Hi Vineeto,
No it is clear that it is the entirety of ‘my’ being that wants to end the struggle. I guess I was somewhat taken aback that in the final analysis ‘I’ am so insubstantial. ‘I’ will become extinct in ‘my’ entirety but since being exposed for the furphy that ‘I’ am this “entirety of ‘my’ being” doesn’t seem so substantial or serious anymore. I don’t know if I am explaining this too well - it’s that once there is that “peek behind the curtains” then it is no longer possible to see ‘myself’ in the same light anymore. It’s that once the charade is exposed for what it is then the drama looses its believability? It’s like ‘I’ know ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ know ‘my’ life is a charade, so ‘I’ can’t take ‘myself’ seriously anymore.
Hehe yes it seems this would be next to impossible at this point, the “story of ‘my’ life” is hanging on by a thread as it is, ‘I’ am not sure how ‘I’ would go about inventing a new one. I guess Devika managed but this would require a drastic turn around, with some serious psychological/psychic gymnastics to boot.