Claudiu: Woww writing on this forum does do magic sometimes. I uncovered a huge one for me – a belief that this actualizing of and living of an actually perfect life is just “not for me”. As soon as the contemplation yielded this thought it is like it knocked something loose, and the excitement and naivete and joy resumed.
And then I was able to think it through in words to explain: it was a belief that it’s not something that is ‘meant’ for me, not my destiny – it will be what is meant for some other lucky people but not for me. All I can do is sombrely suffer whilst others get to have this reward.
And I saw how it is utterly silly because everyone feels this way. So I feel it’s for some other people … those other people will feel it’s for someone else… maybe someone far more wealthy or something … then that wealthy person will be weary of having to manage all their resources and think it’s for simpler and carefree people that are not as well off … meanwhile for them they will think it’s for someone without the resources issues they have… lol, something like this.
But this is really silly because we can all just partake in this together! I’m very happy now to lead the way and set the example for this someone has to go next after all… (link)
Hi Claudiu,
Didn’t Kuba name his objection “too good to be true” (link) – and now you have found a very similar credible (?) objection: “not for me”? It is indeed rather silly yet I do wonder if there is not something yet unexposed underneath which cannot be displaced by merely thinking about it and determining it to be silly. This something ‘unexposed underneath’ may well shift you sideways, as it has done before with various objections you have found.
You say “someone has to go next after all” which to me looks a rather lack-lustre way of a lamb being led to the slaughter, resigned to its fate … but do tell me if I am on the wrong track. I base the word ‘lack-lustre’ on the comparison to Richard’s own experience –
RICHARD: If you do not want peace-on-earth, in this lifetime, as this body … then you will never get it. Please, whatever you do, throw faith, belief, trust and hope right out of the window … along with doubt, disbelief, distrust and despair … and go for the actuality of peace and perfection ‘boots and all’. Use all of your determination – gather up all the intent you can muster and more – and jump in the deep end without a life-jacket.
Desire it like you have never desired anything before. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 28, 29 Mar 1998)
RICHARD: Furthermore, if the identity parasitically inhabiting the flesh and blood body has no interest in enabling peace on earth then all the misery and mayhem will go on for ever and a day … it is only the very desire to bring about an end to all the anguish and anger that will provide the enormous energy necessary to impel the identity into making the supreme ‘self’-sacrifice. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 12p, 6 Nov 2002)
RESPONDENT: You mention: [Richard]: ‘This is because ‘I’ wanted to know, ‘I’ wanted to find out, once and for all, that which has paralysed human beings for millennia …’ [endquote].
RICHARD: Yes, this is the ‘me’ that was actively and consciously harnessing the affective power of the instinctual passion of desire and channelling it into one goal and one goal only: altruistically making apparent the already always existing peace-on-earth (as evidenced in the PCE) through ‘my’ demise. The ‘I’ that was inhabiting this body wanted to sacrifice ‘himself’ for the good of this body and that body and every body. (Richard, List B, No. 33a, 11 Oct 1999).
You see, in whatever form the instinctual passion is happening, be they desire, nurture (compassion/passionate caring) or fear, you need to fully feel and embrace your ‘being’ and fully experienced it as what ‘you’ are in order to be harnessed and channelled for your goal, else any attempt to ‘self’-immolate will be still-born or evade side-ways.
Claudiu: Then I look at that which I am bucking and it’s all ultimately dissatisfying. What I am leaving behind, I am leaving behind because it hasn’t worked! And not only for me, it doesn’t work for anyone ultimately, actually … so something new is warranted! (link)
Again, ‘I’ will not agree to become extinct because it’s a sensible idea or because the alternative is “ultimately dissatisfying”. ‘I’ need to be fully and passionately on board and for that ‘I’, the passionate ‘me’ as well as the sensible ‘me’ need to take part in the final decision as a passionately felt decision.
Now in case the unrecognized energy underneath those easily dismissible objections perhaps turns out to be “disquietude, uneasiness, nervousness or apprehension” or something even more disconcerting then this is the very affective power to harness for your “one goal and one goal only” –
Richard: … in my experience all those years ago, at the moment of fear (or disquietude, uneasiness, nervousness or apprehension, anxiety, terror, horror, panic and dread), the ‘I’ that was inhabiting this body would ‘sit with it’ as it were and directly experience it as it was happening as the fear which it was (or disquietude, uneasiness, nervousness or apprehension, anxiety, terror, horror, panic and dread). This is because ‘I’ wanted to know, ‘I’ wanted to find out, once and for all, that which has paralysed human beings for millennia … ‘I’ observed ‘my’ psyche (which is the ‘human’ psyche) with the objectivity of a scientist.
Now, whilst the word ‘fear’ is not the feeling itself, the feeling is very, very real whilst it is happening (as real as any ‘I’ is). By ‘being with it’ as it was happening – without moving in any direction whatsoever with escapist thoughts, feelings or urges – ‘I’ would come to experience ‘being it’ … and ‘I’ am this fear and this fear is ‘me’. Thus ‘I’ came to experience ‘myself’ in all ‘my’ nakedness. All ‘I’ am, is this fear … and fear is but one of the instinctual passions that blind nature genetically encodes in all sentient beings at conception in the genes … ‘I’ am the end-point of myriads of survivors passing on their genes. ‘I’ am the product of the ‘success story’ of blind nature’s fear and aggression and nurture and desire.
Being born of the biologically inherited instincts genetically encoded in the germ cells of the spermatozoa and the ova, ‘I’ am – genetically – umpteen tens of thousands of years old … ‘my’ origins are lost in the mists of pre-history. ‘I’ am so anciently old that ‘I’ may well have always existed … carried along on the reproductive cell-line, over countless millennia, from generation to generation. And ‘I’ am thus passed on into an inconceivably open-ended and hereditably transmissible future. In other words: ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’ (and ‘I’ am aggression and aggression is ‘me’; ‘I’ am nurture and nurture is ‘me’; ‘I’ am desire and desire is ‘me’).
The direct experiencing of this is the ending of ‘me’ … and I am this flesh and blood body only being here now as only this moment is. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 33a, 8 Oct 1999).
I have no intention to talk you into one deep uncomfortable feeling or another – these are only pointers what to do if you discover a feeling as the source of your hesitation, prevarication, teetering on the edge, preventing you from doing what you promised yourself to do for so long. Because whenever such a feeling is operating in the shadows, naiveté and pure intent are obscured, and your thinking may be rational but lacks the clear seeing of apperceptive awareness to help you out of your conundrum.
You remember how Geoffrey solved ‘his’ problem –
Geoffrey: There was the actual world just right there in front of me, obviously existing, pure and perfect, and then there was ‘me’, ‘humanity’. The contrast was simply hilarious. I can’t describe how hilarious this contrast was. What we’ve all been doing forever and ever, on a ridiculous parade of malice and sorrow, with the greatest seriousness. (Geoffrey - Report of Becoming Free)
Cheers Vineeto