Sonya’s journal

What a fascinating discussion! Reading about Richard’s time as an artist I can’t help but think back to my days of doing Parkour as a teenager.

It was only when ‘I’ got out of the way and the painting painted itself, so to speak, or the drawing drew itself/ the sculpture sculpted itself/ the pottery formed itself (and so on) that craft – all the painstakingly acquired skills – became art.

Indeed this was precisely my experience and in my case it was the jumps doing themselves, and it was simply incredible to experience what the body was capable of. Those days of doing Parkour were in such sharp contrast to what would happen when I was back at school. Weekends would be spent naively enjoying what this body is capable of and then the week would be a painful return to reality, to the world of responsibilities and obligations and plans and schemes and the rest of it.

Back then I did consider this possibility, that what if I could live like this all the time. But the closest I found was this self-help author by the name of Dan Millman who pioneered what he called the peaceful warrior’s way. He was an ex-gymnast who (I assume) also wanted to experience life in this manner, of life living itself, just like the moments he would have experienced as an athlete.

The “peaceful warrior’s way” called for moment by moment attention to what is happening right now, however without the awareness of the existence of the third alternative it was of course inspired by the morals and ethics which came from spirituality. I simply didn’t know any better so that is what I did, but deep down what I always wanted was for life to live itself, not for ‘me’ to have to be continually mindful of applying various morals and ethics. How incredible that Richard was naive enough to “crack the code”, that having experienced actual perfection and purity he set out to affectively imitate that very perfection and purity rather than falling back to any of the ‘human wisdom’.

But what that teenage boy called Kuba wanted back then is what I can live now, that just as the jumps jumped themselves, life lives itself, and just like ‘I’ would get out of the way just before a big jump being done ‘I’ can get out of the way and allow this moment to happen of it’s own accord.

I can see that the whole thrust of the conditioning that one is subjected to during their acculturation demands the opposite of one, that ‘I’ learn to be proud (and humble), that ‘I’ learn to take responsibility and obligation, that ‘I’ learn to attempt to fit life into ‘my’ schemes and plans, that ‘I’ learn to “worry about the future” etc.

Whereas this direction of life living itself, to contemplate proceeding there it requires naivete, it is 180 degrees opposite. It is seeing that ‘I’ am not required at all, whereas in the ‘real world’ to consider such a thing is seen as utter foolishness, it is a dog eat dog world out there after all :stuck_out_tongue:

Where life lives itself there is no longer any possibility for obligation or responsibility, then 'I’ am freed from this task of living 'my’ life. Just like ‘Richard’ could not take credit for the art which painted itself 'I’ can neither be proud nor humble where life lives itself, which means 'I’ can finally rest from the task of maintaining 'myself’ and 'my’ life.

That’s not such a big ask is it, to finally have a rest from all that :smile: What I observe in ‘myself’ is that each time ‘I’ dare to proceed in this direction, of ‘my’ progressive retirement and eventually ‘my’ complete departure is that both the ‘human wisdom’ and ‘my’ instinctual nature will initially resist this.
From the eyes of ‘human wisdom’ it seems utterly foolish and from the eyes of ‘my’ passionate instinctual nature it feels dangerous. Yet looking back each time ‘I’ dared to release the controls and to step back a little more things only got better, and things have only been getting better, in every way going.

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Yes! I think this is why I enjoy my dance classes so much. I take a step back and the body is just doing what ever it needs to do. There is no ‘thinking’. Infact, the times when ‘I’ get involved are the times that I start to ovethink and not do the ‘best’

It’s interesting that in sports it’s beneficial to remain calm and steady, to not ‘let the emotions get the better of you’ because their bodies already know what to do, and it’s recognised that your feelings get in the way. But the same is not applied to daily life.

