Hunterad's journal

Journals
121

Totally, I hope you get there soon as it will be one more ‘data point’ to help convince me of the safety :grin:

The good times have been continuing, one point I’m noticing is that recognizing that I am my feelings and my feelings are me doesn’t just highlight how optional feeling bad is, it also makes it clear how “I” am this strange parallel process to what is actually going on in the world. “I” am just the one who ‘stands back and expresses a feeling’ about what is happening to use Richard’s words.

Something that’s been happening with my still somewhat frequent experiences of anxiety or disease is that I can sort of look at what the situation would be if I weren’t standing back and expressing that feeling and it’s becoming more obvious how it would be better.

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122

Yes I remember wondering what the affective faculty is and I thought to a baby in distress. That the distress is as you say “this strange parallel process” in that it is real, it even has actual bodily responses associated with it and yet the ‘distress’ itself is not actual, it is as if fabricated/manufactured in order to signal something to the caregiver.

Which is all well and good in animals that do not posses the intelligence to turn this “parallel process” into a full blown identity. But in human beings this “parallel process” is what ‘I’ am as a feeling being, ‘someone’ that can never ever be genuine.

Now I understand more why there is always this incredible sense of freedom and release when ‘I’ go into abeyance, because as a flesh and blood body only I am finally genuine. And it is this fact of being genuine, actual, that is worth so much. I remember during various PCEs being so utterly delighted to breathe actual air, that this experience in itself was enough, and more.

Hehe so here is another reason why proceeding towards actual freedom must be safe, what disappears (‘me’ in the entirety of ‘my’ being) was never actual. What is left is this actual, breathing, thinking, sensing flesh and blood body.

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123

Lately I’ve been getting stuck on the good feelings. Mostly pride and various forms of self-congratulation. It reminds me of eating some overly greasy fried chicken or something when I’m really hungry, despite having full confidence that I am doing something that will hurt me later, I just keep on going and going.

I’m at a point where I can at least somewhat see how “I” am the source of malice and sorrow, and I can also see how indulging in good feelings is just a way to strengthen me, but in those moments of ‘emotional licentiousness’ it doesn’t matter.

I think there is a inflection point that comes up time and time again where I permit just a little bit of good feelings to take hold when I am at my most happy and harmless, and then a little bit turns into a lot. It’s like there is a ‘producer’ and a ‘consumer’ in me, the producer leans into the happy and harmless feelings and things keep getting better and better, but the ‘consumer’ is there repeatedly asking “ok when do I really get to enjoy this for myself though?” Eventually I cave into the consumer and stop producing.

It’s not to say that the happy and harmless feelings aren’t enjoyable in their own right, but they do inherently come with me fading gradually into nothing, and “I” want to be part of the enjoyment.

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Hi Hunterad,

I am not sure if your choice of words - ‘emotional licentiousness’ is a coincidence or because of the recent discussions but either way I thought I would write a little. The below is not aimed as a critique of what you wrote but more like general observations I have had on this topic recently.

What I am wondering is to what extent an ‘actualist identity’ can get in the way of investigating all feelings. The funny thing is that I can see this doing this little switch around where the ‘good’ feelings are now ‘bad’ according to the ‘actualist identity’ :laughing: Which means they will be held at an arms length and ‘I’ might try to sort of gingerly walk around them haha.

What worked for me recently because I realised that I was addicted to those feelings - which meant that it wasn’t a question of can they go but do I want them to go - was to actually allow myself (without any morality at all) to experience them fully. Sure if I want ‘emotional licentiousness’ let’s have it (whilst acting in a socially acceptable manner of course).

And then it is a question of - well this is what those feelings deliver, do I want this for the rest of my life? Is this what I am looking for? Does it deliver the goods? etc. What I found was that when those feelings were allowed fully, that the house of cards very quickly began to fall apart. It’s kind of like I took them all the way to their logical conclusion, or more like experiential conclusion.

If you were to allow pride without any morality at all, and to live it as an ongoing modus operandi, you might soon find that actually it is not good enough, not good enough for you and not good enough for others. Then the spell begins to break down, it’s not that ‘I’ am not meant to have those feelings, it is that ‘I’ do not want them.

And I know this can work because it worked for me with Love, a long time ago I simply arrived at the conclusion that I did not want it in my life anymore, from then on there was no need for vigilance because I simply didn’t want it.

