Andrew: Hi Vineeto,
Thanks for the reply. I was drunk, however, the inclination to post and cringe has been there in any state of mind.
Underneath it all, there is loneliness. However, practically, there was also the thought that this “post then cringe” pattern, which predates Actualism, indeed predates the internet itself.
I indeed woke up, after a long and sound sleep, and remembered that I had indeed “done it again”. The thoughts were less about the cringe this time, and more about the dynamic.
I don’t submit to the “socially reserved” ‘self’ protection that would express itself as not posting, but I do what the title of the thread says, I empower myself.
From one extreme to the other, with the same rebellious ideas powering the dynamic.
But, I saw that loneliness as the main driving factor. The desire for connection, the desire for conversation with actualists. The knowledge that despite the “cringe” it’s going to take a village for me to change.
That sounds just as pathetic to me as it surely does to others. However, is it not a fact that as of now, very few have had the individual fortitude the make it solo? (link)
Hi Andrew,
Thank you for your sincere reply.
Perhaps the prospect of “put everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-really-matter’ basis” was a bit too daunting for now. So for now, you return to the other of the two most potent techniques – i.e. being kind to yourself, being a friend to yourself.
Vineeto: I think the two most potent techniques at any stage in the process are
- being kind to yourself and
- put everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-really-matter’ basis. (Actualvineeto, Kuba 12, 21 Feb 2026).
Being a friend to yourself really needs to take foot in your psyche and become a constant habit, not only that you won’t put yourself down but also that you don’t doubt your own “individual fortitude the make it solo”. Some did “make it solo” and if they can, so can you.
Being a friend to yourself there is no need to feel lonely – you have been on your own and taken care of yourself almost all of your life. Sometimes there was/is enjoyable company, but the majority of your life you took care of yourself quite well on your own. And remember, loneliness is a feeling and a feeling is not a fact. So when you stop pushing it away or endorsing it (i.e. giving it affective energy), the feeling will change and make way for feeling good again.
Adam recently said it quite well –
Adam-H: It’s also clear to me how being my own best friend was missing.
It’s interesting that being your own best friend sort of has two meanings:
- don’t be hard on yourself for your mistakes
- actually want what’s best for yourself, meaning you won’t let yourself ruin your own day (link).
He also reported another great insight –
Adam-H: I’ve been thinking of actualism in terms of two ‘modes of failure’. One is “can’t get back to feeling good” the other is “won’t get back to feeling good”. When it feels more like a “can’t” that’s the sign I’m deceiving myself and I need to dial up the ‘being my own best friend’ energy and get to a place where I can clearly recognize what feeling I am ‘being’. (link).
Andrew: Discussing the single most important thing to me is locked behind a screen. (link)
It takes time – being a genuine friend to yourself will eventually unlock your mysteries to yourself, and that’s when you can communicate it best.
Cheers Vineeto
PS: Don’t put too much stock in what your co-respondent says – he is presently on ‘Cloud Nine’ (link), an altered state of profound detachment, due to his extended Vipassana training. He presently does not reside where mere mortals live (link).