Sonya’s journal

[Sonyaxx]

@Vineeto

Indeed. This altering of behaviour is what makes you feel “I’ve sold myself out”. ‘Vineeto’ remembers this feeling well but gaining more autonomy and confidence by doing the actualism method eventually resulted in ‘her’ liking herself, and therefore the need to change how ‘she’ presented ‘herself’ slowly disappeared. Here is what ‘she’ wrote at the time –

I had a Halloween party this weekend and without making a conscious effort noticed when I started altering behaviour to fit in with the girls. I picked up on it immediately! It was easy to realise I didn’t need to and infact made more sense and was more fun to interact with them as genuinely as I can. It’s fascinating to notice what I get up to when I’m aware of my tricks. The interactions were cleaner, I didn’t have an agenda to fit in. It was a little scary initially but I remembered to still remain caring and considerate, so I don’t go the other way and turn into a bitter “unique” individual that resent and shun the ‘main’ group but of course still remain as part of another group in a “us vs them”