Now I wonder if this works all round and actually it is simply what is referred to by ‘being’ ‘my’ feelings, because even with a ‘bad’ feeling such as anxiety let’s say, if ‘I’ don’t try to make it go away but instead live it fully then ‘I’ might very quickly realise that 1. It sucks and 2. It doesn’t go anywhere. And then there is only one direction left to travel - back to feeling good. Oh dear, Vineeto has been saying this for the past year now, well I get it now!:laughing:

I wonder if it is just me that this has escaped… but I see now that essentially ‘I’ get back to felicity and innocuity because ‘I’ realise that ‘being’ the good/bad feelings sucks. But without ‘being’ those good/bad feelings first ‘I’ never get to make such an informed decision. Of course later on things will be nipped in the bud but initially ‘I’ have to arrive at the experiential conclusion that ‘I’ want the felicitous and innocuous feelings over the good/bad ones. It is a matter of fact choice though, and it is ‘my’ choice.

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Kub933's Journal
125

I dont think I was consciously referencing but seeing the word licentiousness maybe put it back into my lexicon.

I am realizing I definitely do this, yes the ‘good feelings’ are now the ‘bad feelings’. My mental flowchart for realizing im in a bad feeling is to start out by fully feeling it, realizing it is me, then try to consider whether this is how I want to live my life, whether it is helpful etc. My mental flowchart for realizing im in a good feeling just starts with ‘try to understand why this is bad for me’.

126

The biggest thing that’s happened in the last month or so has been an emphasis on continuity of feeling happy and harmless. I realized that my general practice had been to spend time reacting to things that upset me for a while before eventually trying to get back to feeling good, rather than immediately trying to get back to feeling good.

This seemed like valid actualism practice, even though I was aware that I wasn’t doing it perfectly I thought this was a good way to make incremental progress. The problem with this approach was that it basically allowed me to stop making any progress in the direction of self-immolation, because I could compartmentalize myself and my feelings into short periods of time and create a safe space for ‘me’ there. Making it my actual goal (rather than a distant future goal) to be happy and harmless continuously is clearly so much more confrontational of myself, I actually have to change now if that is going to be my goal.

I think my practice is definitely in the best place it’s ever been, and I can relate much better to things I’ve read on the AFT site. I’m also closely observing the emphasis on not creating new maps and just focusing on maintaining the happy and harmless feelings, the holiday atmosphere, as steadily as possible. In terms of actually doing something about the human condition, it’s clear that this is the only way to put my money where my mouth is.

Where I still get off track is when I want to ‘be somebody’, somebody important. It’s clear how I still have a competing motivation to be recognized, especially in my career and work, and that keeps me from more wholeheartedly committing. I think that by fully acknowledging this and sensibly evaluating ‘will this motivation deliver the goods?’ it is losing some influence.

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127

AdamH: The biggest thing that’s happened in the last month or so has been an emphasis on continuity of feeling happy and harmless. I realized that my general practice had been to spend time reacting to things that upset me for a while before eventually trying to get back to feeling good, rather than immediately trying to get back to feeling good.

This seemed like valid actualism practice, even though I was aware that I wasn’t doing it perfectly I thought this was a good way to make incremental progress. The problem with this approach was that it basically allowed me to stop making any progress in the direction of self-immolation, because I could compartmentalize myself and my feelings into short periods of time and create a safe space for ‘me’ there. Making it my actual goal (rather than a distant future goal) to be happy and harmless continuously is clearly so much more confrontational of myself, I actually have to change now if that is going to be my goal.

Hi Adam,

What you report appears to be progress on several fronts –

Noticing that you can improve the timespan to get back to feeling good – and you are doing that and “make incremental progress”.
Noticing that you “compartmentalize” yourself and your feelings “into short periods” to create a “safe space”.
Drawing a compelling conclusion from your diligent observations and make “to be happy and harmless continuously” your primary goal right now rather than in “a distant future”.

This is excellent. You know now that merely wanting “to be happy and harmless continuously” is not compelling enough, one needs experiential input of facts (observed data from your own life) to give you impelling intent to actually do it.

AdamH: I think my practice is definitely in the best place it’s ever been, and I can relate much better to things I’ve read on the AFT site. I’m also closely observing the emphasis on not creating new maps and just focusing on maintaining the happy and harmless feelings, the holiday atmosphere, as steadily as possible. In terms of actually doing something about the human condition, it’s clear that this is the only way to put my money where my mouth is.