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Kuba: But what that teenage boy called Kuba wanted back then is what I can live now, that just as the jumps jumped themselves, life lives itself, and just like ‘I’ would get out of the way just before a big jump being done ‘I’ can get out of the way and allow this moment to happen of it’s own accord.
I can see that the whole thrust of the conditioning that one is subjected to during their acculturation demands the opposite of one, that ‘I’ learn to be proud (and humble), that ‘I’ learn to take responsibility and obligation, that ‘I’ learn to attempt to fit life into ‘my’ schemes and plans, that ‘I’ learn to “worry about the future” etc.
Whereas this direction of life living itself, to contemplate proceeding there it requires naivete, it is 180 degrees opposite. It is seeing that ‘I’ am not required at all, whereas in the ‘real world’ to consider such a thing is seen as utter foolishness, it is a dog eat dog world out there after all.
Where life lives itself there is no longer any possibility for obligation or responsibility, then 'I’ am freed from this task of living 'my’ life. Just like ‘Richard’ could not take credit for the art which painted itself 'I’ can neither be proud nor humble where life lives itself, which means 'I’ can finally rest from the task of maintaining 'myself’ and 'my’ life.
That’s not such a big ask is it, to finally have a rest from all that. What I observe in ‘myself’ is that each time ‘I’ dare to proceed in this direction, of ‘my’ progressive retirement and eventually ‘my’ complete departure is that both the ‘human wisdom’ and ‘my’ instinctual nature will initially resist this.
From the eyes of ‘human wisdom’ it seems utterly foolish and from the eyes of ‘my’ passionate instinctual nature it feels dangerous. Yet looking back each time ‘I’ dared to release the controls and to step back a little more things only got better, and things have only been getting better, in every way going. (link)

Hi Kuba,

You are correct – looking at it sensibly/ apperceptively it is “not such a big ask is it, to finally have a rest from all that.” It is to stop doing what you have been told to do throughout your life – ‘doing it their way’ – and allow ‘doing’ what it happening of its own accord – ‘doing it your way’.

Respondent: What was the difference between you and them?
Richard: I am none too sure there was any difference: I was a normal person; I was born of normal parents; I had normal siblings; I had a normal upbringing; I attended a normal (state) school; I obtained a normal occupation; I had a normal wife; I had normal children … and so on and so forth.
Respondent: The way you describe it, it wasn’t even that much of a struggle for you (found the secret to life inside the first three months???).
Richard: It was inside the first few weeks, actually, of putting into action what was startlingly evident in the four-hour pure consciousness experience (PCE) which had finally provided the direction my otherwise following-the-herd way of living was singularly lacking (although there was a six-month incubation period between the PCE and the application thereof).
I distinctly recall informing my then-wife at the time that I had ‘done it their way’, for 34 years and to no avail, and that it was high-time I did it my way (and when she asked what way that was I said that I did not know but that it would become progressively apparent with each step I took).
Respondent: So why haven’t millions of others discovered that they can feel excellent by choosing to …
Richard: Quite possibly – and I am not being facetious here – they were/ are waiting for someone else to do it/ show the way (for, despite many peoples huff-and-puff about leaders, there have always been pioneers, who have blazed the trails others follow, and always will be).
Respondent: … unless, of course, they can’t …
Richard: It is not so much a case of they can not but, rather, that they will not. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, No. 60g, 30 Oct 2005b).

Richard: And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not … it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into.
It is the jaunt of a lifetime. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 13 Dec 1999).

It looks like you get well used to and immensely enjoy now doing it your way, step by step.

Cheers Vineeto

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Hehe yes I am indeed having fun “doing it my way”, as an example - We have been decorating the house recently and we bought a nice vase that I wanted to fill. Yesterday I noticed that instead of buying flowers from the shop I could simply trim some of the shrubbery that is growing in front of the house already, I had quite a blast creating a make-shift bouquet, and it looks pretty good to boot!

This is naively “doing it my way” because this kinda thought would not even have occurred to me in the past, it was a lot of fun all in all.

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So I’ve been keeping the experience of that ‘ah ha!’ moment at the front of my mind. The seeing that everything is happening on it’s own accord without ‘me’ actually deciding anything has been pretty relevant for me lately. I mostly find myself loosening the ‘reigns of control’ when im driving and noticing how easy everyhing is and how much more fun I am having when I let go a bit more. It’s realising experientialy, bit by bit that it’s actually better in every way to step back. I notice that it’s when ‘I’ pop up and start planning/ schemeing is when the light/ fun flavour of the world around me dulls. It’s like im seeing the world through different lenses depending on how much ‘in contol’ ‘i’ am. :slight_smile:

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I’ve also begun to grasp how important the affective vibes are when I had a convo with Kuba last night. I had my Bachlorette party last weekend where a couple friends had mentioned how I was the ‘happiest soul’ and they always feel recharged after interacting with me. Apart from being a little surprised and pleased that the people I interact with regularly percieve me that way, it made me realise how important being happy and harmless is, how the affective vibes ‘i’ put out will always be picked up on, whether its being happy or angry. How the best thing I can do for the people I care about is to be happy and harmless 24/7

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Yes it’s amazing really because I have seen the transition happen too, there has been a consistent happiness and harmlessness for both of us like never before in the past. So much so that it takes less and less vigilance to keep it going, in fact virtually no vigilance needed at this point - it just happens.

