Roy: I just stumbled upon a beautiful journal entry from Felix. These bits got my attention…
Felix: A big part of the appreciation is sensuous enjoyment. […] I was a true hedonist and escapist, and I couldn’t access any sensual enjoyment. I was very numb actually. (link)
As I now start to investigate the positive feelings too, I can’t immediately pinpoint why exactly I am feeling good. And like Felix mentioned, I am also quite numb in terms of how much I get from my senses… Maybe this feeling good that I’m experiencing is, to some extent, related to the feeling that I’m making progress. And/or to the fact that I’m doing something that I’m good at: examining/ investigating. But what if I stopped progressing? What if I stopped sharing my progress here, and stopped receiving reassuring messages from people in this forum, that I am making progress? Maybe this forum has become my new source of dopamine hits… Feels uncomfortable to consider this.
Hi Roy,
Even though you said you are feeling much better than you did a few months ago you still seem to have a modus operandi/ habit(?) of interpreting your progress as something potentially negative. This is your ‘self’-preservation in action, a trick of ‘me’ to prevent change, not to be confused with being sensibly cautious or “examining/ investigating”.
Just thought I’ll let you know. 
Roy: EDIT: I’m feeling anxious right now with the thought that I may be (to some extent at least) fooling myself and that this current “feeling good” may not be sustainable in the long run. (link)
Well, “feeling good” can change, as all feelings are in flux (being the swirling vortex of instinctual passions that you are). However, as you described in your previous post (link) you have a new feeling good “default set-point” (link) which you can come back to from each emotional adventure.
Perhaps it is also the prospect of testing the waters of naiveté, which makes you wonder if you are not “fooling” yourself. Remember to focus on the thrilling part of fear/anxiousness … it is there where you source the required courage.
Cheers Vineeto