From Basic Freedom to Full Actual Freedom

Actualism
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Hi everyone,
For those of you who are interested to learn more of what happens after you become newly free/ basically free here is a report about my own process after becoming basically free, with descriptions from Richard and correspondences with two basically free people - Srinath and Geoffrey. (link). (There is also a link on the AFT Homepage for easy access.)
Enjoy.
Cheers Vineeto

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Kub933's Journal
Kub933's Journal
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This is fascinating, I am so glad to see Geoffrey’s recent correspondence. I often wondered why him and Srinath didn’t write more on the forum but this is clearer now.

I have only just started going through the page but there are a few things I wanted to highlight already :

Geoffrey wrote :

It might be that the problems seen within this generation of actually free people I belong to (the apparent inability to move beyond the guardian phase, and the resultant inappropriate display of what actual freedom is), have to do with the ‘ease’ of the direct route itself, the fact that one may just “ go for it*”* as soon as one wants to (
), without any significant period spent working towards or living in virtual freedom. It’s a positive, for sure, that it is this ‘easy’, as there is no reason that people may not start becoming actually free in droves right now
 and it’s kind of puzzling that they don’t

Vinneto wrote :

To sum it up –

Geoffrey: “The presence of social identity, with regards to infinitude, acts like a centre. Whatever whittling away at it has taken place, this essential feature remains. The centre creates bounded-ness. The world then appears to be a snow globe, the sky as its dome, and the limit of one’s perception at the horizon its limit. This pocket world moves along with one at its centre.” (21 June 2024). [emphasis added].

As such, this “presence of social identity”, which “acts like a centre” is what ‘you’ are, and dictates ‘how an actual freedom should be acted out’. As such ‘you’ will not only interpret any experiences of expansion and clarity according to the values of your remnant social identity but also might be fooled into thinking ‘you’ have disappeared when ‘you’ have not. Ergo, the social identity needs to be fully understood in all its facets and abandon itself, at first one by one aspect until it can be perceived as one whole. Only then “this pocket world” is ready to disappear/ willingly and contentedly abdicate.

So just to be clear, self-immolation is the eradication of the feeling being only (in both it’s soul and ego expressions) it is not the ending of identity in toto however. A “wraithlike presence” persists, still an ‘I’ of some remnant description (although no longer fuelled by the instinctual passions).

Which segues into what Geoffrey wrote about self immolation being so easy that he is somewhat puzzled that people aren’t doing it in drones. Is the ease related to the fact that one doesn’t immediately eradicate the identity in toto? One doesn’t need to resolve every aspect of the societal conditioning, instead one eliminates the feeling being as it is so obviously rotten to the very core.

But I know that I have often viewed self immolation as not only the ending of the feeling being but the ending of ‘me’ in any form whatsoever (including any societal restraints). As if there would be an immediate and total shift into the “genderless, ageless, shapeless and limitless attributes of the boundless universe.”

It does seem extremely doable considering that all of the societal conditioning will remain, so any worries about ‘exiting humanity’ too early and becoming some kind of lunatic can be left behind.
I can see that this utterly rotten core that is ‘me’ as a feeling being really has no excuse for existing at all, it could disappear now and there would only be benefit. Because all the societal conditioning was only developed to keep this rotten core in check and it is exactly this rotten core that is responsible for all the sorrow and all the malice.
The societal conditioning seems a little more tricky to see through in this sense, because it has a purpose, to keep the feeling being in check.

This persistence of the guardian after self immolation means that really there is no excuse not to do it right away.

I appreciate these kinds of conversations need to be had carefully as not to muddy the waters, I think now is a good and safe time to have them, with @Vineeto’s involvement on the forum. I would advise for others to remain cautious of what I wrote however.

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How does one self immolate and the direct path questions
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Yes I thought the same after reading it! :slightly_smiling_face:

At this point everything seems very straightforward and it’s just a matter of doing it, whatever the last bits of objection may be. Just yesterday I would say I had two issues that would be major, core-of-identity-level huge ones, and once I got down to actually puzzling it out they were resolved very quickly.

One was relating to my partner, being unhappy with various minutia that was piling up, and I simply realized that the root of it was a feeling that I had to suffer for her to be happy. And I saw that that just wasn’t true, I don’t have to do that for her nor her for me. That really brought the intimacy and fun immediately back with the disappearance of that unhappiness! And that simple realization is all it took.

The other was seeing with being upset in general, that it’s my choice if I want to be upset. That is a way to choose to live my life if I want to. In other words I saw it wasn’t a moral choice but a “what do you want to do?” choice. And of course with seeing it that way it was blindingly obvious that choosing to enjoy and appreciate being alive is far better :smile:

So I would say prospects are good and it’s just a matter of doing it now!

Cheers,
Claudiu

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Claudiu's Journal
Claudiu's Journal
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Now my next question is, where does agency fall in this regard? Does agency disappear completely with the feeling being or is agency wrapped up with the societal aspects, as in does this “wraithlike presence” attempt to assert some form of agency, even after the dissolution of the feeling being? It seems it does as it - “dictates ‘how an actual freedom should be acted out’”.

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I don’t know exactly but it does seem that there is some actual agency, which is the flesh and blood body effortlessly deciding what to do next (in a similar way as rainwater “decides” which way to flow down a leaf or a vine), and then there is any other type of agency, be it the feeling-being or the social identity/guardian or anything else, which is only ever an illusion of being agency but actually isn’t. The experience of being out-from-control is that I get caught up in that illusion and then I realize the illusion had “captured me” again (although the illusion is me :smiley:), but I never actually had agency during that duration of being captured.

