Reports on being Out-from-Control

Actualism
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Hello all,

I’m happy to announce the newest addition to the AFT site has just gone live: “Reports on being Out-from-Control”.

This contains selected reports from Richard & Vineeto’s writings, as well as my own recent reports of my ongoing out-from-control experience. My section contains a lot of previously-unpublished material, all in a chronological, put-together order. I think it serves the purpose well of showing what it’s experientially like to be out-from-control, with a higher level of detail than has been previously available.

To those who know the flavour of pure intent, are familiar with PCEs, and in particular have experienced the greatly heightened and more-readily available appreciation that has recently been pouring forth (as reported by many in “Richard has passed away” and “Excerpts of All-pervading Sweetness”), I’ll take this opportunity to encourage you to read the reports with the intention in mind of taking this next step of going out-from-control yourselves. It is a smaller step to take than it seems before-hand and yet the ramifications are much larger than one might initially appreciate. I can report that it is perfectly safe, wonderful, wondrous, mirificent[1], and eminently doable.

Cheers & best regards,
Claudiu

  1. • mirifically (adv.): in a mirific manner. ~ (Collins English Dictionary).

     

    • mirific (adj.; rare): wonder-working; wonderful; [e.g.]: “More numerous, wonder-working, and mirific”. (Thomas Urquhart, tr. of “The Works Of Francis Rabelais”, iii. 4.; Davies). [= French mirifique = Spanish mirifico = Portuguese, Italian mirifico, from Latin mirificus, ‘causing wonder or admiration’, ‘extraordinary’, from mirus, ‘wonderful’ + facere, ‘make’]. ~ (Century Dictionary and Cyclopaedia).

     

    • mirific (adj.): working wonders; rousing astonishment, marvellous; also mirificent, working wonders, accent on the ‘if’; and mirifical, mirificence; used since the fifteenth century; Blackwoods ‘Edinburgh Magazine’ (1853) pointed to ‘the mirific diminishment of the contents of a brandy bottle’. ~ (page 431, Dictionary of Early English, Joseph T. Shipley; 1955).

     

    • mirific (adj.): working wonders; wonderful. ~ (Webster’s 1913 Dictionary).

     

    • mirific (adj.): achieving wonderful things or working wonders. ~ (Collins English Dictionary).

     

    • mirific (adj.): working wonders; marvellous; [e.g.]: “[Sebastian Pasquale] talked all through dinner, giving me an account of his mirific adventures in foreign cities”. (page 72, William John Locke, 1863-1930, “The Morals of Marcus Ordeyne”, 1905, chap vi.). [etymology: mirific, from Middle French mirifique, ‘marvellous’, from Latin mirificus, from mirus, ‘wonderful’ + -ficus, ‘-fic’; akin to Latin mirari, ‘to wonder at’; mirifical, from mirific + -al]. ~ (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

     

    […]

     

    For (much) more, see: Abditorium M (Mi-My) . ↩︎

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What is your experience of leaving humanity?

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Hi @jamesjjoo ,

I found your question, asked ~1 hour after announcing the publishing of the reports, to be a bit sudden. Did you really read all ~32,000 words on both pages of the reports in just one hour before determining they did not contain an answer to your question?

And if you did not read the reports, what use would it be to provide a report now, when it seems you don’t read what is already put out there?

It reminds me of your request to me in "The Formation and Persistence of Social Identity", two hours after it was announced, of “Can you give a summary of what this says?” (#3), later explained with an “I am lazy.” (#7).

You realize you are the only one that can succeed on the actualist path, you are the one that has to actually put in the energy and effort and take the steps?

If you are not willing to put in the energy to read what your fellow human beings have taken great effort, care and consideration in freely providing, about a topic that you are apparently interested in (as your questions indicate you do want to know what they contain), then I would say the prospects don’t look good.

Be that as it may, you might be interested in reading the entries from August 18 through to August 21 as it particularly relates to what Vineeto called “You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step”[link] in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging.”

Best,
Claudiu

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Never mind, I was looking for an answer to a specific question.

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So I have finished reading the reports now, although the facts of my experience speak for themselves at this point it is still great to see that things line up.

There was a couple of things that stood out :

Devika is the only person who was out-from-control and permanently abandoned the whole enterprise of becoming actually free, because of stage-freight, using falling in love and Love-Agape to help her abandon it. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 16 Nov 09) and (Richard, List D, No. 6, #Irene).

It was a deliberate decision on her part to turn away for good.

Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period.

This was a nice thing to read because it means that in making the decision to step out from control ‘I’ may have got myself onto a one way ride, one that is unlikely to end in anything but ‘my’ demise, considering this puts a smile on my face every time :grin:

This question of ‘falling back to normal’ this is something that I can also confirm in myself, that it is a case of working through whatever aspect of the human condition is presenting itself, yet I have not been ‘normal’ since the initial change.
It’s as if ‘I’ dip into those patterns so that they can be fully experienced and unravelled, of course how else could the actualism process eventuate?

