James' Journal

James: There has been a noticeable breakthrough this morning. There is a discernible enjoyment and an upgrade in feeling good. Back to being glad to being alive. Things are looking up. I need to stay on track.
One thing I thought of is to enjoy and appreciate w/o thinking of how it should be. (link)

Hello James,

Congratulations, you cracked the code – “One thing I thought of is to enjoy and appreciate w/o thinking of how it should be.”

That’s being naïve and it makes everything so much easier.

Cheers Vineeto

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As I approach the end of my life I decided to look at my regrets and then I realized that I don’t have any. I consider this a good thing and due to actualism.

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James: As I approach the end of my life I decided to look at my regrets and then I realized that I don’t have any. I consider this a good thing and due to actualism. (link)

Hi James,

Good to hear from you.

To have no regrets is indeed a good thing and I am very pleased that actualism contributed substantially to you having a peaceful and harmonious remainder of your life.

I wish you the very best.

Cheers Vineeto

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Would it be possible to put the symbol for eyes back in the emojis? I found this emoji to be appropriate in certain situations. :eyes:

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I think its the attachment of love that stops most from going all the way to actual freedom. I just experienced love trying to return and I faced it down again. I saw what’s on the other side of freedom from love and I am in the clear. It’s freedom from the feeling of love that one has to be free from.

James: I think it’s the attachment of love that stops most from going all the way to actual freedom. I just experienced love trying to return and I faced it down again.

Hi James,

Love is indeed a strong and very seductive feeling with its inherent false guarantee to solve all problems of separation and its ever un-filled promise of Peace On Earth. Facing “it down again” will only temporarily suppress it. If that technique had been successful the first time, the temptation to experience it again would not have returned.

What you can do is to fully understand love, recognize at an experiential level (or from previous examples in your life) that the deeply felt promises always failed and recognize that at the deepest core ‘pure love’ also encapsulates ‘pure evil’, such as jealousy, possessiveness, exclusivity and revenge. Viz.:

Richard: ‘(…) love is usually considered sacrosanct … yet just as sorrow is essential for its antidotal compassion to flourish love is the antitoxin for malice: without malice, love has no raison d’être. I started to empirically encounter this, whilst sailing my yacht around tropical islands off the north-east coast of Australia with a choice companion, towards the end of 1987 and by about mid 1988 the unfolding of experience came to its inevitable realisation. Strangely enough it was the disclosure of the intrinsically manipulative nature of love – and ‘unconditional love’ at that – in 1987 which triggered the expansion of comprehension and experiential understanding of the composition of the affective faculty … with the concomitant growth of awareness’.
It was with Love Agapé being such a ‘sacred cow’ that there had initially been considerable uneasiness about a direct investigation – my initial enquiry had begun in India in 1984, whilst single and celibate, upon becoming suss about the Buddhist ‘karuna’ (pity-compassion) and ‘metta’ (loving-kindness) – hence there was a three year-long gestation period before the fact could be addressed squarely. Eventually what happened was that at anchor one velvety night with an ebbing tide chuckling its way past the hull what I then called ‘The Absolute’ presented itself as being feminine – a Radiant Being initially seen to be Pure Love – which femininity I would nowadays consider to be a product of me being of masculine gender. Due to an intensity of purpose there was the capacity to penetrate into the nature of this ‘Radiant Being’ and I was able to see ‘Her’ other face:
It was Pure Evil – the Diabolical underpins the Divine (link) – and upon such exposure ‘She’ (aka Love Agapé) disappeared forever … nevertheless it was not until 1992 that it all came to fruition.
There is a vast difference between ‘realisation’ and ‘actualisation’. (Richard, AF List, No. 41, 10 Feb 2003).

James: I saw what’s on the other side of freedom from love and I am in the clear. It’s freedom from the feeling of love that one has to be free from. (link)

If that is the case then this is magnificent – though I wonder if what you described having “faced it down again” did the trick. Perhaps this is only a short form of you telling it and not the whole story?

To put is differently, now that you “faced (…) down” “the attachment of love/ “the feeling of love” has this given you the green light to “going all the way to actual freedom”?

The following quote from Richard is just a reminder that “to stop feeling” is not “the way to actual freedom”

Richard: ‘Often people who do not read what I have to say with both eyes gain the impression that I am suggesting that people are to stop feeling … which I am not. My whole point is to cease ‘being’ – psychologically and psychically self-immolate – which means that the entire psyche itself is extirpated. That is, the biological instinctual package handed out by blind nature is deleted like a computer software programme (but with no ‘Recycle Bin’ to retrieve it from) so that the affective faculty is no more. Then – and only then – are there no feelings … as in a pure consciousness experience (PCE) where, with the self in abeyance, the feelings play no part at all. … (Richard, List B, No. 19e, 26 Dec 2000)

I also recommend watching the Actualism Method Excerpt video for refreshing your memory.

Cheers Vineeto

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Yes, I can see that I used the wrong terminology for describing the return of love. When I felt the love arising I experienced it w/o acting on it and let it pass away.

