a liberating realisation as it releases one from the bonds that tie.
There are always strings attached in affective caring”.
Respondent: Now, I don’t want to debate the merits of this for one moment, but I would like to understand it better. For example, just how is it that ‘feeling-caring’ is an ‘illusion of caring?’
Richard: In saying ‘to create the illusion of caring’ (and ‘to create the illusion of intimacy’) I am referring to generating the false impression, or the deceptive appearance, of being caring (and being intimate) because of the reality which underpins all human interaction … as the following passage where the quote comes from clearly shows:• [Co-Respondent]: ‘Richard, I’m going to let my light out from under the bushel and tell you what I see: You are still ‘crazy’, and I still have affection and/or compassion for you.
• [Richard]: ‘As I am a person devoid of either latent or active enmity, I require no restorative affection whatsoever to create the illusion of intimacy in my human interactions. And as I am also a person devoid of either latent or active sorrow, I require no antidotal compassion whatsoever to create the illusion of caring. Thus, in an actual freedom, intimacy is not dependent upon cooperation. I experience an actual intimacy – a direct experiencing of the other – twenty four hours of the day irrespective of the other’s affection and/or compassion … or mood swings. (Richard, List B, No. 19b, 22 Nov 1999).
Thus the feeling of caring (and the feeling of intimacy) is the antidote for feeling uncaring (and the restorative for feeling separate) and, as such, has a causal basis – meaning it has a dependant nature – resulting in an inevitable instability.
Whereas actually caring (and an actual intimacy) cannot be switched off … ever.
Respondent: Is it an illusion of ‘Actual caring?’
Richard: Yes, it is a synthetic substitute for actually caring (or an actual intimacy) … an ersatz surrogate born out of the instinctual passions.
Respondent: It seems to me that feeling caring is caring on some level – since caring-for is actually happening. For example, take a mother who breast feeds her child – she may be ‘feeling-caring’ – therefore, under the illusion that she is actually caring for her child – yet the child is actually being taken care of – which isn’t an illusion at all.
Richard: There is a difference between feeling care and taking care – you are mixing the sentiment of care with the action of care – wherein the former is a fancy and the latter is a fact. In other words, you are confounding the affective experience of care with the physical activity of care … which is not what is meant by the expression ‘feeling caring’ as contrasted to the expression ‘actually caring’. To experience being caring as a feeling (born of separation) is a far cry from the experience of being caring as an actuality (sans separation).
Feeding an infant’s feelings along with the food corrupts the action of caring. (…)
Respondent: It also seems you are saying that in some sense ‘I’ cannot actually care about anything or anyone else?
Richard: No, what I am saying is that ‘I’ cannot experience the actuality of being caring … ‘I’ can only experience the feeling of being caring. For example, the last time I visited my biological parents (1984) I was told ‘we worry about you’ … which fretful feeling of apprehension/ anxiety is, to them, being caring.
They mean well, of course, as do most people.
Respondent: What is happening when I do ‘take care of’ other people and things?
Richard: Well, things and other people do get taken care of – it is remarkable what is achieved despite all the hindrances – but it is the motivating factor which muddies the waters and undermines the result.
Also, what is known as ‘compassion fatigue’ can happen as well.
Respondent: Are you saying this only happens in a selfish sort of way? That all feeling caring is selfish – therefore not really caring at all?
Richard: I would rather say ‘self’-centred than ‘selfish’ … when someone is touched by another’s suffering, as in being moved sufficiently to stimulate caring action, it is their own suffering which is being kindled and quickened. Thus feelings are being aroused, which motivate the activity of caring, and taking care of the other works to assuage the aroused feelings (as well as working to help the other of course).
Shall I put it this way? They are missing-out on experiencing the actuality of the caring action, the helpful activity itself, which is taking place. (Richard, AF List, No. 27d, 18 Nov 2002).
Perhaps you understand from the above correspondence that caring has various aspects – hence being considerate (including being considerate of the consequences of your words and actions) is perhaps a better indicator for being harmless.
