Andrew , It is interesting that you find Persian language sensual.
i don’t know what “ sensual “ means for you ?
When i read it first i thought you mean Persian music .
edit and added : i am going to search about “cluster C” type personality disorders …
by AI…
Cluster C personality disorders are grouped by anxious and fearful behaviors, including Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), characterized by intense insecurity, fear of rejection, perfectionism, and needing control, significantly impacting relationships and daily life, often treated with psychotherapy and sometimes medication.
Intense fear of criticism, rejection, or disapproval, leading to severe social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and avoidance of social situations or new activities.
Pervasive need to be taken care of, often resulting in submissive, clinging behavior, difficulty making decisions, lack of self-confidence, and enduring poor treatment to avoid abandonment.
Preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control, leading to inflexibility, rigid adherence to rules, inability to delegate, and excessive devotion to work, often at the expense of relationships.
Common Characteristics
Fear and Anxiety:
A central theme across all three disorders, often manifesting as intense fear of judgment, rejection, or making mistakes.
Interpersonal Difficulties:
Behaviors often stem from a deep fear of negative outcomes in relationships, leading to either extreme avoidance (AvPD) or excessive clinging (DPD).
Internal Conflict:
Experiences significant distress and inner turmoil due to painful feelings about themselves and others.
This is the first time my heart does not beat fast by posting here .. i am very surprised …
and there is no fear about being criticized as well !
wow , this is fun now .
Yes it was really impactful to me to see especially the “Dependent Personality Disorder” descriptions. My last girlfriend was undiagnosed NPD (narcistic personality disorder_) of the “covert” type, which some experts say is properly not the same disorder as the “malignant or grandiose” versions of narcissism.
Watching Prof. Sam Vaknin (who is both NPD and ASPD) describe how both cluster C and Cluster B, both share a lack of “ego”. They are both characterized by “false selves” which are highly performative, always manipulating, and are emotionally two years old at best.
Large numbers of humans never “grow up”; rather through “objectification”, develop a performative personality which is more like an imaginary friend than the “normal” sense of ‘self’
Anyway, I hope you realize i wasn’t criticizing you, rather just discussing a topic which came to mind.
One of the things that i would say did start to change something fundamental in my outlook in late 2024, leading to a better 2025 as far as some honesty and less performance, was learning about that performative and manipulative “false self” that both cluster C and cluster B personalities share.
Although I have no idea if i was ever clinical, (which i doubt), i saw so much in the definitions that it made me stop and reflect on who it was that i was trying to be?
The “close up” experience of my last girlfriend also freed me from any judgements i had about such people. It really isn’t some moral failing, or some choice they made. These things are formed from the womb. Then I learnt that in some tangible way, I fit the description of a dependent personality, and there was some softness towards myself and the human condition, a tangential sideways glance at giving myself and others “a break”
Leila: Thank you both for your replies Andrew and Vineeto,
I am really seeing the silliness of my victim attitude, and I am willing to give it up … And my sympathy for myself for example about the limited food I can have, or my ill health.
I went and read, slowly and carefully, several times, the link you have provided Vineeto. It Is Either Silly Or Sensible
I learned I can (disconnect) or disentangle myself emotionally as Richard said: “To feel terrible, emotionally, on top of the physical pain is simply silly when it is possible to disentangle oneself, emotionally, and still feel good about being alive, about being here. This is being sensible, is it not? To feel good, if not happy, all the time?”
because adding feeling sorry to my condition makes it worse, when instead I can feel good, by feeling bad I lose this opportunity to enjoy and do something exciting with my life!
Hi Leila,
Now that you came this far in your understanding, having understood the contents of the Article ‘Silly or Sensible’, you can actually put this “sensible” knowledge into practice and gain some confidence that you can “disentangle myself emotionally” before thinking further.
Leila: (…)
p.s regarding insecurity, I read Felix had success in investigating “insecurity”. Is there a link to read his investigation? (link)
Here is my first reply to Felix’s post “regarding insecurity” –
>>Felix:When I look at my years of difficulty with this method, I see I was getting stuck in quite extreme anxiety most of the time when we’re talking about applying the method, or trying to have PCEs and stuff like that. I didn’t know what to do when I hit those barriers which I perceived as threatening. Feeling good seemed a literal impossibility no matter how hard I tried.