Which makes it odd that I the feeling-being can effectuate actual-world outcomes (directing this body to do this or that)
 it is all rather strange. Will be a delight to be free of such things!

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Kuba: This persistence of the guardian after self immolation means that really there is no excuse not to do it right away.
I appreciate these kinds of conversations need to be had carefully as not to muddy the waters, I think now is a good and safe time to have them, with @Vineeto’s involvement on the forum. I would advise for others to remain cautious of what I wrote however.

Hi Kuba,

Indeed there is no excuse not to self-immolate right away. Since Richard wrote the Formation and Persistence of Social Identity (link) we know that the social identity/guardian persists after self-immolation and that it needs to be observed carefully and dealt with afterwards. However, as I stated, when the instinctual passions and the feeling being formed thereof are extinct it is, much easier to diligently re-examine any false notions one may have picked up about what is actual.

I like your advice for anyone to be cautious, because the social identity can still create non-passionate but nevertheless false identities.

Kuba: Now my next question is, where does agency fall in this regard? Does agency disappear completely with the feeling being or is agency wrapped up with the societal aspects, as in does this “wraithlike presence” attempt to assert some form of agency, even after the dissolution of the feeling being? It seems it does as it - “dictates ‘how an actual freedom should be acted out’”.

The question about agency (as a general term) is inconclusive because agency applies to feelings, social identity and acting as a fully free person with pure intent. Even if I go shopping, I employ agency for timing or shopping list, for instance, so agency is still needed.

Just one definition (there are more in the Abditorium, link) –

‱ agency: intervening action towards an end; action personified; a source of action towards an end. ~ (Oxford Dictionary)

Agency is used at any stage of your process. Perhaps you can specify what exactly you mean by the agency in question or use another word. So far I have to guess too much in order to properly answer your query.

Cheers Vineeto

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Looking back at the words - self immolation they make more sense now, it’s not called identity immolation. It is the eradication of the self, which is an affective presence, an amorphous entity which automatically forms out of the instictual passions bestowed by blind nature.

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Yes I will properly read your reply and get back to you ASAP @Vineeto, I am out at the moment so I just quickly jotted down that previous post.

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OK let’s see if I can untangle this somewhat, so it appears I have somehow conflated the absence of identity with the absence of agency. “Absence of agency” in this regard would refer to something like I described below, some version of that fear of becoming a “leaf blowing in the wind” :

It seems what I am trying to get at when I refer to agency is the ability to act with intent and to implement intelligent action based on this intent.

So really your and @claudiu’s answer has clarified this already. Agency remains throughout, it is only the ‘self’ taking itself as the ‘agent’ which is eliminated. And so it seems one of my main objections was based on a misunderstanding


And I have often wondered about this because in my PCEs it was always clear that there is still agency, as in I am not a zombie or a leaf blowing in the wind. There is very clearly the ability to act with intent and to implement intelligent action based on this intent. In some way I imagined that actual freedom must be more extreme than that haha.

Oh determinism is the perfect word for what I imagined would happen after self immolation, that there would no longer be agency and life would simply play out in a deterministic manner.

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Kub933's Journal
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@Vineeto Congratulations on posting these excellent articles!

About the writings of mine quoted there, and in case some of it appears mysterious or simply of interest to some of you, let me announce that I’ll be working on a full report that will flesh out what led to the ‘event’ described, as well as what followed after it (hint: other events :wink: ).
Just give me some time, as the level of quality Vineeto has displayed sets the bar quite high!

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Hi Kuba, Hi Claudiu,

Regarding our recent discussion about agency (link) and (link), here I found a quote from Richard, which answers Kuba’s “issue at core [
] around this old dichotomy of free will vs determinism” (link) really clear without using the word ‘agency’ –

RESPONDENT: Richard, I have been considering what people mean by ‘free-will’ or ‘freedom of choice’, etc.
RICHARD: You may find the following to be of interest:
‱ [Co-Respondent]: ‘You think you have free will?
‱ [Richard]: ‘No.
‱ [Co-Respondent]: ‘What determines your actions?
‱ [Richard]: ‘The situation and the circumstances in the world of people, things and events’. (Richard, List C, No. 2a, 13 March 2000a).

And:

‱ [Richard]: ‘The ego – or even the soul as pure spirit – is not to be confused with will. The bodily needs are what motivates will – and will is nothing more grand than the nerve-organising data-correlating ability of the body – and it is will that is essential in order to operate and function 
 not an identity. Will is an organising process, an activity of the brain that correlates all the information and data that streams through the bodily senses. Will is not a ‘thing’, a subjectively substantial passionate ‘object’, like the identity is. Will, freed of the encumbrance of the ego and soul – which are born out of instinctual fear and aggression and nurture and desire – can operate smoothly, with actual sagacity. The operation of this freed will, is called intelligence. This intelligence is the body’s native intelligence 
 and has naught to do with any disembodied ‘Intelligence behind the Universe’ It is a joy to be me going about my business with freed-will in this wonderful physical world’. (page 76, Article 10; ‘Richard’s Journal’; Second Edition ©2004 The Actual Freedom Trust).

(Richard, List AF, 27h, 24Oct05)

Comes a bit of a shock, that in actuality there is neither “determinism” nor “free will” but instead “this freed will, called intelligence.” :blush:

Cheers Vineeto

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Yes thank you, this topic is cleared up to me now. No more fears of becoming a zombie :laughing:

It seems part of the confusion is the tendency of ‘beings’ to project other ‘beings’, in the sense that will or intelligence is turned into a ‘thing in itself’, and so now the question of determinism or free will simply shifts the goal posts.

