Kub933's Journal

Journals
1736

Vineeto: When everything is swept out from under the carpet, there is nothing left to hide, to defend, to hold precious, or to fear.
Simply stillness – the stillness of infinite space and eternal time.

Kuba: Yes I see this now, it makes clear why ‘I’ was running into that “invisible wall” over and over in an attempt to ‘go somewhere’, it is ‘me’ trying to take ‘myself’ into actuality. This was the point which took the longest to sink in, that ‘I’ do not ‘go somewhere’, ‘I’ stay still until ‘my’ full exposure happens, it is when ‘I’ become extinct that there is only the stillness left, the destination was here all along.

Indeed – it is impossible to imagine how one’s own extinction will happen – it is unimaginable.

Kuba: That apperceptive seeing which took place last night is “swishing around” currently, it was a big one! It seems that currently it is still at a slight distance from ‘me’, in that there is the seeing just ‘over there’ and then there is ‘me’ as ‘I’ am. What I mean is that it has not fully and completely sunk in that this “crude and blind instinctual programming” is ‘me’ as ‘I’ am. It is like this slightest distancing which allows ‘me’ to remain. But it seems like ‘I’ cannot distance ‘myself’ for long, this is what ‘I’ mean by this seeing “swishing around”.
Or I guess it is more accurate to say that ‘I’ have turned the apperceptive seeing into a realisation, hence the distance and the “swishing around”.

That’s why I said “this apperceptive insight lived experientially” (link) – you seem to be in the gestation phase to let it sink in and eventuate (actualise).

Kuba: What I do see though, and this is also big, is that ‘I’ don’t have to push towards ‘my’ self-immolation, and neither is it something ‘I’ do, it is ‘my’ full exposure that makes it inevitable. And now ‘I’ am willing to be exposed, because ‘I’ have seen the very core of ‘me’. There is confidence that it cannot go wrong, that it is ultimately safe for ‘me’ to be exposed, and for this exposure to end ‘me’. (link)

Now you know experientially what Richard was talking about –

Richard: Perfection is already always here. Yet ‘I’, by believing in a remembered perfection, chase an ever-elusive chimera into an ever-receding future. Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around … and perfection, which is only of the moment, becomes apparent. ‘I’ have ceased to be. By “doing nothing” I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise … ‘I’ do not make freedom happen … ‘I’ allow the universe to “disappear” the ‘me’ that I was … and perfection has become apparent. ‘I’ did not invoke perfection, for it already is here … and it is here now, not off into the future. It may have taken some time to eventuate, as ‘I’ got whittled away, yet when that time came, it was already here … because it is always now. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)

Kuba: There is something that I keep getting a glimpse of and I wonder if this is more of ‘me’ trying to take ‘myself’ into actuality or if it is genuine, it seems to me to be the latter. It reminds me of what Srinath wrote on this forum some time ago, to paraphrase it was that when he became actually free it was akin to one of those optical illusion images – where for example one only sees a witch until something shifts and only a rabbit is seen. Except that in this case there would be no way at all to ever see the witch again.
This seems to be the “seamless transition” aspect, it doesn’t mean that it is not a total end for ‘me’, because it is, it’s not that ‘I’ am seeing life in a different manner. It’s more that in an instant and with no transition period ‘I’ become extinct and actuality becomes apparent, then it is known with absolute certainty that only actuality genuinely exists, that ‘I’ was never genuine.
These glimpses that I keep getting are along these lines, that it is very very close and it can certainly happen now, there is nothing of substance that would prevent such a thing from happening. Also I can see that indeed it is the end for ‘me’ and yet it is completely safe. It is safe because of this aspect of actuality being instantaneously revealed to be already always here now.

Ha, the only comment I will make is that you have a playful propensity to look around the next corner before you turn the corner. I think they are inventing telescopes for that.

Kuba: So these glimpses they are providing ‘me’ with utmost confidence to proceed towards ‘my’ extinction. As Richard said it cannot be a 100% certainty until it clicks into place but it is a supreme confidence (as far as ‘I’ can have) in that it is seen that a world exists after ‘my’ demise. (link)

I enjoy your “utmost confidence” as much as you do.

All you have left to do now is to enjoy and appreciate.

Cheers Vineeto

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Thank you Vineeto, indeed there is a lot of that going on right now :grin:. I thought exactly that the other day - that ‘I’ have allowed ‘myself’ to be exposed, and what do ‘I’ do in the meantime whilst the gestation period is underway - ‘I’ enjoy and appreciate with the entirety of ‘my’ being, and it is wonderful!

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Some more wonderful experiences are going on this morning, I woke up and experienced that flavour of the burden of ‘being’, of existing across the past - present - future as an identity, of existing in a cell of ‘my’ own making, of living out the “story of ‘my’ life”. But now I can see that there is an alternative, that ‘I’ can cease ‘being’, that ‘I’ don’t have to carry that burden anymore, it’s so simple!

Because only ‘I’ exist across the past - present - future, this flesh and blood body does not, it is not coming from anywhere or going somewhere, it only exists here where this moment is happening, and it is the doing of what is happening.