Now it’s totally different, anxiety or emotional pain or insecurity are just like a setting on the washing machine – not something to lean into or take seriously at all (other than to feel it fully and sincerely investigate). Don’t get me wrong, they are still powerful emotions – it’s just that I have a game plan when they take place now, one that doesn’t involve dissociation/ escape/ despair/ self-castigation/ further anxiety. Vineeto: Hi Felix,
Welcome back.
You seemed to have used your time very successful, after a lot of trial and error, to finally succeed in finding “a game plan” which “doesn’t involve dissociation/ escape/ despair/ self-castigation/ further anxiety.”
This in itself is quite remarkable, especially to acknowledge, then recognize and decline dissociation and further to decline the follow-up above listed feelings as well.
Your last sentence confirms that it’s really working and it’s wonderful to read – Felix:It’s crazy how when feeling good or beyond, this moment really is enough, and not something at all to be wasted.[Upload failed] Vineeto: Cheers Vineeto (Actualvineeto, Felix, 2 June 2025)
The other post from Felix about insecurity with my reply I found here.
And also my deep appreciation for what you are doing in helping us .
I have a question regarding Felix and Vineeto correspondent .
what does “ Splitting “ oneself mean ?
And what is the difference between “ splitting and dissociation “ ?
I understood that “ dissociation “ is for example when one says “ i have feelings “ , instead of saying “ i am my feelings” …
If someone would provide other examples of splitting …
Thank you
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edit and adding : this is one example Felix wrote , but i don’t get it …
Felix : And what you say about “splitting” oneself is very apt, because at that point I’m becoming anxious that I’m feeling anxious – as well as the notions I mentioned of fears that I’ll never make it, that I’m not cut out for actualism, or that I’m wired “wrong”.
these are the example of dissociation i just read ,
VINEETO to Felix: You are dissociating as long as you (instinctively) feel you can will/ force yourself to feel differently. To summarize and repeat the above –
Stop fighting
Stop blaming yourself (that in itself should result in getting back to feeling good)
Stop calling this ‘doing actualism’
Acknowledge and become aware that you are your feelings (your genetic heritage which all feeling being share)
Be the feeling without rejection or blame or escaping
Choose to be a different feeling (such as feeling good)
Leila: Thank you Vineeto for providing the link for me.
And also my deep appreciation for what you are doing in helping us.
I have a question regarding Felix and Vineeto correspondent.
what does “Splitting” oneself mean?
And what is the difference between “splitting and dissociation”?
By ‘splitting’ I mean when you have one aspect of your identity argue with another aspect of your identity, the same as what “internal conflict” means. It is a result of the perception of having feelings instead of the recognition that I am my feelings.
Leila: I understood that “dissociation” is for example when one says “I have feelings”, instead of saying “I am my feelings” …
If someone would provide other examples of splitting …
Thank you
In a way they are similar, dissociation however can be much more pronounced in one can be convinced that one is not angry, never angry, because one trained oneself that those feelings are not allowed. Splitting means you are aware of both sides of the internal argument as in ‘I am angry but I shouldn’t be’.
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Leila: edit and adding : this is one example Felix wrote, but I don’t get it …
>>Felix: And what you say about “splitting” oneself is very apt, because at that point I’m becoming anxious that I’m feeling anxious – as well as the notions I mentioned of fears that I’ll never make it, that I’m not cut out for actualism, or that I’m wired “wrong”.
This is a great example of Felix becoming aware of previously dissociated, i.e. suppressed, feelings such as being anxious. But instead of being a friend to himself he castigates himself for being those feelings and thus compounds his anxiousness by being anxious about it. This results in an inner conflict. I am pleased to say that after a longish period of punishing himself this way he finally was able to leave all that behind and start feeling good (link)
In short, when you recognize an internal conflict/ argument with yourself, stop and acknowledge that you are your feelings and that the inner conflict is a distraction from the choice you have to be your feelings and thus have the choice to be feeling good instead.