I can see that will or intelligence is simply a process, it is not a ‘thing in itself’ but rather the very brain in operation, no ‘disembodied force’ necessary.

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This is very interesting subject for me and covering asepcts that have been on my mind a lot lately.

One of the realisations I keep circling back to is this passivity to me.

An expectation that things will happen of their own accord but in these instances I lack the will or intent to actualise things. It is not just about actualism, you can substitute fitness, work development, interpersonal relations, personal interest projects and it is the same pattern.

I want the benefits without the work. I might be paraphrasing but I recall @Vineeto mentioning that in her early days she wanted to skip to the goal of being actually free too and in essence that was evidence of a resentment to being alive, rather than sincerely enjoying and being harmless in this moment of being alive.

It is like some form of learned helplessness I am suffering from. I am having to unpick and unlearn it and accept my active engagement and agency is required to do this method or actually have results in any aspect of my life. The success at least in relative terms of more felicitous moments, EE’s and less mental suffering you would think would be ample evidence to maintain momentum but it is not always the case. I have to have the will and agency to be doing the method and have the intent, there is no autopilot mode, quick win or cheat mode.

With certain mental health issues they can really diminish your sense of agency or will.

Now that I have made headway with depression and anxiety, I notice there is a strong element about their perpetuation that relates to agency and the sphere of influence to change one’s circumstances. There are many aspects of one’s life that are uncontrollable such that physically and emotionally painful (at least for those of us not free or in abeyance/PCE) experiences can happen and somehow one can cement a mindset of hopelessness and futility as regards the application of one’s will or intent.

It is as though I had formulated a belief that getting to out from control or basically free would happen of its own accord. It is not about my agency but some spontaneous event that will occur like radioactive decay.

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Adam-Cl: This is very interesting subject for me and covering aspects that have been on my mind a lot lately.

Hi Adam,

If you are referring to the articles called “From Basic Freedom to Full Actual Freedom” then please note that these were written mainly for those people who have already become actually free. Unless you are actually free, you may have misunderstood or mis-applied a lot of those “aspects that have been on my mind a lot lately”. What you have written further down about “Vineeto mentioning”, as in wanting “to skip to the goal” may just as easily apply to you as well.

Adam-Cl: One of the realisations I keep circling back to is this passivity to me.
An expectation that things will happen of their own accord but in these instances I lack the will or intent to actualise things. It is not just about actualism, you can substitute fitness, work development, interpersonal relations, personal interest projects and it is the same pattern.

Is this “passivity” perhaps the reason you were reading about what happens after becoming actually free?

Adam-Cl: I want the benefits without the work. I might be paraphrasing but I recall Vineeto mentioning that in her early days she wanted to skip to the goal of being actually free too and in essence that was evidence of a resentment to being alive, rather than sincerely enjoying and being harmless in this moment of being alive.
It is like some form of learned helplessness I am suffering from. I am having to unpick and unlearn it and accept my active engagement and agency is required to do this method or actually have results in any aspect of my life. The success at least in relative terms of more felicitous moments, EE’s and less mental suffering you would think would be ample evidence to maintain momentum but it is not always the case. I have to have the will and agency to be doing the method and have the intent, there is no autopilot mode, quick win or cheat mode.

When you recalled Vineeto reporting from ‘her’ experience that jumping ahead “was evidence of a resentment to being alive”, did you inquire into yourself if you were also prone to such a resentment? And furthermore, if/when you found this being the case, did you do something to overcome such resentment? I am only asking because such a resentment of being alive can make the afflicted person lethargic, half-hearted, lackadaisical and listless, if not also angry and anxious.

However, you make no mention in your post about resentment and instead put your emotional situation down to “learned helplessness”. It is somewhat indicative passing the buck to those who taught you this “helplessness” you are now suffering from, and suggesting that you have nothing to do with it and therefore cannot do anything about it – in other words, a typical expression of passivity.

It doesn’t really matter how you acquired this passivity, and as such don’t need to “unpick and unlearn” it but instead decide to take responsibility for how you are today. You can pay fascinated attention to how you feel, each moment again, and then get back to feeling good. Take notice of the trigger which caused the less-than-feeling good mood and once you are feeling good again, find out why it happened and discover what you can change in you not to have it happen again. I have described this process in almost every post I have written in the last 18 months, and Richard detailed it in ‘This Moment of Being Alive’ and all related correspondence (see Actual Freedom Library, How to Become Free From the Human Condition), so you should have no difficulty finding out what to do – once you gathered the will, the energy and the intent to actually do something about your situation.

Adam-Cl: With certain mental health issues they can really diminish your sense of agency or will.
Now that I have made headway with depression and anxiety, I notice there is a strong element about their perpetuation that relates to agency and the sphere of influence to change one’s circumstances. There are many aspects of one’s life that are uncontrollable such that physically and emotionally painful (at least for those of us not free or in abeyance/PCE) experiences can happen and somehow one can cement a mindset of hopelessness and futility as regards the application of one’s will or intent.

Important: should you receive any kind of professional care and/or medication for your “mental health issues” such as “depression and anxiety” then actualism is not for you – that would be counterproductive. It is vital that you read the ‘Disclaimer’ which link is at the bottom of every page of the AFT website.

Besides, with a firm belief that “many aspects of one’s life that are uncontrollable”, such as emotional pain, actualism won’t be of any use to you until you dismantle/ abandon this belief.

