And yet all these things are already being done. Allowing purity, contemplating the actual world, identifying triggers, uncovering about ‘me’ are all aspects of riding down that steep hill which seem to happen whether ‘I’ am still pedalling ‘my’ feet or not.
It’s as if the momentum happening of it’s own accord begins to blur the lines of agency. As in ‘I’ cannot see much of a difference between ‘me’ doing all of those things and them being done anyways. ‘I’ couldn’t stop those things from happening, so am ‘I’ the agent behind them happening in the first place? And if they are happening anyway, how could ‘I’ possibly speed them up?
This is a fact - if nothing else needed to happen then I would be actually free already. And yet bearing the above in mind can ‘I’ do any more? I guess it’s helpful for these apparent paradoxes that ‘I’ don’t actually exist in the first place.
Ah how wonderful, the below quote summarises this apparent ‘predicament’ perfectly! :
Becoming free of the human condition is a result of making a curious decision to ‘do it’ – whatever it takes – and once one sets it all in motion a momentum takes over where one realises one has embarked already … and once one has that impetus going one cannot ‘un-set’ the pace. An alacrity takes over and one finds that one has already been doing it and one has no choice in the matter (fascination is almost like ‘I am not doing this – this is happening to me’). This means one is already committed to finding out – it is not that one makes a commitment as one can always break a commitment after a lot of soul-searching – and this commitment one cannot break. There is no pulling back – which is why most people do not want to start – because once one has started one cannot stop. It is a one-way trip … that is the thrilling part of it. With application and diligence, born out of pure intent, it will happen …one cannot help but become fascinated, for this is the predicament that humankind has been agonising over for aeons. Any reluctance to become fascinated is because of the ‘no turning back’ aspect. After fascination comes obsession wherein you cannot leave it alone any more – or rather it does not leave you alone – and that is when that tempo picks you up – an eagerness grips you – and you feel alive, vital, dynamic. Things happen of a serendipitous nature. One can no longer distinguish between me doing it and it happening to me. They happen simultaneously – cause and effect are left behind in the Land of Lament – and it is absolutely thrilling. Then one is fully doing this business of being alive – doing it here on this earth in this lifetime as this body – and it is all happening now. This moment is happening and I am doing it and the doing is happening of itself and I am the experiencing of the happening. Then one is in this propitious state of being able to say: ‘I am the doing of what is happening’.
This aspect of them happening simultaneously (‘me’ doing it and it happening) is what I am finding fascinating, as in it becomes progressively more meaningless to differentiate between the 2.