So, here we are with a proper forum!
I can have a thread that doesn’t interrupt anyone else, and a space to explore.
Two things of significance have happened recently, the first was being single and being fine with that, the second is work, specifically where i work, is my choice too.
I have historically essentially “abused” the intelligence of this body. It really is outstandingly smart, yet i have taken the path of least resistance (emotionally) about what i do for a living.
The ability is there, always has been, to really maximise the intelligence aspect when it came to work. I could have been any number i high intelligence professionals. Had i not been emotionally incapable of “pushing through”.
Two things, two topics have been in my consideration.
One, the single status being fine with me, the second, finding the required impetuous to apply myself to getting out of the way of this bodie’s natural intelligence. To maximise this.
Specifically, sitting down and learning to code in the evening. I have opportunities which, while not immediately available, with a few years of work, would set me up in a better position.
I realised that i am a “hand to mouth” type. If anything is going to take prolonged effort to achieve (such as maximising the intellectual capacity of this body), i quit.
In this, there seems to be a 4th alternative, or maybe alternative 3A;, that is by considering how i may align myself with the actual intellectual capacity of this body, i am in effect, aligned with the actual. An alternative, in that , there can be being another way of imitation of the actual in addition to sensuous enjoyment.
This requires however, impetuous. Such impetuous seems available in the idea of revenge. Bare with me here…
Passively being “hand to mouth” was and is very narcissistic. There is an entitlement in it for me. As in, why should i apply myself, when i can get things without this emotional effort?
However, i can see far better ways of earning money. But seeing is far from being enough. There needs to be a force in me, stronger than that, or perhaps, hijacking, that entitlement.
Instead of saving the world, which i am now immune too, bringing it down “from the inside”. By being aligned with the intelligence of this body, finding a drive to change to be more like the intelligence of this body. More sensible, more rational, more intelligent. ‘i’ am clearly not intelligent. ‘i’ have been in the way of intelligence ‘my’ whole life.
What am ‘i’ motivated by? Animosity and Anguish. What if i channel that? How would i channel it? It needs a target. an objective.
This isn’t about feeling good, rather getting out of the way of the capacity this body has.
‘fuck’ ‘them’. ‘fuck’ the ‘real world’. I am so conditioned to be nice. Yet, what did that get me? It was my training, not a choice.
If ‘i’ am to change, ‘i’ have to want it. An action of psyche is required.
It’s like discovering the power of the “dark side”. This requires all hands on deck. Not just the ‘nice’ me.