Kuba: There is something that has been clarifying itself over the past few days, it’s a point that I have been understanding more and more over the years, which is that the actualism method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. It’s weird how this could take so long to fully sink in, but I see that in the past I saw actualism as something that Srinath summarised when he wrote that with actualism one does not turn the T rex that is ‘me’ into a plush toy. Essentially it’s that in the past I approached actualism as if it was some psychological or therapeutic method which would inject happiness and harmlessness into the structure that is ‘me’. And in this misunderstanding I would waste a lot of time with ‘investigation’ which just went round in circles. It was back to front, ‘me’ along with ‘my’ various self-centred concerns would remain centre-stage and any progress would have to fit into that structure of ‘me’. This is something that Geoffrey was quick to point out last time we spoke on zoom, that all this ‘investigation’ is wasting time.
Hi Kuba,
Ha, here is the person, having succeeded in dismantling ‘his’ obstructive tricks for being happy and harmless and declaring that all these investigations were a waste of time? At least this is how this paragraph reads to me. From where you started – and everyone has to start where they are at – these deliberations and realisations and insights, with the following actualisations of those insights – were necessary to remove the inevitable roadblocks which any lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity will/would put up for their survival.
It is only in hindsight that you can see that your worry and struggle was for naught, because the actual world is already here and is only obscured by ‘your’ persistent presence. Why does Richard say –
Richard: I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. (Richard’s Journal, Appendix 3, p. 282).
– if the process of dismantling ‘me’ doesn’t take daring and audacity?
It took persistence and courage to come to the point where you had to face the fact that nothing of ‘you’ will remain if/when you proceed to your destiny. And this is marvellous and worth your full appreciation.
Kuba: But I never wanted to accept this point, because it meant that ‘me’ along with ‘my’ concerns are not primary, that enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is where ‘I’ become unimportant, it cuts through all the red tape so to speak. That the actualism method is about a self-diminishing inclination, ‘I’ don’t become a plush toy but rather ‘I’ become less and less important, and enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is the very means to effect this change, as well as being the end goal itself. The other related point is that enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is unconditional, that is why it is always available now, it does not take a step by step process or a length of time to become available. The “hard” in actualism is when ‘I’ try to fit enjoyment and appreciation into the conditional outlines of ‘me’, then enjoying and appreciating seems to be only available if X and Y happens first. Essentially ‘I’ turn enjoying and appreciating into a conditional affair, dictated by ‘my’ self-centred involvements, and then wonder why it is so difficult, fleeting etc, Meanwhile the option to enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive is right here for the taking this whole time.
Well said – and of course most people do this because this is how both the instinctual and the social programming operates in everybody. It’s really funny, only when the “hard” way, the ‘self’-affirming struggle, fails does one dare to consider the (frightening) prospect of trying out the ‘self’-diminishing option – such as putting everything on a “it-doesn’t-really-matter” basis. That’s where courage is required, scrupulous honesty and integrity.
Kuba: So to summarise the past few days I have been observing that the method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, that this is always unconditional, and also just how much time I have spent as an actualist focusing on anything but enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. I guess this might be normal, in that at first ‘I’ have to sort through the mess that is the human condition and so ‘I’ have ‘my’ hands busy looking at this and that, and then eventually with the bulk of that stuff out of the way, the simplicity of the method hoves into view.
Yes, that is why I responded to your first paragraph as I did. Ha, actuality may well be “a joyful elephant in the corner of the room just waiting to be noticed all along” (link), as Felipe termed it tongue-in-cheek, but as many, if not all of you, have experienced, there is a price of admission to be able to again and again notice and experience it. This price of admission is both ‘my’ recalcitrant ego and ‘my’ contumacious soul and they are both more sticky than duct tape aka hurricane tape. It wants removing bit by bit.
Kuba: What I have been observing too is that with unconditional enjoyment and appreciation – of the very fact of being alive now – becoming a standard of experiencing, the various conditional enjoyments become a cherry on top of the cake. Whereas when that unconditional enjoyment and appreciation was lacking there was no amount of conditional enjoyments that could ever fill the void, then ‘I’ would become desperately involved, clawing at some way to gain happiness in that conditional manner, by controlling this and that but knowing full well that ‘I’ will plunge into emptiness sooner or later. To enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive means that I have enough already simply by virtue of being here, and then the conditional things look so much different, they don’t ultimately matter, and because they don’t ultimately matter they can be enjoyed and appreciated fully too, for what they are. The universe has already filled the cup full – that is the way things are – and then it’s a question of just what I would like to do on top of all this fullness, which cherry to place on top of the cake, but it matters not ultimately, and then it can be fun.
An excellent description and I much appreciate that you are able to experience it. You might like this one –
Richard: With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more selflessly motivated. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric … the humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness become more and more evident as an actuality.
And all this while I asked ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive? … and the essential character of the perfection of the physical infinitude of this material universe was enabled by ‘my’ concurrence. This enabling is experienced as a ‘pure intent’ running as a ‘golden thread’, as it were, from the purity and perfection of the PCE to that little-used faculty: naiveté (which is the closest one can get to innocence). (Richard, List B, James, 17 Oct 1999a).
Kuba: Oh and I have to add that it was Vineeto’s wonderful post to Andrew that helped me put this together too – Andrew - #1478 by Vineeto
(link)
Indeed, it is to allow this “little-used faculty: naiveté” to flourish, which will enable one to see “the “hard” in actualism”, the addiction to being ‘me’, as a superfluous appendix that can joyfully be discarded.
Cheers Vineeto
. Basically I have come to locate this fundamental insecurity, it expresses itself in many different ways but they all trace back to the same place. Some of the ways it expresses itself in is for example this undercurrent of feeling that I may have made a mistake for which I will be criticised, that I have inadvertently got on the wrong side of someone etc. This feeling is what the high achiever / perfectionist would cover up in the past. Oh you know in the PCE video when Richard gives the example of “excuse me for taking up space” - that is the feeling! In that place it feels like ‘I’ am so small and the world is towering over ‘me’ and ‘I’ am just waiting to be crushed. And this fundamental insecurity, it’s various tentacles reach into many different parts of 'my’ persona, although now it’s a bit like the tentacles have been chopped off one after the other (such as the high achiever / perfectionist etc) and now I am able to see just that place of ‘my’ fundamental insecurity.