This helps me understand how I am also doing this behaviour. It is as Richard put it
“ One sets them free of ‘my’ graceless demands … ‘my’ endless neediness born out of being alone in the world.”
I do in other ways. Obviously, I chose at some point to single out my mother’s style of demanding recognition as being particularly obnoxious, but I do this very thing in my own way.
The demand for recognition, especially when I am successful at something has always been strong. On the flip side, the demand to be acknowledged when I am doing badly, or failing.
This was a very eye opening theme the past year, learning about so called “cluster C” personality disorders, and that while I am most likely not clinical, I can recognise the pattern. This is when someone demands sympathy, and manipulation is based on playing to others sympathy.
That does give me a “break in the clouds “, being able to recognise that while I do this demanding of acknowledgment in a different way, it is no less obnoxious. I may have found ways to demand it that some people will tolerate, even enjoy giving such acknowledgment, but it’s not going to get me anywhere by ignoring the universality of this demand.
This has stopped the proliferation of my excuses and anger into multiple directions. Having this as the overarching premise, I can remember now that this trigger is essentially believing that I am better than others because I don’t do this demand for acknowledgement in one certain way (like my mother), but I am doing it all the same!
I read a couple of nights ago this;
Vineeto: Aggression – Besides physical attack, aggression has many more subtle nuances: blaming, resentment, verbal abuse, nagging, boredom, being the victim, arrogance, clever-clever, competition, self-destruction and revenge. I made use of this instinct for becoming free as a bloody-mindedness, persistence, not to ‘let the buggers get me down’ and refusal to run with the crowd.“
Vineeto SC Instinctual Passions.
In other news, I booked an appointment with an Accountant, to sort out the practical things “under the carpet “.
Cheers
Andrew