Before there was always this sense that ‘I’ had to muster a wanting to cease ‘being’, perhaps to overcome the strength of ‘my’ survival instincts, there was some kind of an internal struggle going on, with the wanting to cease ‘being’ on one hand and the drive to survive at all cost on the other.

But this morning I am solidly experiencing that ‘I’ do indeed want to cease ‘being’, not in a sense of mustering anything, rather that it is simply what ‘I’ want. It is the end of all struggle, of all suffering, of all sorrow and malice.
‘I’ realise that ‘I’ am happy to give up the “story of ‘my’ life”, that it is not worth keeping anymore. It only ever brought pain and conflict.

But what I am constantly amazed by is that the destination is right under my nose, this body is already here, everything is already in place, ‘I’ simply have to disappear.
As I was contemplating all this a few minutes ago I saw the ‘imprint’ that is ‘me’, that this will be erased. This ‘imprint’ of ‘being’ it is painful in itself somehow, that as long as ‘I’ am ‘being’ ‘I’ will suffer.

It’s fascinating why this is so? Why is it that ‘being’ is suffering? I saw it just a moment ago ‘I’ was sat right there and seen to be nothing but suffering. That the very flavour of ‘being’ is suffering. ‘I’ am like a hot coal that is tightly grasped for no good reason at all.

And this sense that the hot coal must be grasped, it is like a commandment - the very thrust of the survival instincts and also reinforced by society. This commandment carries this seemingly all powerful authority, that it is the 1 thing ‘I’ am never ever allowed to go against. But then I have already seen ‘behind the curtains’ of both blind nature and society, this authority has been exposed for a furphy.

Hehe there is a conversation which Vineeto quoted a while back which just popped into my mind :

RICHARD: There is no cure to be found in the ‘real world’ … only never-ending ‘band-aid’ solutions.
VINEETO: The devastation is enormous and the only way ‘out’ is ‘self’-sacrifice.
RICHARD: Yet it is the instinct for survival that got you and me and every other body here in the first place. We peoples living today are the end-point of myriads of survivors passing on their genes … we are the product of the ‘success story’ of fear and aggression and nurture and desire. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one … that which (apparently) keeps one alive?
Do you recall those conversations we had about loyalty (familial and group loyalty) (link) back when you and I first met … and what was required to crack that code?
That was chicken-feed compared with this one. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Vineeto, 30 Sep 1999)

So yes I can see this now, there is the loyalty to the human constitution which in itself is no little thing to crack, and yet there is the loyalty to the human condition (to suffering) which does make the prior look like chicken-feed.

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Kuba: Some more wonderful experiences are going on this morning, I woke up and experienced that flavour of the burden of ‘being’, of existing across the past – present – future as an identity, of existing in a cell of ‘my’ own making, of living out the “story of ‘my’ life”. But now I can see that there is an alternative, that ‘I’ can cease ‘being’, that ‘I’ don’t have to carry that burden anymore, it’s so simple!
Because only ‘I’ exist across the past – present – future, this flesh and blood body does not, it is not coming from anywhere or going somewhere, it only exists here where this moment is happening, and it is the doing of what is happening.
Before there was always this sense that ‘I’ had to muster a wanting to cease ‘being’, perhaps to overcome the strength of ‘my’ survival instincts, there was some kind of an internal struggle going on, with the wanting to cease ‘being’ on one hand and the drive to survive at all cost on the other.
But this morning I am solidly experiencing that ‘I’ do indeed want to cease ‘being’, not in a sense of mustering anything, rather that it is simply what ‘I’ want. It is the end of all struggle, of all suffering, of all sorrow and malice.
‘I’ realise that ‘I’ am happy to give up the “story of ‘my’ life”, that it is not worth keeping anymore. It only ever brought pain and conflict.

Hi Kuba,

This is a great way of phrasing it – ‘I’ am nothing other than “the “story of ‘my’ life””, nothing more substantial than a (highly passionate) story. Of course, this “story” is held in place by all the genetically inherited instinctual passions and the culturally increated folkways and social mores but once you take those apart and experience the passions in their rawness the “story” itself becomes untenable. Hence Richard dismissing all narratives and only being interested in facts and actuality –

Richard: In case that is not clear enough: I neither have a ‘narrative’ nor any interest in some person’s ‘narrative’ – other than to expose it for the crock it always is (by virtue of being a ‘narrative’) – as I am only ever interested in facts and actuality. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 20 Jun 2013).

And with “the “story of ‘my’ life”” seen as insubstantial the internal struggle ceases as a result of the matter-of-fact recognition, seeing the fact, and then it simply makes sense to cease ‘being’. No struggle, no fear, no resistance. Actuality prevails over narrative – it’s a simple as that.

As Geoffrey said –

Geoffrey: I realised that I would indeed gladly die right now, gladly give away all I am, all I ever was, all I’ve done and felt since I was born, for peace-on-earth to be apparent (not even for me but) for everybody. For things to be as they are. And that it would be of no importance at all. No ‘weight’, no drama… just the only thing that made sense, the only sensible thing. (Report on Becoming Free)

Kuba: But what I am constantly amazed by is that the destination is right under my nose, this body is already here, everything is already in place, ‘I’ simply have to disappear.

