Hi Nick,
Welcome to the forum!
You wrote (emphasis mine):
Nikolai_Halay:
I am posting this to perhaps act as a catalyst to spur me on further, though my motivation to take it to its end has snowballed as of late as I keep enjoying this moment of being alive and unraveling anything that stands in the way of that. And it works. It works so very well I shake my head and ask myself why I didn’t take it to this degree of dedication earlier in my journey.
Some may remember me from the old DhO days. So many years ago. 2 months ago I had a realisation that everything I was saying in my head and elsewhere was complete bullshit. And from there , I jumped back into that Actual Freedom trust website and Simple Actualism, and suddenly a motivation to do the exact same thing others had done arose like never before . That pure intent [sic?] to be happy and harmless […]
In the interest of “Keeping Nick honest” and regarding the topic of doing the “exact same thing others had done” , I write just a brief note to say that it appears you may be making the same mistake Tarin made, which is equating ‘your’ motivation – which is of course something sourced in and arising out of a rotten-to-the-core feeling-being (which all of us feeling-beings are at our core) – with pure intent – which is an actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that is outside of the human condition.
I highly recommend a re-read (if it’s not a first reading) of the entire Addendum 7 on the “Latest Public Announcement” page on the AFT site: Latest Public Announcement .
For a recent demonstration of the difference between ‘my’ intent/motivation, and pure intent, I refer you to the following.
First read this exchange from ~August 2022:
Alarm bells! ! ! !
It sounds like ‘you’ have cleverly found a way to allow yourself not to continue in the actuality direction (the direction where ‘you’ are no more). Which is fine of course, it is your choice. And sounds like it is better than being afraid. But I just inform you here to let you know that it is indeed the choice you’re making
@claudiu I much appreciate your concerns. The thing is this: I’m here more making a reference to my fantasies of what I’d imagine pure intent to be like. Also hasn’t the thought occured to you that my intent might acctually be pure intent ? Even though I’m forever locked out from knowing it… in it’s purity… and thus in it’s true taste - since I’m still so very much here… in the way of… seeing/being it ?
My intent certainly isn’t a feeling … So my choice of words: “that’s how it feels ” is only making reference to this intent… which isn’t a feeling at all. It would only be at false if I were to find a grain of motivation, desire, drive … feeling… in it. These phenomena still occurs, but my own attempts of doing anything are immediately dropped when seeing the silliness of trying to go back to that of ‘my old ways’.
Now, I only have one intent (the word ‘direction’ has references to ‘going somewhere’ as if I were to ‘go’ anywhere at all.) and that is: TO BECOME HAPPY AND HARMLESS - COME WHAT MAY! Why would this have bells of alarm ringing for anyone?
The alarm bell is in that you are saying it is “my intent” and “my own intent”. Whereas pure intent is not ‘my’ intent.
And it’s not just semantic wordplay. There is a meaningful distinction.
To put it another way, “my sincere intent” to be happy and harmless, is not pure intent either. Pure intent is something outside of ‘me’.
The concern is that you will think you found pure intent, when you didn’t, and stop looking.
For reference of what this could mean, see [… snipped for brevity, original link here …]
This is why this is semantics because It’s so hard to accurately describe what this intent is when it’s not a feeling pulling me towards it… I’m like a moth in the night pulled towards it’s light. I cannot stop because you feelings being say so… And @claudiu I certainly won’t make a pause, reading that tombe of knowledge which you now have posted - especially so when I’ve made it clear that I’m no longer going to read the very down to earth words of geoffrey himself.
No.
@Kub933 Again I apologize for derailling your safe place. I think we are pretty much done here now. They are saying it’s not semantics and I’m saying it is… and you know what Kub933: I like to tease them a little with the choice of my words - they can’t see past the ‘my’ part My intent… I hope you don’t harbor any harmful feelings towards me for doing so. Now Let’s pray that geoffrey and srinath doesn’t want to engage in this any further, shall we?
Now compare the above exchange along with all the details of it and what was being described, to the following which happened in ~April 2023 (just a few days ago):
I want a good reason to write and I wish that I had something to show. But not much is happening really.
