The weather has finally taken a turn for the better in the UK and I’m really enjoying my commute to work and home. I’ve been playing a little game with myself in the car on how much I can amp up enjoying and appreciating the journey 
. The upside of this game is that I arrive to my work happy, light, enjoying catching up with my collegues, but from there I will go back and forth between feeling “normal”, bad, or enjoying and appreciating. On the way home I find myself just simply happy to be here, not necersarily looking foward to seeing Kuba or Poncho although it is a plus that they are there, but I am enjoying life either way. There is no downside 
.
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Sonya: The weather has finally taken a turn for the better in the UK and I’m really enjoying my commute to work and home.
I’ve been playing a little game with myself in the car on how much I can amp up enjoying and appreciating the journey. The upside of this game is that I arrive to my work happy, light, enjoying catching up with my colleagues, but from there I will go back and forth between feeling “normal”, bad, or enjoying and appreciating. On the way home I find myself just simply happy to be here, not necessarily looking forward to seeing Kuba or Poncho although it is a plus that they are there, but I am enjoying life either way. There is no downside
. (link)
Hi Sonya,
This is good news indeed.
I noticed you said that “the weather has finally taken a turn for the better” – does this mean you couldn’t enjoy the rain as well? It can be so cozy sitting in the dry, with the sound of the rain pounding on the roof or gently watering the land, washing everything clean, feeding the vegetation and giving it all an additional sparkle when the sun peeks through. Why should only sunny days provide reason for enjoyment and appreciation?
The other question which arose from reading your report – when you say you “go back and forth between feeling “normal”, bad, or enjoying and appreciating”. What is it that triggers your feeling good dipping into “normal”, let alone “bad”. When you are back to feeling good, is there a way for you to go back to the event and identify the trigger and investigate the cause so that it won’t happen again next time?
Something like this for instance –
Richard: What the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago would do is first get back to feeling good and then, and only then, suss out where, when, how, why – and what for – feeling bad happened as experience had shown ‘him’ that it was counter-productive to do otherwise.
What ‘he’ always did however, as it was often tempting to just get on with life then, was to examine what it was all about within half-an-hour of getting back to feeling good (while the memory was still fresh) even if it meant sometimes falling back into feeling bad by doing so … else it would crop up again sooner or later.
Nothing, but nothing, can be swept under the carpet. (Richard, AF List, No. 68c, 31 May 2005).
Just a thought so that you are not at the whim of your emotions but can eliminate the triggers for a dipping in your good mood once and for all. Some triggers may require a bit of contemplation – are they just a habit, or is the a dearly-held concept of belief, or a special pet-peeve for feeling annoyed?
Once you get the hang of it is fun to solve those puzzles, with the reward is that these triggers won’t stir you up anymore.
Cheers Vineeto
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Hi Vineeto,
I do enjoy the rain sometimes. Mostly when I’m inside but definitely not when the cold wind is blowing and my umbrella is being turned inside out or when im driving on the motorway 
. Although, I very much used to enjoy the monsoon storms when I was younger in Malaysia. My favourite weather is straight after it has finished raining in the spring, I find everything has this extra richness and the smell of wet earth to be captivating. I enjoy both rain and sunshine but do have a preferance. I think I was just getting excited about the evidence of summer coming through to the UK after a long couple months of constant rain.
Yes, I am definitley aware of what triggers my feeling good into “normal” or “bad”. It is always the exact same thing at work 
, which I have been noting each time and I have been progressively been able to get back to feeling good quicker and quicker when noticing that I’m not feeling good anymore. I have yet to nip it in the bud so it doesn’t happen again. I find that I struggle when investigating to get past a certain point, I can often find what the belief is that is preventing me from feeling good but to get further than that to nip in the bud is where I fail.
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Sonya: Hi Vineeto,
I do enjoy the rain sometimes. Mostly when I’m inside but definitely not when the cold wind is blowing and my umbrella is being turned inside out or when I’m driving on the motorway. Although, I very much used to enjoy the monsoon storms when I was younger in Malaysia. My favourite weather is straight after it has finished raining in the spring, I find everything has this extra richness and the smell of wet earth to be captivating. I enjoy both rain and sunshine but do have a preference. I think I was just getting excited about the evidence of summer coming through to the UK after a long couple months of constant rain.
Hi Sonya,
That is good to hear, especially when you say, “everything has this extra richness and the smell of wet earth to be captivating”.
Vineeto: The other question which arose from reading your report – when you say you “go back and forth between feeling “normal”, bad, or enjoying and appreciating”. What is it that triggers your feeling good dipping into “normal”, let alone “bad”. When you are back to feeling good, is there a way for you to go back to the event and identify the trigger and investigate the cause so that it won’t happen again next time?
Sonya: Yes, I am definitely aware of what triggers my feeling good into “normal” or “bad”. It is always the exact same thing at work
, which I have been noting each time and I have been progressively been able to get back to feeling good quicker and quicker when noticing that I’m not feeling good anymore. I have yet to nip it in the bud so it doesn’t happen again. I find that I struggle when investigating to get past a certain point, I can often find what the belief is that is preventing me from feeling good but to get further than that to nip in the bud is where I fail. (link)
I wonder if you missed something in the actualism method. You see, being aware of your feelings is not enough, and sometimes something cannot be just nipped in the bud – it is keeps coming back again and again, which indicates that it is too complex. It may be that you need to look for a belief or a moral/ethical concept, a pattern of emotional reactions to understand first, before you can conclude what it is and then make the decision that it’s not worth keeping it. There could be things like pride, competition, wanting it your way or rebellion against the other wanting it their way. Sometimes there is a ‘good’ feeling connected with it that needs uprooting as well.
