James' Journal

[Vineeto]

James: My current objection to pure intent and self-immolation: How can I experience pure intent and self-immolation when I am hurting all the time? (link)

Hi James,

Regarding your pain, you can start by ceasing to emotionally object to the pain. By fighting the pain you give it additional energy with your affective objection and thus add suffering to physical hurt.

Richard: Every moment again is an occasion to improve your lot … when you are interacting with someone, either face to face or on the telephone … or a back-ache: ‘Oh god, how terrible!’ … another opportunity. It is bad enough to feel pain, why make it worse by adding an emotional suffering like ‘I feel terrible’? To feel terrible, emotionally, on top of the physical pain is simply silly when it is possible to disentangle oneself, emotionally, and still feel good about being alive, about being here. This is being sensible, is it not? To feel good, if not happy, all the time? (Richard, Audiotaped Dialogues, Silly or Sensible).

You recently wrote in Claudiu’s Journal –

James to Claudiu: (link) In your day to day experience when you are not in a pce do you want self-immolation more than you want your significant other or your work and career?
I don’t recall wanting self-immolation like that? Right now I want to be healthy more than I want self-immolation. Of course I am not in a pce. (link)

You made it clear, that “to be healthy” is your top priority. However, if you do not consider self-immolation as your top priority you can nevertheless choose to live in virtual freedom –

Richard: What the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom is on about is a virtual freedom wherein the ‘good’ feelings – the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) are minimised along with the ‘bad’ feelings – the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) – so that one is free to feel well, feel happy and feel perfect for 99% of the time. If one minimises the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and activates the felicitous/ innocuous feelings – happiness, delight, appreciation, joie de vivre/ bonhomie, friendliness, amiability and so on – in conjunction with sensuousness – then the ensuing sense of amazement, marvel and wonder can result in apperceptiveness.
If it does not … then one is way ahead of normal human expectations anyway as the aim is to enjoy and appreciate being here now for as much as is possible.
It is a win/win situation. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 19e, 26 Dec 2000).

For experiencing Virtual Freedom “the first and crucial step” is to get rid of resentment. If, for instance, you prefer to complain about/ resent an obvious fact of life that one can only be as healthy as one is at this moment of being alive (with the available help of modern medicine) then that would be a sheer waste of this moment of being alive –

Richard: … the first thing ‘I’ did, in January 1981, was to put an end to anger once and for all … then ‘I’ was freed enough to live in an ad hoc virtual freedom. It took ‘me’ about three weeks and I have never experienced anger since then. The first and crucial step was to say ‘YES’ to being here on earth, for ‘I’ located and identified that basic resentment that all people that I have spoken to have. To wit: ‘I didn’t ask to be born!’
This is why remembering a PCE is so important for success for it shows one, first hand, that freedom is already always here … now. With the memory of that crystal-clear perfection held firmly in mind, that basic resentment vanishes forever, and then it is a relatively easy task to eliminate anger once and for all. One does this by neither expressing or repressing anger when an event happens that would previously trigger an outbreak. Anger is thus put into a bind, and the third alternative hoves into view, dispensing with the hostility that is a large part of ‘I’ the aggressive psychological entity, and gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more selflessly motivated. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric … the humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness become more and more evident as an actuality. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 34b, 11 July 1999).

Does this clarify, and perhaps simplify, things for you?

Cheers Vineeto

[jamesjjoo]

Yes thanks Vineeto, actually it does clarify and simplify things for me. I am still living independently at home and its not that bad. I have plenty of help from my doctor prescribing some relative mild to moderate pain meds which help w/o being addictive w/o bad side effects , my maid who cleaned my house today, and my neighbor who put in my new air conditioner yesterday. I am still able to enjoy and appreciate while getting my shopping done and eating.
Your reminder of a virtual freedom was timely because that sounds doable even if I am unable to go all the way and there is nothing wrong with being 99.9 % free.
Also, I haven’t given up on improvement of my condition. While scrolling on Facebook I ran across an add for Texas Back Relief and clicked on it from which they got my phone # and persistently called me about getting a second opinion. I have agreed for an appt with their Neurosurgeon who is an Indian Dr with 37 yrs experience so maybe he can help me.
A virtual freedom with mild to moderate pain sounds doable, Thanks for the guidance, The appt is Thurs so will let you know how it goes. This just my be the right path for me at this point. It is 20 miles away with a nice freeway all the way and the person I talked to on the phone sounded friendly and courteous. I expect everything to go good,

[Vineeto]

