Thank you both for your replies Andrew and Vineeto
I am really seeing the silliness of my victim attitude , and I am willing to give it up …And my sympathy for myself for example about the limited food i can have , or my ill health.
I went and read , slowly and carefully , several times, the link you have provided Vineeto .It Is Either Silly Or Sensible
I learned I can( disconnect ) or disentangle myself emotionally as Richard said : "To feel terrible, emotionally, on top of the physical pain is simply silly when it is possible to disentangle oneself, emotionally, and still feel good about being alive, about being here. This is being sensible, is it not? To feel good, if not happy, all the time? "
because adding feeling sorry to my condition makes it worse , when instead i can feel good , by feeling bad i lose this opportunity to enjoy and do something exciting with my life !
But what is exciting ? the journey exciting ? imitating the actual world ? knowing myself and changing myself ?
The disentangling , is it temporary? , and then by finding beliefs , when something is persistent , I can disconnect the chain forever ? just like geoffrey " losing his chains "
Well , knowing myself is very difficult ! as I am so many opposites !
if i was not writing here i would not know about my hiding place …
is there more hiding places ?For example, I avoid someone , then the next day I am looking for that person . or if i see him avoiding me , i go to sorrow or jealousy .
Now I am sure I have the willingness to change
, " to improve my lot " …
But what about intent :
Richard said : by becoming friends with myself , i am not against myself , i can discover things about myself ,and maybe by doing this , i start having intent ?
This is being happy and harmless toward myself …( benevolence acting )intent is in action .
there is the third one , which is courage …
and for this i have to take responsibility for my own feelings , so that i don’t manipulate others , by blaming, criticizing, and shaming !
The fourth one, which is determination, this one is very difficult …and i am not sure how I can put this one into action ?
p.s regarding insecurity , i read Felix had success in investigating “ insecurity “ . Is there a link to read his investigation ?