This is great to hear – the urge to create maps and future action plans and concepts can only divert your attention from the fact that this very moment, now, is the only moment you can actually/ dynamically experience, and any change can only happen now.

AdamH: Where I still get off track is when I want to ‘be somebody’, somebody important. It’s clear how I still have a competing motivation to be recognized, especially in my career and work, and that keeps me from more wholeheartedly committing. I think that by fully acknowledging this and sensibly evaluating ‘will this motivation deliver the goods?’ it is losing some influence. (link)

Ah, several people on the forum have recently talked about the same urge to “be somebody”. It is inherent to being a ‘self’. As a ‘self’ you need constant confirmation from others that ‘you’ exist.

Richard: The self is what one is born with; it grew out of blind nature’s method of perpetuating the species via the instinct for survival. All sentient beings have an awareness of self … all conscious beings know that they are separate from everything else. Unfortunately, with our ability to think, which animals do not have, we transformed this instinct for survival into a will to survive – a mental and emotional operation. This creates a psychological entity – the self – which takes up residence within this body and feeds off it like a parasite. (Richard, General Correspondence, Page 1, 26 Jun 1997).

The solution is rather simple – one can diminish the dominance of the ‘self’ by choosing to transfer the affective energy of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings towards the felicitous and innocuous feelings – and you have already decided to do that –

Richard: Which is why I advise minimising both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings and maximising the felicitous feelings – as far as humanly possible – as a salubrious modus operandi in the meanwhile rather than trying to eliminate them. Not only does this approach have the immediate benefit of feeling happy and harmless as one goes about one’s normal everyday life but it has the ultimate benefit of assisting in the rewiring of the brain’s habitual circuitry before the once-in-a-lifetime event happens which wipes out the identity in toto. (Richard, List B, James2, 22 Oct 2002).

In other words, rather than following the ‘self’-enhancing urge to “be somebody”, whenever it appears, you give yourself permission to put everything on a preference basis –

Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, AF List, 25d, 14 Jan 2004).

Please note – the aim it not to become self-less as in unselfish, but less “self-centred”, more naïve.

If you put everything on a preference basis you soon find out that this self-diminishing inclination makes being continuously happy and harmless much easier and increasingly fun, evincing marvel and wonder.

Chrono said in a recent post to the forum – perhaps you can relate to it –

Chrono: Thus in an overall manner to having more fun consistently the thing that sticks out to me the most is what I can only describe as a persona that’s bent on being sophisticated. A sophisticate. Making things complicated. Setting up an “image” of myself. Being serious. Even the visceral manoeuvring in my thinking and feeling. I found immediate relief in this noticing because only in this way I finally don’t have to be a “someone”. Interestingly, it was one of my major qualms with work that I noticed a while back. It’s not that work itself is majorly difficult, it’s that I have to be a “someone” at work. But it’s actually enjoyable when I don’t. Being a “someone” is a serious business. And this extends to pretty much every aspect of my life. (6 Nov 2025)

It’s a grand adventure.

Cheers Vineeto

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128

Just took a little down then back up journey, reflecting now on just how masterful “I” am in terms of coming with convincing reasons to feel bad. Basically started down on this whole narrative about how I wasn’t living the life I should be and was covering up problems through actualism (and thus shouldn’t get back to feeling good).

After getting back to feeling good I just don’t agree with what i was believing at the time. The things I was worried about seem like microscopic unfairnesses in a sea of abundance. Feeling bad about them seems like cutting off my nose to spite my face. Plus it’s obvious that by feeling bad about those unfairnesses I just made piled on more problems for myself and others by spreading unpleasant vibes.

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Josef's journal
129

Hi Adam !

What a lovely phrase! I squirm at the diminished unfairness. Is it enough that the sea of abundance makes it seem microscopic?

I was looking tonight to find some encouragement as I deal with life’s unfairness.

I really enjoy thinking about this “sea of abundance “.

Cheers

Andrew

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130

Hey Andrew,

Good to hear it! Cheers.

Hey Vineeto

I’ve been pondering the ‘put everything on a preference basis’ for the last few days. At various times in the past I tried to approach things through this lens and did not always have success. Like a lot of things with actualism it seems like the method and the goal are the same thing here.