Adam-Cl: It is as though I had formulated a belief that getting to out from control or basically free would happen of its own accord. It is not about my agency but some spontaneous event that will occur like radioactive decay. (link)

In case you are not in professional care for your “mental health issues” I strongly advise to forget any imagination about “getting to out from control or basically free” and start from where you are at.

Aim for feeling good as much as possible while with diligence and sensible contemplation recognizing any obstacles to feeling good you may discover, such as a basic resentment of being alive, habitual listlessness (passivity), anxiety and depression (for suggestions and explanations see Actualvineeto, Selected Correspondence for any topic which applies.

Cheers Vineeto

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Hi Vineeto,

Thanks for taking the time to reply and for the links provided, I didn’t realise there was some new stuff uploaded on the site. I am a bit behind on reading posts on this forum at the moment so I am not up to date with the latest information. I am also reading in a more random order than my previous “chronological order only” approach.

Yes, there is much I can see that I have misunderstood over the years even on even the basics. I think I have reached that degree of awareness to know what I don’t know though and there is nothing to be gained from self deception. I sort of keep a mental bookmark of things that I will keep aware of for future reference, if they are unfamiliar, to see if there will eventually be an experiential reference to what is described, in much the same way I did with a PCE and pure intent in the beginning of sincerely practicing the method. Also, aspects discussed in more advanced topics sometimes reveal insights I had missed or misunderstood into the basics of the method or help with a current personal blocker.

I like to read and learn from yourself and others it is more out of curiosity rather than a reflection of the point I am at.

I once had this weird love induced ASC and I recalled accounts from other ASC experiences helped me quickly avoid getting sucked in for any longer than necessary, in that way I was glad I had read about subjects that I had not had any experience with yet as it provided a safety net of sorts.

I think I am getting a much better understanding of what I have being doing wrong.

The passivity for sure plays a part, I think also I am beginning to be able to look at my own practice without any underlying performance anxiety about any personal failures. Look at others who have been involved for less time and had more success and more honestly evaluate what I have done wrong or misunderstood and why they have been able to progress where I haven’t. Without any shame, embarrassment, etc and just the evaluation of the facts.

There is definitely an underlying resentment to life that had become a core belief for me. Even as much to believe the universe was actively against me and wanted me to suffer, an absurd belief I know.

The resentment and passivity I notice seem to happen from time to time and more likely when encountering a more stronger emotional event, but their frequency and duration are definitely reducing over the years, in that I am getting better at getting back to a felicitous baseline and more quickly.

It seems so obvious when you write it so clearly, it kind of made me chuckle at myself. There is a habitual aspect to a lot of emotional triggers sometimes it seems.

I think I have sometimes found a certain trigger can be a bit more elusive or nebulous for me and it doesn’t always become clear and straight forward to understand why that keeps triggering and there can be a bit of repetitiveness until that insight is gained. I literally didn’t process the link between passivity and resentment but now it is clear to me after this exchange. Another blind spot identified lol.

When explaining the aspect of cementing a mindset from negative emotional and physical experiences, I meant past tense of what derailed me for several years from actualism, not that it is my current experience or belief, just for clarity. I experientially know that not to be the case now. Additionally, I have been treated for depression and anxiety and I am now discharged and no longer on medication or under therapy.

As my mental illness occurred whilst already a practicing actualist after a traumatic event, I was very aware of the disclaimer, as I brought it up to my friend who introduced me to the actualism as he was diagnosed with depression before me and I believe it was a big reason why he never made progress. Eventually I conceded that I needed to get medical help and stopped involvement with AF for some time.

Since recovering I have found myself interested in actualism again and despite being more busy recently I am trying to participate on the forum more, rather than be a silent witness as I was during most of my time on the Topica and Yahoo forums.

I am now following your recommendations. As regards starting where I am at, I realised there were beliefs around being exceptional too. Some imagined narrative that I would excel in the application of the method and achieve success quicker this time around.

Pure intent is that agency and will to get back to feeling happy and harmless from remembering the PCE, I can see how diametrically opposed it is to passivity and resentment and how it can help me to get back to being sincere and trying to be happy and harmless. It has clicked in a way that it hasn’t before. I have read those descriptions on pure intent so many times as well. My brain really dismissed the agency aspect, as though pure intent can only happen spontaneously too not from actively remembering/remomoration of my own PCE’s and willingly trying to do the method

I had a realisation today of how I had imagined these successes and gains would be “mine”. Imaginary future outcomes are my specialty it seems. At least I am becoming aware of the pattern.

I have been back to a very felicitous baseline today, thanks again.

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Hi Adam,

Thank you for your feedback. It is indeed much more fortuitous if/when you can evaluate what you are doing regarding actualism “without any shame, embarrassment, etc”. Hence getting back to feeling good is essential in order to be able to think more clearly.

Adam-Cl: There is definitely an underlying resentment to life that had become a core belief for me. Even as much to believe the universe was actively against me and wanted me to suffer, an absurd belief I know.
The resentment and passivity I notice seem to happen from time to time and more likely when encountering a more stronger emotional event, but their frequency and duration are definitely reducing over the years, in that I am getting better at getting back to a felicitous baseline and more quickly.
It seems so obvious when you write it so clearly, it kind of made me chuckle at myself. There is a habitual aspect to a lot of emotional triggers sometimes it seems.

That is excellent – you need a sense of humour to be successful when looking at how you tick, and investigate your own psyche.

Adam-Cl: I think I have sometimes found a certain trigger can be a bit more elusive or nebulous for me and it doesn’t always become clear and straight forward to understand why that keeps triggering and there can be a bit of repetitiveness until that insight is gained. I literally didn’t process the link between passivity and resentment but now it is clear to me after this exchange. Another blind spot identified lol.

