Leila's journal

Thank you @Vineeto, I completely understand what you are saying.

1 Like

Hi Veenito

i never thought about " doing more harm than good " by doing these translations.
i did not write anything to her , regarding letting her voice these materials yet .

so now i will have to delete the channel , because i don’t think they would listen to me , and they can voice it without telling me .
i will have to make these translations private then , by removing the subscribers …

ok i did made the channel private just now , and removed the subscribers …to make sure she does not voice them .

i did these translations ,Richard 's article this moment of being alive , then i made a group with Ehsan and Frank , he really liked it and told me to do more . then i started doing mostly Vineeto 's writings … and then i thought these are good i made the group as a channel and made it public .
2 years a go , Srinath said i am doing a good work and i continued it .

millions of people in Iran does not know any English ,
reading AFT website in " google translate " will do much more harm than THESE Farsi translations that i spend thousands of hours for doing them .sometimes i would spend two or three days contemplating thinking about just one sentence that Richard had written .

i am editing and adding this part :

i made a mistake to write this : " i don’t know if i did a accurate or correct translations or not ."
when i wrote that i wanted to look humble , i thought maybe by writing this which was a mistake , i can avoid things like challenges about translations . because from the past i knew people dont like the translations and there was a lot of talks about it . only Srinath encouraged me to continue it .

i experienced something wonderful today
the spaciousness that i experienced and the overwhelming sweetness
that brought tears to my eyes .
i was mumbling so this is my destiny
being this body not this psyche
this was in the afternoon for 2 hours
and in the morning i was contemplating on this
: one is the experience of what is happening now
then i felt this seeing is enjoyable
this hearing is enjoyable
this smelling is enjoyable
this seeing is precious
this hearing and smelling is precious
this moment of being alive is so precious
then i remembered geoffrey in his video a questioner was asking him : is this enjoying about an object ?
geoffrey said no , it is not about enjoying the wall or sky , it is about enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive …

1 Like

Yes thank you for your post @Vineeto and it is lovely to have you post here even if just for this one particular purpose. I would never have thought to do something so simple as running the words back and forth through a translator to expose the problem.

It is clear to me now why what was in the past termed as the ‘pedantic approach’ by the AFT is actually crucial with regards to the spread of peace on earth. The history of human kind so far has been the blind leading the blind and with bloody consequences. Richard saw this clearly and it seems no-one before him could pin-point what the problem was.

@Leila Perhaps you can make a deal with yourself, that instead of trying to ‘spread the word’ of actualism just yet, you see this for the pitfall that it is and then instead do all that you can to become actually free of the human condition yourself. Then perhaps you can be of actual assistance to farsi speaking individuals, without inadvertently pulling them into further illusion and delusion instead.


Hi Leila,

I appreciate your welcome.

Regarding your above reply I do wonder if you understand more of the bigger picture.

As I don’t speak the language only you can know how accurate your translation is, and you admitted yourself thati don’t know if i did a accurate or correct translations or not”. Now you are retracting this admission saying it was due to your wish to “look humble” […] ”because from the past i knew people dont like the translations and there was a lot of talks about it”.

Let me unravel this statement – It reads that you did not examine what people said in regards to valid or invalid arguments about the translations, but because you wanted to have it your way you therefore made a humble statement to appease those people, which includes Richard’s comments as well and followed Srinath’s encouragement because he was on ‘your’ side.

If instead you would have been confident that the translations are entirely accurate as a matter of fact, there would have been no need to appease anyone, nor have anyone’s consent either because a fact stands for itself.

I suggest, you have another good look at your translations – see if Richard, in the text I quoted, or myself, have any reason for concern that it might cause harm by distorting or watering-down an actual freedom, and then make the necessary corrections until you can stand by it 100% with all your sincerity, better even, with pure intent operating – “the spaciousness that i experienced and the overwhelming sweetness.

That is what Richard meant when he said it is “more matter of each and every would-be publisher/ provider having the nous to realise, for themselves and by themselves, just how important, how vital, the accurate presentation of the actualism writings are”.

As I am not in the position to make a judgement about your translation here are some tips how you yourself can assess them more accurately.

As an example, which may have influenced your translation of the word “apperception” – you wrote in June 2024:

Leila: Richard used " wordless " in two of his sentences .

*1 hietmoba becomes " a wordless attitude" toward life ,
*2 and apperception which is a “wordless appreciation” of being alive right now - of being alive and awake on this verdant planet.