‘I’ have some resentment that the method and the goal are the same thing, because it doesn’t give me something ‘I’ can do to maintain but reshape my influence. Techniques that allow ‘me’ to assert something unique and special about ‘me’ are much preferred haha.

However, when ‘I’ keep in mind what it is like for me and others when everything is on a preference basis, even ‘I’ can get on board with it after some coaxing. It’s evident though, that it puts me on a direct course for self-immolation.

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Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, AF List, 25d, 14 Jan 2004).

Vineeto: Please note – the aim it not to become self-less as in unselfish, but less “self-centred”, more naïve.
If you put everything on a preference basis you soon find out that this self-diminishing inclination makes being continuously happy and harmless much easier and increasingly fun, evincing marvel and wonder.

AdamH: I’ve been pondering the ‘put everything on a preference basis’ for the last few days. At various times in the past I tried to approach things through this lens and did not always have success. Like a lot of things with actualism it seems like the method and the goal are the same thing here.

Hi Adam,

As putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis goes against the instinctual drive of ‘self’-survival, it is to be expected that you “did not always have success”. Don’t let this discourage you, if you really want to become happy and harmless.

AdamH: ‘I’ have some resentment that the method and the goal are the same thing, because it doesn’t give me something ‘I’ can do to maintain but reshape my influence. Techniques that allow ‘me’ to assert something unique and special about ‘me’ are much preferred haha.

Ah, have you considered how feeling happy and harmless, even when 23hrs a day, compares to being spontaneously felicitous and innocuous every moment of your life? This is not merely a difference in degree but a qualitative difference in kind, so much so that it is inconceivable/ incomprehensible and unimaginable/ unbelievable to any identity whatsoever. It is entirely outside of ‘my’ territory.

Is the resentment that you will need to accustom yourself to the permanent living of actuality or else it would blow your fuses?

[Richard]: ‘After living in the condition of virtual freedom for sufficient time to absorb all the ramifications of a blithesome life, it is highly likely that the ultimate condition can happen.
‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more … ‘I’ am not required to make it happen. An actual freedom happens of itself only when one is fully ready, and not before. One has to become acclimatised to benignity, benevolence and blitheness, because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would ‘blow the fuses’ if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. To precipitously apprehend the vast stillness of infinitude would be too much, too fast, too soon … one could go mad with the super-abundance of pleasure that pours forth’. (‘Richard’s Journal’ ©1997 The Actual Freedom Trust. Page: 150). (link)

Or is the resentment perhaps that you, the interloper, intend to rule the roost for the rest of your physical life with all the misery and mayhem that this entails?

AdamH: However, when ‘I’ keep in mind what it is like for me and others when everything is on a preference basis, even ‘I’ can get on board with it after some coaxing. It’s evident though, that it puts me on a direct course for self-immolation.

Ha, a reluctant agreement “after some coaxing” … and then the instant ‘self-immolation-card’ presented as the ‘worst case’ fear-scenario.

Remember, “illegitimi non carborandum”. (see Chrono, 2 Oct 2025).

Cheers Vineeto

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132

Hmm yes, being that does seem to be more than I comprehend.

Definitely more on this side. I want to be involved in the living out of the happiness and harmlessness, I want to take credit for it. That’s part of why I tend to corrupt actualism time and time again into something more clever and sophisticated than what it is I think. It is becoming more clear to me how ‘I’ in my essense am diametrically opposed to the happiness and harmlessness, and every time I take credit for it and turn it into my system it loses its purity and gradually degrades.

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Hi Vineeto and Hunterad,

Wow what an incredible description. When I read this it was the word spontaneously that caught my attention. I read your response to Chrono just before and the quote you provided from Richard explains this spontaneous felicity and innocuity every moment of one’s life :

The purity of life emerges from the perfection that wells up constantly due to an immense stillness which is utterly immense in its scope and magnitude. This stillness of infinitude is that something which is precious. It is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent. This stillness happens as me. This stillness is my essential disposition, for it is the principle character, the intrinsic basis of everything. It is this universe at its genesis. It is not, as it might commonly be supposed, at the centre of everything … there is no centre here. This stillness, which is everywhere all at once, is the be all and end all of life itself. I am the universe experiencing itself as a sensate, reflective human being

Certainly not just a difference in degree haha! I have experienced recently that there is an unbelievable perfection and purity, and it happens without any input from ‘me’, it is here already. When ‘I’ get out of the way then it is seen that the entire world is like this and it is all happening already, of it’s own accord.