Resentment is one of the most stubborn obstacles for many interested in actualism – to complain about life seems to be a habitual past-time of a lot of human beings. If you know that you harbour resentment to being alive I recommend this to be the starting point and focus of your investigations into the human condition – how else will you be able to genuinely enjoy being here and appreciate this marvellous universe we are all living in.

Richard: What is at the bottom of all this disapproving business is a basic resentment at having to be here in the first place (as in ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ for example) and that fundamental grievance gets taken out on the universe at large.
And for as long as ‘I’ am out to prove that life sucks (by being miserable and malicious) and that being here is the pits there is no way ‘I’ am going to be happy and harmless as to do so would be to betray ‘my’ most basic feeling about it all.
I kid you not – it was one of the first things ‘I’ realised all those years ago – yet there is a simple way to be done with such nonsense forever. Viz.:
‱ [Richard]: ‘In 1980, ‘I’, the persona that I was, looked at the natural world and just knew that this enormous construct called the world – and the universe itself – was not ‘set up’ for us humans to be forever forlorn in with only scant moments of reprieve. ‘I’ realised there and then that it was not and could not ever be some ‘sick cosmic joke’ that humans all had to endure and ‘make the best of’. ‘I’ felt foolish that ‘I’ had believed for thirty two years that the ‘wisdom’ of the world ‘I’ had inherited – the real world that ‘I’ was born into – was set in stone. This foolish feeling allowed ‘me’ to get in touch with ‘my’ dormant naivetĂ©, which is the closest thing one has that resembles actual innocence, and activate it with a naive enthusiasm to undo all the conditioning and brainwashing that ‘I’ had been subject to. Then when ‘I’ looked into myself and at all the people around and saw the sorrow of humankind ‘I’ could not stop. ‘I’ knew that ‘I’ had just devoted myself to the task of setting ‘myself’ and ‘humanity’ free 
 ‘I’ willingly dedicated my life to this most worthy cause. It is so exquisite to devote oneself to something whole-heartedly 
 the ‘boots and all’ approach ‘I’ called it then! (pages 240-41, ‘Richard’s Journal’; ©The Actual Freedom Trust 1997).
You will see that this is a far cry from being ‘more neutral’ about it all. (Richard, AF List, No. 50, 30 Sep 2003)

Additionally I can recommend the other excerpts from Richard’s correspondence on resentment.

Adam-Cl: When explaining the aspect of cementing a mindset from negative emotional and physical experiences, I meant past tense of what derailed me for several years from actualism, not that it is my current experience or belief, just for clarity. I experientially know that not to be the case now. Additionally, I have been treated for depression and anxiety and I am now discharged and no longer on medication or under therapy.
As my mental illness occurred whilst already a practicing actualist after a traumatic event, I was very aware of the disclaimer, as I brought it up to my friend who introduced me to the actualism as he was diagnosed with depression before me and I believe it was a big reason why he never made progress. Eventually I conceded that I needed to get medical help and stopped involvement with AF for some time.
Since recovering I have found myself interested in actualism again and despite being more busy recently I am trying to participate on the forum more, rather than be a silent witness as I was during most of my time on the Topica and Yahoo forums.

I appreciate your feedback and clarification.

Adam-Cl: I am now following your recommendations. As regards starting where I am at, I realised there were beliefs around being exceptional too. Some imagined narrative that I would excel in the application of the method and achieve success quicker this time around.

Ah, that is fascinating. For someone with this narrative it is not easy to start where you are at or recognize and admit where you have gone wrong. Knowing this about yourself makes recognizing ‘wrong turns’ easier – in fact, whenever you are stuck in feeling bad, you can deduce that you need to get back on the right track including questioning this particular narrative.

This quote might also be helpful – victim mentality often comes in combination with “beliefs around being exceptional”.

Richard: Incidentally, the identity in residence in 1981 was not surprised that others could not but, rather, that others would not (having a victim mentality, it turned out, ran much deeper than the singular mentation such nomenclature indicates). (Richard, AF List, No. 68d, 29 Oct 2005).

Adam-Cl: Pure intent is that agency and will to get back to feeling happy and harmless from remembering the PCE, I can see how diametrically opposed it is to passivity and resentment and how it can help me to get back to being sincere and trying to be happy and harmless. It has clicked in a way that it hasn’t before. I have read those descriptions on pure intent so many times as well. My brain really dismissed the agency aspect, as though pure intent can only happen spontaneously too not from actively remembering/ rememoration of my own PCE’s and willingly trying to do the method.

A clarification – to “actively remembering/ rememoration of my own PCE’s” is done by ‘you’, the agency, pure intent is not an agency but exists outside of ‘you’ and an identity can never be pure intent.