Yes, and that is the only reason why you can even contemplate to cease ‘being’ as a solution recognising that “‘being’ is suffering”, in fact why you are able to even fully acknowledge this – because of the supreme confidence that there is a much, much better alternative. And that fact in itself is so overwhelmingly amazing, to sweetly encouraging for those who are cognisant of the actual alternative.

Kuba: As I was contemplating all this a few minutes ago I saw the ‘imprint’ that is ‘me’, that this will be erased. This ‘imprint’ of ‘being’ it is painful in itself somehow, that as long as ‘I’ am ‘being’ ‘I’ will suffer.
It’s fascinating why this is so? Why is it that ‘being’ is suffering? I saw it just a moment ago ‘I’ was sat right there and seen to be nothing but suffering. That the very flavour of ‘being’ is suffering. ‘I’ am like a hot coal that is tightly grasped for no good reason at all.
And this sense that the hot coal must be grasped, it is like a commandment – the very thrust of the survival instincts and also reinforced by society. This commandment carries this seemingly all powerful authority, that it is the 1 thing ‘I’ am never ever allowed to go against. But then I have already seen ‘behind the curtains’ of both blind nature and society, this authority has been exposed for a furphy.

Indeed, and this imperative, this ‘self’-survival mechanism is operating for everyone – until someone, anyone, looks “behind the curtains” and finds out, for a fact, that ‘me’ is only a narrative, a fraud, an impostor. It’s a wondrous adventure to do that.

Kuba: Hehe there is a conversation which Vineeto quoted a while back which just popped into my mind :

Richard: There is no cure to be found in the ‘real world’ … only never-ending ‘band-aid’ solutions.
Vineeto: The devastation is enormous and the only way ‘out’ is ‘self’-sacrifice.
Richard: Yet it is the instinct for survival that got you and me and every other body here in the first place. We peoples living today are the end-point of myriads of survivors passing on their genes … we are the product of the ‘success story’ of fear and aggression and nurture and desire. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one … that which (apparently) keeps one alive?
Do you recall those conversations we had about loyalty (familial and group loyalty) (link) back when you and I first met … and what was required to crack that code?
That was chicken-feed compared with this one. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Vineeto, 30 Sep 1999)

So yes I can see this now, there is the loyalty to the human constitution which in itself is no little thing to crack, and yet there is the loyalty to the human condition (to suffering) which does make the prior look like chicken-feed. (link)

Oh yes, ‘Vineeto’ never forgot that conversation where Richard was actually caring in telling ‘her’ from the start what was required and that it would be much bigger than the “chicken-feed” of abandoning loyalty. It nevertheless took ‘her’ another 10 years and 9 weeks to “crack that code”, like you are about to do, but one thing ‘she’ knew all the way that ‘she’ would never ‘do a Devika’, i.e. give up.

What a grand adventure!

Cheers Vineeto

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Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for your reply :

This is great that I can see it in writing and coming from you, because this is exactly what I saw this morning, that if the “story of ‘my’ life” was to end, then ‘I’ would end along with it, it was seen as such a simple thing, an alternative that is available for the taking.
But then later on there was this thinking/doubting that maybe “the story of ‘my’ life” was just the social identity aspect and that there was some deeper or more substantial ‘me’ as ‘being’ that had an existence separate to the story itself - This line of thinking/believing is kind of like veering into enlightenment territory.

Again this is so great to read, because it is confirmation of what I am experiencing. And in the past I thought that to self-immolate it required something almost like a special power, and now I am seeing that the code can be cracked by anybody.

Again no special powers required, this is great.

This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do - that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up.

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Hi Kuba,

PS: In regards to your question “Why is it that ‘being’ is suffering?” – I just remembered that Richard had a very insightful conversation with James way back – and it was on the list of Geoffrey’s recommended reading too –

Richard: I was not referring to whatever suffering may be caused by losing in gambling … but to the suffering which ensues as the eventual result of the high evaporating (no matter what particular addiction it is). Therefore I presume that the ‘action’ you refer to is what provides the high … and if so then I further presume that when this action-induced high evaporates then suffering ensues.
If this is the case then it is this suffering which is well worth investigating for its addictive properties. (Richard, List B, James3, 24 Oct 2002).

–

Richard: Okay … I will come at it from another direction then: the bottom line of ‘me’ is suffering (obviously there are times when ‘I’ feel happy, when ‘I’ feel glad, when ‘I’ feel cheerful and so on but whenever those moments pass ‘I’ inevitably revert to ‘my’ default setting).
So, essentially ‘I’ am suffering and, as ‘I’ am addicted to being ‘me’ and being ‘me’ is suffering, ‘I’ am addicted to suffering … it is ‘my’ very nature. What you are (presumably) experiencing right now is ‘me’ as ‘I’ really am when all of the external causes of happiness, gladness, cheerfulness and so on are stripped away … and of course ‘I’ want to ‘play some more now’ because ‘I’ do not like being ‘me’.
Yet, perversely, ‘I’ am addicted to being ‘me’ … and it is this addiction which is why there is no peace on earth. (Richard, List B, James3, 24 Oct 2002a).

Cheers Vineeto

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Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your reply :

Vineeto: This is a great way of phrasing it – ‘I’ am nothing other than “the “story of ‘my’ life””, nothing more substantial than a (highly passionate) story.

