Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

Thank you for your reply Vineeto,

Vineeto: Now that you discovered that your “caring can be cranked up without it becoming an emotional involvement” (link) any day now the instinctive altruistic impulse can be activated and take the place of your ‘self’-maintaining pride for the benefit of every body. In the meantime the game of how close can we get is still a fun challenge.

What Srinath wrote comes to mind here :

I had to graciously bow out like a clumsy, incompetent old fool who had bumbled through life just about holding on to his job out of dumb luck. He realised that he had to hand over the reins to super-smart and infinitely better qualified young man.

So it is clear now why the direction ‘I’ was heading in before was incorrect. In short actual freedom is not another state of ‘being’, it is not something that ‘I’ proceed into. As I wrote a while ago (and now I have my answer to this) perhaps ‘I’ was not looking for the door which leads to ‘my’ extinction.

Actual freedom is what eventuates for this flesh and blood body when ‘I’ willingly take ‘my’ leave, just like that “clumsy, incompetent old fool” realising that ‘he’ is no longer able/willing to maintain ‘his’ clearly untenable position, especially when something far better is available.

Before it was like the “clumsy, incompetent old fool” was still looking for a promotion, or perhaps ‘he’ would disappear for a second and come back dressed as that “infinitely better qualified young man” But no the “clumsy, incompetent old fool” willingly takes leave for good, ‘he’ is making space for somebody else better qualified to do the job - that is it.

This is such a bizarre thing to contemplate, I see it now clearly so no sense re-writting it with another metaphor haha. It’s not fearful and neither is there any resistance pulling ‘me’ back, it’s more like how on earth will ‘I’ allow ‘myself’ to be gone - kaput. There is just no way around that last bit, it is just altruism pure and simple that will do it.

In fact it is like what Richard wrote, in that I no longer believe or hope that it is possible, and neither is there doubt, disbelief or despair. In fact it is as if ‘I’ have no direction to move in, there is just the facticity of ‘my’ extinction and this question mark ahead of what could possibly trigger it.
I see that the question mark is not to be answered in the way that ‘I’ would usually do as the ‘doer’ or the ‘intellctualiser’, that the answer to it will be a lived experience, and that to locate the answer is for it to be happening at the same time.

But it does make sense now that ‘I’ could not possibly know what self-immolation is like before it happens, ‘I’ have simply never died before and of course never will twice

But there is genuine excitement also, because clearly it is possible for ‘me’ to sacrifice ‘myself’, there have been other 'I’s that did what ‘I’ am looking at now. The excitement is at the potential for discovering this “something” which will cause ‘me’ to sacrifice ‘myself’, that indeed there is an experiential answer to this question mark hanging in front of ‘me’.

When I was younger I always liked to do the “naughty” things, like sticking my fingers in door hinges and getting naked randomly etc My mum when she found out that I was working as an entertainer for hen parties said that she is not surprised haha. Now there is this ultimate “naughty” thing that ‘I’ can partake in , the thing ‘we’ are apparently not supposed to do, which is to die.

[Kub933]

@Kub933

In fact it is as if ‘I’ have no direction to move in, there is just the facticity of ‘my’ extinction and this question mark ahead of what could possibly trigger it.

So what I find is that in this place - of not knowing how ‘I’ could possibly proceed, and yet proceeding - there is assistance provided by the universe. How fascinating, it’s like ‘I’ can come right to the edge and then it seems like ‘I’ can do no more, and then something else takes off exactly where ‘I’ have nothing more to give.

It’s right at that spot where ‘I’ have done all that ‘I’ can and yet there is still something else required, this something else is provided by the universe.

This “something else” is that which is ultimately precious, precious enough that the totality of ‘my’ being pales in comparison. And it is certainly far more precious than ‘my’ pride

The below exchange comes to mind :

Kuba: I remember in the Q and A’s from Australia there was a quote utilised – “Give to me a fulcrum on which to plant my lever, and I will move the world”. I understand this now because before it was as if the energy which kept ‘me’ in place would not budge even if ‘I’ pushed as hard as ‘I’ possibly could – of course because who is doing the pushing and who is being pushed.

Vineeto: I always liked that Archimedes’ quote and ‘Vineeto’ thought it was for ‘her’ a perfect expression how to escape from the human condition. The fulcrum being pure intent, of course, outside of ‘me’.

