Vineeto to Kuba: You also describe that “those passions are still burning away” and “‘I’ am screaming around for no apparent reason”. What you could do instead is channelling those “burning”, “screaming” passions into affective felicitous and innocuous passions, just like (I presume) you did with sorrowful and malicious feelings before.
Claudiu: This reminded me also of what I saw recently which is that, I am a very driven person, it is how I tick – and this energy of being driven is precisely the level of energy needed to succeed with self-immolating! In other words it is not that I have to stop being driven, it is rather that I just re-direct that same energy itself in that same driven way, towards the task of enjoying and appreciating and self-immolating. In other words getting all of myself on board. When it works then the driving quality of the energy per se segues into felicity and innocuousness, i.e. it’s not that I have to keep preserving being driven, just rather to direct this towards this one aim… (link)
Hi Claudiu,
It is certainly beneficial to be “a very driven person” once you direct your driving energy towards living and experiencing the felicitous and innocuous feelings and especially when directing it towards achieving your human birthright and your destiny.
You may find this interesting –
Richard: There is no pulling back – which is why most people do not want to set it in motion – because once one has started one cannot stop. It is a one-way trip – that is the thrilling part of it – and with application and diligence and patience and perseverance, born out of the pure intent garnered from the PCE, the exposure of the inner workings of one’s psyche (which is the human psyche) will readily occur in the course of everyday events due to ‘my’ concurrence … one cannot help but become fascinated for this means the end of the predicament which humankind has been agonising over for aeons.
Any reluctance to become fascinated is because of the ‘no turning back’ aspect.
After fascination comes obsession wherein one cannot leave it alone any more – or rather it does not leave one alone – and that is when that tempo picks ‘me’ up and ‘I’ am borne along on the adventure of a lifetime as it is inevitable that one is to meet one’s destiny … it being what one is here for. (Richard, AF List, No. 60, 3 Dec 2003).
But then you already know that being driven in itself, even being driven to “the task of (…) self-immolating”, is not sufficient as long as this drive remains ‘self’-oriented and ‘self’-motivated.
Claudiu to Kuba: For me it is a different thing, I see it’s the best thing but am not willing to give myself up for it yet, it is a self-centric wanting to hold onto myself – which I am increasingly seeing is also just a feeling, i.e. a feeling (though very deep) of wanting to continue existing as myself, but as it’s a feeling it’s not intelligent or sensible lol. (link)
It is good to recognize and acknowledge that. Remember, this “wanting to continue existing as myself” is not merely a feeling – it is the very core of ‘my’ instinctual passion to survive at all cost. It cannot be uprooted by intelligent or sensible thinking. To emphasize –
Richard: No, I am more making the point that only altruism – self-sacrificial humanitarianism – will provide the enormous energy necessary for ‘self’-immolation … the instinct for individual survival is only exceeded by the instinct for group survival.
It takes a powerful instinct to overcome a powerful instinct. (Richard, List B, James3, 28 Oct 2002a)
The challenge for you now is – as I had put it to Kuba (link) – Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?
And because you wrote yesterday about having a “bit of a tiff w/ my partner last night” you don’t really have far to look. How wonderful and utterly beneficial will it be when you never ever need to “stop getting upset”, never have to be “decoupling one’s emotional reactions from what is factually happening” (link) and this is exactly what will eventuate once you give your partner all of you, in order to free both yourself and her from the crippling emotional reactions that inevitably happen from time to time as long as you are a feeling being. Giving her all of you will finally enable the actual intimacy she deserves and thrives in as the very fellow human being who decided to share her life with you.
As Richard put it – “… suffice to say for now that daring comes from caring.
And to dare to care is to care to dare.” (Richard, AF List, No. 62, 26 Mar 2004).
Cheers Vineeto