Saying you are “aware of what triggers my feeling good into ‘normal’ or ‘bad’” you have a good start to dig deeper into this stumbling block.
Here is something feeling being ‘Vineeto’ wrote about it –
Respondent: Maybe I could make this a little clearer … When I label the feeling and investigate it, is there a further technique for getting rid of the feeling that I am having? Or is it observing the feelings as they happen that lessens their grip?
‘Vineeto’: Personally, observing the feeling was not enough – I had my fair share of this observing business in my spiritual years and the only result was detachment. In actualism I look for the cause that prevents me from being happy and harmless in this moment and mostly, seeing and understanding the cause, coupled with sincere intent, is sufficient to get me back to feeling happy again. If not, then I need to dig a bit deeper why my feeling of worry, misery, anger, love, loneliness, etc persists, for instance I need to look for a particular pattern, or habit, or a perceived advantage that persuades me to choose to be miserable. (Actualism, Vineeto, Gen. Corr., No. 11a, 27.12.2006)
There is more in ‘Vineeto’s’ reporting about how ‘she’ used the actualism method here if you are interested.
Cheers Vineeto
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Thanks Vineeto, I think you’re right. I only seem to go so far as observing the feeling and the reason why it keeps coming back up is because I need to dig deeper. When I think about it, in the past when I’ve tried to there’s been a resistance, almost like a mental block which I can’t seem to get past so i’d kinda poke around it for a little while and then leave it. I probably need to be more persistant and stubborn with myself that I will get to the bottom of it! I’ll have a go at it 
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Sonya: Thanks Vineeto, I think you’re right. I only seem to go so far as observing the feeling and the reason why it keeps coming back up is because I need to dig deeper. When I think about it, in the past when I’ve tried to there’s been a resistance, almost like a mental block which I can’t seem to get past so i’d kinda poke around it for a little while and then leave it. I probably need to be more persistant and stubborn with myself that I will get to the bottom of it! I’ll have a go at it
This is what we were talking about the other day, to develop a fascination (eventually becoming an obsession) with how ‘I’ tick, because ‘my’ condition is the ‘human condition’. Eventually it is that ‘I’ must find out / ‘I’ cannot stay oblivious etc. Once the fascination segues into an obsession then it can no longer be left untouched, the cool side effect is that life becomes fascinating, and others become fascinating likewise.
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Vineeto’s two points combined with Adam’s two points.
I am literally eating popcorn here. Haha
Less cryptically though,
Being one’s own best friend involves a perfect acceptance of oneself combined with an unwavering desire for the very best for oneself. Which has a very tango dance movement involved, a sensation of back and forth where one is pushing forward, but never in opposition with oneself but also , sometimes, needing some gentle encouragement to get more of the best of oneself, for oneself.
Hehe
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This is what I was “riffing” off. Basically, yes and no. You won’t get anywhere being any sort of harsh with yourself, but there is a dance involved. One I am literally days into discovering.
I have had a couple of solid days through that “dance”. Being as perfectly accepting of myself as possible, while also nudging myself towards the very best for myself.
Srinath said it years ago; any animosity towards the ‘real world’ only strengthens it.
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Hi Sonya,
Ah, I remember the “mental block” from ‘Vineeto’s explorations. You probably found out that there is some kind of a fear causing it. And because it’s a block, you can’t break it with gusto, it would only grow harder. So you gently, like a friend, chip at it, enquire into it, each time a little further, until it reveals what is hiding behind.
Kuba’s suggestion (link) of being fascinated will help you too – like a puzzle you can’t leave alone, a personal mystery you want to solve, for your own benefit. And suddenly there it is – ah, that’s what it was … and then you might say, ‘I wonder why I made such a fuss about it?’
As I said, it is a fun game – very sincere and personal – but not serious.
Cheers Vineeto
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Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for the helpful advice. After a few days of putting it into practice and chiping at it bit by bit, I’m finding that the situation that keeps coming up at work where I start feeling irritated is getting easier to look at. I am finding less and less validation to hold on to feeling bad. It helped to step back, look at the whole picture and the facts. As well as see the person I was getting irritated at as just another fellow human being, like myself, trying their best. It’s not entirely gone yet but It does feel like the hold on me has very much weakened. Now, when it comes up and I look at it, it’s more like a ball of cotton I can keep picking at rather than a hard wall of mental block. It also helped me to remember that It won’t just be one thing that would trigger the feeling bad but it can be group of beliefs/morals etc.
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I’ve consistently remembered my dreams for the past 4 days! For as long as I could remember I would say that I didn’t dream, or if I did remember one it was very rare. I’m taking this as a good sign!
I’ve noticed a turning point recently of being more acutely aware to what I’m feeling in each moment. Like it’s turned into a habit now and I’m not repressing being my feelings as much, so I have a inkling some of it has maybe manifested into remembering my dreams or being able to dream
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Very cool!
Over that last year I started talking in my dreams. Which I do not remember ever doing. Not all the time though.
I enjoy dreaming. When I wake up and it’s been a disappointing session of dreaming, it’s a matter of, “ok, back to sleep then!” Sometimes that last 30 mins can be the best!