James: Yes thanks Vineeto, actually it does clarify and simplify things for me. I am still living independently at home and its not that bad. I have plenty of help from my doctor prescribing some relative mild to moderate pain meds which help w/o being addictive w/o bad side effects, my maid who cleaned my house today, and my neighbor who put in my new air conditioner yesterday. I am still able to enjoy and appreciate while getting my shopping done and eating.
Your reminder of a virtual freedom was timely because that sounds doable even if I am unable to go all the way and there is nothing wrong with being 99.9 % free.
Also, I haven’t given up on improvement of my condition. While scrolling on Facebook I ran across an add for Texas Back Relief and clicked on it from which they got my phone # and persistently called me about getting a second opinion. I have agreed for an appt with their Neurosurgeon who is an Indian Dr with 37 yrs experience so maybe he can help me.
A virtual freedom with mild to moderate pain sounds doable, Thanks for the guidance, The appt is Thurs so will let you know how it goes. This just my be the right path for me at this point. It is 20 miles away with a nice freeway all the way and the person I talked to on the phone sounded friendly and courteous. I expect everything to go good, (link)

Hi James,

Thank you for your reply. I noticed that you only commented on outward physical changes which improve(d) your condition but not about the experimental option which might well bring a permanent change to feeling more felicitous and appreciative being alive –

Vineeto: … you can start by ceasing to emotionally object to the pain. By fighting the pain you give it additional energy with your affective objection and thus add suffering to physical hurt. (link)

You do understand, do you, that as long as you nurse any kind objection/ resentment, you are not yet “99.9 % free” and there is still room for improvement.

Cheers Vineeto

[jamesjjoo]

Thanks again Vineeto for another timely reminder. I really got it this time. Actually, I really got both of your salient points: 1) Its the experiential option that can bring about a permanent change along with the physical changes, 2) Don’t harbor objection/resentment to the pain or anything else. I cannot be 99.9% free as long as I do.
I have really noticed this time that as long as I have any objection or resentment to the pain or any thing else then I will not be virtually free.
It has made a huge difference to me to focus on virtual freedom before I try for actual freedom.
I recall @geoffrey saying this was important also.
I really appreciate your detailed attention in guiding me.
I can now better cope with my pain whether the new doctor can help me or if it gets worse. This has helped me to make a huge breakthrough in pain management and virtual freedom simultaneously.

[Vineeto]

James: Thanks again Vineeto for another timely reminder. I really got it this time. Actually, I really got both of your salient points: 1) It’s the experiential option that can bring about a permanent change along with the physical changes, 2) Don’t harbor objection/ resentment to the pain or anything else. I cannot be 99.9% free as long as I do.
I have really noticed this time that as long as I have any objection or resentment to the pain or any thing else then I will not be virtually free.
It has made a huge difference to me to focus on virtual freedom before I try for actual freedom.
I recall @geoffrey saying this was important also.
I really appreciate your detailed attention in guiding me.
I can now better cope with my pain whether the new doctor can help me or if it gets worse. This has helped me to make a huge breakthrough in pain management and virtual freedom simultaneously. (link)

Hi James,

You are welcome.

This is really a great report of success. As you say “I really got it this time.”

I particularly like that you say you “can now better cope with my pain whether the new doctor can help me or if it gets worse”.

Each time the habit to reject pain wants to return you replace it with an emotional acceptance as being all part and parcel of being alive. So it will no longer be a hindrance to you enjoying and appreciating being alive.

This is wonderful.

Vineeto

[jamesjjoo]

I have some objections and resentments arising that are interfering with my quest for virtual freedom which seem to be related to authority.
The private messages on this forum aren’t really private if some people have access to them. I don’t even know who these people are or why they have the authority to do that.
Also still have an issue with my health care. I have resentment to them stopping me from using thc even though this could be helping me. It is the authority I resent.
I think this is related to my father asserting his authority over me and the way he did it.

[Vineeto]

Deleted double posting.
Vineeto

[Vineeto]

James: I have some objections and resentments arising that are interfering with my quest for virtual freedom which seem to be related to authority.
The private messages on this forum aren’t really private if some people have access to them. I don’t even know who these people are or why they have the authority to do that.
Also still have an issue with my health care. I have resentment to them stopping me from using thc even though this could be helping me. It is the authority I resent.
I think this is related to my father asserting his authority over me and the way he did it. (link)

Hi James,

Having a complaint that live isn’t fair?