It is pure intent which is that “something else / something ultimately precious”, this is the assistance provided by the universe. And this assistance is no little thing, it makes it impossible not to proceed, because it is far far more precious than anything of ‘mine’. It’s funny actually, when pure intent is not active it seems like ‘I’ have to look for reasons why ‘I’ could possibly sacrifice ‘myself’, when pure intent is active there is an entire universe of reasons

Hmm there is like this realisation gingerly setting in, that it’s all in place, all the puzzle pieces that could possibly come together, have come together.

[Vineeto]

Kuba: In fact it is as if ‘I’ have no direction to move in, there is just the facticity of ‘my’ extinction and this question mark ahead of what could possibly trigger it. (link)

So what I find is that in this place – of not knowing how ‘I’ could possibly proceed, and yet proceeding – there is assistance provided by the universe. How fascinating, it’s like ‘I’ can come right to the edge and then it seems like ‘I’ can do no more, and then something else takes off exactly where ‘I’ have nothing more to give.
It’s right at that spot where ‘I’ have done all that ‘I’ can and yet there is still something else required, this something else is provided by the universe.
This “something else” is that which is ultimately precious, precious enough that the totality of ‘my’ being pales in comparison. And it is certainly far more precious than ‘my’ pride.

Indeed, far, far more … these two word don’t even belong in the same sentence!

The below exchange comes to mind :

Kuba: I remember in the Q and A’s from Australia there was a quote utilised – “Give to me a fulcrum on which to plant my lever, and I will move the world”. I understand this now because before it was as if the energy which kept ‘me’ in place would not budge even if ‘I’ pushed as hard as ‘I’ possibly could – of course because who is doing the pushing and who is being pushed. (link)
Vineeto: I always liked that Archimedes’ quote and ‘Vineeto’ thought it was for ‘her’ a perfect expression how to escape from the human condition. The fulcrum being pure intent, of course, outside of ‘me’. (link, 8 June 2025)

It is pure intent which is that “something else / something ultimately precious”, this is the assistance provided by the universe. And this assistance is no little thing, it makes it impossible not to proceed, because it is far, far more precious than anything of ‘mine’. It’s funny actually, when pure intent is not active it seems like ‘I’ have to look for reasons why ‘I’ could possibly sacrifice ‘myself’, when pure intent is active there is an entire universe of reasons

Isn’t it amazing how pure intent can be so invisible/ intangible at times and yet when the connection is active by ‘your’ receptivity you wonder how you could go without it for so long (however short or long the gap was, it’s always too long, isn’t it? Have a look for that non-affective sweetness (link), which comes about when appreciation is at its bestest. ‘Vineeto’, especially in ‘her’ last days, found it addictive, an elixir which at every breath provides the meaning of life in spades, experientially.

Kuba: Hmm there is like this realisation gingerly setting in, that it’s all in place, all the puzzle pieces that could possibly come together, have come together. (link)

“The day finally dawns …” the universe is truly wonderful in providing everything you need.

Cheers Vineeto

[jesus.carlos]

@Kub933

when pure intent is not active it seems like ‘I’ have to look for reasons why ‘I’ could possibly sacrifice ‘myself’, when pure intent is active there is an entire universe of reasons

Thanks Kuba! This is a great insight that gives a good paramether of how to detect if pure intent is present or no. I remember that in my last PCE there was a moment of utter peace and enjoyment and naivete and perfection and a thought came by itself “Now I can die”. As there was no feeling, there was no sadness at all (but it is weird to say it, because there was a lot of sweetness, and we are trained to associate sweetness with a feeling. Non affective sweetness is key).

[Kub933]

I saw this video the other day which has stayed with me for some reason :

Centipede #shorts #didyouknow

Funnily enough I saw it on this “oddlyhorrifying” instagram channel which shares all things creepy and scary But I did not experience it that way at all, although I was fascinated - whilst looking with that ‘human’ eye - at why such a thing is apparently “oddly horrifying”, there is the ‘mother’ being devoured by ‘her’ babies… It clicked then that it is the ‘self’ that is the original cause of suffering, it is because ‘I’ exist that life is apparently a sick joke and universe an evil one for allowing such a thing to take place. Essentially it is to say that the horror in this video is purely with regards to what happens to the ‘self’.

Then looking with this “other eye” - a wondrous and marvelling eye - there is such amazement at what happens, that the universe is capable of doing this, and then the realisation that without ‘me’ there is nothing at all wrong with the universe.

The other thing which has been happening is that since yesterday there has been this willingness to lay ‘my’ hiding place wide open for the universe. That not a single part of ‘me’ is to remain hidden if ‘I’ am to allow ‘myself’ to be taken away. This felt tender, that ‘I’ was willingly giving access to the very depths of ‘my’ being, for it to be eventually unravelled, it felt that ‘I’ am giving all of ‘myself’ to this endeavour.

