Claudiu's Journal

OK but warning… long post incoming :grin:

The initial few years of applying the method I made very good progress but then it seemed I hit a wall, and I remained on that plateau for a year or so. Things changed initially with the news of Richard’s death, it was a wake up call and it re-ignited the desire in me to become actually free of the human condition in this lifetime.
I did exactly as @Vineeto encouraged, I turned any sadness and shock into a deep and abiding appreciation for Richard, then I allowed this appreciation to ‘spill over’ into appreciating this universe and my fellow human beings. So it seems this is what set things in motion initially.

The next ‘push’ came from @claudiu going ahead and entering out from control virtual freedom, I wrote then that I was never good at going first but I am very good at going second haha. It seems I needed to know that it was possible.

So around that time I began allowing pure intent and going into excellence more often but still each time I returned to that same plateau, back into ‘my’ cage.

Then the below post from @Vineeto to @JonnyPitt highlighted something very important :

Ha, what a brilliant cynical put-down of an actual freedom from the human condition, by someone who likes bluffing [link ], because in reality he is afraid to leave his seemingly safe cage when the doors are wide open, and he could instead enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive.

This “the doors are wide open” stuck with me but funnily enough I went right back into ‘normal’ and from there tried to figure out how to step out of the cage :joy: :

This is the tricky part, proceeding without knowing with certainty what the destination is like, it’s stepping into the unknowable. It seems ‘I’ am instead searching for 100% certainty before ‘I’ dare to step out of the cage, which is of course an impossibility as this can only be had upon actual freedom.

And so the next ‘push’ came from @Vineeto’s reply to me - This moment has no duration - #103 by Vineeto Specifically the below :

It seems as if in the meantime this possible in-between step between ‘normal’ and actually free has slipped your mind?.. Once you allow yourself to be out-from-control and the actualism process is set in motion, the brakes no longer work and you are in for the ride of a lifetime not to be missed. I can highly recommend it

I was determined to find a resolution to this experientially and so over the next couple of days I set the intention to continue allowing pure intent each moment again, come what may. And that is exactly what I did, I extended myself like I haven’t done before. I eventually had my experiential answer which I wrote here - This moment has no duration - #111 by Kub933 :

Yes thank you @Vineeto it seems you stopped me right in the tracks of a habit of mine - of hanging back in the ‘normal’ and from there trying to throw some kind of a Hail Mary towards actual freedom. It never works because the distance is too great and from that ‘normal’ place ‘I’ am not advised by the perfection and purity, instead ‘I’ resort to theories. It’s like ‘I’ am hanging out in the cage (with the doors wide open) whilst coming up with the next ‘great escape plan’ :laughing:.

So I could see that the doors are already wide open and that I don’t need a formula in order to step out, in fact that very searching for formulas was doing exactly the below :

It’s like ‘I’ am hanging out in the cage (with the doors wide open) whilst coming up with the next ‘great escape plan’

So I was revving up that engine over and over, allowing pure intent each moment again come what may. Eventually I noticed that the breaks no longer worked, it’s like the cogs of the machine just continued spinning, I wrote the below (Claudiu's Journal - #188 by Kub933) :

I noticed this yesterday driving to my hen party jobs and it was a very precious experience, noticing that the breaks no longer work was the culmination of a lifetime of dedication. ‘I’ was stuck in that cage of ‘my’ own making, carrying the burden of being an identity for so many years. And it’s a funny situation because deep down ‘I’ yearn to be free of this burden and yet it is ‘me’ who stubbornly refused to step out of the cage. Knowing that the breaks no longer work allowed ‘me’ for the first time in so long to say a resounding YES! To being alive, what ‘I’ secretly wanted all along.

And those breaks haven’t worked since, that momentum continues of it’s own accord. Even when various emotions come up it’s like the whole mechanism is crippled, they cannot stick and turn into a mood, rather they are immediately worked on by the perfection and purity.
At times this can be somewhat intense but always with the background knowledge that all is well, there can be an affective current active in all its ‘glory’ :laughing: and ‘I’ cannot turn either way, ‘I’ am simply left exposed.

So to sum it up, regarding the barrier to entry, I think it is ultimately what I wrote yesterday :

As to how accessible this is I agree, the only thing it requires it seems is that one sees that the doors of ‘my’ cage are wide open, what keeps ‘me’ inside is nothing but ‘my’ own perversity

And this is something that I can observe all around nowadays, this perversity which keeps ‘me’ in ‘my’ cage is just like what Richard wrote - “it is impossible to combat the wisdom of the real world”. In a similar fashion ‘I’ have weaved the most elaborate worldview in order to justify remaining in ‘my’ cage. The psychological and psychic gymnastics that ‘I’ get up to in order to remain ‘trapped’ inside the cage are legendary haha.

So in short it was seeing that the doors are already wide open and that there is nothing to do but step outside. The thing to bear in mind is that one cannot be stepping outside whilst at the same time hanging back and making the ‘next great escape plan’, this kind of activity has to be seen for what it is.

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Found this photo that reminded me of this :smile:

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Ah haha that is perfect! I was actually thinking around that time how cool it would be to create some artwork to demonstrate the comical nature of ‘my’ dilemma, of being ‘stuck’ in the cage with the doors already wide open and plotting the next ‘great escape plan’.