I’ve been having an experience lately where, having seen the direct rewards of healing the ‘internal split’, I’m becoming so much more willing to disclose my feelings to myself no matter how petty or unpleasant. This is in turn leading to a positive feedback mechanism where success is leading to more success.
I’ve been thinking of actualism in terms of two ‘modes of failure’. One is “can’t get back to feeling good” the other is “won’t get back to feeling good”. When it feels more like a “can’t” that’s the sign I’m deceiving myself and i need to dial up the ‘being my own best friend’ energy and get to a place where I can clearly recognize what feeling I am ‘being’. I think the DhO pseudo-actualism practice history is what made it so difficult to figure this out, but I’ve made huge progress on this side lately.
When it feels more like a “won’t” that’s when I need to focus more on things like rememorating feeling good and contemplating things like:
Put it this way: do you have the intent to spend the remainder of your life on this verdant planet having malice and sorrow as a backdrop to your every waking moment?
Mailing List 'B' James
It’s been helpful to consider both the immediate and the long term lately, in the sense that getting back to feeling good here and now is both an immediate benefit, but is also the only way forward so long as I wish to pursue the goals of peace on earth, perfect intimacy with others, etc.
I’ve been having memories of myself as a kid in summer lately - brought on by a spontaneuous and very intimate conversation I had with my girlfriend about nostalgia and remembering how we once experienced life. Instead of pursuing the bittersweet sad tinge of nostalgia, I am making an earnest attempt to re-presentiate that way of being.