Hmm this is interesting because I have also been contemplating on those 2 modes. One is to set ‘my’ sights on allowing perfection and purity more and more until ‘I’ dissappear.
Second one is to make a decision, whilst still being firmly ‘me’, that ‘I’ will give ‘myself’ up in order to allow the perfection and purity irrevocably.
I have been leaning towards the second one and it seems you are leaning towards the first one.
Probably a case of finding the third alternative here haha. It seems ‘I’ can allow perfection and purity more and more but unless ‘I’ make that once in a life time decision to allow self-immolation then it will be a case of “what comes up must come down”.
So in the same way as one cannot self immolate in a PCE, going further and further into perfection and purity seems to have the same limitation. As in ‘I’ still have a job to do at some point, and this the universe cannot do for ‘me’, it is ‘me’ that must make the decision to allow ‘my’ self immolation.