@jesus.carlos

Thanks Kuba! This is a great insight that gives a good paramether of how to detect if pure intent is present or no. I remember that in my last PCE there was a moment of utter peace and enjoyment and naivete and perfection and a thought came by itself “Now I can die”. As there was no feeling, there was no sadness at all (but it is weird to say it, because there was a lot of sweetness, and we are trained to associate sweetness with a feeling. Non affective sweetness is key).

Yes the “escape hatch” is provided via pure intent, this is what ‘I’ allow to take ‘me’ away, with ‘my’ full concurrence. It reminds me of what Richard wrote with regards to ‘Peter’s’ experience of this sweetness :

Accordingly, then, at the moment when Peter leaned forward, wondering as he did as to my experience of the actual, wondering as to the very nature of the actual, the brilliance of the atmospheric lighting fluctuated (as if household lighting was increasing/decreasing via a dimmer switch being turned up and down to a regular pulse) which alerted me to his imminence; as he came ever closer, experientially, the up-and-down brilliance fluctuation segued into a side-to-side resonance of atmospheric timbre (as if pulsing back-and-forth from the walls of a hollowed circular space) and acquainted me of his immanence; as he reported becoming aware of a quite extraordinary sweetness his features were suffused with a radiant glow (not dissimilar to a sunburnt face ruddy with gleaming epidermal heat); as he advised of being literally bathed in that palpable sweetness his shining face shimmered with bands of iridescent pinks and mauves, subtly chasing each other upward from bottom to top, which more than amply conveyed the radical range and extent of his experiencing; as he had profound intimation of words portraying the philanthropic nature of altruistic ‘self’-sacrifice he expressed how sweet ‘his’ ending was to be; he spoke with soft intensity of how ‘he’ would go gladly into a sweetness of such all-consuming magnitude, of how sweetful a demise it was such that no human could ever have possibly wished for; of how there was no (expected) fear so vast as to best be called dread whatsoever; of how there was no darkness, no blackness, no abyss, no whatever, at all but, instead, only this incredible all-encompassing sweetness to go blessedly (my word not his) into oblivion with.

[Kub933]

@Kub933

I saw this video the other day which has stayed with me for some reason

I can see why it “stayed with me for some reason”, I keep coming back to this seeing, that there is not a single thing wrong with the universe, with life, with what it means to be a human being - when ‘I’/‘me’ as ‘self’ become extinct. It is ‘me’ as ‘self’ that is the thing which is wrong. It is ‘me’ as ‘self’ who turns life into a serious and solemn endeavour, and it is ‘me’ as ‘self’ that stands in the way of perfection and purity being apparent. And this is simply what it means to ‘be’ a ‘self’ - a contingent ‘being’, there is no way around this, it is what ‘I’ am as a ‘self’.

Wow it means that without ‘I’/‘me’ there is no sorrow (and malice) at all, that is the end of the human condition, how safe is that!?

[Kub933]

And those scare quotes that are used to denote ‘me’ they are actually quite accurate in visually describing ‘my’ nature as ‘self’ - This is what ‘I’ am, this little contingent bubble, forever separated from the rest of existence, forever threatened and apparently so precious (the feeling of preciousness being ‘my’ blind drive for survival, at any cost).
If/when this contingent bubble is wiped out there is the entirety of existence left, now possible to be fully appreciated by this flesh and blood body for the utter perfection and purity that it actually is.

It seems to be such a simple solution, like Geoffrey wrote, no drama. I can see now that all ‘my’ dramas were simply an echo of this fundamental predicament of ‘being’. Of course ‘my’ life is a serious and solemn endeavour when this feeling of being threatened is always with ‘me’, projected as various ‘real world problems’.

It is safe to say that ‘my’ pride is far gone, it is now seen for the pathetic coping strategy that it is. ‘I’ felt that ‘I’ knew better than the universe and yet the outcome of this is sorrow and malice. And yet without ‘me’ it is all so complete and consummate. I don’t actually understand what it is that ‘I’ could be proud about, perhaps ‘my’ own senseless suffering lol.

[jamesjjoo]

This hits on something that I have been thinking about. All the news seems so gloomy and I really don’t see it that way and now it is clear why: It is the ‘I/me’ that paints a picture of gloom and doom. W/o the ‘I/me’ things are indeed perfect just the way they are.

