AdamH: Thanks Vineeto
Vineeto: There is not much point aiming for naiveté or even “care to be innocence personified” (which only an actually free person can be) before you are able to recognize, dismantle and abandon the triggers for feeling stressed. You say that stress equally affects your mood in your “first-time” relationship, so the feeling of stress can have multiple and diverse as yet unexamined reasons. Once you start paying close attention you will find a treasure-trove of exciting discoveries that can make your life instantly better when you understand each issue more fully as how ‘you’ tick – and thus be able to get back to feeling good and appreciating much more quickly.
AdamH: Interesting, it seems like your overall impression is that I’m putting the cart before the horse a bit. I can confirm that the investigation side of my practice has maybe been a bit light recently. I wouldn’t say I neglect it entirely but it certainly hasn’t been the focus. With the flavor of naivete powerfully enticing me right now, I’m definitely interested in making it more consistent, so thank you for the advice that the way to do so is more focus/ investigation on the issues that interrupt it.
Hi Adam,
You are welcome.
It may well be only a ‘small cart’ that is ‘before the horse.’
Naturally, being stressed needs “‘good’ investigation”, as Geoffrey said in the quote below, so you can recognize and then decline what causes you stress. As ‘Vineeto’ observed early on, it’s often the ‘good’ feelings such as pride, ambition, loyalty, virtue, being ‘right’ and other feelings like this, which caused the ‘bad’ feelings such as stress to achieve the ‘good’ feeling or disappointment when not achieving it. And unless those ‘good’ feelings are recognized and acknowledged with the ‘bad’ feelings both will stay in situ.
Chrono: Just watched Geoffrey’s video that he shared a while back and something he said in there really helped me right now. It’s essentially that “good” investigation is just seeing what’s preventing me from feeling good right now. There’s no need to get any more complex. I mean I know this has been written many times before and the words are right there in front of my face but hearing it really clicked for me. Because I can basically “investigate” forever and I will always find problems (or create them). So in the context of my discomfort and investigating the discomfort, it is the same thing. So what is preventing me right now from feeling good? It’s basically trying to “do” something to feel good. So simple! I have a tendency to complicate things. Also might be related to how I’ve learned throughout my life to be “sophisticated”. If it’s not difficult, then I’m not doing something right. It became the measure (internally) of if I’m doing something properly. Now it’s like the opposite. If it’s not easy, then something is amiss. [Emphasis added]. (link)
Thus, when you found the trigger, you can get back to feeling good (not the same as having a ‘good’ feeling) and enjoy and appreciate being alive. Make sure, when feeling good that you’ve understood enough of what triggered the feeling so as to not have it happen again. Then naturally you can enjoy even more and increase this enjoyment with appreciation.
Vineeto: What feeling being ‘Vineeto’ found that for ‘her’ being naïve was at first not easy to establish, ‘she’ had to have success in other areas with applying the actualism method consistently and rigorously, such as dismantling various beliefs, and all the while ‘she’ was determined to be ruthlessly honest with herself and being more and more sincere. Out of that sincerity ‘she’ then could allow ‘herself’ to be more and more unsophisticated and guileless.
AdamH: I think I am on the same page in terms of the ruthless honesty with myself, and it is clear to me how the sincerity of that intention segues into naiveté. Basically if I am really honest about how and why I’m not happy and harmless, it segues into an experiential realization that ‘I’ am the problem, which segues into perceiving the world as fundamentally friendly and wonderful.
That’s excellent and it already “segues into perceiving the world as fundamentally friendly and wonderful”.
AdamH: The form that this takes for me right now is mostly focused on intentions and vibes more than beliefs, which may be a shortcoming. This is related to previous struggles going in circles of ‘philosophizing and psychologizing’ in the past when my practice did have more focus on investigation.
I’m not sure what you mean by “intentions” – are they certain plans for the future?
Also I don’t know what you mean by being “focused on … vibes” – are you focused on your vibes (which are essentially your feelings), or are you trying to figure out other people’s vibes in order to respond accordingly?
It is definitely more beneficial to pay affective attention to how you feel and what is preventing you from feeling good rather than guessing other people’s vibes in order to react according to your guesses. One, you can never be sure if these are your feelings or their feelings/vibes and two, your focus is on their feelings rather than your own. The only person you can change is yourself.
AdamH: It’s somewhat rare that I get back to feeling good by recognizing an unexamined belief, much more often it’s closer to a ‘resolution’ that I don’t want to experience life this way, fuelled by the memory that it’s possible to experience life in a totally opposite way, plus the memory that once I am experiencing life in that other way all of those ‘problems’ will seem imaginary and get dealt with in a manner that is effortless and harmless. Perhaps what is necessary is that once I get into that state where all the problems melt away and seem imaginary, what I need to do is basically dive back into them and closely examine how and why they seemed real vs. how and why they now seem imaginary? Or is there something more fundamentally off with how I’m approaching things? (link)
Not fundamentally, just a little tweaking here and there …
Mmh, resolutions generally don’t work as it’s a form of controlling yourself to feel in a certain way – if that is what you mean by “resolution”. Whereas recognizing that your feelings are caused by a certain belief and then are able to replace this belief with a fact, this will make the belief evaporate and thus no ‘resolution’ is required. You don’t need to believe in a fact, it just sits there, unsupported.
“The memory that it’s possible to experience life in a totally opposite way” can strengthen your intent to be/become more happy and harmless, and perhaps allows you to take life less seriously, less sophisticated, more naïvely.
Actual change happens now, only this moment is actual. The past is not happening now neither is the future happening now – that’s why you don’t want to waste this moment by feeling stressed, remembering good intentions and bad decisions or planning/ wishing something in the future.
Now is the only moment you are being alive. Realising this, again and again helps a lot to recognize that feeling bad is just silly.
Here Richard tells a correspondent how to access naiveté whenever you want to –
Richard: Given that it is, plainly and simply, always ‘my’ choice as to how ‘I’ experience this moment then the optimum manner in which to do so is, of course, sincerely/ naïvely.
Thus the part-sentence in that previous post of mine [quote] ‘and to be sincere is to be the key which unlocks naiveté’ [endquote] is worth expanding upon.
The operative words in that part-sentence are [quote] ‘… to be the key …’ [endquote] and with particular emphasis on the word ‘be’ (rather than ‘have’ for instance).
In other words, to be sincerity (not only have sincerity) is to be the key (not merely have the key) to be naiveté (not just have naiveté).
(Bear in mind that, at root, ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’ and it will all become clear).
As there is something I have oft-times encouraged a fellow human being to try, in face-to-face interactions, which usually has the desired effect it is well worth detailing here:
Reach down inside of yourself intuitively (aka feeling it out) and go past the rather superficial emotions/ feelings (generally in the chest area) into the deeper, more profound passions/ feelings (generally in the solar plexus area) until you come to a place (generally about four-finger widths below the navel) where you intuitively feel you elementarily have existence as a feeling being (as in ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being … which is ‘being’ itself).
Now, having located ‘being’ itself, gently and tenderly sense out the area immediately below that (just above/ just before and almost touching on the sex centre).
Here you will find yourself both likeable and liking (for here lies sincerity/ naiveté).
Here is where you can, finally, like yourself (very important) no matter what.
Here is the nearest a ‘self’ can get to innocence whilst remaining a ‘self’.
Here lies tenderness/ sweetness and togetherness/ closeness.
Here is where it is possible to be the key. (Richard, List D; Srid, 26 May 2009)
Cheers Vineeto