And yet you are presenting the same topics of problems I have answered for you several times – resentment and objection to authority, which both means you are really resenting that the world is as it is and people are as they are. For instance –

Vineeto: According to the sequence of what you wrote, the trigger is not the pain itself but your emotional reaction to it. This is called resentment. You had the pain for a long time and it waxes and wanes, that is the nature of your particular condition. Of course, you do whatever is practical and possible regarding the physical condition. However, it is your resentment about having the pain in the first place, which acerbates it and feeds ‘me’, it feeds your feeling bad and angry about the pain.
Or you can change being resentful and angry because you acknowledge that are your feelings. I had feedback from several other people who have given up their resentment with instant success including diminishment of pain for some, after understanding this simple mechanism that one can change one’s affective outlook on life when recognizing that ‘I’ am my feelings.
Richard lived with his severe back pain for about a decade, after the pain medication stopped working. I never ever heard him complain about it nor did he stop enjoying and appreciating being alive.
You do not have to be depressed, unless you choose to be. (link)

Vineeto: For experiencing Virtual Freedom “the first and crucial step” is to get rid of resentment. If, for instance, you prefer to complain about/ resent an obvious fact of life that one can only be as healthy as one is at this moment of being alive (with the available help of modern medicine) then that would be a sheer waste of this moment of being alive –

Richard: … the first thing ‘I’ did, in January 1981, was to put an end to anger once and for all … then ‘I’ was freed enough to live in an ad hoc virtual freedom. It took ‘me’ about three weeks and I have never experienced anger since then. The first and crucial step was to say ‘YES’ to being here on earth, for ‘I’ located and identified that basic resentment that all people that I have spoken to have. To wit: ‘I didn’t ask to be born!’
This is why remembering a PCE is so important for success for it shows one, first hand, that freedom is already always here … now. With the memory of that crystal-clear perfection held firmly in mind, that basic resentment vanishes forever, and then it is a relatively easy task to eliminate anger once and for all. One does this by neither expressing or repressing anger when an event happens that would previously trigger an outbreak. Anger is thus put into a bind, and the third alternative hoves into view, dispensing with the hostility that is a large part of ‘I’ the aggressive psychological entity, and gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more selflessly motivated. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric … the humanitarian ideals of peace, kindness, caring, benevolence and humaneness become more and more evident as an actuality. [Emphases added]. (Richard, List B, No. 34b, 11 July 1999). (link)

On March 6 you reported that you “really got it”.

James: I really got it this time. Actually, I really got both of your salient points: 1) It’s the experiential option that can bring about a permanent change along with the physical changes, 2) Don’t harbor objection/ resentment to the pain or anything else. I cannot be 99.9% free as long as I do. (link)

And yet you here you are today wondering what to do about being resentful.

First, read what has been written before and what Richard said about getting rid of resentment – reflect, contemplate and become fascinated how the human condition works in you.

Then feel it, allow the feeling of resentment to the point or experiencing that you are this feeling, long enough to experientially recognize how silly it is to be this way.

From there you can choose to be something different, for instance instead be felicitous and appreciative of being alive on this wonderful planet earth.

Once this works, take note how you did it in order to use it next time – until you really get it, that any resentment is utterly silly, a waste of time, and doesn’t change anything at all except spoil this moment of being alive.

The same with the issue of authority – which is really emotionally saying, “I want it my way”, and then blame your father that you have this problem. Your father is long dead, you now have to deal with your feelings yourself, and you do it the same way as I laid out above. Accept emotionally what you may not be able to accept intellectually –

>>JAMES: … My question is: Can I accept the unacceptable? (…)
RICHARD: Given that people are as-they-are and that the world is as-it-is there are more than a few things which are ‘unacceptable’ (child abuse, rape, murder, torture and so on). What worked for me twenty-odd years ago, as a preliminary step, was to rephrase the question so that it makes sense (rather than vainly apply any of those unliveable ‘unconditional acceptance’ type injunctions):
• Can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable?
This way intelligence need not be compromised … intelligence will no longer be crippled. (Richard, List B, James2, 18 Aug 2001).

Again, take note how it works, so you don’t forget what to do when it occurs next time.

High time to play now rather than resenting something you cannot change, such as healthcare systems.

When you have a problem with list privacy, ask a moderator to explain it to you.

There is really nothing, nothing at all, that is worth giving the power to spoil this very moment, the only moment you can actually experience being alive.

Cheers Vineeto

[jamesjjoo]

Thanks Vineeto, I really did get it this time. In the words of John Mellencamp: “I fight authority, authority always wins.”
I am actually better off w/o thc and I don’t have any private messages anyway. As you said it is a waste of time to resist authority which takes away from my enjoyment of the moment.