[Kub933]

And also there are all the actually occurring wars, murders, rapes, suicides etc Which would all come to an abrupt end without the ‘I’/‘me’ as ‘self’, this is astounding to contemplate, that all of that could stop right now, there is actually nothing substantial causing all of it, it’s all because of ‘I’/‘me’ as ‘self’.

[Kub933]

So there has been sweetness experienced this morning, although a different kind! In the past this sweetness was in line with - “infinite tenderness” whereas this sweetness that I am currently experiencing is in line with utterly delighting in sensuosity and sexuality - it is sweet like honey haha. I taste it when I breathe in for example, there is all the various aromas and hints going through and there is the experience that the air I am breathing is finally being tasted, actually tasted - what a blast!

[Kub933]

Also I have noticed since yesterday it seems like the way back to reality is getting further and further away. Actually it seems like I would have to actively try in order to get ‘back there’ not that I would want to of course

It seems like ‘my’ days are becoming numbered, that unless a meteorite was to strike sometime soon it is inevitable that ‘my’ self immolation will happen. It’s fascinating that essentially ‘I’ left ‘myself’ no other choice but to arrive at this place, no matter how many detours or dead ends would happen en route.

For the majority of the time ‘I’ am open and receptive to the perfection and purity all around, that the core of ‘my’ being is somehow ‘open’, this brings about this delightful and magical ambience - it seems this is exactly a description of naivete.
Me and Sonya went to watch some ballet yesterday and it was a very outstanding experience, like I was solidly in that “in between” space of not yet actuality but certainly not reality either - again this seems to be naivete.
There was many very unusual experiences that I don’t think I can put into words very well but it was like slowly grasping the ramifications of where all this leads to, the destination being experienced as having always been right under my nose.

And then infrequently, the core of ‘my’ being will somehow ‘close up’, like ‘my’ hiding place is temporarily regained, but it seems it doesn’t take much to “set this right” again, attentiveness seems to be all that is required when this happens.

In general it is as if ‘I’ am - If not 100% yet then very close to that number - committed to going all the way, that the entirety of ‘my’ being is orienting itself towards the goal. Aaand there is plenty of reward on the way for such a commitment haha.

What is clear is that there is an unbelievable extent of delight ahead.

I remember last Christmas a very brief PCE when I was in New Zealand, when I wondered how what I was at the time experiencing could get even better, I glanced at Sonya and saw the actual flesh and blood body called Sonya, existing in a world of unbelievable perfection and purity - like blow the fuses level of it, I pulled back immediately as it seemed it was way to much haha.

[Kub933]

Hmm now I am wondering, is it that this 0.01% that is keeping ‘me’ around rather than going into oblivion now is that ‘I’ want this delight for ‘myself’

I can see that no matter how diminished ‘I’ may be ‘I’ always spoil this perfection and purity to some degree - or to be more accurate ‘I’ get in the way of it. I have had glimpses recently of the pure and unadulterated perfection which exists outside of ‘me’ and that is what ‘I’ can never ever have, because ‘my’ very ‘being’ is what get’s in the way.

It seems the question is am ‘I’ willing to give up ‘my’ second best so that this body, that body and everybody can live the ultimate. But either way ‘my’ second best is actually a ticking time bomb, because sooner or later ‘I’ will slip up.

I remember Srinath wrote a while ago something to the effect that the actualism method does not turn the T-rex which ‘I’ am into a plush toy, it’s kind of like that. I guess the words “in the meantime” really do convey what it is all about, in that ‘my’ extinction is what is required. Not for ‘me’ to chill in the in-between forever, pretending that ‘I’ have arrived, that the problem has been eradicated.

It is weird because on one hand is the recognition that ‘I’ must die in order for the problem to be eradicated and on the other hand there is this sense of things going so well for ‘me’. And here comes the danger of remaining in the “in-between” forever. And this in-between is so amazing, especially compared to life in reality that it’s almost like ‘I’ loose sight of what this is all about?

It is like there is some kind of disconnect inside of ‘me’ - that ‘I’ do not unequivocally see ‘me’ as the problem and ‘my’ extinction as the solution which is what would allow altruism to be triggered now.

It looks like this is something similar to what Srinath experienced and described in his report, actually very similar. That the general thrust of it is that ‘he’ was in this magical world and greatly minimised and yet there was ‘something’ still in the way, until ‘he’ saw that ‘he’ truly had to die.