Sonya: So, for example, the other day my boss tried to catch one of us out because she found an empty crisp packet in the wrong bin (it was in the food waste bin rather than the other waste bin). Very confidently she asked which one of us had done this. I could sense she was quite ready to shame one of us. Turns out it was herself since I remembered and reminded her that she did in fact have salt and vinegar crisps the day before. She did very quickly retracted her readiness to chastise and I could sense she felt rather humiliated. In that moment I felt proud, a bit smug myself. Of course I only felt these good feelings at the expense of another fellow human being feeling humiliated so being those good feelings was clearly seen to be not caring. I noticed that quite quickly and felt a pang of guilt. Writing this now I am brought to the realisation on how sneaky I can be. There I was, being the exact same way my boss was, in a matter of seconds I threw away feeling good for the good feelings with no care or consideration.
Well spotted, your feeling of glee (feeling “proud”) was not harmless and the affective vibes you automatically emanated with your feelings were inevitably transmitted to your boss and the others in the room. The more attentive you are to your feelings the more you discover the finer nuances, which interfere with being happy and harmless.
Sonya: Another one of the good feelings I’ve noticed pops up quite often is the feeling of belonging. I think the feeling of belonging isn’t caring. It means that you belong to a group and by that exclude others that don’t belong to your group. There’s a Taylor Swift song called “You’re on your own kid” that always makes me well up. Essentially it’s about the feeling of needing and wanting to belong. That is the other side of belonging, being lonely. So ultimately, to free myself from being lonely (bad feeling), I will also have to free myself from belonging (good feeling). I think hahaha. I’m kinda just writing and trying to figure it out at the same time. (link)
Exactly. The feeling of belonging is a two-edged sword. You seek to belong so as to not feel lonely, and yet you find that there are various strings attached in order to belong. In fact, you can almost call such strings (unwritten) social contracts because you have to behave in a certain way in order to belong. We have touched on it briefly before, when you talked about not being able to talk about the feeling of love with your girlfriends the way they do, for instance –
Sonya: I think it’s more in relation with other women and leaving the sisterhood behind, I sometimes feel like my friends are speaking a different language and I sometimes feel sad or awkward I can’t join in on the conversation. There’s a fear that I won’t be fun or interesting anymore. (3 Jul 2025).
Feeling connected is also part of belonging –
Sonya: Yes, I think this is the nurture aspect coming in for me. I still feel nurturing to Kuba, if he is happy then I am happy, if he is upset, I’ll be upset (luckily he is very rarely upset nowadays) and I tend to lean more towards doing things that make him happy first. Of course, I enjoy cooking/ baking foods that he likes or giving him a pedicure/ manicure and that doesn’t have to stop but it’s the feeling of nurturing him that’s the issue. Haha I see it a bit more now, it’s very one-sided. On my side, I’m playing the nurturing game, ‘taking care’ of him etc. On his side he’s just enjoying some warm brownies and nice cuticles. And I am holding on to this feeling of connection and being connected so I can still play the nurture game! (3 Jul 2025).
There is a deeper reason why the feeling of belonging is so important for every feeling being –
Richard: It is more than likely that ‘the need to belong’ arises from the herd instinct – gregariousness runs deep – with layer upon layer of socialisation compounding this primal urge. The very first thing to do is separate out needs from urges (desires): unless one is living as a hermit off nuts and berries deep in a remote forest one needs one’s fellow human beings for a whole raft of things (I need a shopkeeper to sell me goods as much as a shopkeeper needs me to sell goods to for example) and the most fundamental needs amount to five survival essentials … air, water, food, shelter (if protection be necessary), and clothing (if the weather be inclement).
Thus a starving need for ‘acceptance, love, belonging’ would be better described as a starving desire for ‘acceptance, love, belonging’ as it does not take long to work out that one does not need the shopkeeper (for example) to dish out ‘acceptance, love, belonging’ along with the small change … indeed a modern-day super-mart employee more often than not is obliged to chant the ubiquitous ‘thank you for shopping at x-mart’ dirge rather than it being a pleasantry arising out mutual regard.
Why then the desire for ‘acceptance, love, belonging’ (and thus the collapsing defence mechanisms)?