Kuba: This is great that I can see it in writing and coming from you, because this is exactly what I saw this morning, that if the “story of ‘my’ life” was to end, then ‘I’ would end along with it, it was seen as such a simple thing, an alternative that is available for the taking.
But then later on there was this thinking/ doubting that maybe “the story of ‘my’ life” was just the social identity aspect and that there was some deeper or more substantial ‘me’ as ‘being’ that had an existence separate to the story itself – This line of thinking/ believing is kind of like veering into enlightenment territory.

Hi Kuba,

This is what I responded to –

Kuba: But this morning I am solidly experiencing that ‘I’ do indeed want to cease ‘being’, not in a sense of mustering anything, rather that it is simply what ‘I’ want. It is the end of all struggle, of all suffering, of all sorrow and malice.
‘I’ realise that ‘I’ am happy to give up the “story of ‘my’ life”, that it is not worth keeping anymore. It only ever brought pain and conflict. [Emphasis added] (link)

Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”?

Social identity is different to the spiritual ego. For enlightenment/ ego-death dissociation and sublimation of negative feelings is required while ramping up the ‘good’ feelings of love and compassion.

This possibility hadn’t occurred to me, but only you can know if that was the whole story or not.

It’s useful to be scrupulously honest. Doubt, however is the other side of belief –

Richard: By “doing nothing” I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise … ‘I’ do not make freedom happen … ‘I’ allow the universe to “disappear” the ‘me’ that I was … and perfection has become apparent. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)

Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual).

Vineeto: And with “the “story of ‘my’ life”” seen as insubstantial the internal struggle ceases as a result of the matter-of-fact recognition, seeing the fact, and then it simply makes sense to cease ‘being’. No struggle, no fear, no resistance. Actuality prevails over narrative – it’s a simple as that.

Kuba: Again this is so great to read, because it is confirmation of what I am experiencing. And in the past I thought that to self-immolate it required something almost like a special power, and now I am seeing that the code can be cracked by anybody.

Yes, the code can be cracked and others have already succeeded. In fact, anybody can do it who is determined and intrepid enough to look “behind the curtains” and discover the whole factuality.

Vineeto: Indeed, and this imperative, this ‘self’-survival mechanism is operating for everyone – until someone, anyone, looks “behind the curtains” and finds out, for a fact, that ‘me’ is only a narrative, a fraud, an impostor. It’s a wondrous adventure to do that.

Kuba: Again no special powers required, this is great.

So far you have given such detailed and lucid descriptions of the process, how it was for you, that others can see too that no special powers are required.

Vineeto: Oh yes, ‘Vineeto’ never forgot that conversation where Richard was actually caring in telling ‘her’ from the start what was required and that it would be much bigger than the “chicken-feed” of abandoning loyalty. It nevertheless took ‘her’ another 10 years and 9 weeks to “crack that code”, like you are about to do, but one thing ‘she’ knew all the way that ‘she’ would never ‘do a Devika’, i.e. give up.

Kuba: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up. (link)

It is this pioneer attitude that will deliver the goods – and anyone who is similarly determined will succeed sooner or later. Of course, it is pure intent, the non-affective sweetness/ tenderness and/or overarching benignity and benevolence which allows you to be confident that you will arrive on Terra Actualis.

‘Vineeto’ didn’t know until her PCE and perhaps a few months into actualism that ‘she’ was so determined to go all the way. ‘She’ had been comparatively less enthusiastic in the spiritual search, so there was no way to tell beforehand. But once ‘she’ fully comprehended what was achievable – the 24hrs a day, 365 days a year living of the experience of her PCE – it was clear that this, and only this, was what ‘she’ wanted to do with ‘her’ life.

Cheers Vineeto

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Hi Vineeto,

No it is clear that it is the entirety of ‘my’ being that wants to end the struggle. I guess I was somewhat taken aback that in the final analysis ‘I’ am so insubstantial. ‘I’ will become extinct in ‘my’ entirety but since being exposed for the furphy that ‘I’ am this “entirety of ‘my’ being” doesn’t seem so substantial or serious anymore. I don’t know if I am explaining this too well - it’s that once there is that “peek behind the curtains” then it is no longer possible to see ‘myself’ in the same light anymore. It’s that once the charade is exposed for what it is then the drama looses its believability? It’s like ‘I’ know ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ know ‘my’ life is a charade, so ‘I’ can’t take ‘myself’ seriously anymore.

Hehe yes it seems this would be next to impossible at this point, the “story of ‘my’ life” is hanging on by a thread as it is, ‘I’ am not sure how ‘I’ would go about inventing a new one. I guess Devika managed but this would require a drastic turn around, with some serious psychological/psychic gymnastics to boot.

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This in itself is pretty funny and amusing to contemplate, how this “beast” that is ‘me’/‘humanity’, can be exposed for something so insubstantial, that it is all much ado about nothing in the end. It makes me think to something that I am sure would have happened with primitive peoples in the past, that perhaps a shadow cast in a certain way, or a light reflected in a particular way would spawn devils and goddesses and all the rest of it, it would inspire so much of what can be later exposed for complete and utter nonsense.

