Kuba: I am seeing all this more clearly now, also I see where I have been going wrong in the past. The words “taking ‘myself’ into actuality” really summarise what ‘I’ had been doing. It’s all in the distinction between self-enhancing/ maintaining and self-diminishing. Back around the time of the fake out from control ‘I’ kept ‘myself’ intact, do-er and all, and then tried to shove this package into some manufactured, new state of ‘being’, that is the wrong direction, this is all self-enhancing/ maintaining. Just like actual freedom is a description of the condition which ensues when ‘I’ am eradicated, out from control is the description of the state which ensues when the do-er is abeyant. Meaning that both descriptions are referring to what happens when something is removed/out of the way, not when the already existing package is kept intact and taken into something more. And no wonder I was experiencing such intense resistance.
I can write this confidently now because I can experience what happens when for a period of time ‘I’ become somewhat diluted/irrelevant, then it is seen that ‘I’ have arrogated ‘myself’ over life with disastrous consequences, and then when this is seen all of a sudden everything is already in its rightful place. Then it is seen that it was ‘my’ absence/ diminishment which was needed in order to reveal the perfection and purity which was already actual all this time.
And this is so much easier in that sense, because in the past ‘I’ took on the impossible task of trying to match actuality, as ‘I’ was trying to shove ‘myself’ in there, this took enormous and ongoing effort, in that sudorific sense, and anyways ‘I’ failed every-time. But actually none of that was ever needed.
So what I am experiencing is exactly that sense of ‘me’ initially doing ‘my’ normal order of operations, control and all, and then it’s like everything stops as ‘I’ realise that once again ‘I’ am simply arrogating ‘myself’ over life, that this is not needed, it’s this extra thing that does nobody any favours.
But then I have been thinking, the way Richard described ‘my’ self-immolation, that after the fact one (as a flesh and blood body) can know that ‘I’ never actually existed in the first place, and yet for ‘me’ it is a death which is as real as it gets. And it seems similar with this issue of control, in that for ‘me’ as the do-er ‘my’ control is very real, ‘I’ cannot abandon control by merely adopting a belief that says “‘I’ was never really in control”, this would be more like some buddhistic thing, it’s self-deception. Rather it is only when ‘I’ have already allowed life to happen of its own accord that ‘I’ can then look back and see that none of that activity was ever needed, but the do-er cannot know this from behind ‘his’ throne, it is only known when the do-er has already got out of the way, willingly.
Although these descriptions are still only temporary excursions, this is not the actualism process having been set in motion. (link)
Hi Kuba,
This is such a wonderful summary of the whole process of actualism – I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It’s spelling it out that the whole method and process of actualism is about diminishing what is in the way of actuality becoming apparent, removing one ‘self-centric habit/ belief/ action of ‘me’ after another. In principle it is all so simple, the doing of it is another matter.
The reason why/ when putting this insight into practice is difficult is because each of us has/ had an in-built screaming baby, my ‘self’, made very real and convincing via feelings and passions as part of the animal inheritance, which obscures this very simply fact: when ‘I’ stop screaming (passionately feeling this or that and insisting that ‘I’ have to be somebody, somebody special) then there is peace and perfection.
Hence all the various actualism techniques to quiet down the screaming baby and slowly seduce it to stop flailing and thrashing about and start enjoying and appreciating being here, being alive and revel in the fact that everything is already perfect.
I think the two most potent techniques at any stage in the process are
1. being kind to yourself and
2. put everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-really-matter’ basis.
If you can sincerely and consistently apply both these techniques, the process of undoing your ‘self’ is increasingly enjoyable and immense cause for appreciation.
Besides, nothing really matters in the long run, because in the end ‘you’ will quit (either involuntary when your life-time is up, or voluntarily at any time ‘you’ are ready). You, Kuba, say above – “for ‘me’ it is a death which is as real as it gets”. It’s only a death as long as there is still resistance to see sense, complete 100% sense – then it’s a longed-for abdication, a willing disappearance into oblivion because (to quote Geoffrey) “no ‘weight’, no drama… just the only thing that made sense, the only sensible thing.” I know from ‘Vineeto’, first one needs to wrestle with, and/or soothe, and/or seduce, the screaming ‘me’ who doesn’t want to see sense.
It is already always perfect, perfection is already here. Stand still and ‘come’ here where you already are.
Give yourself permission to give up all responsibility and all struggle. As Richard says to ‘Vineeto’ in the Out-from-Control video: “I have no responsibility”.
Andrew might like this one too. (see link)
Cheers Vineeto
And sure enough about 30minutes later after I was done cooking for me and Sonya I noticed that the kitchen was clean, of course I was the one that did the cleaning but the ‘doer’ had no part, it took no effort.