There is more to it than the hereditarily programmed gregarian urge, of course, as the basic instinctual passions in general, such as fear and aggression and nurture and desire, automatically form themselves into a feeling ‘being’ … which is who ‘I’ am at root (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being is ‘being’ itself). And any ‘me’ (a genetically encoded passionate inchoate ‘presence’ or rudimentary survival ‘self’ as it were) is an alien identity forever locked-out of paradise (the source of sorrow, by the way, but that is another story) desiring validation from all the other alien identities.
Put simply: ‘acceptance, love, belonging’ verifies, endorses, and consolidates ‘me’ … and not only am ‘I’ thus authenticated, sanctioned, and substantiated but ‘my’ presence has meaning as well. (Richard, AF List, No. 42, 29 Apr 2003)
There is more, perhaps eye-opening, correspondence here (Richard, Selected Correspondence, The Need to Belong)
Another one of the good feelings is desire, and Chrono has described his own investigation into sexual desire –
Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, AF List, 25d, 14 Jan 2004)
Chrono: This has been a very helpful approach. Looking at if it’s an urge or a preference. I see now how chasing the ‘high’ that comes from allowing the libidinous drive is very much insanity. It’s a dead-end and goes in circles. It never ends and nothing ever gets solved. However, there is also the feeling accompanying the contemplation of abandoning it that I would “miss out” on something. There’s some inherent belief to libido that it’s needed for something very important in its expression. To keep following it. But it is at root, unintelligent. Now it’s a matter of weakening its stranglehold and drive by declining each time.
I’ve been trying to look at it as sincerely as possible. Even indulging in the libidinous urge to see what is exactly happening. There is a positive hedonic tone and I never found a reason to abandon it before. Seeing it now though the aspect that really stands out is the ‘drive’ of it. It’s simply a race to orgasm. The experience lacks autonomy and is not of a free enjoyment nor of an equitable intimacy. (Chrono’s Journal)
There are more ‘good’ feelings such as other loving and trusting feelings like hope, compassion, gratitude and faith, but that can be a topic for another time.
Cheers Vineeto
Hi Vineeto,
I really appreciate all the info you’ve provided here. Reading the conversation Richard had about feeling caring vs actual caring has started the cogs turning in my head, it makes sense that I have never actually cared, and that the feeling caring is ultimately self-centred. It makes more sense to follow being considerate, it has less of that affective nurturing flavour of caring I think.
Yes I can see that I definitely alter my behaviour around different groups in order to belong or feel like I belong, I always end up feeling like i’ve sold myself out a little after .
Ah well, this one I have a little trouble with I’m not too sure if i’ve repressed the shit out of this or whats going on but sexual desire is not something I experience at all or very little and usually when im in my ovulation part of the cycle 
. I think I may have repressed it only because magical sex is not happening. Being intimate with Kuba is fun but he has said before, and I definitley agree that I lack the zest for sex.
Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
I really appreciate all the info you’ve provided here. Reading the conversation Richard had about feeling caring vs actual caring has started the cogs turning in my head, it makes sense that I have never actually cared, and that the feeling caring is ultimately self-centred. It makes more sense to follow being considerate, it has less of that affective nurturing flavour of caring I think.
Hi Sonya, you are welcome.
Yes, actually caring only happens when ‘I’ am in abeyance or extinct. Richard’s writing about feeling caring doesn’t mean one should stop caring, simply to be aware of the nature of such caring – there is still a practical taking care possible and happening. Considering other fellow human beings and treat them with respect/regard, friendliness, kindliness, naiveté and amiability is certainly a less self-centric and hence a more enjoyable and innocuous way of interacting.
Vineeto: Exactly. The feeling of belonging is a two-edged sword. You seek to belong so as to not feel lonely, and yet you find that there are various strings attached in order to belong. In fact, you can almost call such strings (unwritten) social contracts because you have to behave in a certain way in order to belong.
Sonya: Yes I can see that I definitely alter my behaviour around different groups in order to belong or feel like I belong, I always end up feeling like I’ve sold myself out a little after.
