Woww writing on this forum does do magic sometimes. I uncovered a huge one for me – a belief that this actualizing of and living of an actually perfect life is just “not for me”.
As soon as the contemplation yielded this thought it is like it knocked something loose, and the excitement and naivete and joy resumbed.
And then I was able to think it through in words to explain: it was a belief that it’s not something that is ‘meant’ for me, not my destiny – it will be what is meant for some other lucky people but not for me. All I can do is somberly suffer whilst others get to have this reward.
And I saw how it is utterly silly because everyone feels this way. So I feel it’s for some other people… those other people will feel it’s for someone else… maybe someone far more wealthy or something… then that wealthy person will be weary of having to manage all their resources and think it’s for simpler and carefree people that are not as well off… meanwhile for them they will think it’s for someone without the resources issues they have… lol, something like this
But this is really silly because we can all just partake in this together! I’m very happy now to lead the way and set the example for this 
someone has to go next after all…