It was funny when your friends asked the other day what we are like when we argue, and we had to answer (sincerely) that we can’t really say as we don’t really argue at all :laughing:

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Just in time to walk down the aisle this weekend haha :rofl:

I do notice that I have also found it harder to hold on to being serious. There have been a few fleeting moments when ‘i’ have felt I needed to be serious and be upset about something and one look at you grinning at me in playfullness and it all just dissapates. What a waste it would be to be serious and upset when I could enjoy this moment with you.

The only time we seem to argue is usually when I’m on my period but notably a couple weeks ago when I had my period you didn’t notice at all which is a big YAY! :slight_smile: . Now to keep it consistent.

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Sonya: So I’ve been keeping the experience of that ‘ah ha!’ moment at the front of my mind. The seeing that everything is happening on its own accord without ‘me’ actually deciding anything has been pretty relevant for me lately. I mostly find myself loosening the ‘reigns of control’ when I’m driving and noticing how easy everything is and how much more fun I am having when I let go a bit more. It’s realising experientially, bit by bit that it’s actually better in every way to step back. I notice that it’s when ‘I’ pop up and start planning/ scheming is when the light/ fun flavour of the world around me dulls. It’s like I’m seeing the world through different lenses depending on how much ‘in control’ ‘I’ am. (link)

Hi Sonya,

This is a great discovery and one which stands you in good stead every time you remember “to step back”. Being more and more naïve makes life not only easier but so much more fun!

Sonya: Just in time to walk down the aisle this weekend haha.

Congratulations to both of you – you both have the tools, the commitment and dedication to live together in peace and harmony.

Sonya (to Kuba): I do notice that I have also found it harder to hold on to being serious. There have been a few fleeting moments when ‘I’ have felt I needed to be serious and be upset about something and one look at you grinning at me in playfulness and it all just dissipates. What a waste it would be to be serious and upset when I could enjoy this moment with you.

Hehe, it’s such fun to have a happy playmate and you already noticed and reported that you can have this non-serious enjoyment with other people as well. (link) It is indeed contagious.

The only time we seem to argue is usually when I’m on my period but notably a couple weeks ago when I had my period you didn’t notice at all which is a big YAY! Now to keep it consistent. (link)

You might like this section from Richard’s journal, which I found while looking for something else, revelling in the delights of peaceful and harmonious companionship –

Richard: From where I am sitting I can see into the carpets, bedding, pillows and curtains, it looks snug and inviting. Light, seeping from the curtained portholes, casts a cosy glow around the hulls, reflecting this exquisite home as it sits safely upon the inky-black water. I am indeed having a wonderful time … and it is a well-earned wonderful time, too. Nothing has come without application – apart from some serendipitous discoveries because of pure intent – and my companion and I am reaping the rewards.
The dividends resulting from taking the risk are plentiful and deliciously satisfying. The abandonment of the mystique freed me up to a world of actual splendour, based firmly upon sensual and sexual delight. The actual and unabashed enjoyment of our bodies and the world around us is such a luscious and immediate experience, that the tantalising but ever elusive promise of the mystique is slowly fading into the oblivion it deserves. Somewhere, shrouded in the Mists Of Time, humans were deprived of their birthright; their exquisite sensual and sexual joy was usurped by the mystique. With its unfulfillable covenant – its promise of an ineffable, never to-be-explained, unfathomable core of Mystical Bliss – mystique had become the successful repressor of human being’s genuine sexuality and sensuality.
This easily explicates just why, throughout the ages and the cultures, both men and women have been repressing a woman’s sexuality. In the western societies the more obvious ‘reasons’ for repression are no longer valid: every woman is well-educated in genetics, is basically able to live independently of a man’s financial support, has easy access to contraception and, with the advent of modern medical discoveries, has no need to succumb to the “old wives’ tales”. This made me question why the repression continues. This made me ask why, in most orthodox sexual information, the emphasis is still only on menstrual cycles, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy procedures and a clinical description of the genitalia. Why is it that mothers – and fathers too, for that matter – do not talk about the excitement of the sight and touch of an aroused penis? Or the titillating feeling of erect nipples? The crawling, tingling, tickling sensation in the lower belly? The warmth of the vulva which opens to the moist and full coloured lips? Why are parents not revelling in talking about the glorious sensations when touching, stroking, licking, rubbing, pressing … the acutely responsive clitoris … the readily excitable penis … the increasingly juicy tension building up … unabashedly wallowing in the sensual and sexual world of purely sensate physical delight.
The answer was both clear and simple: people would rather be Sacred than actual. (Richard’s Journal, Article Two)

Enjoy, and then some more.

Cheers Vineeto