The other thing is reading @Vineeto now vs before, it’s funny that before I was projecting a phantom of sorts, one that was synonymous with authority. But of course Vineeto hasn’t changed between then and now, it was ‘I’ that changed. It is a propitious situation to have her as a target which we can all unequivocally and safely aim for.

Also :

You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. This realisation is naturally quite uncomfortable for ‘me’, both the instinctually felt need to belong in order to survive and the peasant mentality aspect of the social identity. Hence, of course, “it feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’”.

And this is what I find myself smack bang in the middle, it’s fascinating that abandoning ‘humanity’ means a movement towards pure intent, only pure intent. I always knew that this would eventually be the next step, it’s just that ‘I’ could not quite face the ramifications.
It seems the core of the resistance is essentially a fear of being seen as completely insane, and the danger this apparently presents. Although this drama is having very little credibility these days, all it takes is to turn and look over my shoulder, back to where ‘humanity’ is, for a reminder of what exists ‘back there’, then I gladly continue proceeding towards pure intent.

But I recognise this as the next step, to abandon ‘humanity’, to no longer have the ability to ‘fit’ into it, to no longer have the capacity to belong or even to relate to other identities, I can see in that direction there is only pure intent, also I can see that walking in that direction I might find that I turn back around to see the door back to ‘reality’ closing, how exciting!

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Hehehe yes I have had this realization on occasion, that there’s actually apparently nothing I can do to turn back! The immediate reaction is a mounting alarm, at which point I realize that this is what I actually wanted, and instead I’m left in wonderment.

Yea this is a vital topic, and perhaps the following report will speak to @jamesjjoo’s query:

Increasingly I find myself being remarkably puzzled at people’s reactions. I will say something that is completely sincere, straightforward, harmless, curious even – and I can feel via vibes or psychic currents that something in ‘them’ reacted, they are now defensive, even in one case became remarkably aggressive and offensive. And instead of getting retributively defensive which was the norm before, now my reaction is more – what on odd reaction! Why would they react this way? It doesn’t make any sense.

Thinking about it now, of course it is obvious why – they are in the pit of the human condition, this is completely ‘normal’. But actually it makes no sense at all. This speaks to what you are saying here @Kub933 about not being able to relate to others (but we can still pay lip service!!)

In a remarkable sense it’s that anytime anybody gets upset about anything, it is essentially all imaginary, none of this is ‘real’. Of course they feel upset, but… the whole ‘construct’ of ‘being upset’ doesn’t actually exist. It’s like suddenly someone gets possessed by some other-worldly ‘force’ that they allow to happen and drive them to do this silly thing. From the point of view of the actual world, that is exactly what is happening, that “other-worldly ‘force’” is nothing other than the human condition in action. From the point of view of the real world, of course it is actuality which seems “other-worldly” and these feelings are all justified.

The remarkably freeing thing is seeing that I don’t have to participate, at all! I have an experiential report that maybe some can relate to and it can help them to see what I mean.

On many an occasion in the past, I would be having a relatively vivid dream, and some truly horrible circumstance would be happening in the dream. Just something actually awful. And I would be worried, upset, trying to solve the problem, etc. Yet at some point I semi-recognize that I’m dreaming, and I was able to take this stance along the lines of “this can all just go away and it doesn’t matter” – at which point that upset completely vanished as I realized it was just a dream (sometimes this would happen soon after waking rather than in the dream). In essence it was a full ‘reset’.

What I find now is that – I am doing this in normal, waking life! It is really very simple. I’m just able to see that I can do such a ‘reset’ (i.e. get back to feeling good), and it happens! It’s like I’m able to easily and rapidly completely wipe the slate clean. And… nothing bad happens as a result of this! No fact of the situation changes, and I function even better in life, the actual problems still get addressed (it’s not a burying head in the sand)… it’s just this total emotional wiping of the slate to be virtually pure and pristine instead.

And it strikes me that that’s exactly what the actualism method is! And in terms of leaving humanity, it is in a sense coming to grips with the fact that I can just do this and I can “get away” with it! This is why the actual world is ever-fresh, pure, and pristine… nothing ‘dirty’ ever gets in because all this that we feel as ‘dirty’ has as much existence as the dream, i.e. none at all actually. The ‘real world’ is like a dream super-imposed onto actuality that we take to be serious, but it isn’t, not at all. There is nothing about it that is actual, tangible, factual, and nothing about it that needs to be preserved. Everything functions much better without it!

That’s all for now :slight_smile:

Cheers,
Claudiu

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Yes so this is the next thing I was going to write about, I was trying to find the exact quote in the reports but you were speaking with Vineeto about the beneficial effect of being able to relate to other identities whilst being out from control vs an actually free person being unable to even relate to the identity as those identities have no existence in actuality.

