Claudiu: The other thing is I think I figured out a really key part of how to successfully self-immolate.
If I approach it as ‘me’ ending, then there comes a point where it just feels impossible to proceed because I have myself firmly in mind and I can’t see what would happen next. So it is a dead end.
But if I approach it more as me going “into the universe” or “more in the direction of the universe” (i.e. the one that actually exists) then the path is clear, especially when being receptive and aware of pure intent, the purity comes into perception and there’s a clear experience of getting closer to the actual world — and no limit in sight, just a matter of going further, getting used to it (as in the previous post), then further etc., and seems to be just a matter of doing this until it happens.
Delightful questions also start to pop up like “wait actuality is already always here (experienced as such) so how can I be going ‘into’ that which is already there? Where am I coming from such as to go ‘into’ that? This place I’m coming from cannot actually exist can it…”, delicious to contemplate and certainly a good sign in my book! (Claudiu's Journal - #264 by claudiu )
Kuba: Hmm this is interesting because I have also been contemplating on those 2 modes. One is to set ‘my’ sights on allowing perfection and purity more and more until ‘I’ disappear.
Second one is to make a decision, whilst still being firmly ‘me’, that ‘I’ will give ‘myself’ up in order to allow the perfection and purity irrevocably.
I have been leaning towards the second one and it seems you are leaning towards the first one. (Claudiu's Journal - #266 by Kub933)
Kuba: Funnily enough I had this exact thought happen when I had that PCE today. I saw that this body exists where time has no duration and there was this utter safety to this. I thought well why can’t I just remain here when this is all that genuinely exists.
And yet this is the point that I am trying to make, that unless ‘I’ make the decision to disappear completely then there will always be ‘something’ to come back to.
Since the PCE today though things have been supercharged somehow, like it is becoming inevitable that it will happen. (Claudiu's Journal - #267 by Kub933 )
Kuba: That is to say there will be an aspect of the unknown, of not being able to possibly go any further. That last bit to be bridged can only be done by ‘my’ extinction.
It reminds me of Srinath’s report of becoming free. That he was as if Moses looking at the promised land and yet being forbidden from entry.
This is exactly how I find it, that no matter how closely ‘I’ creep up to actuality, ‘I’ am still forbidden entry and this will never change. (Claudiu's Journal - #268 by Kub933 )
Claudiu: So too similarly with self-immolation — I go towards actuality with the intent of ending ‘me’, that it will be ‘my’ demise, a permanent ending of ‘me’ instead of temporarily. But practically it is a seamless transition between two worlds — brought about by being willing to go into that sweetness / giving myself up for that sweetness (to combine from a few reports of people succeeding).
Indeed ‘me’ going into actuality doesn’t make sense. But “going into the direction of actuality” seems to experientially work (Claudiu's Journal - #269 by claudiu )
Hi @Kuba and @Claudiu,
What a delightful interaction to read this morning.
The way I see it from the observer’s perspective, you both have made the decision to ‘self’-immolate a long time ago, when you both went out from under control. The only decision left, if you have any say in the matter given to have allowed the universe to live you, is when. Asking ‘how’ is inviting the ‘doer’ back into the picture and the ‘doer’ has no answers but to whole-heartedly and joyfully acquiesce to the long-awaited blessed oblivion.
As Kuba stated, PCEs happen when ‘I’ am naïve enough to allow them to happen, and the same is the case for ‘self’-immolation. ‘Vineeto’s’ experience was that when ‘she’ determined that now, this very evening, was the best time because of the circumstances, all that was left ‘to do’ was a gay abandon to have the time of ‘her’ life in utterly enjoying being here, with fun and frivolity and, of course, the very appreciation of it all.(*)
To explain, you both have already decided that it is going to happen, and once you determined when, then there is nothing else to do but to party.
Cheers Vineeto
(*) On Monday evening the fourth of January 2010, I knew I was running out of time. We expected a guest for the next day and I didn’t want to wait until we three [Richard, Peter and myself] were on our own again. I consequently sat on the toilet taking a few minutes longer than usual to gather any scattered bits of intent that were missing to make up the 100% I needed – I pulled out all the stops. When I returned to the living room a dynamic and quite frivolous interaction developed and in that uninhibited hilarious atmosphere I blew the last remaining cobwebs of seriousness, cautiousness and social correctness out of the corners of my psyche. It was all very casual, jovial and funny, unrehearsed and spontaneous and I became confident that this is how I wanted to live my life forever.
I heard myself saying to Richard that ‘We’ve got all the time in the world’ and when I contemplated on the sentence that had just slipped out, time suddenly stood still.
I stopped in mid-sentence and the ensuing silence caught the attention of my two companions.
It was all over, in an instant. (Becoming Free)