Indeed. This altering of behaviour is what makes you feel “I’ve sold myself out”. ‘Vineeto’ remembers this feeling well but gaining more autonomy and confidence by doing the actualism method eventually resulted in ‘her’ liking herself, and therefore the need to change how ‘she’ presented ‘herself’ slowly disappeared. Here is what ‘she’ wrote at the time –
‘Vineeto’: Not being able or willing to support other people’s belief-systems has put me outside the women’s camp and normal female role-play. I notice how I move further and further away from the usual way of relating – to share sorrow or grumpy-ness, pat each other’s back, look for support or discuss and ‘share’ similar beliefs of the ‘psychic world’.
My ‘friends’ were simply those who were living in the same part of the ‘psychic world’ as I did and would therefore ‘understand’ me and ‘support’ my struggles and beliefs. In not complying with those belief-systems I am left with no role to play. More and more whatever happens when meeting any particular person is fine. Maybe we have fun, we find some common sense to share, an intimate moment, a laugh – or not. I expect it with anybody or nobody. It can happen with a person I have known for years, with the girl at the bank or an overseas customer on the telephone. It can happen with anyone who comes in the door – or not. It does not matter what happens, because I am at ease with my own company.
A few weeks ago I met a woman at a party and she said to me, ‘I don’t know you much, but I know all about you,’ meaning that she had read Peter’s manuscript. I was surprised at the prospect of people knowing about me after reading this book and had to check if I could live comfortably with this. Musing about it I realised that, well, these stories and incidents happened, yes, and it is my story of the last year as much as Peter’s, but nevertheless it is just a story. My life goes on, things change and in fact, nobody knows me. I will live my life as anonymously as ever even after everyone reads about me. It is a story of the past year and it is past. And as life is fresh each moment I don’t even know what will happen next, let alone next week. But I am sure it is going to be a dance and a delight! (A Bit of Vineeto)
The more you are happy and harmless, the more naïve you can be. The more you like yourself the more the need for self-image becomes redundant.
Richard: The need for a friend, and to be a friend, is an urge for an affectuous coupling based upon separation … an identity is alone and/or lonely and longs for the union that is evidenced in a relationship. When both ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul become extinct there is no need – and no capacity – for such unity: the expression ‘life is a movement in relationship’ applies only to a psychological and/or psychic entity who wants the feeling of oneness – a synthetic intimacy per favour the bridge of affection/ love – which manifests the deception that separation has ended. And if human relationship does not produce the desired result, then one will project a god or a goddess – a ‘super-friend’ not dissimilar to the imaginary playmates of childhood – to love and be loved by.
The ridiculous part in all this is that we are fellow human beings anyway (like species recognise like species) and to seek to impose friendship over the top of fellowship is, as someone once said in another context, like painting red ink on a red rose … a garish redundancy. (Richard, AF List, Gary, 24 Jun 2003).
The rest of this correspondence might be informative to you as well.
When you understand more and more “the ridiculous part in all this” because “we are fellow human beings anyway” then the need for ‘selling out’ for the sake of belonging might also become redundant.
Vineeto: Another one of the good feelings is desire, and Chrono has described his own investigation into sexual desire –
Sonya: Ah well, this one I have a little trouble with. I’m not too sure if I’ve repressed the shit out of this or what’s going on but sexual desire is not something I experience at all or very little and usually when I’m in my ovulation part of the cycle. I think I may have repressed it only because magical sex is not happening. Being intimate with Kuba is fun but he has said before, and I definitely agree that I lack the zest for sex. (link)
Ha, you might discover there is more zest hidden in the secret folds of your being, stifled by early conditioning. Recently I told Ian ‘Vineeto’s’ story how ‘she’ managed to get out from under control via letting go of ‘her’ restrictions regarding sexuality, at age 56! It was a lot of fun which ‘she’ had previously missed out on. Don’t wait as long a ‘she’ did.
