So to continue on from this post, this is a fun little game I have been playing with myself, with some interesting results!
When an unwanted and especially persistent feeling comes up, instead of trying to change it or make it go away I have actually been going the other way - let’s have it all the time since I am so hellbent on ‘being’ it, let’s suppose this feeling was to be an ongoing way of living for ‘me’ from now. And very quickly I see those 2 things, which is that it sucks and it does not go anywhere.
For example there is this resentment which I typically experience for the 30min-1hour after waking up, a very persistent and habitual thing, and I have not been able to resolve it completely so far. But this morning I was like - sure let’s ‘be’ that resentment to ‘my’ hearts content… let’s have as much of it as ‘I’ want, in fact let’s only have resentment as an ongoing MO from now on. And then I get to actually see that this feeling is rotten, that ‘I’ don’t want to ‘be’ it anymore.
I don’t think this is to be a long term approach but perhaps a nice way to stop holding certain feelings at arms length, it has been very interesting to see how some very persistent feelings can now be resolved and replaced with the felicitous and innocuous feelings.
Essentially the experiential question I have been holding up to myself is - Do ‘I’ want to ‘be’ that feeling for the rest of ‘my’ life?
Interesting that asking that same question when ‘being’ felicity and innocuity get’s a different answer - yes it is what ‘I’ want for the rest of ‘my’ life.
So yes I actually experienced this answer the evening after writing the post to you. That evening I did find myself in a more wide and wondrous place and from that place I actually did look back at the argument I made and it had no substance, it was irrelevant when considering from the wide and wondrous place. So I can actually see this point, that with increasing felicity and innocuity there is a solution which becomes obvious, a solution for everybody.
But your other point is relevant too :
Vineeto: Good, you have come to appreciate the limitations of taking special excursions from the “base camp” – what I had called “your steeple chasing modus operandi” in an earlier message
Those daring excursions form “base camp” are too brief, unstable and desperate to allow ‘me’ to contemplate actually doing something about the human condition. So I completely understand your suggestion to proceed towards a pragmatic in-control virtual freedom. Also those excursions from “base camp” they are done by ‘me’ as ‘I’ am now, too mired in the human condition, looking with the eyes of ‘humanity’ rather than felicitous and innocuous eyes. Then ‘I’ can only try to as you said proceed towards some escape fantasy whilst keeping ‘myself’ intact.
So it is eminently sensible to do something practical and down to earth now, which is to establish feeling good (general sense of well-being) as a bottom line of experiencing in all circumstances and at all times - and it is this bit specifically which I have omitted because I was too busy with the steeple chasing modus operandi. Just as an aside when I first read that phrase I had to google it just to make sure I get you and as soon as I saw the below image I thought “yup that is spot on”
And the interesting thing is that I already know how to get back to feeling good, it’s that I have got distracted over and over again by going on the special excursions instead, and in that steeple chasing modus operandi I would forget about affectively monitoring my mood, in fact even feeling good would become irrelevant from that place.
And the other thing worth adding is that perhaps arriving at a in-control virtual freedom I might decide this is what I want for the rest of my life, and that would be already incredible. But the thing is that steeple chasing modus operandi would not have this. That if it is not ultimate then it is not even worth considering, and yet it is my life I am living. So this is nice to see now also.
And the other thing is that I don’t experience the fear of being a fraud, or a failure etc like I did in the past, and I am no longer afraid of writing to you, and it seems it is because I am slowly stopping the “fake it till you make it”. So this is all beneficial already.
So what I can see already is that all this what I am focusing on now is about increasing my affective set point, and I can see that I have been approaching this the wrong way around in the past.
Effectively I can see that there is no pushing required, hence the advice has always been to return to feeling good. It is when feeling good takes care of itself due to habituation that “something more” hoves into view. But if that “something more” is not in view, it’s probably because feeling good is not even habituated yet. And this is where the various excursions would normally begin to take place.
So actually it’s very simple, in that all I have to concern myself with is getting back to feeling good when feeling good has ceased, and that is very doable for sure and also very rewarding. And then when that “something more” naturally hoves into view, great, but it happens without any pushing or desperation at all, and it makes it that much sweeter when it does happen. It’s like “I have all that I need already and look there is even a little bit more here”.
Hmm and I wonder if this is why especially for someone with a ‘high achiever’ persona, it can be so tricky to get the simplicity of the method.
Because for the high achiever, the hard worker, the dragon slayer etc when things go awry that is apparently a signal to do more, to go forward at all cost, to do the new thing etc. Whereas what is required is actually just to return to where ‘I’ was 5min ago before that thing happened .
But it’s this sense of “taking a step back” which is so counterintuitive to such a persona. As in things were evidently going well 5min ago and something happened to cause them to go awry, it seems like ‘I’ need to push forward and yet what ‘I’ actually need to do is simply go back to where ‘I’ was them 5 minutes ago lol.
And of course it is the habituation of feeling good in this manner which will actually lead to a movement forward, in terms of doing something productive. As well as taking a look at what that thing was that caused the issues, but only from the position of having already returned to feeling good.
