Kuba: It didn’t click for a long time that once ‘I’ arrived at this place that the next step was to end ‘me’. Because there is simply no more improvement that can be done, this energy is ‘me’ and cannot be removed as long as ‘I’ remain.
‘I’ am an amorphous ‘presence’ which is those very swirling passions. This energy of ‘me’ is a very grimy energy though and as long as it is in place there cannot be an actual happiness and harmlessness. I realised yesterday that up until now I was still running from acknowledging this to some extent, that this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am, that ‘I’ have no way out of this at all, that it cannot be ‘fixed’.
Yesterday driving to training I allowed this energy of ‘being’ to be completely bare, to bring it to full experience - this is the very core of ‘me’ as a passionate entity. There was an automatic courage which matched ‘my’ exposure, I had Geoffrey’s quote repeating in my head –“The psyche is a frightful place” indeed.
What is it that Richard admires about ‘me’? Daring, and audacity.
How could the ending of a passionate entity not be a passionate business… (link)
Hi Kuba,
The first thing I noticed when reading your post was that it seemed very serious, almost grim. You talk about “this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am” .
You may remember that I said to Claudiu “the passionate ‘me’ as well as the sensible ‘me’ need to take part in the final decision as a passionately felt decision.” (link) But just because it is a “passionately felt decision” it doesn’t mean it has to be serious!
You see, ‘I’ won’t agree to sacrifice ‘myself’ because you are disgusted with ‘me’ – ‘I’ want to be joyfully embraced, warts and all, because ‘I’ hold the key to your freedom with ‘my’ willing concurrence.
You may have had only the main instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire in mind or perhaps only malice and sorrow to be making up “this grimy energy is what ‘I’ am”, but as you said yourself “any of the passionate energy of ‘me’ will do”. Now remember, “the felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections” –
RICHARD: Appended further below is the e-mail I was referring to, during our discussion yesterday afternoon, in regards to directing all of the affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings. Also, here is the quote which is particularly relevant:
• [Richard]: ‘The felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections … in conjunction with sensuosity they make for an extremely forceful/ potent combination as, with all of the affective energy channelled into being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible (and no longer being frittered away on love and compassion/ malice and sorrow), the full effect of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being – which is ‘being’ itself – is dynamically enabled for one purpose and one purpose alone. (Richard, AF List, No. 60f, 29 Sep 2005).
Plus, I have summarised the way in which the actualism method works in practice as follows (the points numbered 6 and 7 are the ones which are pertinent to what was being discussed):
• [Richard]: ‘Perhaps the following summary of the way the actualism method works in practice may be of assistance:
- Activate sincerity so as to make possible a pure intent to bring about peace and harmony sooner rather than later.
- Set the standard of experiencing, each moment again, as feeling felicitous/innocuous to whatever degree humanly possible come-what-may. (snip 3-5)
- Habitual felicity/ innocuity, and its concomitant enjoyment and appreciation, facilitates naïve sensuosity … a consistent state of wide-eyed wonder, amazement, marvel, and delight.
- That naiveté, in conjunction with felicitous/ innocuous sensuosity, being the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence, allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is to operate more and more freely.
- With this intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with ‘me’ and ‘my’ doings, freely operating one is the experiencing of what is happening … and the magical fairy-tale-like paradise, which this verdant and azure earth actually is, is sweetly apparent in all its scintillating brilliance.
- But refrain from possessing it and making it your own … or else ‘twill vanish as softly as it appeared. (Richard, AF List, No. 118, 16 June 2006).
You only need to figure out whatever works to activate your altruism for enabling the final step. Who or what do you want to give all of ‘yourself’ to?
Cheers Vineeto