Obviously, this is only the first part of Richard’s quote, which does not encapsulate everything that apperception means in actualism writings. Apperception only happens in a PCE or when actually free. Viz:

RICHARD: “Apperception is the clear and direct experiencing of being just here at this place in infinite space right now at this moment in eternal time – sans identity and its feeling-fed realities – and it is a wordless appreciation of being alive and awake on this verdant and azure planet. Apperception is where one is living in the already always existing peace-on-earth and is where one is blithe and carefree, even if one is doing nothing: doing something – and that includes thinking – is a bonus on top of the never-ending perfection of the infinitude which this material universe is. Apperception is where one is the universe being stunningly aware of its own infinitude.” [source].

And from the Abditorium [link] – which folder can be a great source of information for you when you translate –

RICHARD: The word ‘apperception’ literally means: consciousness being conscious of being consciousness … as distinct from the normal ‘self’-conscious way of perception (‘I’ being aware of ‘me’ being conscious). Vis.:

• ‘apperception (n.): the mind’s perception of itself […] [source]

What I do know, however, it that there is a vast difference between feeling caring and actual caring, hence my and Richard’s emphasis on aspects you might not have thought of before. First a description of actual caring –

• [Respondent № 27]: “Richard, I am currently perplexed about ‘caring’. You distinguish between ‘feeling caring’ and ‘actually caring’. I think I understand the distinction for the most part‘feeling caring’ is caring based upon emotion‘feeling’ that one cares, and ‘actually caring’ is something that happens ONLY in a PCE or when one is actually free. Now, this results in the somewhat shocking statement that the only people who actually care are those in pure consciousness”.

• [Richard]: “Aye, it can indeed be a shock to realise that, for all the protestations of being caring, no one trapped in the human condition actually cares. However, apart from galvanising one into action, it is a liberating realisation as it releases one from the bonds that tie.

There are always strings attached in affective caring” [source]

I remember well when ‘Vineeto’ first realized, how ‘she’ had never actually cared, shortly before ‘she’ became actually free –

RICHARD: “Hence it came to pass one fine evening that feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ realised, with a profound visceral impact, how ‘she’ had never actually cared – although ‘she’ certainly felt caring (in fact ‘she’ had a deeply-ingrained and ongoing feeling of caring about all the misery and mayhem) – and upon that realisation transforming itself into an actualisation (as per the intimacy-yearning process detailed in the ‘Direct Route Mail-Out № 05 email part-quoted at the top of this page) it activated “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” and there was indeed action which was not of ‘her’ doing … to wit: the ending of ‘her’ and all ‘her’ subterfuge and trickery (just to stay in keeping with the above wording purely for effect).

Thus Vineeto is emphatic that unless this “near-actual caring” term refers to “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” with a marked-action effect, such as is illustrated above, it is to no avail to utilise such terminology.

The other example provided (at the top of this page) similarly instances a marked-action effect of “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” inasmuch ‘she’ was sitting amongst a group of people, as one of many, wherein ‘her’ sole interest was that everyone present, including ‘herself’ as one of those present, enjoyed themselves and obtained the maximum benefit from their meeting due to an abeyance of the ‘doer’ and the ascendancy of the ‘beer’ (i.e., an out-from-control/ different-way-of-being virtual freedom).” [source, source]

As you can see, if you read the whole of the above correspondence, very soon this description “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” was attempted to be watered down with the term “near-actual caring”, as is more explicitly detailed in the post following the above quoted, just as words from Richard, describing the actual world had been subject to similar treatment such as apperception, (see here for some humorous reading and here, where an imposter was caught in his own web).

As a general observation over the years, feeling beings (and that includes feeling being ‘Vineeto’, do not like to be excluded from experiences that can only happen outside of the human condition, and they are on occasion prone to claim the experience whilst still holding on tightly to their precious.

Just talking out of past experiences :blush:

Cheers Vineeto

PS: When you translated “Vineeto’s writings”, did you include the

“Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ while ‘she’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom”

at the very top of each page so that people are not mislead? Or did you only translate ‘actualvineeto’s’ writings?

Are you giving references to the English originals so that people can find out for themselves where it comes from, when it was written, and what the broader context is?

