Just how slippery ‘selfing’ is. I noticed after seeing so much about attraction that my mind went to “plastic surgery” before seeing the sensible option of being happier without the delusion i was under!
@JonnyPitt I like your hypothesis, because it fleshes out to me naivete. A kid is addicted to discovering things, being interested; fascination. It’s also the buzz of seeking out a “wizzy dizzy” from a willing adult. Climbing the tallest tree. Building a ramp to ride a bike over, Diving for sand at the beach.
It’s the feeling.
I also think that so many insights which seem to be facts, are really ‘real world’ facts. They are pointing to things which could be another way, but are this way because of the rule of the psychic realm.
Male size and power. It’s a fact men are generally bigger. But why? Smaller people have hunted mammoth than today’s parade of men. Tough and strong yes, but not tall. It makes sense that strength is needed to hunt. Yet, in modern cities, the strength is needed in limited fields of work, and even then, not to the extreme.
So men remain bigger as a preferred option, rather than an essential one.
Right!. Those aren’t facts. Only the direct or near-direct experience of it being now, other people being independent, matter being vital, me being here, life being lived only now, life happening here, living being fun…are facts. And as I wrote, it’s the feeling we get from discovering those facts anew that I would like to get hooked on. I am seeking to make myself an addict so as to bring about/continue my obsession with an actual world just outside of ‘me’ yet always here.
Yea. Realizations aren’t all that useful. If taken too seriously they may even be counter-productive. The actual world is right in front of us and all around us. We can’t see it but we know it’s here. Getting close to it is delightful. And that delight, call it what you will – naiveté, fascination, wonder – can be our carrot. Living within the group, the real world – being a man, a spouse, a co-worker, a citizen, a son – is painful. That pain, call it what you will – stress, anxiety, suffering – can be our stick.
The good feelings, call them what you will – triumph, belonging, relief – should not be our carrot. Let’s observe the inherent anxiety within the good feelings. And when possible compare that to delight and see how delight is so much more peaceful. Within good feelings there is a sense of having won a battle or, at best, having found an adequate hill to reinforce and wage war from. And having found an ally to help us. Within delight, there is a sense of being free of all battles. It is much more pleasant. We can get addicted to that feeling. And we can get addicted to the jolt of discovery when we find anything actual that severs us from the group. Things like how other people are completely independent, everyday actions are always fun, here is nowhere in particular…
We use HAIETMOBA to experience this ongoing moment or notice how anxiety has creeped into our moment to moment experience. When that anxiety is felt we can really focus on something actual: whatever may be relevant to the anxiety. The fact that it is now is my go to. Which I discover by asking myself what time is it. But there are dozens of questions and observations I make to get me away from the group and closer to the actual. And I notice how much more peaceful being outside the group is. Pure Intent and sweetness are nice too.
Well I did it again. I hijacked your journal. I like thinking about it. I like writing about it. I like living in it and feeling the fun of moving. I like the placidity of staying near it and the surprise that comes from noticing when anxiety is creeping up. Then discovering once again how I’m already here and everybody and everything throughout all of space is happening only now. And just moving in any particular fashion is fun. I’m excited to share it. I also like to read my own words.
I just reread the whole journal, and really enjoyed the conversation.
The points about realisations you make are spot on. Because they can settle on facts, which are not actual facts. They are kin to wisdom, because of the slippery nature of the psyche, and its nature is to slide off the simple fact that all that is happening, actually, is me sitting on the coach!
I decided to ask the woman i went on a date with last Sunday out again.
There was something about the interaction and insights i had afterwards which make me curious to see where it goes.
They’re not even confessions! There doesn’t have to be shame. It’s so wonderful to hang out with oneself. To admire the work that one has done. How is it any different than the work anyone else has done?
It was a joke, although I knew that “confessions” could be related to shame or embarrassment because of its relation to religions. But I used the word thinking that it was another way in which @JonnyPitt and @Andrew were exposing their egos.
Maybe you are right and they meant it in the sense of admiring selflessly the work done by themselves, but at least in MY case that is not usually the motivation: my taste for rereading what I wrote tends to generate known feelings of pride, vanity, etc (when I am still in agreement with what I wrote, of course). So it was this interpretation which amused me.
Interesting. I would usually not confess, or would in a self-effacing way, because of pride.
However, there was definitely something light-hearted about rereading my journal last night. Like i was reading someone else’s journal.
Pleased rather than proud. I normally would be embarrassed / cringing that i hadn’t done what i said i would, but this time, i actually have been doing what i said i would.
I was reflecting on how much preaching i had done on actualist chat platforms over the years. How many times of was “out of line” and advising people, not being kind. Also, how many times i shared more than i should have about my relationships. In a way, it’s a good thing from that perspective we don’t have the gitter/zulip/ slack chats easily (or at all) accessible, no one need read some of the stuff i wrote.
I kind of look up to the way you live life: just exploring without any staked out course. This is the way I prefer to live also.
Just wanted to say that I like the context you provide and then having it meet actualism. It really brings “real life” into the picture. The AFT often lacks in context, examples and backstory, which makes the investigation very conceptual.
I was smiling to think you have a picture of me you “look up to”. It’s something i wish i was. Maybe a surfer dude in a combi van, drifting with the seasons and going with the flow.
I am, in reality, many things no one would aspire to sensibly. Of course, with that definition, i am a veritable poster boy for millions.
Funnily enough, you are in my echelon of mysterious European types which are just down right cool.
I hear what you are saying about context and the AFT.
It’s somewhat of a shame Richard didn’t pursue his inspiration to write more in fiction and tell stories. I think he could have built quite a few characters and expressed his discoveries.
What happens, quite sensibly, is that our lives have actual / real people in them, and the details of our lives are intertwined with those who aren’t “down with” sharing all the details. Sensibly so. The internet and information can be a dangerous place.
I would prefer to have closer personal contact with other actualists so the context can be given in more detail without it being stored “forever” on the net. Some context could i think set us free very quickly.
A frank and open phone call is worth hundreds of thumb warrior posts IMO.
I will continue this here, at the risk of convolution.
So, back to Naivete.
Something else very interesting came up in the conversation with her last night: one night stands.
This is the third time i have been subtly mocked because i have never deliberately gone down the casual sex route.
It has a veiled accusation in it. That being, “i can get sex, can you?”.
The actual answer is yes. I can get sex, even at nearly 46, whenever i go out, there are clearly women that flirt with me. So, i wonder, why this particular threat / competition / comparison?
Validation.
Ego/Self driven, I am ‘someone’ through getting sex and attention. Narcissistic Bombast.
