I just stumbled upon a beautiful journal entry from @Felix. These bits got my attention…
As I now start to investigate the positive feelings too, I can’t immediately pinpoint why exactly I am feeling good. And like Felix mentioned, I am also quite numb in terms of how much I get from my senses… Maybe this feeling good that I’m experiencing is, to some extent, related to the feeling that I’m making progress. And/or to the fact that I’m doing something that I’m good at: examining/investigating. But what if I stopped progressing? What if I stopped sharing my progress here, and stopped receiving reassuring messages from people in this forum, that I am making progress? Maybe this forum has become my new source of dopamine hits… Feels uncomfortable to consider this.
EDIT: I’m feeling anxious right now with the thought that I may be (to some extent at least) fooling myself and that this current “feeling good” may not be sustainable in the long run.