1 Like

Thank you Kuba for your warm welcome.
I am particularly chuffed that you recognize that the AFT ‘pedantic approach’ was born of actual care.
I also congratulate you for standing on the threshold of an out-from-control different way of being - unless you have already crossed the line.
Cheers Vineeto


Hi Veenito
Yes i included that this has been written by feeling being Peter and feeling being Vineeto , from the start of the translations of the entire peter’s journal and Vineeto’s journal .

and i did add all of the links that Srinath had provided in the simple actualism .
from Peter’s library to Richard’s articles and etc.

i know the difference between apperception and appreciation …
apperception is the direct experience of actual world

i have carefully translated each word .
thank you Vineeto

Thank you Leila,
This is good to hear and I appreciate your prompt reply.
Cheers Vineeto

Leila: so much emotions i caused myself by those unnecessary actions and reactions
1 too much stress and anxiety attack and fear for these translations ,
i caused myself …
paralyzing myself , doing the unnecessary actions and reactions … removing all those subscribers from the channel
… they can not come back now , they have to have a new phone number to participate
…sadness has come …
2 these translations has become part of my identity
When that women said she wants to voice them, i felt bad , as if a part of my identity i had to let go of
seeing she had already down loaded all the translations , sharing a few without asking me in her Chanell
anger and fear came and i did again another unnecessary actions out of possessiveness,
she defensively responded
then sadness and anger came
i went and write an apology to her for making her upset
realizing how much " these emotions rule the human world" and making them upset
3 i went to sleep with this sadness in my stomach , my jaw and my forehead
4 letting go of this possessiveness is now my another obstacle
5 the more i experience this actual world , the more i vitally become fascinated in , and aim toward this goal , this sensate world , seeing the contrast more and more
i have tears in my eyes now , being able to see this obstacle , seeing this part of myself by that women and Veenito , seeing this barrier between me and the actual world (Leila's journal - #267 by leila)[/quote]

Hi Leila,
Stop, stand still. Let the dust settle.
When you find yourself in a whirlpool of strong emotions like you describe above, first do whatever it takes to get back to feeling good.
Don’t try to solve anything whilst your thoughts are all emotionally charged.
Once you are back to feeling good you can begin to see the silliness of having this only moment of being alive – now – spoilt by feeling bad, whatever it is. Viz :

[Respondent]: How does the mere seeing how silly it is make us happy once again?
[Richard]: Because nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth getting malicious or miserable about (let alone compensatingly loving and compassionate) when the realisation that this moment is the only one there ever is becomes the actuality it already always is.
(2nd mouse-hover tooltip after “the silliness” in “This Moment Of Being Alive")

Now you may better comprehend what I am going to say –

  1. Can you recognize that if you try to ‘fix’ your dilemma whilst being emotional, you will only follow the usual route of appeasing emotional demands of others rather than allow yourself to sincerely contemplate what the facts of the matter are before you take any further hasty actions?
  2. Can you see that following Srinath’s encouragement – when he had no way to assess the accuracy of your ‘good work’ – has landed you in this quandary because it was an encouragement for you to follow your own feelings of compassion, wanting to save millions of non-English-speaking people (“millions of people in Iran does not know any English”) (link)?
    Were you aware that his advice on other occasions has been laid bare as “sandpit actualism” (The Formation and Persistence of Social Identity) and has caused tensions as to using the actualism method on the forum (link)?
  3. Can you see that the (emotional) interpretation of the “possessiveness” of ‘your’ translations is in fact based on using Richard’s words, which you can by no means be sure to have translated accurately and perfectly, as it needs pure intent fully operating whilst doing so? If pure intent had been fully operating there would be no possessiveness because then you would know that it is not of ‘your’ doing. (See info-icon at (mainly in ceramics) (Richard's Personal Web Page).
    As such it is ‘you’, the identity, who has taken possession of the purity of the universe experiencing itself as a flesh-and-blood body, (which does not belong to ‘you’), naturally to your own emotional detriment.
    Once you understand this fully – experientially, not just intellectually – the solutions to your dilemma, if there is any remaining, will become clear.
    Kuba’s suggestion from two days ago is worth gold –

Cheers Vineeto


Thank you Vineeto .

i forgot to reply to Kuba that i have stopped translating AFT website since one year ago .
appreciate your help

1 Like

And as a final comment - Can you see that your “appreciate your help” has no meaning so far as you have yet to access the links of the experiential reports from Richard I have given you?

Slow down, Leila, slow down.
When you do, you might experience that there is all the time in the universe.
Cheers Vineeto