Claudiu's Journal

When signing-off my email to Srinath (see: Srinath Stepping Down), I was going to write something like ā€œHope to join you soon in the actual worldā€, yet then I saw that this wouldnā€™t be accurate.

Instead it was: ā€œPlanning on joining you soon in the actual worldā€ :grin:

The ā€œhope toā€ would indicate a not really gonna do it but sort of putting it off into the future. The ā€œplanning toā€ seemed more apt although now it, too, seems like a bit of the not actually doing it. ā€œJoining you now in the actual worldā€ seems not exactly right though since as I understand that part takes just a second.

ā€œDoing now the process that will lead to joining you in the actual worldā€ may be the most apt :grin:

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I expect to join you and Srinath in the actual world.

What most stands out to me from seeing @milito.paz ā€™s report is ā€”

Anything I can possibly accomplish in life will always only ever be second-best compared with becoming actually free!!!

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Also it seems actually very easy to smoothly allow transition from thick of ā€˜meā€™ to essentially apperception (or so close is hard to tell). Seems not a fantasy nor megalomania that this purity can be apparent for all. Rather just an obvious progressionā€¦

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Thatā€™s the amazing thing, isnā€™t it? Itā€™s never any actual distance (or time) away, even though the ā€œthick of ā€˜meā€™ā€ often makes it feel that way.

That really hit me in a PCE about six weeks ago. It was only a short one, but a potent reminder thereā€™s literally nothing standing in the way of existential clarity and perfection, itā€™s actually here all the time. Nothing but ā€˜meā€™ standing in the way. But ā€˜Iā€™ am not made of anything tangible either.

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When I think about that, it means that ā€œthe thick of ā€˜meā€™ā€ also includes real-world space and time which seems to put actuality at a distance. Thatā€™s all ā€˜meā€™ too, because when ā€˜Iā€™ disappear, it disappears, or the whole lot disappears at once. Everything stands (or hangs there!) in its place, in actual imtimacy.

I like the way @milito.paz described it.

I felt a great ā€˜slowing downā€™. There was no feeling of the seconds rushing by and boom sounds, sights, colours, tastes, smells were x1000 more vivid. Everything was hanging where it was. This has been my constant experience since the 16th.

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Reminder !

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Well I donā€™t wanna jinx it but possibly am out from control now!

It came from feeling not good, then realizing I want to feel better, feeling like something stopping me from doing itā€¦ hard to describe now but it came down to seeing that I actually do want to ā€œsave the worldā€, and me getting out of the way IS ME ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING to do that!

Itā€™s not giving up or abdicating ā€œresponsibilityā€ or anything. It is actually doing it!

So letā€™s see how it goes! Mostly I find myself way enjoying little things more like putting my pants away, and making much more sensible decisions, like time to go bed now instead of doomscroll on Twitter haha.

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Sounds amazing! I more than love putting my pants away :smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear:

Haha, thatā€™s one giant leap for humankind. But letā€™s be bold and raise the bar even higher.

Is it possible to enjoy putting someone elseā€™s away when they could have done it themselves? :thinking: Even when you did the same thing yesterday, and the day before? :thinking:

By Jove, maybe it is!

Well doesnā€™t seem to have been a big shift, a momentary excellence experience perhaps

But Iā€™m finding this deep-down dissatisfaction with the way ā€˜Iā€™ am, for not having succeeded yetā€¦ now I am seeing the key is not to turn away from that, but to confront it, and, do something about it!

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All I have to do is give myself permission for life to live itself, like it does in the EEs I experience!

Thatā€™s actually it! I can see this clearly. Now to actualize this ā€¦

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Falling asleep last night I was starting to feel some common anxiety and stress, and it just struck me as completely unnecessary and silly. I saw how the actual and direct and literal cure for that is ā€“ excellence! And by this I meant that which is experienced in an excellence experience.

Itā€™s not that I have to do things or set my life up such that it is excellent. The EE is itself the cure, full stop, nothing else needed. And as such it really ultimately is something to ā€œdoā€ just like lifting my arm up ā€“ go towards excellence instead!

So all I have to do is allow that to happen. I contemplated what this would mean, the ending of ā€˜meā€™, as I fell asleepā€¦


I found myself in a dream where the world had ended. There was an apocalyptic event, most of humanity had been wiped out. I gathered it was from deployment of nuclear weapons. I was living among a small group of people, and we all actually got along well and were living our lives. And we were just living.

During the dream I realized that if we wanted humanity to survive, we had to make a concerted effort, to rebuild infrastructure, regain capabilities (like eg smelting iron, I had no idea how to do it). So I went around to the other people and basically said as much: ā€œIf we want humanity to survive, we have to make a concerted effortā€¦ā€, nods and smiles. Then I got emotional and said ā€œI like humanity, and I want humanity to surviveā€. Everyone agreed and was on board, to have a society where still everyone has autonomy and does basically what they want, but we move towards a common goal of restoring humanity.


Having woken up, the significance is clearā€¦ by self-immolating I will be doing the best I can for humanity. Do not have to wait for a nuclear war to do it!

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Beautiful. A psychic apocalypse, not an actual one!

Lol [1:1] you cracy [1:2]


  1. This has a nested tooltip [2] maybe? ā†©ļøŽ ā†©ļøŽ ā†©ļøŽ

  2. Plain TT ā†©ļøŽ

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Something in particular struck me really nicely about reading this tooltip. This is, in actuality, what one literally is ā€“ actually & literally the milk and lettuce etc., eaten, the water drunk and the sunlight absorbed! How truly wonderful!

(From Richard replies to Rick's "Burnt Toast" Posts - #2 by claudiu)

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Woww reading this, it struck me now, finally understood experientially what it means to dedicate oneself to that ā€œpriceless pursuit of innocence itselfā€

What could possibly be better than that??

And anyone can do it, at any time!! Dedicate oneself like this!! The nature of the benevolent universe is such as to be openly welcoming and embracing to any configuration of perfect matter-and-energy which has a sufficiently developed consciousness as to be able to and want to do it!

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Fascinating: deep down I find a remarkably powerful desire to self immolate. Above this is me putting the brakes onā€” because I see that allowing that already-existing desire to flourish to its full power would be the end of me!

Actuality-mimicking ASCs thus have a very clear etiology: they are a self survival mechanism.

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As a feeling-being remaining as a feeling-being, faced with something horribly unjust or unfair, all ā€˜Iā€™ can really do is feel great sadness about it. It ends there, and this sadness does not do anything to actually solve that injustice.

However, what ā€˜Iā€™ can actually doā€¦ is self-immolate, thus eliminating the actual root cause for that injustice and unfairness. This actually solves the problem, and the process of doing so is fun to boot!

So it is win-win :slight_smile: