So dealing with a customer at work just now it clicked experientially what Richard wrote in his journal - “It is possible to be sensitive without being vulnerable”.
I can see in the past there were 2 choices (apparently) either to care and in the process of it to become emotionally tangled up with the other or to apply some kind of a callous distance that would prevent the tangling up but also stop the caring.
The problem with the first option was that even if I did care, there was that aspect of empathic burnout, as in there is only so much I could take before their hurt would become almost as if an irritant to me. And then whatever caring was in place would swiftly turn into malice. This feature is not my personal shortcoming but rather an inevitable outcome of relating in this manner, that it to say it will happen sooner or later.
The second option - a callous distance - really needs no further explanation on why it does not work 
But indeed there is the third alternative of being sensitive without becoming vulnerable, that is to say that my caring can be cranked up without it becoming an emotional involvement. And that is a wonderful thing! It means there is no reason anymore to hold back on genuine caring and consideration. It also means that I do not require the other to change, which means that for the first time assistance can come freely.