So, i have been asking myself whether i am heading in the direction of being closer to a feeling of naivete in my interactions.
Something was obvious tonight when i was on a date with a woman. I was, in usual fashion, overly concerned about how she was feeling.
I don’t want a relationship, but i was keen to go in the direction of caring and getting to know this person who has a whole life, personality, and experience which is something i know (obviously) nothing about.
There is always that 1 in a million (?) chance of finding someone interested in actualism.
It seemed to me to have been a good thing to do. To have been open to finding out, whilst enjoying the company. Who really knows? I found out that her job is something that she feels will benefit the world and make it better. She teaches physics to teachers and is writing a new curriculum for schools. She genuinely enjoys it. Such a soft and gentle person.
Naivete doesn’t care about the dictates of reproductive desire, or how i feel about her. It predates desire, in childhood development. (presumably?). Either way, feeling naive with adult sensibility is a far better date!
Whilst my world has always centred around me, there is a way to include the other. To both think of me and think of the other. Sexual desire is the opposite of this. That’s all about me. Satisfying an urge. There is another gentle urge that can be satisfied, and that is the gentle hints that there is another way of being in this world with people.