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Hi James,

Thank you for the clarification – that’s sounds like what Richard would call ‘nipping it in the bud’.

Now you maybe able to enjoy a naïve intimacy with a fellow human being without succumbing to the attractiveness of the feeling of affection –

Martin: What does that mean practically then Richard?
Richard: G’day Martin,
Essentially, what “that” meant practically for feeling-being ‘Grace’ was how ‘she’ needed to be fully alert, upon the emergence of (if not prior to) that third-stage ‘sweetness’, to the attractiveness of the feeling of affection/ of ‘self’-centrically being affectionate – so as to not instinctually veer off into the intimacy of love – and thereby remain steadfast with delighting in the physical proximity of the flesh-and-blood body typing these words (i.e., “the other”, in the nomenclature of the third paragraph from the top of this page, that ‘she’ conventionally referred to as “my partner”, when living what ‘she’ laconically termed “my other life”, during ‘her’ interactions on weekdays with female colleagues, friends, acquaintances, &c., in a neighbouring village). (Richard, List D, Martin, 6 Mar 2016).

Cheers Vineeto

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Yes, I think I see what you mean about making a distinction between ‘naive intimacy’ and love. What I felt was definitely love which was brought on from memory. I’m not sure that I have a memory of naive intimacy which Richard refers to as
third stage ‘sweetness’. I need to be on alert to distinguish ‘naive sweetness’ from love so as not to eliminate ‘sweetness’ when nipping love in the bud.

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James: Yes, I think I see what you mean about making a distinction between ‘naive intimacy’ and love. What I felt was definitely love which was brought on from memory. I’m not sure that I have a memory of naive intimacy which Richard refers to as third stage ‘sweetness’. I need to be on alert to distinguish ‘naive sweetness’ from love so as not to eliminate ‘sweetness’ when nipping love in the bud. (link)

Hi James,

The way to “not to eliminate ‘sweetness’ when nipping love in the bud” is to channel the affective energy of loving feelings into felicitous feelings. Nipping in the bud is not repressing or pushing away the feeling but rather with exquisite awareness to ‘redirect’ the affective energy into being the feeling of your choice – naïve sweetness.

As a reminder, here is how Richard suggested to access/ re-access naiveté –

Richard: Given that it is, plainly and simply, always ‘my’ choice as to how ‘I’ experience this moment then the optimum manner in which to do so is, of course, sincerely/ naïvely.
Thus the part-sentence in that previous post of mine [quote] ‘and to be sincere is to be the key which unlocks naiveté’ [endquote] is worth expanding upon.
The operative words in that part-sentence are [quote] ‘… to be the key …’ [endquote] and with particular emphasis on the word ‘be’ (rather than ‘have’ for instance).
In other words, to be sincerity (not only have sincerity) is to be the key (not merely have the key) to be naiveté (not just have naiveté).
(Bear in mind that, at root, ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’ and it will all become clear).
As there is something I have oft-times encouraged a fellow human being to try, in face-to-face interactions, which usually has the desired effect it is well worth detailing here:
Reach down inside of yourself intuitively (aka feeling it out) and go past the rather superficial emotions/ feelings (generally in the chest area) into the deeper, more profound passions/ feelings (generally in the solar plexus area) until you come to a place (generally about four-finger widths below the navel) where you intuitively feel you elementarily have existence as a feeling being (as in ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being … which is ‘being’ itself).
Now, having located ‘being’ itself, gently and tenderly sense out the area immediately below that (just above/ just before and almost touching on the sex centre).
Here you will find yourself both likeable and liking (for here lies sincerity/ naiveté).
Here is where you can, finally, like yourself (very important) no matter what.
Here is the nearest a ‘self’ can get to innocence whilst remaining a ‘self’.
Here lies tenderness/ sweetness and togetherness/ closeness.
Here is where it is possible to be the key. (Richard, List D, Srid, 26 May 2009).

Cheers Vineeto

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Took another step forward in my recovery this morn. I have gone from feeling good to enjoying and appreciating to now having fun.
I know that Richard emphasized having fun as a big step and I can see why. I recall Richard saying to me that having fun is what I can do while waiting for af. As Vineeto says “let it rip”.

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I expect to be healthy, happy and harmless.

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James: I expect to be healthy, happy and harmless. (link)

Hi James,

Here is what you can do additional to “expect to be … happy and harmless”

James: Ok, then the way I am understanding it is to investigate either the good or bad feelings, whichever might be present, in order to eliminate those and get back to being ‘felicitous/ innocuous’.
Richard: What I mean by [quote] ‘in the meanwhile’ [endquote] refers to the opportunity, each moment again, for the already always existing actual world to become apparent for the very asking, as it were, not being taken full advantage of.
In other words, directing all of that affective energy (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself) into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings is what can be done so as to effect what the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years lived circa March-September 1981, as a deliberate imitation of the actual experienced in a pure consciousness experience (PCE), and which has become known as a virtual freedom … to wit: being as happy and as harmless (free of malice and sorrow) as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’.
Such imitative felicity/ innocuity, in conjunction with sensuosity, readily evokes amazement, marvel, and delight … a state of wide-eyed wonder best expressed by the word naiveté.
Naiveté, being the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence, allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is to operate more and more freely. This intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with the imitative affective happiness and harmlessness, will do the rest.
All that was required was ‘my’ cheerful concurrence. [Emphases added]. (Richard, AF List, James, 11 Sep 2005a).