I went shopping with a friend later that morning. I was much minimised and in a magical world, but could clearly feel my presence there. I was clearly blocking intimacy with my friend and everyone else just by being there, I tried to get rid of ‘me’ somehow but could not do it. It seemed that something would happen and I had to now lie in wait and stay focussed on the ending in rapt attention. How that ‘last piece of pizza’ would go I didn’t know. I thought of that scene in the film Hellboy where the creature with the wings heals Hellboy and tells his girlfriend ‘I have done what I can… now give him a reason to live’. (Hehe what is with all these sci-fi movie references with this new bunch of actually free people!) I thought that I needed a reason to die. Not a fake or artificial reason. I needed something authentic that felt true to the core of my being. It would have to come from left-field.
That night I stood in the balcony knowing that something was required to convince me to let go of the controls. I kept thinking about that last piece of pizza that was me and what the reason could there be to ‘die’? It seemed like I was hanging on by a very thin thread that stayed firmly in place. At that point I saw my girlfriend lying on the couch and once again I could see that what was separating us was ‘me’. I went out to the balcony and looked down and saw some people walking. I could see that even though everything was nearly perfect that last little bit of ‘me’ was there separating myself from everyone else on this planet and spoiling perfection. The spoonful that weighed a tonne. ‘I’ would roar back into full existence creating havoc for this body and every body, given half a chance. I had to ‘die’ so that this body and every other body could live peacefully. I would need to truly die. The enormity of this dawned on me suddenly like it never had before. The enormity of what I had to give up. It took my breath away. Suddenly I felt a twinge of sadness that emerged from me like a thin pungent streak. But it cut-off abruptly as if in mid-air, still-born.

It is amazing that there is no longer any fear left, just to discover what will trigger altruism now.

[Vineeto]

Kuba: Hmm now I am wondering, is it that this 0.01% that is keeping ‘me’ around rather than going into oblivion now is that ‘I’ want this delight for ‘myself’.
I can see that no matter how diminished ‘I’ may be ‘I’ always spoil this perfection and purity to some degree – or to be more accurate ‘I’ get in the way of it. I have had glimpses recently of the pure and unadulterated perfection which exists outside of ‘me’ and that is what ‘I’ can never ever have, because ‘my’ very ‘being’ is what get’s in the way.
It seems the question is am ‘I’ willing to give up ‘my’ second best so that this body, that body and everybody can live the ultimate. But either way ‘my’ second best is actually a ticking time bomb, because sooner or later ‘I’ will slip up.
I remember Srinath wrote a while ago something to the effect that the actualism method does not turn the T-rex which ‘I’ am into a plush toy, it’s kind of like that. I guess the words “in the meantime” really do convey what it is all about, in that ‘my’ extinction is what is required. Not for ‘me’ to chill in the in-between forever, pretending that ‘I’ have arrived, that the problem has been eradicated. (link)

Hi Kuba,

When nothing happens for a while you seem to magnetically slipping back to thinking on the ‘self’-side instead of leaning into and bathing in the non-affective sweetness of pure intent …

Kuba: Yes the “escape hatch” is provided via pure intent, this is what ‘I’ allow to take ‘me’ away, with ‘my’ full concurrence. (link)

And then you wrote this:

Kuba: And also there are all the actually occurring wars, murders, rapes, suicides etc Which would all come to an abrupt end without the ‘I’/‘me’ as ‘self’, this is astounding to contemplate, that all of that could stop right now, there is actually nothing substantial causing all of it, it’s all because of ‘I’/‘me’ as ‘self’. (link)

As a reminder, here is a private email from Richard which I have posted before about six weeks ago –