Cheers Vineeto
I had a Halloween party this weekend and without making a conscious effort noticed when I started altering behaviour to fit in with the girls. I picked up on it immediately! It was easy to realise I didn’t need to and infact made more sense and was more fun to interact with them as genuinely as I can. It’s fascinating to notice what I get up to when I’m aware of my tricks. The interactions were cleaner, I didn’t have an agenda to fit in. It was a little scary initially but I remembered to still remain caring and considerate, so I don’t go the other way and turn into a bitter “unique” individual that resent and shun the ‘main’ group but of course still remain as part of another group in a “us vs them”
Vineeto: Indeed. This altering of behaviour is what makes you feel “I’ve sold myself out”. ‘Vineeto’ remembers this feeling well but gaining more autonomy and confidence by doing the actualism method eventually resulted in ‘her’ liking herself, and therefore the need to change how ‘she’ presented ‘herself’ slowly disappeared. Here is what ‘she’ wrote at the time –
Sonya: I had a Halloween party this weekend and without making a conscious effort noticed when I started altering behaviour to fit in with the girls. I picked up on it immediately! It was easy to realise I didn’t need to and in fact made more sense and was more fun to interact with them as genuinely as I can. It’s fascinating to notice what I get up to when I’m aware of my tricks. The interactions were cleaner, I didn’t have an agenda to fit in.
Hi Sonya,
Isn’t it amazing, by simply noticing it you can change in the direction of being more genuine and more happy both with yourself and also with others. It’s only a habit after all and has lost its purpose – if it ever had any. And, you know a bit more about yourself.
Sonya: It was a little scary initially but I remembered to still remain caring and considerate, so I don’t go the other way and turn into a bitter “unique” individual that resent and shun the ‘main’ group but of course still remain as part of another group in a “us vs them”. (link)
This is a delight to read – it’s normal to be a little bit scared when deliberately shedding some of your familiar persona but then you had another priority how you wanted to be – considerate and caring and … interacting with fellow human beings.
That’s what I would call using your native intelligence coupled with the intent to be happy and harmless.
Cheers Vineeto
Hi Vineeto,
It is amazing how simply noticing, coupled with the intent to be happy and harmless can lead to such change. I can say now I’ve reaped quite a few benefits from this.
I have to say, when I first heard about actualism it all seemed too complicated and intellectual for me. Of course this isn’t the case at all. I think I just wasn’t bothered to change and kind of piggy backed what Kuba was sharing with me at the time which had some benefits and some drawbacks as well - It meant that I never saw anything for myself or actual realise I could change and only I can do something about it.
I also misunderstood the method massively because of this, and remained stuck with doing intellectual theorising and mental gymnastics to logic away the feelings because I thought that was what Kuba was doing and of course because I hold him as some kind of authority, believed I should be doing that too, how silly.
Of course, now I am standing on my own two feet a bit more and taking accountability for the disarray and chaos I cause as an identity (whilst being kind to myself), I am quickly noticing the benefits. It’s all very refreshing and light
Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
It is amazing how simply noticing, coupled with the intent to be happy and harmless can lead to such change. I can say now I’ve reaped quite a few benefits from this.
Hi Sonya,
A large yellow-orange full moon just rose an hour ago in the north, shining its glimmering rays over the water. It is particularly stunning tonight – they say it’s the brightest moon of the year, closest to earth. All is dark and still except the moon and some town lights lending their reflections to the river, amazing and magnificent.
It’s a delight to read your message. You certainly seem to have the knack to successfully follow your sincere intent to be happy and harmless.
Sonya: I have to say, when I first heard about actualism it all seemed too complicated and intellectual for me. Of course this isn’t the case at all. I think I just wasn’t bothered to change and kind of piggy backed what Kuba was sharing with me at the time which had some benefits and some drawbacks as well – It meant that I never saw anything for myself or actual realise I could change and only I can do something about it.
I also misunderstood the method massively because of this, and remained stuck with doing intellectual theorising and mental gymnastics to logic away the feelings because I thought that was what Kuba was doing and of course because I hold him as some kind of authority, believed I should be doing that too, how silly.
Ha, so much better that you started to think for yourself and experientially explore for yourself. Kuba made a similar discovery when he understood where his previously adhering to Srinath ‘sandpit actualism’ (7 June 2025) had been going awry.