Cheers Vineeto

What I had in mind by saying ‘I expect to be happy and harmless’ is to actually be h & h upon saying it and not just continue to talk about it. I noticed recently that I have not been being h & h.

I understand what R is saying in the above quote. It just seems more direct when I put it this way.

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It’s the memory that brings back the feeling. When I remember her the feelings come back.

What if you weren’t able to feel. What would the memory do then?

Good question. Since this is hypothetical I really don’t know. My guess is that if I had no feeling I would be actually free and the memory would have no affect.
Actually, My memory is that Richard showed that the feeling comes first which was demonstrated by LeDeaux.
What do you think? What is your point?

My main point would be that someone who is without identity would be free to think and remember anything at all without becoming passionately involved/moved. No longer could they be tortured or titillated by memory.

And not that you were suggesting this, but they would have no need to avoid certain thoughts/memories in an attempt to avoid the accompanying emotional turmoil. Nor would they need to avoid certain physical sensations (often a smell of something can bring back a memory, just like photographs can). Nor would they be engaged in evoking thoughts/memories in order to evoke the thrill of the accompanying emotions they trigger.

Existence of feeling-being places boundaries and exerts control on what one can and can’t think about, or what one can or can’t do. Look at all the discussion of this “wall of fear” thing and in the end it turns out to be a big nothing-burger. It was entirely safe to proceed further the entire time and its presence seemingly only served to delay or distort any comprehension of that fact.

If one were to not question the role that feelings are playing in this situation, their only option would be to control what they remember, and avoid thinking about particular memories. Or perhaps attempt to end thinking altogether.

I think just like sensory-stimuli can evoke certain feelings, so too can thoughts. There seems to be a feedback loop where a thought can trigger a feeling just like a feeling can trigger thinking. I think we sometimes experience this as “spiraling.”

When it comes to the discussion on LeDeoux, I think the most important detail that Richard and Peter explored is that when it comes to sensory-perception, the affective faculty gets a look-in on it first before the more developed neo-cortex/thinking faculty (about 20ms later) This mean that before one is even making a considered appraisal of the situation, an instinctual-affective response has already occurred and is flooding the brain and body with hormones. It can be overpowering and frequently tends to be an overreaction that doesn’t match the circumstances.

The discussion on this topic on the Actual Freedom page is fascinating but right now I’m having trouble accessing the website. I’m impressed by Peter’s ability to write about the topic - it’s a dense read but very coherent. I pulled an AI summary of LeDoux on this topic included below:

Joseph LeDoux’s research on the “emotional brain” describes two distinct neural pathways for processing threats, neither of which is literally a “broadband connection”

. The phrase is a metaphor to illustrate the difference between the rapid, unconscious “low road” and the slower, more deliberate “high road” by which sensory information reaches the brain’s emotional center, the amygdala.

The fast “low road”

  • Pathway: This is a quick, subcortical route that sends sensory information directly from the thalamus—the brain’s primary sensory relay center—to the amygdala.
  • Function: It allows for a rapid, automatic, and largely unconscious emotional response to a potential threat before the conscious brain has fully processed what is happening. For example, jumping back from a perceived snake on a path before you realize it’s just a stick.

The slower “high road”

  • Pathway: This cortical pathway is longer and more complex. It routes sensory information from the thalamus to the sensory cortex for detailed analysis before it is sent to the amygdala.
  • Function: This allows for a more conscious, thoughtful, and accurate assessment of the stimulus. It can override or contextualize the initial reaction from the low road—for instance, allowing you to calm down once you realize the stick is not a snake.

The amygdala as the “relay center”

In LeDoux’s model, the amygdala acts as the central hub for processing and assigning emotional significance to sensory inputs.

  • The lateral nucleus of the amygdala is the main sensory input area where the low road and high road converge.
  • The amygdala’s outputs then trigger the body’s defensive reactions, such as the “fight-or-flight” response, through projections to areas like the hypothalamus and brainstem.

LeDoux’s work on this dual-pathway system has been fundamental to understanding how the brain processes fear and emotion, and how these different neural circuits contribute to anxiety disorders

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My memory of her has returned which I take it that this is caused by the feeling. I can’t eradicate one w/o the other. In order to be free I have to lose both the feeling and the subsequent memory. I think the feeling must go first.

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I have learned to adjust my needs for being happy and harmless. I am happy to be able to still walk with the help of pain meds and tolerable pain. I am feeling good. I don’t need to feel better. I don’t need dope. This is good enough. I am happy and harmless as is.

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