Apart from that, to actively remember/ rememorate your PCE’s with the sincere intent to imitate the actual as much and as often as possible is important because nothing will change unless you want to change. Imitating the actual was how Richard first developed and applied the actualism method –

Richard: As to how simple, easy and thus effortless this way of living/ this course of action is, when sincerely put into practice, it may be handy to also anecdotally reference how the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago took the first step, on what has become known as the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition, as the new year dawned in 1981 and as the grandmother of ‘his’ four children was driving them all down the driveway of ‘his’ ex-farmhouse after having heroically elected to have all of her grandchildren stay with her in the city for a three week holiday (which had left ‘him’ and ‘his’ wife on their own together for the first time since the birth of the first child around fourteen years previously) so as to give her daughter and son-in-law a break from parentage and, hopefully in her mind, to be of assistance in the resurrection of their failing marriage.
It was an opportunity ‘he’ grasped with both hands to not only regain the honeymoon intimacy, of 1966, as ‘his’ wife was spontaneously proposing while they waved them goodbye as they drove away down the driveway – specifically, a twenty-hour mutual peak experience, which both of them remembered well, wherein naĂŻvetĂ© featured prominently – but also by so doing to thereby enable the actual intimacy each had experienced, some months prior, during their respective perfection experiences which had indubitably evidenced to both of them that peace-on-earth was already always here (a much-discussed issue over those preceding months). What they both set about doing thereafter, consciously and with knowledge aforethought, was to deliberately imitate the actual each moment again – as magically manifested in their respective perfection experiences – simply because the imitative course of action had been demonstrably successful in the area of the fine arts (as per my oft-mentioned ‘enabling the painting to paint itself’ theme). (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 3 Feb 2016).

In fact, this whole post to Claudiu gives an extensive description of the actualism method.

Adam-Cl: I had a realisation today of how I had imagined these successes and gains would be “mine”. Imaginary future outcomes are my specialty it seems. At least I am becoming aware of the pattern.

Indeed, feeling being ‘Vineeto’ was surprised, once ‘she’ began paying fascinated attention to how ‘she’ experienced life each moment again, how much of what ‘she’ considered thinking was actually imagination and day-dreaming. This rapidly diminished the more ‘she’ discovered about ‘herself’.

Adam-Cl: I have been back to a very felicitous baseline today, thanks again. (link)

This is good to hear. Remember, the actualism method is to be enjoying and appreciating being alive.

Cheers Vineeto

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Funny enough I was just reading that resentment section again yesterday after your post and the pure intent sections again, plus I searched on Google for passivity before reading the post about the new search feature on the site.

That is interesting, I never made such a connection before. What I find interesting about others I have met also with a victim mentality, it doesn’t always express in the same way, some seem to be externalisers who blame other people for their situation. Myself, I tend to blame the universe, or myself, it either internalises or becomes some descriptive quality of the universe, either absolving my sense of self of responsibility (oh woe is me) or chastisting myself in a masochistic way.

I have really started to notice the patterns and themes with certain narratives that arise internally, with either my success/specialness or my utter failure/worthlessness being core aspects maybe because the emotional responses is these patterns are more intense.

Yes, apologies I didn’t word that too clearly but I understand and was trying to articulate that.

I haven’t had a PCE since August 2007 and the first 6 were very short mostly below 2 minutes or even a minute, only the last one I had was a more significant time frame maybe 5 to 8 mins. I have had a lot of excellence experiences and even more felicitous moments, at least so it has not been a journey absent of progress. The first 6 PCEs I had occurred whilst actively carrying out the method, the last and longest was more different because it happened after working long hours to fix my brothers laptop and then walking to my actual job and it was a spontaneous event, I was thinking about a tech problem when it happened.

I can only at best imitate the actual and have the sincere intent to be happy and harmless in this moment, however the act of the PCE is still somewhat spontaneous in occurrence, right?

Which my passive and resentful self has mistaken as being like there is nothing I can do to actualise it, so I turned into something to feel resentful about because I can’t do it, it is not within my specialness to be able to do. Which then becomes a form of self criticism of uselessness too, if I was a better or more competent actualist this would have happened by now. I am really seeing the mess I have been in.

I have mentioned several times over the years since the zulip forum, I have always had this tendency to be in imagination more than the real world so like twice removed from actuality was my norm. It is so reflexive to start going to imagined scenarios about having a PCE or being virtually free or fully free without actually doing the actual method and the imitation of the actual. Even to the point of imagining paying attention to this moment and doing the method rather than actually doing the method, its so bizarre once you start to spot it in action.

At least I am becoming aware of what I am doing and taking steps to rectify.

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Hi Adam,

Well, a PCE is not an “act”, a pure consciousness experience is an event, which you allow to happen. ‘You’ have no part in it except allowing to go into (temporary) abeyance –

Richard: It takes the felicity and innocuity of naivetĂ© to bring about a PCE: where one is happy and harmless a benevolence and benignity which is not of ‘my’ doing operates of its own accord 
 and it is this beneficence and magnanimity which occasions the PCE. (Richard, AF List, Rick-a, 4 Mar 2006).

This link might be informative – How Do I Induce a PCE?

Adam-Cl: Which my passive and resentful self has mistaken as being like there is nothing I can do to actualise it, so I turned into something to feel resentful about because I can’t do it, it is not within my specialness to be able to do. Which then becomes a form of self-criticism of uselessness too, if I was a better or more competent actualist this would have happened by now. I am really seeing the mess I have been in.

After you recognized that source of “self-criticism” did you abandon your idea of “specialness” and its resultant resentment in order to better facilitate PCEs to occur?

In other words, it’s all very well to virtuously demonstrate how aware you are by saying “I am really seeing the mess I have been in” – but have you actively done something about it by consciously (and thus permanently) abandoning such an attitude recognized as silly, or are you merely content castigating yourself while continuing remaining the same as before?

I have deliberately phrased my question in this provocative way because you said that you “keep circling back to is this passivity” – lacking “lack the will or intent to actualise things”. (link)

One of the most helpful tools for the actualism method is to be a friend to yourself (see Actualvineeto, Selected Correspondence, Being a Friend). Changing your attitude to yourself to being friendly might also help to ween you off veering into alternative imaginary realities.