Richard: All that is required is that one comes to one’s senses – both literally and metaphorically – and spend the rest of one’s life without malice and sorrow. One will be blithe and benign … that is, carefree and harmless. It is, of course, a bold step to forsake lofty thoughts, profound feelings and psychic adumbrations and enter the actuality of life as a sensate experience. (Richard’s Journal, Foreword, p. 15).
Perhaps not being burdened by too many “lofty thoughts” and “psychic adumbrations” in the first place gives you an advantage so you can concentrate on the “profound feelings” whenever they get in the way of enjoyment and appreciation.
Sonya: Of course, now I am standing on my own two feet a bit more and taking accountability for the disarray and chaos I cause as an identity (whilst being kind to myself), I am quickly noticing the benefits. It’s all very refreshing and light. (link)
Indeed, being kind to yourself, down-to-earth and unsophisticated you can do one step at a time and with each success you become more confident that living as happy and harmless as possible is doable and fruitful – and what is more, you keep on enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive while doing it.
Cheers Vineeto
How lovely 
I can almost picture it. I am very much a “moon person” and really appreciate and enjoy full moons. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see it. It was bonfire night in the U.K where everyone sets off fireworks so the sky was filled with smoke and loud bangs, nothing is dark or still
Yes, definitely. Of course I couldn’t grasp it before, I was just blindly trying to imitate Kuba.
Hahah, Kuba likes to joke about how all that’s going on in my head are ponies and rainbows 
.
Yes, this is really helpful to keep in mind. I appreciate how as a younger woman it is easier or more socially acceptable to be this way. However, I am intrigued sometimes when I get called “simple minded” because I’m happy at work or appreciating the vibrant green of my iced matcha latte. Yet, everyone benefits from me choosing to be this way Being happy and harmless seems to not mix well with being a “mature adult”. I’m starting to see how being sophisticated is not in line with enjoy and appreciating. It’s definitely gives off an exclusive vibe, unattainable, seperate.
Just to add, it also doesn’t mean that I am to be like an immature child either. I always liked the phrase “childlike wonder… with adult sensibilities”
Vineeto: Ha, so much better that you started to think for yourself and experientially explore for yourself.
Sonya: Yes, definitely. Of course I couldn’t grasp it before, I was just blindly trying to imitate Kuba.
Hi Sonya,
Naturally you did that, after all you had to first discover, and then question, that you did everything to stay “connected” to Kuba (3 July 2025).
Now, having discovered how delightful it is to stand on your own two feet and think for yourself, you might be more easily be able to experience intimacy with the fellow human being you share your life with.
Vineeto: Perhaps not being burdened by too many “lofty thoughts” and “psychic adumbrations” in the first place gives you an advantage so you can concentrate on the “profound feelings” whenever they get in the way of enjoyment and appreciation.
Sonya: Hahah, Kuba likes to joke about how all that’s going on in my head are ponies and rainbows.
Ha, to each their own. You follow what you determine is adult sensibility and non-sophistication. Being foolish is the worst people can say about you when you play the game of naïvely playing together and being happy and harmless rather than engage is useless and harmful power-battles – so you know that you are not foolish. And the pioneer, which you are by living the third alternative, are bound not to rely on the judgement of their peers who follow the tried and failed route. (see images Actualism, Vineeto, List C, No. 4, 4.12.1998)
As I wrote to Chrono the other day –
Vineeto: By choosing to be naïvely happy and harmless you voluntarily withdraw from the battlefield (not as a pacifist or virtue-hunter) but as someone who prefers (i.e. values more) getting along in a beneficial way with your fellow human beings.
You are playing a different game, so to speak. Or, as Richard called it – playing for fun, not for keeps. (link)
Vineeto: Indeed, being kind to yourself, down-to-earth and unsophisticated you can do one step at a time and with each success you become more confident that living as happy and harmless as possible is doable and fruitful – and what is more, you keep on enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive while doing it.