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Kuba: Hi Vineeto,

Vineeto: Do you now wonder, if it was only your social identity aspect who wants “the end of all struggle”?
Kuba: No, it is clear that it is the entirety of ‘my’ being that wants to end the struggle. I guess I was somewhat taken aback that in the final analysis ‘I’ am so insubstantial. ‘I’ will become extinct in ‘my’ entirety but since being exposed for the furphy that ‘I’ am this “entirety of ‘my’ being” doesn’t seem so substantial or serious anymore. I don’t know if I am explaining this too well – it’s that once there is that “peek behind the curtains” then it is no longer possible to see ‘myself’ in the same light anymore. It’s that once the charade is exposed for what it is then the drama looses its believability? It’s like ‘I’ know ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ know ‘my’ life is a charade, so ‘I’ can’t take ‘myself’ seriously anymore.

Hi Kuba,

You did explain it quite well. When you can’t believe in “the drama”, i.e. when believing itself disappears in face of the fact exposed, then doubt is equally impossible. They are two sides of the same coin. So it’s worthwhile to check if the capacity of believing itself is fading and/or disappearing.

Vineeto: Would ‘you’ really manage inventing another “story”? (It might be pretty difficult after you have discovered the charade and you have apperceptively seen the fact that it is insubstantial, i.e. not actual).
Kuba: Hehe yes it seems this would be next to impossible at this point, the “story of ‘my’ life” is hanging on by a thread as it is, ‘I’ am not sure how ‘I’ would go about inventing a new one.

What “thread” is “the “story of ‘my’ life”” hanging on – the possibility that you will still find some substance? Sincerely, what would be the benefit of searching through the burlesque rubbish bin of your illusory history, now that it’s no longer backed up by affective substance.

Kuba: I guess Devika managed but this would require a drastic turn around, with some serious psychological/ psychic gymnastics to boot. (link)

Devika did not have the benefit of the Direct Route having been opened and several people having already demonstrated that it is an easy, seamless transition – you don’t have such mitigation.

What about pure intent – do you experience the perfection of infinitude, the overarching benignity and benevolence emanating from the purity of the stillness beckoning you – or is your focus after all this still zeroed in on ‘you’ and ‘your’ fading story? You said yesterday –

Kuba: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up. (link)

Can it be that presently ‘you’ are not ready yet to “give up” on ‘you’?

Yet here is what you said six days ago –

Kuba: It’s like that last step into the unknown is a different step than any ‘I’ have ever taken, it doesn’t follow the same rules to any other actions which ‘I’ have ever been involved in. This is what Richard meant that it is the easiest thing in the world and the hardest thing in the world. (link)

Perhaps you are trying to employ the same techniques as those which got you to this point, deliberating and doubting, weighing the evidence, searching for something you have overlooked … just to avoid taking “that last step into the unknown” – which is to agree to cheerfully and gaily, acquiesce altruistically and willingly, curiously and confidently allow ‘your’ demise to happen, knowing with superb inevitability that the resulting actual innocence will be for the benefit of all.

In other words, “that last step” is not of your doing, it is giving the permission to let it happen (by not interfering one way or the other).

Cheers Vineeto

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Wow Vineeto your post… it’s like every word landed bullseye on the intended target, which is ‘me’.

There is a lot happening at the moment, it’s like ‘I’ can’t gain any solid foothold. But there is no fear or resistance. I wrote recently how ‘I’ wanted to loose ‘my’ way back to normal and that in that place ‘I’ would loose ‘myself’ too. Looks like ‘I’ got what ‘I’ wanted.

There is stillness all around, the experience of it is amplified now as all that other ‘noise’ cleared away.

Earlier on I was thinking along the lines of what you wrote, that ‘I’ may have peeked “behind the curtain” which has given ‘me’ the utter confidence to proceed, but ‘I’ have not yet allowed the universe to disappear ‘me’.

So I see what you are saying, that ‘I’ want to be the one to disappear ‘me’, via the techniques that ‘I’ have used to get thus far. But that last piece of pizza cannot remove itself.

But really ‘I’ never disappeared anything anyways! It was the apperceptive seeing which exposed ‘me’, ‘I’ never exposed ‘me’, as ‘I’ cannot get outside of ‘me’.

Did ‘I’ ever do anything other than get out of the way so that pure seeing could eventuate?

It is very wonderful to consider that all ‘I’ have left to do is to allow the universe to disappear ‘me’. ‘I’ don’t resist it anymore, in fact it is so very peaceful for ‘me’ right now.

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But the one thing which I hadn’t quite put together is that giving permission is by not interfering in one way or another. Perhaps it is that ‘I’ still believe that ‘I’ am required to crack the code.

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Kuba: Wow Vineeto your post… it’s like every word landed bullseye on the intended target, which is ‘me’. (…)
There is stillness all around, the experience of it is amplified now as all that other ‘noise’ cleared away. (…)
It is very wonderful to consider that all ‘I’ have left to do is to allow the universe to disappear ‘me’. ‘I’ don’t resist it anymore, in fact it is so very peaceful for ‘me’ right now. (link)

Hi Kuba,

I appreciate you understand – and the fact you report the “stillness all around” is confirmation that you do.

Appreciate this “stillness all around” as much as you can and then some more, it’s the most wonderful, mirificent and magically sweet way of experiencing being alive.