I have also noticed this beneficial effect but now I am starting to see where it begins to fall short, hence the focus on stepping out of ‘humanity’. What I can see is that as long as ‘I’ am relating with another identity there can only ever be a virtual happiness and harmlessness.

As long as ‘I’ continue to speak in that language of ‘reality’ there is a hook back towards sorrow and malice. And the denizens of the ‘real world’ are extremely apt at drawing others to where they are at. At the very best ‘I’ become expert at swimming these waters, but simply by virtue of detecting and relating with those other identities, ‘I’ am hooked.

It seems that at some point the only thing that makes sense is to abandon the entire thing altogether, this is the only way to ensure actual happiness and harmlessness and the ability to act sensibly each moment again. Besides that which is ‘human’ is that which blocks the experience of perfection and purity so it all has to go eventually.

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Kuba: “So I have finished reading the reports now, although the facts of my experience speak for themselves at this point it is still great to see that things line up.
There was a couple of things that stood out :”

Vineeto: “Devika is the only person who was out-from-control and permanently abandoned the whole enterprise of becoming actually free, because of stage-freight, using falling in love and Love-Agape to help her abandon it. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 16 Nov 09) and (Richard, List D, No. 6, #Irene).
It was a deliberate decision on her part to turn away for good.
Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period.”

This was a nice thing to read because it means that in making the decision to step out from control ‘I’ may have got myself onto a one way ride, one that is unlikely to end in anything but ‘my’ demise, considering this puts a smile on my face every time :grin:

This question of ‘falling back to normal’ this is something that I can also confirm in myself, that it is a case of working through whatever aspect of the human condition is presenting itself, yet I have not been ‘normal’ since the initial change.
It’s as if ‘I’ dip into those patterns so that they can be fully experienced and unravelled, of course how else could the actualism process eventuate?”

Hi @Kuba,
Yes, indeed, “how else could the actualism process eventuate?”
It’s an utter delight to read your report and to learn that you received all the confirmation and information to be confident and at ease to proceed where only pure intent (without “affective shrapnel” [link] is beckoning.

And now you have reached the rewarding stage, according to your previous report 6 days ago that -

Kuba: “‘I’ am very much needed in order to actualise what the universe intends. It makes ‘my’ petty life all worth it in the end, ‘I’ can gladly sacrifice ‘myself’ to allow this perfect destiny, ‘I’ can go out in a blaze of glory.
So it’s not that ‘I’ have to do it, ‘I’ get to do it, ‘I’ get to grant this gift and ‘I’ am the only one who can grant it.” [link]

!YES! All the ingredients are lined up for you to make this last part of the ride a fun and exciting success!

The other thing is reading @Vineeto now vs before, it’s funny that before I was projecting a phantom of sorts, one that was synonymous with authority. But of course Vineeto hasn’t changed between then and now, it was ‘I’ that changed. It is a propitious situation to have her as a target which we can all unequivocally and safely aim for.

Just like once Richard described it – there is a helpful flag in the distant golf-hole to make the aiming more easy and precise.

Also :

Vineeto to Claudiu: “You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. This realisation is naturally quite uncomfortable for ‘me’, both the instinctually felt need to belong in order to survive and the peasant mentality aspect of the social identity. Hence, of course, “it feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’”.”

“And this is what I find myself smack bang in the middle, it’s fascinating that abandoning ‘humanity’ means a movement towards pure intent, only pure intent. I always knew that this would eventually be the next step, it’s just that ‘I’ could not quite face the ramifications.
It seems the core of the resistance is essentially a fear of being seen as completely insane, and the danger this apparently presents. Although this drama is having very little credibility these days, all it takes is to turn and look over my shoulder, back to where ‘humanity’ is, for a reminder of what exists ‘back there’, then I gladly continue proceeding towards pure intent.”

I think when you take honest stock you will see that you have already left most of your ‘sane’ experience of belonging to humanity behind, and I guess you wouldn’t even recognize yourself from a couple of years ago. So, yes, this “drama” is more like a phantom and an idea rather than concrete reality and most of it is already left behind.

“But I recognise this as the next step, to abandon ‘humanity’, to no longer have the ability to ‘fit’ into it, to no longer have the capacity to belong or even to relate to other identities, …”

I can confirm from my own experience that relating to other people is mostly very easy, especially in everyday communication - they are now all fellow human beings and most of them are a joy to interact with.

“I can see in that direction there is only pure intent, also I can see that walking in that direction I might find that I turn back around to see the door back to ‘reality’ closing, how exciting!”

How wonderfully exciting – I am reminded of ‘Vineeto’s’ last hours – there was so much fun and ease and laughter that ‘she’ missed the moment it happened and only recognized what had happened when it was all over and real-world time had stopped (I had said to Richard, quite casually, “we have all the time in the universe” and that gave it away, lol).

Enjoy it – it’s the time of your life.
I much appreciate you being here.
Cheers Vineeto

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Ha, yes… this is me right now

Interesting