Sonya: Yes, this is really helpful to keep in mind. I appreciate how as a younger woman it is easier or more socially acceptable to be this way. However, I am intrigued sometimes when I get called “simple minded” because I’m happy at work or appreciating the vibrant green of my iced matcha latte. Yet, everyone benefits from me choosing to be this way. Being happy and harmless seems to not mix well with being a “mature adult”. I’m starting to see how being sophisticated is not in line with enjoy and appreciating. It definitely gives off an exclusive vibe, unattainable, separate. (link)
Yes, it is the old ‘us’ vs ‘them’ and you are apparently in the minority because not many people dare to be naïve. It is your choice how you want to live your life, you reap the benefits and, as you observed, others benefit too from your felicitous and innocuous infectious vibes.
Sonya: Just to add, it also doesn’t mean that I am to be like an immature child either. I always liked the phrase “childlike wonder… with adult sensibilities”. (link)
It is indeed very helpful to keep, and develop, your “adult sensibilities” together with the “childlike wonder”. Even in the often vicious battle of survival both amongst animals and humans, it is not the strongest which survives but the ‘fittest’.
Richard: The Phrase ‘Blind Nature’: As a matter of related interest: whilst blind nature is unintelligent it is not necessarily haphazard, arbitrary … it, being cause-and-effect based, is pragmatic (as opposed to principled) in an adventitious way. The evolutionists’ phrase ‘survival of the fittest’ means those best fitted to the environment survive to propagate the species and does not necessarily mean survival of the most muscular (as it is sometimes taken to mean).
And because intelligence, which is the ability to think, reflect, compare, evaluate and implement considered action for beneficial reasons, has developed in the human animal it may very well be the best-fitted of all … especially now that blind nature’s legacy can be safely dispensed with. (Richard, Abditorium, Human Condition, #blindnature)
And here is a longer explication of the same topic with listing all the various thought-processes an intelligent human can make use of –
Richard: … in evolutionary terms the long, slow evolution of intelligence has its roots in the most ‘on the ball’, the most shrewd and/or sharp and/or smart and/or cunning and/or wily and/or sly, and so on, outmanoeuvring the least ‘on the ball’ – the most dumb – and there is nothing abstract about that (the term ‘survival of the fittest’ does not mean the survival of the most muscular, as is often commonly misunderstood, but means those most fitted to the environment live to pass on their genes whilst the least fitted languish and die out).
And, even more prosaically, the long, slow evolution of intelligence is also the result of successfully negotiating what has been called the vicissitudes of life: not only obtaining such basic necessities as air, water, food, shelter and clothing (if the weather be inclement) in the face of fire, flood, famine, tempest, vulcanicity, pestilence, disease, and so on, but prospering whilst doing so because of tool-making, for instance, or the utilisation of fire, for another … none of which are abstract.
Intelligence is the cognitive faculty of understanding and comprehending (as in intellect and sagacity) … which means the cerebral ability to sensibly and thus judiciously think, remember, reflect, appraise, plan, and implement considered activity for beneficial purposes (and to be able to rationally convey reasoned information to other human beings so that coherent knowledge can accumulate around the world and to the next generations). Yet there is more to intelligence than the faculty of the human brain thinking with all its understanding (intellect) and comprehension (sagacity) as, along with the self-referential nature that being conscious implies (agency, or intervening action towards an end, implies self-interest), the brain’s cognisance of being a conscious body – thus being self-conscious or self-aware – in the world of other animals, vegetation, things, and events, is an essential prerequisite for intelligence to arise … and, again, there is nothing abstract about being aware of being conscious.
Incidentally, abstract (conjectural) thought is but one of the many ways of thinking: for instance there is practical/ impractical thought; pragmatic/ imaginative thought; reasoned/ expressive thought; adventitious/ principled thought; prudential/ philosophical (or politic/ philosophic) thought; insightful/ intuitive thought; judicious/ injudicious thought; rational/ irrational thought; logical/ illogical thought; salubrious/ pathological thought, as well as illative thought (inferential, deductive, inductive thought) and reflective thought
contemplative, meditative, pensive thought) and so on.
As thought is broadly categorised as being perceptive thought (sensible thought), or realistic (extrinsic) thought, and imperceptive thought (intelligible thought), or autistic (intrinsic) thought, then I guess the latter could be broadly categorised as abstract thought. (Richard, AF List, No. 50, 3 Nov 2003)
Enjoy your childlike wonder with adult sensibilities.
Cheers Vineeto