Kuba: But the one thing which I hadn’t quite put together is that giving permission is by not interfering in one way or another. Perhaps it is that ‘I’ still believe that ‘I’ am required to crack the code. (link)

Ha, it’s always the hardest thing to acknowledge that ‘I’ am redundant, even though you experientially and apperceptively know that ‘you’ are. ‘You’ have done your job and have done it well, ‘you’ can contentedly retire having earned ‘your’ longed-for oblivion.

Cheers Vineeto

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I remember in one of Richard’s quotes he wrote that perfection is only of the moment, which means that it can only be a lived experience, it happens now at this moment in time and this place in space. When I appreciate this “stillness all around”, there is exactly this mirificent and magically sweet aspect which is experienced, but it cannot be grasped by ‘me’ at all, it is only of the moment - it happens here and now. Nevertheless it is utterly wonderful and I can see that what is called “the meaning of life” is contained right in that experience.

At times this mirificent and magically sweet flavour is brief, it’s like “blink and you’ll miss it”, other times like now it is rather stable, experienced to be all around. How amazing is that? To experience that the very meaning of life is all around, somehow contained within that stillness / intrinsically part and parcel of it.

So I remember a while ago we talked about the “utter fullness”, this is what ‘I’ am now experiencing to be already always here now. And indeed this “utter fullness” is calling each moment again. The “utter fullness” is what informs ‘me’ that ‘I’ am redundant. This is equally wonderful because it means that ‘I’ can lay down ‘my’ burden, and that not a single thing will be missing.

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Sometimes I wonder why I continue to write so much, to describe these experiences. On one hand there is that tendency which I have to peek around the corner and to be overly concerned with meticulously chartered territory. But then on the other hand I am very happy to have discovered what I have so far, which is that the way towards actual freedom is not some enigmatic, special powers requiring quest, rather it is something that is within the capacity of anybody to discover, it is a down to earth and sensible quest.

It is a bit like in BJJ you have the natural athletes and you have the coaches. The natural athletes tend to proceed forward and develop something like “implicit knowledge”, they can do amazing things and yet they could not convey what they are doing to another with impeccably clear instruction.
Whereas the coaches have an ability to develop crystal clear systems which allow the knowledge to be explicitly shared, and those “amazing things” eventually can be done by anybody.

It seems I have always drifted towards the second option, that rather than just getting somewhere I would like the path to be chartered meticulously, so that what has been achieved can be replicated by another in a more efficient manner. And it has been exactly like that for me with BJJ, that I got very good but not just in an implicit sense, that every step of my development I used to feed back into my ability to convey this to others also.

And it seems I have done the same thing with any discovery along the wide and wondrous path, that not only have I walked it but then I made sure that it was described in an explicit manner. Perhaps because I was never the “natural athlete” both in the sense of BJJ and the wide and wondrous path, in that I required a lot of instruction and a lot of feedback, it’s not something that I could have worked out on my own.

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Vineeto: Appreciate this “stillness all around” as much as you can and then some more, it’s the most wonderful, mirificent and magically sweet way of experiencing being alive.

Kuba: I remember in one of Richard’s quotes he wrote that perfection is only of the moment, which means that it can only be a lived experience, it happens now at this moment in time and this place in space. When I appreciate this “stillness all around”, there is exactly this mirificent and magically sweet aspect which is experienced, but it cannot be grasped by ‘me’ at all, it is only of the moment – it happens here and now. Nevertheless it is utterly wonderful and I can see that what is called “the meaning of life” is contained right in that experience.
At times this mirificent and magically sweet flavour is brief, it’s like “blink and you’ll miss it”, other times like now it is rather stable, experienced to be all around. How amazing is that? To experience that the very meaning of life is all around, somehow contained within that stillness / intrinsically part and parcel of it.

Hi Kuba,

Indeed this stillness “is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent”. Something which is already always here for the taking.

Vineeto: Ha, it’s always the hardest thing to acknowledge that ‘I’ am redundant, even though you experientially and apperceptively know that ‘you’ are. ‘You’ have done your job and have done it well, ‘you’ can contentedly retire having earned ‘your’ longed-for oblivion.

Kuba: So I remember a while ago we talked about the “utter fullness”, this is what ‘I’ am now experiencing to be already always here now. And indeed this “utter fullness” is calling each moment again. The “utter fullness” is what informs ‘me’ that ‘I’ am redundant. This is equally wonderful because it means that ‘I’ can lay down ‘my’ burden, and that not a single thing will be missing. (link)

Yes.