-

Vineeto: Apart from that, to actively remember/ rememorate your PCE’s with the sincere intent to imitate the actual as much and as often as possible is important because nothing will change unless you want to change. Imitating the actual was how Richard first developed and applied the actualism method –

Adam-Cl: I have mentioned several times over the years since the zulip forum, I have always had this tendency to be in imagination more than the real world so like twice removed from actuality was my norm. It is so reflexive to start going to imagined scenarios about having a PCE or being virtually free or fully free without actually doing the actual method and the imitation of the actual. Even to the point of imagining paying attention to this moment and doing the method rather than actually doing the method, its so bizarre once you start to spot it in action.

Ha, this really is the perfect description of day-dreaming arm-chair philosophy.

Adam-Cl: At least I am becoming aware of what I am doing and taking steps to rectify. (link)

Ok, I am looking forward to learning of the rectifying steps you are taking, and if they have been successful.

Hint – a silly habit can only be replaced by developing an alternative sensible habit, to wit, whole-heartedly saying !YES! to being here.

Cheers Vineeto

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Colloquially, we sometimes use act as a synonym for occurrence/event, apologies I didn’t realise that might be interpreted differently.

In British English, the word act is often used as a noun to mean a specific instance, deed, or single occurrence. While not a direct synonym for “happening” in all contexts, it is commonly used to describe an event, particularly when that event is intentional, distinct, or a single component of a larger situation.

The allowing and going into abeyance is definitely the trickier part for me to experientially understand and pinpoint what that looks like, if that makes sense. Not helped by how few PCE’s I have had and how long since happening. Is the act of being sincere, naive and happy and harmless the very same allowance or does this indicate something else I might have misunderstood about the method?

I am definitely being more jovial about it and not taking it as personally and thus able to get back to feeling felicitious and so also more attentive and aware. There is still a bit of to-ing and fro-ing between the states but its lost its utter hold on me, this week alone has had massive uptick in felicity and several EEs too.

Haha, yes I noticed that. The resentment and passivity alter and impact the experience of reality such that it taints how you interpret words and information, I see it is much like what I gleaned from the experiences of depression and anxiety/panic attacks, these states also are like a negative version of the rose tinted glasses concept.

There is definitely a more vibrant, involved attentiveness occurring these last few days. I am engaged and taking responsibility. I am taking responsibility to proactively keep up that momentum.

This very concept has always been a massive life changing realisation for me when first reading Richard’s words about it. I feel like I understand the how and why it came to be like this now too, having a hyper critical and aggressive parent this internal criticism is very much a learned narrative but also a self defence from an unsafe environment, if I am hyper vigilant and attack myself first I would protect myself from being punished or humiliated, or it wouldn’t feel as bad if that happened.

It is a deeply ingrained habit to be unkind to myself and I am trying to stop doing it and be aware of it. I mean there is tangible progress, 2 or 3 years ago these types of responses from yourself would have triggered automatic negative feelings and fuel for self criticism and attack.

Yes, much of my life has been that stance and is a big reason my relationship with my wife has broken down too and a lot of friendships drifted.

Time to get sensible then!

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Hi Adam,

Actualism is not an exercise or exam using the correct words but gaining an experiential/ existential understanding that the PCE is an experience outside of one’s ‘self’, and allowing the actual world to become apparent via going into abeyance.

The reason I emphasize this fact is because I noticed over the years that quite a few people are/ were under the illusionary impression that if/when perfecting their ‘self’ they could then ‘slide’ into the actual world, which is impossible.

Richard: None of what I am living is applied theory, concepts or beliefs 
 there is this which is actually happening and what I write is an account, a report, a narrative, written as a direct experience as it is happening. In other words, it is located in or based upon or drawn from actuality – factual experience – as peace-on-earth is eternally here, as it already has been, and always will be. No one needs to invent it: it is all a matter of entering into its magic; enabling its pristine purity to become apparent; allowing its consummate perfection to emerge; watching its wondrous virtuosity unfold, or permitting its marvellous benediction to happen. (Richard, AF List, No. 12g, 17 Dec 2000a)

Here is a description how to bring this about –

Richard: One needs to contact, or have a connection with, apperceptive awareness so as to no longer be alone in the monumental endeavour to end all the misery and mayhem which epitomises the human condition. Hence the activation of one’s innate naivetĂ© – the closest approximation to innocence one can have whilst being a ‘self’ – ensures that such a connection is sustained.
Respondent: Richard, I have read this definition of naivetĂ© earlier on AF site, but could never really understand it. You define it as ‘the closest approximation to innocence one can have whilst being a ‘self’’. But what is this ‘innocence’ one can have whilst being a ‘self’.
Richard: It is the nearest a ‘self’ can have to innocence 
 innocence is when the ‘self’ is no longer in existence.
Respondent: Can you please describe it the way you describe your AF experience.
Richard: In a nutshell it is where one is walking through the world in a state of wide-eyed wonder 
 simply marvelling at it all. Naiveté is that intimate aspect of oneself that one usually keeps hidden away for fear of seeming foolish 
 it is like being a child again, but with adult sensibilities, which means that one can separate out the distinction between being naïve and being gullible.
Some synonyms of naiveté are: guileless, artless, simple, ingenuous, innocuous, unsophisticated, artless, frank, open.
What ensues when one walks through the world in a state of wide-eyed wonder and amazement – simply marvelling at the magnificence that this physical universe actually is – is a blitheness (being carefree, happy, merry, amiable and so on) and a gaiety (jollity, joviality, cheeriness, delight, fun, and so on) as the inevitable result 
 cynicism can no longer get a look-in.
One can easily enter into the magical fairy-tale-like paradise that this verdant and azure earth actually is.
Respondent: You say that ‘self’ is present in such a state. Does it mean that apperception and ‘self’ can co-exist – for a short time at least?
Richard: No, not even for a short time.
Respondent: If yes, does it mean that I can experience apperception while also experiencing (feeling) self at the same moment of time?
Richard: No, apperception is where the self is not.
Respondent: How is it different in a peak experience?
Richard: In a peak experience, of such purity and perfection as a pure consciousness experience (PCE), the self is absent and all is transparently clear of its own accord – such peerless clarity is called an apperceptive awareness – and when one falls back out of such an experience into being a self again one needs to enable a connection to be made with that apperceptive awareness so as not to be alone in the endeavour to end all the misery and mayhem which epitomises the human condition.
Naiveté is the way of enabling such a connection with the PCE 
 the connection I call pure intent. (Richard, AF List, No. 115, 10 May 2006).