Richard: Having the “courage of your convictions” has nothing to do with believing, trusting, hoping or having faith that it be possible. I, for one, never believed, trusted, hoped or had faith that it was possible, for such an action of believing, trusting, hoping and having faith perpetuates the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. On the contrary, I could no longer believe that it was not possible – which is a different action entirely to believing, trusting, hoping and having faith that it is possible – thus dispensing with the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. Do you see this?
For example: Doubt is believing it not to be possible … doubt is actually an action of believing, which supports the believer. Faith is believing that it is possible … which also supports the believer … and thus, either way, the believer pushes freedom away into an ever elusive future.
All this stemmed from my peak experience in which I experienced the purity and the perfection of life itself – here and now – and thus saw that what others had perceived as being our reward after physical death already existed … at this moment in time and this place in space. Thus I ceased believing that life on earth was a grim business with only scant moments of reprieve … yet I did not start believing in perfection. To repeat: I stopped believing, period. All sorrow and malice stems from the activity of believing … which arises from the believer. ‘I’, as a psychological entity, can only believe – or disbelieve – in possibilities and impossibilities. In the peak experience ‘I’ temporarily abdicated the throne and I knew, by direct experience, that freedom was already actual. It was ‘I’ that was the problem, not the absence of perfection. When ‘I’ ceased to be, perfection became, as always, apparent. By believing perfection to be possible ‘I’ perpetuate ‘myself’. ‘I’, by ‘my’ very presence, inhibit that splendid perfection becoming apparent.
Perfection is already always here. Yet ‘I’, by believing in a remembered perfection, chase an ever-elusive chimera into an ever-receding future. Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around … and perfection, which is only of the moment, becomes apparent. ‘I’ have ceased to be. By “doing nothing” I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and over-weening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise … ‘I’ do not make freedom happen … ‘I’ allow the universe to “disappear” the ‘me’ that I was … and perfection has become apparent. ‘I’ did not invoke perfection, for it already is here … and it is here now, not off into the future. It may have taken some time to eventuate, as ‘I’ got whittled away, yet when that time came, it was already here … because it is always now.
To sum up: ‘I’ do not make perfection happen because it is already always here. What ‘I’ do is to “stand still” and unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur. To do this, ‘I’ cease believing, hoping, trusting and having faith … without falling into disbelief, despair, distrust or doubt. ‘I’, having the courage of ‘my’ convictions – which is the confidence born out of the solid knowing as evidenced in the peak experience – thus developing a superb confidence and an over-weening optimism. Thus nothing can stand in ‘my’ way in this, the adventure of a life-time. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)

Perhaps this can give you the confidence to cease swinging back and forth, and instead lean into and stay as close as you can to this overwhelming palpable sweetness of pure intent, this sweet longing for your destiny (and ‘your’ destiny as well), when “the actually occurring wars, murders, rapes, suicides” will end forever for one other person on the planet, and with each additional actually free human being have a flow-on-effect for everyone.

Here is something for you to contemplate –

Richard: (…) the global spread of peace and harmony – as well as individual peace-on-earth – is not taking place via having to ‘convince the few left’ (to use your phrasing); as it is a matter of consciousness – consciousness, as in, a flesh-and-blood body being conscious, or sentient – it is spreading via common consciousness and, to utilise the words of the well-known correspondent, it has already ‘escaped into the wild’ and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, which can now halt its spread. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 15 Feb 2012). (see also Richard, Selected Correspondence, Common Consciousness).

Cheers Vineeto

[jamesjjoo]

Thanks for posting this, This phrase ‘Common Consciousness’ has given me a new way of seeing how actualism actually spreads and how it can do it rapidly and even all at once.

[Kub933]

Oh yes thank you Vineeto, this really clicked now. It is as if at times ‘I’ am trying to move in a straight line -------------------> towards ‘my’ goal, this seems like it is the way to proceed but it is not! Because this is not the nature of what this is all about, it would be ‘me’ moving ‘somewhere’ towards an imagined/remembered perfection and of course the more ‘I’ move the further away the goal get’s also, whatever ‘motion’ is only taking place inside of the human condition. Whereas we are talking about the dissolution of the human condition.

I get it now also because the times when “things are happening” it is not like the above at all! It is exactly like I am standing still and watching the dust settle all around. This is what I tried to convey by this :

Me and Sonya went to watch some ballet yesterday and it was a very outstanding experience, like I was solidly in that “in between” space of not yet actuality but certainly not reality either - again this seems to be naivete.
There was many very unusual experiences that I don’t think I can put into words very well but it was like slowly grasping the ramifications of where all this leads to, the destination being experienced as having always been right under my nose.

This “being right under my nose” was exactly that - watching the dust settle all around without moving in either direction. Of course there is no movement towards ‘somewhere’ necessary as perfection is already here.

This is very good, I am glad this finally clicked and I see it. Just where am ‘I’ trying to go anyways? Wow it does sometimes take a few (or many :P) go arounds but eventually it clicks, thank you again Vineeto

I really do get it now, I can’t believe that I didn’t get this point for so long. That any ‘motion’ that ‘I’ can take can only happen within the human condition. So of course this process that will eventuate in ‘my’ extinction cannot be ‘me’ moving somewhere, this kind of thing actually maintains ‘me’. It seems like you have been trying to make this point for a long time also! And it seems it just went past me every time.

It does make something Srinath wrote very very clear now :

There’s no doubt in my mind that all of you can become actually free too, if you so choose. And that is because the target is so enormous (literally the universe), that it is hard to miss! In fact humans work over-time to miss it.

How could I possibly miss when what I am aiming for is already always here now, no journey ‘somewhere’ required at all. What is required is ‘my’ dissolution and of course ‘I’ can only allow ‘my’ dissolution to eventually take place if ‘I’ stand still for long enough to be seen clearly.

