resentment and expectation
in my walks for the dedication for enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive , i was angry at sister , she complains why i am not asking her how she is , and why i am not talking about what she has done all day long for my mom and dad , and why nobody thanks her … she goes out buying groceries or food , or taking my mom and dad for a visit to a doctor office .
her expectations are so annoying .
and i have been annoyed at her so many times .
i don’t know what to do with this emotion that i am feeling regarding her expectations .
she sometimes write something disturbing .
i am avoiding her due to so many reasons , she has been a rough sister , and abusing me so many times , and now i am ignoring her , so she gets that vibe .
in conclusion
it is a long lasting resentment resurfaced by an immediate resentment …
you don’t like somebody , and you have been avoiding them , now something small comes up , all the emotional memory come to surface .
the main theme here is expectation and resentment .
for us feeling being it is not enough that we have money we can buy stuff , we breath , we are alive and etc.
we are resentment and because of that we have expectations …these two are like a hamster wheel , they circle around each other .
now this is " me " expecting " from her , not to write something to disturb me .
so we both are doing the same thing . there was resentment , now expectation.
it is like i want good things to come out of the sorrow and malice’s box , which is" me" at the core of my being .
the psyche discontent with life in general which is the core of " me ", leads to resentment ( which is anger ,annoyance , offence ,etc.)
the opposite of discontent is feeling good ( feeling of ease and calm in the body) .
and putting this energy for EATMOBA , can lead to amazement of the wonder , which then the experience of purity can happen…