Adam-Cl: The allowing and going into abeyance is definitely the trickier part for me to experientially understand and pinpoint what that looks like, if that makes sense. Not helped by how few PCE’s I have had and how long since happening. Is the act of being sincere, naïve and happy and harmless the very same allowance or does this indicate something else I might have misunderstood about the method?

If by “act” you mean “a specific instance, deed, or single occurrence” – no. It is when “being sincere, naïve and happy and harmless” becomes a way of experiencing life, day after day, then magic can and will happen. Hence the actualism method is to be enjoying and appreciating being alive as much as possible.

James: I see how the ‘good side’ combats the ‘dark side’ in my relationship with my mother. Does the good side hold the dark side in place? In other words, if I eliminate the good side (love) will the hate for her also disappear or must the dark side be eliminated first and then the good side goes with it?
Richard: As both the ‘good side’ and the ‘dark side’ are the same (affective) energy, at root, it is not possible to eliminate the one without the other 
 the entire package goes in one fell swoop. What can be done in the meanwhile, however, is to direct all of that energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings.
James: Ok, then the way I am understanding it is to investigate either the good or bad feelings, whichever might be present, in order to eliminate those and get back to being ‘felicitous/ innocuous’.
Richard: What I mean by [quote] ‘in the meanwhile’ [endquote] refers to the opportunity, each moment again, for the already always existing actual world to become apparent for the very asking, as it were, not being taken full advantage of.
In other words, directing all of that affective energy (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself) into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings is what can be done so as to effect what the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years lived circa March-September 1981, as a deliberate imitation of the actual experienced in a pure consciousness experience (PCE), and which has become known as a virtual freedom 
 to wit: being as happy and as harmless (free of malice and sorrow) as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’.
Such imitative felicity/ innocuity, in conjunction with sensuosity, readily evokes amazement, marvel, and delight 
 a state of wide-eyed wonder best expressed by the word naiveté.
NaivetĂ©, being the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence, allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is to operate more and more freely. This intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with the imitative affective happiness and harmlessness, will do the rest.
All that was required was ‘my’ cheerful concurrence. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, James, 11 Sep 2005a).

Here is a further quote to explain how “‘I’ can never, ever become perfect” and how “the already always existing perfection can become apparent” –

Respondent: So, I’m just letting you know that I’m with you, and reading you all the time and finding Actual Freedom the solution in which my past pursuits are dissolving.
Richard: Okay 
 instead of having Love/ God/ Truth/ IT give you some ‘shattering kicks in the butt’ may I suggest adopting the benevolent, and thus beneficial, approach? Viz.:
‱ [Richard]: ‘It is important not to view ‘I’ and/or ‘me’ as an enemy – blind nature is the culprit – and to be friends with yourself 
 only you live with yourself twenty four hours a day. Coopt any aspect of yourself as an ally in this investigation into the human psyche 
 eventually ‘I’ come to realise that the very best thing that ‘I’ can do is altruistically ‘self’-immolate for the benefit of this body and all bodies. (Richard, AF List, No. 7, 18 Feb 1999).
‱ [Richard]: ‘It is important not to turn the thinker into the villain, an enemy: the thinker is thus one’s greatest ally (
) whilst peoples beat themselves up for not being good enough or for being ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ (or whatever description) they have no chance of ever enabling [peace-on-earth]. None of this mess is ‘my’ fault 
 ‘I’ was born like this. Now that ‘I’ realise this ‘I’ can willingly, cheerfully be in concordance. (
) ‘I’ can never, ever become perfect or be perfection. The only thing ‘I’ can do – the only thing ‘I’ need to do – is to say !YES! so that the already always existing perfection can become apparent. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 22 Jun 2000).
‱ [Richard]: ‘Nothing of substance will happen less ‘I’ be the willing participant 
 the 100% committed participant. I always maintain that each and every person holds their freedom in their own hands 
 no one else can either grant it or prevent it. I see that I have written of it many times thus: ‘I’ deliberately and consciously – and with knowledge aforethought [from the PCE] – set in motion a ‘process’ that will ensure ‘my’ demise. What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally, is to press the button which precipitates a momentum – oft-times alarming but always thrilling – that will result in ‘my’ inevitable self-immolation. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being here as the universe’s experience of itself. When ‘I’ freely and cheerfully sacrifice ‘myself’ – the psychological and psychic entities residing inside this body – ‘I’ am gladly making ‘my’ most supreme donation, for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. It is the greatest gift one can bestow upon this body and that body and every body. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 12 Jun 2001).
Put succinctly: be kind to yourself 
 you are the only friend you have, so to speak. (Richard, AF List, No. 41, 4 Feb 2003).

As you can see, being kind to yourself is tantamount.

Cheers Vineeto

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