I was experiencing last night a feeling that i hadn’t experienced in a while.
My ex and I spent a lot of time together over the last two days, and i slept over twice. And when i say “slept”, i mean sleep. Which was what she wanted.
It was actually very cool to be naive in this situation. I was obviously sharing some of the cool things i had discovered, talking about naivete (which was great, because to me now, the actualism method IS “am i experiencing this moment with naivete?”.
Anyway, to the point. I was feeling a lot more desire towards her than i had over the previous year. The experience of being naive in relation to attraction, my own looks, and the fact she is objectively attractive, was quite powerful.
While lying in bed, trying to sleep, my chest was experiencing a very familiar burning desire. One i knew very well from marriage, and the engagement a few years ago.
I have never been very precise about this experience. Obviously, it is a type of frustration around sexual desire, but it is a very different type of feeling compared to sadness.
It’s a “full on” vagus nerve storm. Very chest centred. Which had me thinking about desire.
Wouldn’t it make more sense, if it is 100% sexual, for it to be a feeling in my loins? (to use a old old term ).
Also, it is very removed from my ego centre in the brain. Sadness and crying, is an experience which points far more to “my feelings are me”. This experience feels outside of ‘me’.