Progress is slow…
What I seem to have found out (after all this time) is that I’m struggling to enjoy and appreciate because I seem to be very dissociated . […]
What matters is: How to break through the fog?
Well, these past weeks my intent has ramped up noticeably. My best guess would be that an ever increasing intent, will eventually bring the success that I’m looking for. Intent itself seems extremely important. Intent is what has me put my mind to this and it’s what has me endure what I’d rather run from. I don’t have pure intent and my only way of making it pure (the word purity means nothing to me yet) is to keep ramping it up (this cannot be an forced effort). […]
Note particularly John’s sincere and accurate self-appraisal – “I don’t have pure intent […]” – as compared to August 2022, as this sincerity must have been a key part of what followed.
It sounds like you’re describing resolve and what one may call grit (“courage and resolve; strength of character”).
These are beneficial qualities for success for sure!
I just write to suggest also to keep sincerity in mind. Rather than ‘my’ intent, I think sincerity trumps that even more. Sincerity will naturally lead to the doing of the thing that you want to do.
Sincerity is what will lead to you breaking through the fog. It’s what allows you to perceive there is a fog in the first place (instead of denying it exists). And it is what allows you to see that you want to actually do something about it.
So ramp up that sincerity! […]
[…]
I guess a feeling being easily can make the misstake of thinking of this moment in ‘abstract terms’ as if it’s something that’s to be understood ‘intellectually’ or through the repetetive force of asking HAIETMOBA; that the glory of this moment will eventually sort of dawn upon self one day? In my own case I’ve sort of made it an habit of putting extra emphasis on this moment - sometimes even verbally/mentally uttering but this one word (“this”) - in attempt of making it absolutely clear that I’m emotionally aware in this moment. But as it seems … I’ve been dissociating … perhaps trying to have a misty part of myself acting as the ‘moment’ that I pretended/desired to know? I don’t know how else to ‘intelligently’ (?) describe this in words.
““This moment” is not abstract at all. It is all there is.” - geoffrey on Slack (2017)
In any case, I was very excited while riding my bike to work yesterday morning, when my mind poundered upon this … and here … was experiencing myself as able to turn my attention towards this moment . I could actively turn my awareness towards it - almost as if now always ‘looking for it’ - while being aware of feelings at the same time (How else to describe what I’m now doing?).
This different approach … felt like the opening of a window and now to have a fresh air flowing into the dark dungeon called me - here to mix with the stench of the rotten feelings that I’ve been breathing for so long. Everything felt so much easier, my heart felt light and the most part of yesterday morning I thus spent in a most unusual joyous state of mind; playing and fooling around with the kids that I work with.
Perhaps I’m now to ‘ground’ myself in this new approach? Perhaps I’m now to strengthen the relationship - this link - between me and this moment ? Time and experience will tell … if this is a dead end …or if I’m really onto something here. What speaks of it’s authenticity is that I want to do it … and can’t stop doing it. It’s like I have found this new toy that I want to keep playing around with. Perhaps I’m finally begining to understand what was written to me almost 4 years ago (2019) on Slack by Mr. Srinathjelly :
“Oh yeah and then there’s the all important 3rd facet - experience that isn’t affective, being aware that it is always this moment and besides the affective, the sensuous can also be paid attention to abc delighted in. So as you can see it is quite a dynamic practise.” (on the subject of asking HAIETMOBA)
[…]
Ahhhhhhh my dear @John . It does appear like you have at last come across pure intent!
Welcome to the club
It is a “different approach” indeed isn’t it?
For me I have experienced it in different ways. When further away from it and I remember to look for it it seems like a far-off faint yet ever present diffuse yellow light. When much nearer I experience it like a constant breath or breeze of fresh cool air — which your ”felt like the opening of a window and now to have a fresh air flowing into the dark dungeon called me ” reminded me of.
Yees experiencing pure intent does tend to make one naive doesn’t it? It works the other way around too — being naive allows you to experience pure intent more fully.
It is what I would suggest!
Hehe yes, have no fear
Also if Buddhism continues to provide any interest or appeal to you whatsoever I highly recommend reading this entire page of the latest correspondence on Buddhism (from ~2015): Selected Correspondence: Buddhism .
Cheers and best regards,
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