Perhaps I understand ‘myself’ better now, why there was this compulsion to continue on with ‘my’ journey, find something else to do, some new thing to solve, anything as long as ‘my’ journey continued, as long as some ‘motion’ happened. That way ‘I’ could continue doing laps inside the human condition forever and a day.

Richard also wrote about this in his journal :

Any attempt to escape from the ‘Human Condition’ is doomed to failure … and the Divine Realm is an escape. It is incumbent upon one to stand fast, as a flesh and blood body only, without moving in any direction at all … and be what-one-is. Only in this manner will the instincts reveal themselves for what they are. ‘I’ will be laid open and the core of*‘me’* will be revealed for the blind and instinctual ‘being’ that ‘I’ am.

[Kub933]

@Vineeto

Richard: (…) the global spread of peace and harmony – as well as individual peace-on-earth – is not taking place via having to ‘convince the few left’ (to use your phrasing); as it is a matter of consciousness – consciousness, as in, a flesh-and-blood body being conscious, or sentient – it is spreading via common consciousness and, to utilise the words of the well-known correspondent, it has already ‘escaped into the wild’ and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, which can now halt its spread.

OK yes so that scenario of the last unfree person on earth being unable to self-immolate is just a joke after all The above is fascinating, it is to say that with each individual becoming actually free the “landscape” of common human consciousness is changed again. So the common human consciousness now is not the same as it was when Richard became actually free, and there is no way to tell for sure what the flow-on effect will be each time another person becomes actually free.

So essentially it is way more than just a “game of numbers”.

[Vineeto]

Richard: (…) the global spread of peace and harmony – as well as individual peace-on-earth – is not taking place via having to ‘convince the few left’ (to use your phrasing); as it is a matter of consciousness – consciousness, as in, a flesh-and-blood body being conscious, or sentient – it is spreading via common consciousness and, to utilise the words of the well-known correspondent, it has already ‘escaped into the wild’ and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, which can now halt its spread. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 15 Feb 2012).

Kuba: OK yes so that scenario of the last unfree person on earth being unable to self-immolate is just a joke after all The above is fascinating, it is to say that with each individual becoming actually free the “landscape” of common human consciousness is changed again. So the common human consciousness now is not the same as it was when Richard became actually free, and there is no way to tell for sure what the flow-on effect will be each time another person becomes actually free.
So essentially it is way more than just a “game of numbers”. (link)

Hi Kuba,

Just to give you the full information that it’s not only common consciousness – a flesh-and-blood body being conscious – contributing to “the global spread of peace and harmony” but also the web of psychic felicitous and innocuous vibes and currents.

• [Co-Respondent]: These analogies [‘a whirlpool or an eddy of water or air’] are illustrative but not clarifying.
• [Richard]: I will put it this way, then: do you comprehend that an identity’s anger, for instance, can be affectively felt by another identity from a near-distance and, as such, can have an effect (and, quite often, the desired effect) despite the intervening physical space … and that the same applies to love (for another instance) or virtually any other strongly-felt feeling?
If so, then by experientially going deeper into those affective feelings it can be found that they swirl around, as it were, forming a whirlpool or an eddy and thus creating a centre (a vortex) which is the very stuff of the swirling as the one is not distinct from the other … ‘you’ are ‘your’ feelings and ‘your’ feelings are ‘you’.
It is that vortex – which is essentially ‘you’ at the core of ‘your’ being – that is the (affective) force known as a psychic force … it is not for nothing that I say psychic currents are the most effective power plays. (Richard, AF List, No. 74e, 10 Aug 2005).

Now these very same psychic currents can have a powerful beneficial effect when they are felicitous and innocuous i.e. happy and harmless feelings –

05 January 2010:
• [Co-Respondent]: … the way is open for the consciousness mutation to be implemented on a global level.
• [Richard]: Indeed so … via happy and harmless (affective) ‘vibes’ and felicitous and innocuous (psychic) ‘currents’. (I have oft-times said that is where the real power-play occurs). (Long Awaited Announcement).

As you can see, Richard wrote the above on 5 Jan 2010, after the opening of the Direct Route, whereas the quote regarding “the global spread of peace and harmony … is spreading via common consciousness” he wrote on 15 Feb 2012, which was after Vineeto had become the same as Richard, in other words after there were both a male and a female fully free.

