Ha this is fascinating too, because looking from the vantage point of ‘I’ it seems to be some zombie like state when it is stated that I am the doing of what is happening. It’s as if the agent is removed and there is now a void left.
But this is not seeing it clearly, because it is that the boundary between it happening and me doing it is rubbed out, they are referring to the same thing, so this is not a zombie state, this is total involvement and yet it’s all happening of it’s own accord - cause and effect are left behind in the land of lament.
Also :
After fascination comes obsession wherein you cannot leave it alone any more – or rather it does not leave you alone
I see now that the way in which Richard used the word obsession is exactly what obsession is referring to, exactly the same way it would be used in a case of pathology. As in it is no longer in ‘my’ control, this thing will not leave ‘me’ alone 