Which explains the below a little more :

It’s because that perfection and purity has got nothing to do with ‘me’, ‘I’ can only spoil it by getting involved. ‘I’ allow this perfection and purity - which is already here - by getting out of the way. ‘I’ am not needed at all to maintain or generate it, and this is perhaps the thing that can take so long for ‘me’ to fully comprehend and accept.
That time and time again ‘I’ get involved and then notice when looking back that there is now a lack of perfection and purity… So then this other sweet possibility hoves into view - could it be that ‘I’ am only standing in the way of it.

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134

Kuba: It’s because that perfection and purity has got nothing to do with ‘me’, ‘I’ can only spoil it by getting involved. ‘I’ allow this perfection and purity – which is already here – by getting out of the way. ‘I’ am not needed at all to maintain or generate it, and this is perhaps the thing that can take so long for ‘me’ to fully comprehend and accept.
That time and time again ‘I’ get involved and then notice when looking back that there is now a lack of perfection and purity… So then this other sweet possibility hoves into view – could it be that ‘I’ am only standing in the way of it. (link)

Dear Kuba,

I can’t resist answering – YES, it is so, “that ‘I’ am only standing in the way of it”.

Such a simple matter once you apperceptively know it – and yet it can take half a life-time to experientially see it and concede it.

Cheers and appreciation.

Vineeto

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AdamH: ‘I’ have some resentment that the method and the goal are the same thing, because it doesn’t give me something ‘I’ can do to maintain but reshape my influence. Techniques that allow ‘me’ to assert something unique and special about ‘me’ are much preferred haha.

Vineeto: Ah, have you considered how feeling happy and harmless, even when 23hrs a day, compares to being spontaneously felicitous and innocuous every moment of your life? This is not merely a difference in degree but a qualitative difference in kind, so much so that it is inconceivable/ incomprehensible and unimaginable/ unbelievable to any identity whatsoever. It is entirely outside of ‘my’ territory.

AdamH: Hmm yes, being that does seem to be more than I comprehend.

Hi Adam,

I am not so sure if it is only a matter of comprehension – you talk about resentment and that you are seeking ‘self’-assertion techniques. I assume, you are aware that the aim of using the actualism method is the opposite – enjoyment and appreciation and a ‘self’-diminishing inclination.

Let me ask you for clarity’s sake – what is it that you want to do with your life? Or … what is your overall aim in life?

Vineeto: Or is the resentment perhaps that you, the interloper, intend to rule the roost for the rest of your physical life with all the misery and mayhem that this entails?

AdamH: Definitely more on this side. I want to be involved in the living out of the happiness and harmlessness, I want to take credit for it. That’s part of why I tend to corrupt actualism time and time again into something more clever and sophisticated than what it is I think. It is becoming more clear to me how ‘I’ in my essence am diametrically opposed to the happiness and harmlessness, and every time I take credit for it and turn it into my system it loses its purity and gradually degrades. (link).

This is quite perspicuous of you.

Do you remember that you have seen a similar fact before, over than five months earlier? You wrote in your journal –

AdamH: It basically manifested as taking credit for naiveté, congratulating myself, and imagining a future where I was praised for my naiveté. (24 June 2025)

Now that you know that you can only have one, or the other, you can decisively find out which direction you want to proceed – ‘self’-enhancing techniques or a naïve felicity and innocuity. Once you know your intent, there is action possible based on this perspicacity (that ‘me’ taking credit spoils both naiveté and purity).

Your destiny is entirely in your hands.

Cheers Vineeto

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Yes, this keeps getting more clear to me.

Certainly there is no aim that I consciously hold higher than being spontaneously happy and harmless each moment again. But it is evidently not the only thing I want, because otherwise I would stop dilly dallying and focus on maximizing felicity each moment again. So in short - yes I agree that it’s more than a lack of comprehension that stands in my way.

I am indeed more clearly aware that I can have only one and not the other. This awareness is helping to convert my overarching ‘initiative’ that being permanently happy and harmless is what I want to do with the rest of my life and nothing else really comes close into more concrete action - that I have to actually be felicitous and innocuous here and now in these particular circumstances and in spite of these particular uncertainties.