Cheers Vineeto

[Kub933]

Last night when I got home my dog poncho gave me a perfect demonstration of what fear is, that it is ‘my’ hiding place. There was a moth flying about and he was trying to catch it, at the same time I very quickly clapped my hands to kill the moth - this happened right in front of his head. I saw his entire demeanour change in line with this fear and he slowly backed away and tucked himself under the table - it was fascinating! ‘me’ going into ‘my’ hiding place.

[Kub933]

Hi Vineeto,

I will reply to your latest post here :

@Vineeto

You must be delighted to have found more puzzles to solve.

Actually for the first time this is not something that I am finding very attractive anymore. Looking around in this area of being a ‘man’ I cannot seem to find much else. However I do agree with what you wrote here :

Vineeto: Even though one can become actually free without having dismantled the whole of one’s social identity – if aspects of it bother you now then now is the time to examine those and may remove a lot of your present ‘jitters’. It will also remove various obstacles/ concerns which you may come across exploring the full range of naiveté and being as close to innocence as a ‘self’ can be.

Those last 2 points are relevant and related, in that there is clearly something blocking naivete from flourishing fully. And I very much find this prospect attractive, to find a way for naivete to flourish fully - both because of the immediate reward and because it is the best thing ‘I’ can presently do to get closer to reaching ‘my’ destiny.

What I can locate in myself which is possibly blocking naivete from flourishing is this deep feeling that I am disliked by others. This feeling goes against all my day to day experience so clearly there is something there. As an example with my hen party work, I have done at least a thousand of these events now and in 99% of the cases they are all having a great time and clearly they very much enjoy having me there. And yet almost every time as I am on my way to meet a new group there is this deep feeling/expectation/belief that they will dislike me. Now this feeling will usually disappear within a couple of minutes of me meeting the group as I find out yet again that they are enjoying my company. And yet the next time around the expectation is still there, against this overwhelming amount of data pointing in the other direction. So clearly there is this aspect of - fervently wishing something to be true.

It seems this may be related to the fact that I was never able to quite relate like others did. That there were all these rules and double meanings and hidden messages that perhaps I could not pick up and inadvertently I would sooner or latter accidentally transgress some expectation or boundary. I always found people to be very volatile in this manner, that niceness would very quickly turn to malice when I did not “play ball”.
Now again this really seems like a “phantom problem” because I can’t remember the last time someone was less than nice towards me

But perhaps the belief is that the only reason I am able to maintain niceness with others is because I am “playing ball” with them and so if the controller was to disappear and then ‘I’ was ‘being’ naivete as an ongoing modus operandi then ‘my’ very presence would be an irritant to others.

There was something that was written in one of the links you included : That the society we exist in is a fun and sex depreciating society, it’s a bit like that. It’s not just a case of the fear of being different but I am worried about people attacking me when I no longer give credence to all this seriousness. That by living naively and in gay abandon I will sooner or later accidentally transgress some boundary. Will I laugh when I was supposed to be serious? Will I forget to reciprocate some unspoken rule? Will I not realise that they other expects me to respond in this particular way etc.

And I am scared of this, because I have seen just how quickly the so called goodness flips into malice, that I am a friend as long as I “play ball” and then very quickly I become foe.

Actually the correspondence Richard had on the AFT when he first went public is a perfect demonstration of this, and the same for ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’. What incredible push back against well meaning fellow human beings demonstrating a different way of doing things.

This is certainly what I have enjoyed immensely when talking with you Vineeto, that there is no malice that I could accidentally trigger, it is so safe. And of course at times you will discover something that will trigger ‘me’ but that is ‘my’ business. It is an impression which has burned itself deep into ‘me’, seeing what it is like to interact with somebody that will never ever ‘bite’.

[Kub933]

Actually the correspondence Richard had on the AFT when he first went public is a perfect demonstration of this, and the same for ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’. What incredible push back against well meaning fellow human beings demonstrating a different way of doing things.

I guess Richard never experienced a single ‘bite’ though and was obviously physically safe throughout all this discussion. So I wonder is it the same with ‘being’ naivete, that of course there is a world of identities that would demand one to be serious and yet it doesn’t have to count for anything at all.

It seems the ‘jitters’ are related to my fear of others. Of course naivete will not flourish if ‘I’ still feel deep down that ‘I’ have to remain on guard. Of course ‘I’ will not retire and go into gay abandon if ‘I’ feel that ‘I’ exist in a world full of dangerous entities.

And I can see this is a vastly different mindset to the one of naivete - a world full of dangerous entities where ‘I’ must remain on guard, almost as if ‘I’ am entering a battlefield vs a world where I get to meet fellow human beings and to delight in fun and intimacy.