There is something that has been clarifying itself over the past few days, it’s a point that I have been understanding more and more over the years, which is that the actualism method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. It’s weird how this could take so long to fully sink in, but I see that in the past I saw actualism as something that Srinarth summarised when he wrote that with actualism one does not turn the T rex that is ‘me’ into a plush toy. Essentially it’s that in the past I approached actualism as if it was some psychological or therapeutic method which would inject happiness and harmlessness into the structure that is ‘me’. And in this misunderstanding I would waste a lot of time with ‘investigation’ which just went round in circles. It was back to front, ‘me’ along with ‘my’ various self-centred concerns would remain centre-stage and any progress would have to fit into that structure of ‘me’. This is something that Geoffrey was quick to point out last time we spoke on zoom, that all this ‘investigation’ is wasting time.
But I never wanted to accept this point, because it meant that ‘me’ along with ‘my’ concerns are not primary, that enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is where ‘I’ become unimportant, it cuts through all the red tape so to speak. That the actualism method is about a self-diminishing inclination, ‘I’ don’t become a plush toy but rather ‘I’ become less and less important, and enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is the very means to effect this change, as well as being the end goal itself. The other related point is that enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is unconditional, that is why it is always available now, it does not take a step by step process or a length of time to become available. The “hard” in actualism is when ‘I’ try to fit enjoyment and appreciation into the conditional outlines of ‘me’, then enjoying and appreciating seems to be only available if X and Y happens first. Essentially ‘I’ turn enjoying and appreciating into a conditional affair, dictated by ‘my’ self-centred involvements, and then wonder why it is so difficult, fleeting etc, Meanwhile the option to enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive is right here for the taking this whole time.
So to summarise the past few days I have been observing that the method is enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive, that this is always unconditional and also just how much time I have spent as an actualist focusing on anything but enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. I guess this might be normal, in that at first ‘I’ have to sort through the mess that is the human condition and so ‘I’ have ‘my’ hands busy looking at this and that, and then eventually with the bulk of that stuff out of the way, the simplicity of the method hoves into view.
What I have been observing too is that with unconditional enjoyment and appreciation - of the very fact of being alive now - becoming a standard of experiencing, the various conditional enjoyments become a cherry on top of the cake. Whereas when that unconditional enjoyment and appreciation was lacking there was no amount of conditional enjoyments that could ever fill the void, then ‘I’ would become desperately involved, clawing at some way to gain happiness in that conditional manner, by controlling this and that but knowing full well that ‘I’ will plunge into emptiness sooner or later. To enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive means that I have enough already simply by virtue of being here, and then the conditional things look so much different, they don’t ultimately matter, and because they don’t ultimately matter they can be enjoyed and appreciated fully too, for what they are. The universe has already filled the cup full - that is the way things are - and then it’s a question of just what I would like to do on top of all this fullness, which cherry to place on top of the cake, but it matters not ultimately, and then it can be fun.
Oh and I have to add that it was Vineeto’s wonderful post to Andrew that helped me put this together too - Andrew - #1478 by Vineeto