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Vineeto: I am not so sure if it is only a matter of comprehension – you talk about resentment and that you are seeking ‘self’-assertion techniques. I assume, you are aware that the aim of using the actualism method is the opposite – enjoyment and appreciation and a ‘self’-diminishing inclination.
Let me ask you for clarity’s sake – what is it that you want to do with your life? Or … what is your overall aim in life?

Adam-H: Certainly there is no aim that I consciously hold higher than being spontaneously happy and harmless each moment again. But it is evidently not the only thing I want, because otherwise I would stop dilly dallying and focus on maximizing felicity each moment again. So in short – yes I agree that it’s more than a lack of comprehension that stands in my way.

Hi Adam,

This is good to know. I mainly asked this question for your own sake so that you, upon contemplation, see what you want first and foremost in your life. As you probably noticed, being happy and harmless is not a matter of will-power, hence calling your obstacles “dilly dallying” is rather a self-deprecating misnomer. The best way is to address each obstacle to being happy and harmless – unless you can easily nip it in the bud – and find out the cause and reason. Here is how I recently put it to Felix –

Vineeto: However, investigating the obstacles to feeling good is more looking for the reasons why you have those (sticky) negative feelings in the first place, in other words why you keep them. Is there a belief or moral/ dogma or other reason behind it? Are you defending a particular aspect of your identity? (link)

As you have clearly acknowledged to yourself that your avowed aim is to be “spontaneously happy and harmless each moment again”, you can more easily recognize whenever a feeling is leading your away from that destiny, and also more easily recognize that a feeling is not a fact.

Vineeto: Now that you know that you can only have one, or the other, you can decisively find out which direction you want to proceed – ‘self’-enhancing techniques or a naïve felicity and innocuity. Once you know your intent, there is action possible based on this perspicacity (that ‘me’ taking credit spoils both naiveté and purity).
Your destiny is entirely in your hands.

Adam-H: I am indeed more clearly aware that I can have only one and not the other. This awareness is helping to convert my overarching ‘initiative’ that being permanently happy and harmless is what I want to do with the rest of my life and nothing else really comes close into more concrete action – that I have to actually be felicitous and innocuous here and now in these particular circumstances and in spite of these particular uncertainties. (link)

Ha, it sounds like a terrible chore the way you put it “I have to actually be felicitous and innocuous” – don’t make it into a moral doctrine or precept to be obeyed else it gets corrupted into a tool to keep you miserable. How about ‘I prefer to be …’ and ‘I will do whatever necessary to look at, nip in the bud or investigate the obstacle to this happy condition’.

Richard: I might add, though, that naïveté does away with all that ‘heavy lifting’ you spoke of in an earlier e-mail. Viz.:
• [Respondent]: ‘From what I can glean so far, virtual freedom is a period of ‘heavy lifting’. (‘Introduction’; Friday, 27 July 2003).
Where you have gleaned this diaphoretic impression from has got me stumped … here is but one of the many ways I describe the actualism practice:
• [Richard]: ‘… the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition is marked by enjoyment and appreciation – the sheer delight of being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’ – and the slightest diminishment of such felicity/ innocuity is a warning signal (a flashing red light as it were) that one has inadvertently wandered off the way.
One is thus soon back on track … and all because of everyday events.(Richard, AF List, No. 38, 20 Feb 2003).
Or even more specifically to the point of your ‘heavy lifting’ comment:
• [Co-Respondent]: ‘If it is the experiencer that makes efforts to be aware and stay aware, the centre is strengthened, not dissolved, right?
• [Richard]: ‘Since when has naiveté been sudorific? (Richard, List B, No. 12q, 5 Jan 2003).
In short: if it be not either easy (effortless) or fun (enjoyable) then there is something to look at until it is again. (Richard, AF List, No. 46, 9 Aug 2003).

Best of success and a lot of naïve fun.

Cheers Vineeto

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Yes in hindsight that is pretty funny. When I actually do it, it’s certainly not a terrible chore :rofl:

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139

This is what I understand to be the difference between actuality / the condition-less enjoyment of being alive, and ‘being’ as the ‘human condition’; each moment of ‘being’ is a trial, a test, a do or die ultimatum. It’s never anything but a trudging battle against the obvious inevitability of failure.

I woke this morning with the fealing of acute anxiety in my chest. Later in the day it occurred to me that there was no such thing as “anxiety in my chest”. That my heart may indeed be reacting to my jogging exercise, and my beer intake, but “terror” was never in my actual chest.

