Sonya’s journal

[Sonyaxx]

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

This “feeling ‘connected’” can have different flavours, and only what prevents you from enjoying and appreciating at this moment needs to be looked at this moment. If relying on Kuba makes you insecure then you already know how you can do something about it.

Yes, I think this is the nurture aspect coming in for me. I still feel nurturing to Kuba, if he is happy then I am happy, if he is upset, ill be upset (luckily he is very rarely upset nowadays ) and I tend to lean more towards doing things that make him happy first. Of course, I enjoy cooking/ baking foods that he likes or giving him a pedicure/manicure and that doesn’t have to stop but it’s the feeling of nurturing him thats the issue. Haha I see it a bit more now, it’s very onesided. On my side, im playing the nurturing game, ‘takeing care’ of him etc. On his side hes just enjoying some warm brownies and nice cuticles . And I am holding on to this feeling of connection and being connected so I can still play the nurture game!

@Vineeto

For someone who says she feels “a little lonely” for “not believing in love” you are quite eloquent in how many benefits the alternative way of relating has. Who knows, you might even infect others with stories of making a success of your partnership.

I think it’s more in relation with other women and leaving the sisterhood behind, I sometimes feel like my friends are speaking a different language and I sometimes feel sad or awkard I can’t join in on the conversation. There’s a fear that I won’t be fun or interesting anymore. That now with love largely out the picture there is less drama in my life. I can’t complain or get angry alongside them. How odd that despite all the good things that have come out of not prioritising love I am still sad to leave it behind and not participate in the dramas that come with it.