To expand on this “utter fullness” I’ll first reiterate how Richard reported Vineeto becoming essentially the same as him in an event on 28th of August 2011, in other words pure intent personified –

[Claudiu]: […] What prevents it [‘the quickening’] from happening to Vineeto, for example?
• [Richard]: Given that she is the first female to become actually free from the human condition there is, of course, nothing to prevent it from happening to Vineeto.
Indeed she has been interacting with me intensively with that very intention; an existential event of some considerable significance in regard to this intent took place between 3:30 and 4:00 AM on the 28th of August 2011, for instance.
For about three weeks prior to this she had been experiencing a near-constant pressure-pain in the nape of the neck, so she knew that something was imminent, as well as experiencing what she referred to as ‘an ambrosial immanence’ filling her up, inasmuch from time-to-time she could bear no more of it (such as to cause her to refrain from interacting intensively for two-three days until it dissipated) due to it being ‘too much’ or ‘too overwhelming’ for her.
Then, at the moment she became essentially the same as me (how I have been, on my own, all these years) there was a tremendous upwards surge of that energetic immanence, in and around my head and shoulders region, of such a potency, of such a strength, as would previously (on some occasion) render me utterly passive, completely immobile, and scarcely able to bear with it, to contain its immensity.
On this occasion, however, it was able to flow freely – it was as if a circuit had been formed betwixt the two of us – and a second, equally potent, surge of that existential immanence followed the first (again in an upwardly direction in and around my head and shoulders region) a short while later.
Regarding that reference to a circuit having been formed, I am reminded of first being shown, as a child in High School, how a magnet produces a magnetic field by holding a sheet of paper over it and sprinkling iron-filings upon its surface; as there is a potent field now operating it is as if the two of us, a male and a female, are the ‘north’ and ‘south’ poles of a magnet; alternatively, the effect could perhaps be likened to the ‘anode’ and ‘cathode’ of a battery generating an electric current (and thus producing an electric field) when a circuit is completed. […]. (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 9 Feb 2012)

Interestingly enough, nerve impulses, more technically called ‘action potentials’, (link) occur in several types of animal cells, called excitable cells, which include neurons, muscles cells and endocrine cells. In neurons they play a central role in cell-to-cell communication. Nearly all these cells function as batteries in the sense that they maintain a voltage difference between the interior and the exterior of the cell, with the interior being the negative pole of the battery. The voltage of a cell is measured in thousands of a volt (milli-volts). A typical voltage is approximately 1/15th of a volt (70 mV). Because cells are so small, voltages of this magnitude give rise to very strong electric forces within the cell membrane. (based on Action potential - Wikipedia).

As a result of this remarkable event Richard had this to say –

Richard: … what I am indicating is that pure intent is no longer only accessible outside of the human condition (via a PCE) but nowadays also from within it (i.e., as a feeling ‘being’). (Richard, List D, Rick, 28 May 2013).

Richard to James]: […] that ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’, which the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced and named ‘pure intent’, became [immanently] accessible to some select associates during a specific situational setting called ‘The Second Convivium Gathering’, in late 2009/early 2010, and was variously experienced by them as a ‘palpable sweetness’, for instance, and an ‘infinite tenderness’, for example, and has been more generally described as ‘being bathed in intimacy.
It was also accessible at-a-distance […]. (Richard, List D, James, 6 Feb 2012).

When Richard died he left me with the floodgates wide open of an immense, often overwhelming appreciation, yet I could clearly experience that the previously established circuit of energetic immanence no longer existed, as it had been when Richard was alive. Now an event has happened for Geoffrey on May 7 this year which restored this circuit of existential immanence of human consciousness, and as such it is again directly, more fully/ more easily available as an ‘infinite sweetness’ or “utter fullness” for example –

Geoffrey: “So it happens last week that I suddenly became aware of the energetic evolution that had been taking place. For the anecdote it was Wednesday (May 7th) (…)
Later in the car on my way to martial arts practice I started to identify some very soft and gentle energy circulating in my neck region. I decided to somehow go into it fully, and the results during that martial arts practice were impressive. People interacting with me would smile to their ears, be utterly light and playful themselves, and I’d see usually self-conscious or depressed people strikingly act as if all weight had suddenly disappeared from their shoulders. This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now.
I can identify an ‘energy’ that wasn’t here before, prominently floating in my shoulders and neck region, soft, gentle, very fine, and imbued of benevolence, like it has a smile.
It very clearly physical, in the sense that it’s bodily, like the body has become more ‘conductive’, … (Private email, 16 May 2025)

As I wrote to Geoffrey, personally “I experienced the very fact that there is “an equal in the actual world” in the similar way as when Richard was alive – which is the first time I experienced this since he died. It’s ambrosial/ beneficent, the quality of personified pure intent, the intimacy of a fellow human being experiencing being the universe experiencing itself as a conscious human being, very pronounced, joyous, almost jubilant, just wonderful.”

I have recounted this all to you, and all the forum members, so that you can choose to tap into this personified immanence (link), now that it is again both masculinely and femininely available, and thus potentially accessible per favour naïveté regardless of spatial extension, and there is no reason at all that you cannot slide into the actual world right now.

Cheers Vineeto

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Kuba: Sometimes I wonder why I continue to write so much, to describe these experiences. On one hand there is that tendency which I have to peek around the corner and to be overly concerned with meticulously chartered territory. But then on the other hand I am very happy to have discovered what I have so far, which is that the way towards actual freedom is not some enigmatic, special powers requiring quest, rather it is something that is within the capacity of anybody to discover, it is a down to earth and sensible quest.
It is a bit like in BJJ you have the natural athletes and you have the coaches. The natural athletes tend to proceed forward and develop something like “implicit knowledge”, they can do amazing things and yet they could not convey what they are doing to another with impeccably clear instruction.
Whereas the coaches have an ability to develop crystal clear systems which allow the knowledge to be explicitly shared, and those “amazing things” eventually can be done by anybody.
It seems I have always drifted towards the second option, that rather than just getting somewhere I would like the path to be chartered meticulously, so that what has been achieved can be replicated by another in a more efficient manner. And it has been exactly like that for me with BJJ, that I got very good but not just in an implicit sense, that every step of my development I used to feed back into my ability to convey this to others also.
And it seems I have done the same thing with any discovery along the wide and wondrous path, that not only have I walked it but then I made sure that it was described in an explicit manner. Perhaps because I was never the “natural athlete” both in the sense of BJJ and the wide and wondrous path, in that I required a lot of instruction and a lot of feedback, it’s not something that I could have worked out on my own. (link)