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Vineeto to Adam-H: Ha, it sounds like a terrible chore the way you put it “I have to actually be felicitous and innocuous” – don’t make it into a moral doctrine or precept to be obeyed else it gets corrupted into a tool to keep you miserable.

Andrew: This is what I understand to be the difference between actuality / the condition-less enjoyment of being alive, and ‘being’ as the ‘human condition’; each moment of ‘being’ is a trial, a test, a do or die ultimatum. It’s never anything but a trudging battle against the obvious inevitability of failure.

Hi Andrew,

If for you “each moment of ‘being’ is a trial”, “a trudging battle against the obvious inevitability of failure”, as it apparently was a decade ago when you wrote the memorable sentence “I gird myself for battle every morning”, isn’t it high time to locate this belief (truth) and closely examine it so that you can do something about it, i.e. abandon it for good? Nobody but you forces you to be either a warrior or a failure. When you sincerely recognize that ‘you’ are your feelings and your feelings are ‘you’, you have the choice to be a more felicitous and innocuous feeling and decline to continue being resentful.

For instance, you can locate your basic resentment of being alive on this wonderful green and azure planet and recognize, from the depth of your ‘being’ that it is a pathetic [pertaining to the emotions and passions] waste of this very moment of being alive, and plain silly to keep this aspect of your affective personality alive for another day. Have a look at Richard’s selected correspondence on this topic for further inspiration, if you are inclined to sincerely let resentment go. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Resentment).

Andrew: I woke this morning with the feeling of acute anxiety in my chest. Later in the day it occurred to me that there was no such thing as “anxiety in my chest”. That my heart may indeed be reacting to my jogging exercise, and my beer intake, but “terror” was never in my actual chest. (link)

Oh yes, it is in your actual chest – denial is not going to solve anything. Here is an example of such a (spiritually-inspired) way of denial –

Respondent: Fear as we know is but an after-thought.
Richard: Pure fear is an affective feeling … a passion. It has nothing to do with thought.
Respondent: There is just the preparedness of the body to meet with situations.
Richard: You are way out on your own in the scientific field of biology here, because ‘the preparedness of the body to meet with situations’ is known as the ‘freeze or fight or flight’ reaction … and the body is brimming with adrenaline. In other words: pure fear.
Respondent: Well, ‘pure fear’ is the description – what happens in such a moment is indescribable under best of the situations, scientific or otherwise. Krishnamurti correctly points out: word fear is not the fear.
Richard: Of course the word ‘fear’ is not fear itself … it is a name for it so that we can communicate. Do you take me to be an idiot? Some other correspondent came out with similar twaddle (offering me the word ‘coffee’ instead of the actual substance) and this is just as silly. Look, fear is the adrenaline coursing through your veins; the heart pumping furiously; the palms sweaty; the face blanched white; knuckles gripped; body tensed and so on and so on. Observing this, in both oneself and in others – and in animals – this is ‘observing with the objectivity of a scientist’.
And all sentient beings are born with this fear. (Richard, List B, No. 33, 3 Oct 1999)

All passionate feelings, especially when experienced repeatedly and persistently, release chemicals (for instance adrenaline and cortisol) acting unfavourably on your physical body. Stress is slowly being acknowledged as being responsible for certain diseases and health problems.

Richard: Hormones – such as the adrenaline an angry and/or fearful identity psychosomatically induces a body to secrete – are indeed actual. Viz.:
• adrenaline: a hormone, (HO)2C6H3rCHOHrCH2NHCH3, secreted by the adrenal medulla of people and animals under stress, which has a range of physiological effects, e.g. on circulation, breathing, muscular activity, and carbohydrate metabolism’. (Oxford Dictionary).
(Richard, AF List, Tarin, 21 Jun 2006).

In contrast –

Respondent: I’d be interested in hearing whether Richard (…) still experience rushes of adrenaline.
Richard: I do not experience rushes of adrenaline. (Richard, AF List, No. 27a, 30 Jan 2002).

In case you are looking for an additional convincing reason (apart from feeling bad) to be attentive to how you experience being alive and choose to be a different feeling when you do not enjoy /appreciate being alive, then a wish to not have “the feeling of acute anxiety” with physical side-effects in your chest might give you additional motivation.

Cheers Vineeto

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