Hi Kuba,

Just a quick comment – be diligently attentive that this being a coach doesn’t turn into yet another justification for ‘me’ to hang around beyond ‘my’ use-by-date.

Just can just as well “charter” the path “meticulously” after you become actually free – in fact, you will do a much better job then because uninterruptedly operating apperception is vastly superior to mere sensibility, and your ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes who operates marginally different to yourself is highly improved as well. As long as you are a ‘self’, your perspective is necessarily ‘self’-centric and thus limited.

Plus, you have then demonstrated by action that your coaching in fact delivers the advertised result – an actual freedom from the human condition.

Cheers Vineeto

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Hi Vineeto,

Yes thank you, well actually just a read of your previous post made this click, what ‘I’ can do from within the human condition vs what is possible when actually free, eg :

There is a constantly growing confidence that the time is ripe to go all the way into actual freedom. And as far as I can tell - even though a lot of it seems past ‘my’ pay grade - there is way more to what one does for peace on earth when actually free than just explicit knowledge.

In fact what ‘I’ do towards a virtual peace and harmony is way beyond explicit knowledge too! That ‘I’ might be able to offer some practical advice is for sure useful but it is the effect of the happy and harmless vibes that already does way more.

It is as you said the other day and I have been fascinated by this - the changes which happen are not accounted for by the ‘controller’. And yet a lot is happening “behind the scenes”.

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Wow I am having a blast lately. Things are constantly happening, and these are not just realisations, this is more akin to actuality “coming at me” without a break, not that I would want a break anyways! And this sense of actuality constantly “knocking on my door” is nothing to do with ‘me’, the momentum is not of ‘my’ doing. Oopsie… Looks like I am now solidly out from control :grin:.

There was one thing that happened about 30min ago which was especially precious. I was chilling on the sofa with Sonya and poncho (my dog). I went to cuddle poncho and all of a sudden it was like that veil of reality was pulled back and I saw both Sonya and poncho as actually existing. It’s hard to convey the importance of those words - “actually existing”. But it goes some way to consider that not a single one of the ‘events’ which ever happened in ‘my’ reality were genuine. That the entirety of ‘my’ life was never genuine.

And now that curtain got pulled back and an actually existing world was revealed, so precious to discover it!

And since that event I keep getting that same experience but milder, that the veil of reality is so thin and this actually existing world keeps coming through. It’s almost slightly disorientating at times, not in an unpleasant way at all but rather it’s that things are shifting around at a very fundamental level, that I don’t know which way to place myself, but actually I’m not too concerned with that anymore anyways - I am having a blast on the one way ride :smile:

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Kuba: Yes thank you, well actually just a read of your previous post made this click, what ‘I’ can do from within the human condition vs what is possible when actually free, eg :

Geoffrey: “So it happens last week that I suddenly became aware of the energetic evolution that had been taking place. For the anecdote it was Wednesday (May 7th) (…)
Later in the car on my way to martial arts practice I started to identify some very soft and gentle energy circulating in my neck region. I decided to somehow go into it fully, and the results during that martial arts practice were impressive. People interacting with me would smile to their ears, be utterly light and playful themselves, and I’d see usually self-conscious or depressed people strikingly act as if all weight had suddenly disappeared from their shoulders. This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now. (Private email, 16 May 2025)

Kuba: There is a constantly growing confidence that the time is ripe to go all the way into actual freedom. And as far as I can tell – even though a lot of it seems past ‘my’ pay grade – there is way more to what one does for peace on earth when actually free than just explicit knowledge.

Hi Kuba,

Just to clarify in case it was not obvious, the experience described above was a one-off. It may or may not be a hypothetical possibility in a distant future but when I go shopping in town for instance, people do not “smile to their ears” or something of the kind. The effect, if there is any, is far more subtle and very, very rarely communicated. Whatever benefits happen do so without my knowledge. And Geoffrey clearly said –

“This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now”.

Kuba: In fact what ‘I’ do towards a virtual peace and harmony is way beyond explicit knowledge too! That ‘I’ might be able to offer some practical advice is for sure useful but it is the effect of the happy and harmless vibes that already does way more.

Exactly, practical replicable help is certainly beneficial and it’s best that there is nothing happening a ‘self’ could hang their hat on as that would instantly have a ‘self’-enhancing effect.

Kuba: It is as you said the other day and I have been fascinated by this – the changes which happen are not accounted for by the ‘controller’. And yet a lot is happening “behind the scenes”. (link)

Indeed, and this is part and parcel of the perfection and purity how the universe operates. Everything is squeaky clean in the actual world. It is eminently delightful.

Cheers Vineeto

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